No Time for Goodbyes (9 page)

W
E ARE SPEEDING DOWN
the highway in 1982, listening to a mixed tape of Hindi songs that I've never heard without being remixed. Manoj tells me the names of the films and who acted in them and it's like a history lesson in Bollywood. I nod quietly but from the back of the car I can hear Reena and even Suma singing along and it's quite catchy.

On my other side is Mr Prakash who looks lost in his own dreams and thoughts and I hope he's thinking of a way to get me back home. We haven't had breakfast and I wonder where Manoj will stop. The highways are totally different in 1982. They're not all smooth going and the roads are in disrepair. Also, there are none of the comforting Café Coffee Day and McDonald's signs that I've got used to seeing. But it feels like an adventure. All those little hamlets along the way and the trees and the wind! It helps me maintain that good mood that we started the journey in.

Finally at a secluded spot, Manoj stops the car and we all clamber out stretching our legs. I wonder what breakfast will be because I'm ravenous. At the same time I am a bit wary of Suma and Vidya but thankfully they have either forgotten what happened in the morning or they're planning to ambush me later.

Ajji gets busy unpacking all that she has got and it is a picnic! A real picnic! I don't think I've ever been on one before in all my life. It's like something out of a book. Whenever we make a road trip, dad just stops at one of the numerous restaurants on the way and we have a quick meal and leave.

We help Ajji spread a cloth over the grassy ground and she quickly pulls out a tiffin carrier that she starts unpacking, letting loose a number of delicious aromas. Soon we're all eating steaming upma from small steel plates (not paper ones) and Ajji has made vadais to go with it.

Manoj refuses a second helping saying that he has to stay awake to drive and so Ajji pours out a glass of coffee from a thermos and hands it to him. He cups it and turns away to face the highway and drink and I realise that all of us and I mean
all
of us, Suma, Vidya, Reena and Ajji are staring at his back. Mr Prakash is still seated in the car where he's been eating and he looks lost in thought. I wonder what everyone is thinking as they look at Manoj's back and then I realise I don't want to know.

To my amused horror, Ajji nudges me towards Manoj, and in a loud stage whisper, says, ‘Go! Go and talk to him!' I look around quickly, embarrassed, and see the girls, understanding dawning in their eyes. Suma looks miffed while Reena's face has fallen. Vidya looks only mildly upset. I want to tell them that Ajji is wrong but the words don't come out and I find myself being propelled towards him.

‘Hey!' I say uneasily, aware that now all eyes are on both our backs.

‘Hey,' he says, sipping his coffee slowly, eyes still fixed on the highway.

I don't know what to say to him so I look down at my hands. ‘What was that all about?' he asks casually, his voice low.

‘Oh god! Don't ask!' I mutter in a low voice as well. ‘Ajji thinks … Ajji thinks that you and I …'I'm unable to articulate the words and so I look away, knowing that I'm blushing red like a tomato.

To my surprise he doesn't say anything and turns around and calls out to everyone. ‘Let's get going! I want to reach there soon!' he says. Soon we're all helping Ajji pack up everything and I do my bit in silence, aware of the animosity that is being beamed my way. Great. Now even Reena hates me.

I get back into my place in silence and Manoj gets into the driver's seat and starts the car. I'm shocked when he links his left hand with my right hand and gives it a slight squeeze before letting go, all the while looking ahead at the road. I wonder if he has done it for the benefit of the girls who will probably want to kill me now and then realise that no one can see our hands unless they lean over the seats. I realise he has done it because he wants to and that for some reason makes me feel foolishly happy and I deliberately ignore the sadness trying to steal my thoughts.

‘Where are we headed to in Mysore?' he asks and although I don't really care, I listen carefully, wondering who will answer. We get four very different answers.

‘Mysore Palace!'

‘Mysore Zoo!'

‘Chamundeshwari Temple!'

‘Somewhere where I can get Mysore Pak!'

Manoj chuckles at these answers without even looking back. ‘We don't have time for all of these places. Make up your mind!'

‘Brindavan Gardens,' I hear Suma's voice from the back and I nod in agreement.

When we reach Mysore it is just mid-morning and I wonder what the rest of the day will be like. Mysore looks quite like the sleepy town Bangalore is, in 1982. If possible, sleepier. There are hardly any people out on the roads and I wonder why we've come so early. What are we going to do the whole day?

Then Manoj stops outside a yellow brick house and I remember just then that Manoj said he lived here all his life. This used to be his house? Who lives there? I'm curious.

‘This is my aunt's house. Come on everyone. I thought we could meet her on this trip. It's been a long time since I've seen her,' Manoj says, getting down. We all get out and I realise that everyone is feeling a little shy.

Manoj rings the doorbell and a middle-aged woman opens the door. Her eyes widen when she sees Manoj and then Mr Prakash. Only then I realise that she is his daughter.

We all go inside and Manoj introduces us to her. Two kids, a boy and a girl, both approximately 10 years old peep outside and shriek when they see Manoj and Mr Prakash. They come barrelling outside and hug Manoj and drag him away and we're all left staring in embarrassment. Mr Prakash who looks a little lost suddenly seems to wake up and heads in the direction of a narrow corridor. Manoj's aunt shakes her head and smiles.

‘His favourite room in this house is the store room,' she explains. ‘He'll find all kinds of odds and ends and he'll make some sort of toy for the kids before he leaves. I wonder what he's looking for this time.'

Isn't a storeroom where you store the grains and rice and sugar? How can he make a toy for the kids with that, I wonder.

Manoj comes out looking sheepish and apologises for leaving us like that. We all sit down and he asks for his grandfather. When his aunt explains where he's gone, he nods in understanding. I voice my thoughts about what a storeroom is supposed to contain and learn from Manoj's aunt that her storeroom = my attic.

We're sitting on comfy cane sofas and there's a lovely well-lived look about this place. Ajji's house is a bit shabby but my OCD gives a nod of approval to this place. Ajji and Suma get up to help Manoj's aunt in the kitchen. She insists she doesn't want their help but they insist back that they will help. We can hear them talking as they move towards the kitchen. After they've left, I realise that Manoj is sitting near me and he leans forward to ostensibly whisper something to me.

I quickly glance at Reena and Vidya who are looking at the two of us with the kind of interest a little boy might have with a twig before he sets it afire with a magnifying glass and the sun. Not very comforting, I know.

‘What?' I ask Manoj in a whisper and he shakes his head.

‘My grandfather used to live here before my parents died. He started working on the camera when he was here. He might find something that will help him figure out how to send you back,' he says, looking serious.

I nod, realising that there's a part of me that's dismayed that I might go back and another part that's relieved that it could actually happen now.

‘That was why I agreed to Mysore,' Manoj explains. His aunt comes out from the kitchen in a few minutes with a tray of snacks and more coffee but her expression is one of excitement. What happened? Her eyes are shining as she places the coffee in front of me and she actually lifts my chin and looks into my face as though assessing something. Manoj is looking at her curiously and I feel like an idiot. What has Ajji gone and told her now?

‘Why didn't you tell me?' she asks Manoj, sitting down beside him and nudging him with her elbow.

‘Ouch! What?' he asks genuinely puzzled.

‘You and this girl? Planning to go off to Australia ah?' she asks with a fat wink and I look down mortified, unable to look at Manoj's face.

But before he can answer her, she continues, ‘And what about poor Prerna? She keeps asking after you all the time!' she says but she's still smiling at me. I realise that poor Prerna is no match for me, with my Australian credentials.

‘I'm not going to Australia,' Manoj answers firmly, looking at me and I feel my breath catch in my throat.

‘In that case, do explain who Prerna is,' I ask him, folding my arms across my chest and staring him down. His expression is worth faking this indignant attitude. But then, I'm not really faking it, am I?

T
HERE'S SILENCE IN THE
room as we all wait for Manoj's answer. I realise that Ajji and Suma have also joined us and everyone is holding their breath, waiting to hear what he says.

‘She was my classmate in school,' Manoj explains patiently. ‘That's it.'

When I don't reply, he looks uncomfortable and goes on to explain further. ‘She was my neighbour
and
classmate, okay? If our group of friends decided to go for a movie, she and I would just go together because it was convenient. There was nothing between us!'

I'm amused because Manoj is sounding seriously defensive. His aunt however is looking at him indulgently.

‘To tell you the truth, Tamanna, Manoj has always put his studies first. He's going to become a fantastic engineer and make us all proud!' she wipes her eyes as she says this. All thoughts of Prerna evaporate because I feel this weird immense sadness that I am not going to be in Manoj's future, just as he won't be in mine.

When his grandfather emerges from the room, still looking a bit lost, we sit down and talk some more. Manoj's aunt is probably missing the gene which tries to avoid awkward situations because she calls up this Prerna and asks her to join us for lunch.

Although I know how the girls feel about the way Ajji has paired me off with Manoj, we're all waiting anxiously for Prerna to turn up. What's she going to be like? Manoj has insisted that she was just a friend, but still! I glance at Manoj and narrow my eyes. Is he always going to be like this? Attracting girls of all shapes, sizes and ages? Truthfully speaking, it should be none of my business. But since Ajji and now his aunt seem to have invested in my so-called relationship with him, I have to pretend to care. Of course, no one has to know that I'm not really pretending.

Prerna sashays in half an hour later and it is soon evident why she has taken so long to come. She is dressed as though for a wedding, wearing a shiny blue churidar kameez and there's a sparkle in her eyes that annoys me like anything. She's got long hair that reaches her waist and she's left it open and it's all lush and straight. I know they didn't have that many awesome hair products back in 1982 so either that hair of hers is naturally beautiful or she's wearing a wig.

She ignores all of us and sits down next to Manoj and is completely behaving as though it's only the two of them in the room. Manoj to his credit looks a bit embarrassed and tries to steer the conversation to us but she keeps doing this thing with her hair, swishing her head so that it falls down on the side of her face so she can tuck it behind her ears.

I glance at Ajji who is looking at her with a tight mouth. Ha!

‘Manoj, we should plan and leave soon. We have to get back home before it's dark,' she interrupts the cosy chat that Prerna is trying to have with Manoj. Manoj looks at her and nods, smiling. Prerna frowns.

‘You're going back?' she asks loudly and I make a face when I note how musical her voice is.

‘Obviously,' Manoj replies.

‘But you have holidays! And you never come home any more!' she pouts.

‘Prerna, my home is in Bangalore now,' Manoj reminds her gently. Finally, Prerna acknowledges our presence in the room and I realise that the girls, Ajji and I are bristling in the same manner. God! We are hopeless.

Manoj introduces everyone to her and then pauses a little when he stops at me.

‘Let me! Let me!' his aunt butts in excitedly and I groan inwardly. This is not going to be good.

‘This is Tamanna, his pen-pal from Australia,' she says proudly and I smile at Prerna tightly. But she doesn't leave the introduction at that. She has to go and add something like, ‘Apparently, Manoj and she are in love with each other.'

There is loud silence in the room after this announcement. I cannot bring myself to look at Manoj and even Ajji looks embarrassed. Thankfully, Mr Prakash breaks the silence and coughs and all eyes turn to him.

‘It's a good group here. Can I take some pictures?' he asks. Apparently being unaware of socially uncomfortable situations is a family trait because he has no idea of the bomb his daughter has just dropped in front of everyone.

He gets up unsteadily and holds his camera up. In a flurry of movement all of us gather together so we can be in one frame. I don't know why everyone bothers but maybe it's so we can erase the embarrassing incident right before this moment. That's when I realise that if he takes a picture of us using his camera … Manoj who is standing next to me shakes his head.

‘Don't worry, he's been taking my pictures all week. Nothing happens,' he whispers in my ear. Okay. I still haven't looked at him after what his aunt said about us because I'm completely embarrassed.

We sit down uncomfortably after he's taken the picture and then he takes Manoj back with him to his haunt to discuss something about the photo probably. Manoj leaves the room and I look around at the stiff faces of the girls and Ajji. Prerna and Manoj's aunt Renuka are talking in the way only people who know each other for a long time can. I can hear bits of their conversation and Prerna sounds rather indignant. She turns to me suddenly and narrows her eyes.

‘So what exactly are you doing in Australia?' she asks, looking disdainfully at me.

‘I've just finished school,' I say, shrugging and her eyes grow round.

‘School? You're just a school girl? You don't look like one,' she says, settling into the sofa.

We can hear Manoj's voice suddenly and his grandfather's. It sounds like they are arguing.

‘Why are you suddenly changing tracks now? How can
you
as a scientist suddenly say these things?' We hear Manoj's rather loud voice.

Oh god! Why did we even come here, I wonder. I look at Prerna who is assessing my jeans (the tight ones, yes) and my top with narrowed eyes and I wish we'd leave soon. I'd thought we'd be going to Brindavan Gardens, not rehashing things with old girlfriends. Whatever Manoj may have said, Prerna clearly thought that she had some kind of rights over him.

Well, you can have him, I flash mentally at her. He's too old for me.

Manoj comes out of the corridor, his face dark and closed and it is so easy to forget that he is too old for me.

‘Let's get out of here,' he says, running his hands through his hair. He looks agitated and Ajji seems worried.

‘Arrey! You have to eat lunch first!' Renuka Aunty insists. Manoj looks impatient and shakes his head.

‘No, Aunty. Not today. Maybe some other time,' he says. The kids who had dragged him away earlier make their appearance again and start begging and whining to him to stay but he refuses. I look at Prerna who looks drawn and upset and I almost feel sad for her.

‘Are you guys coming or not?' he asks and we get up awkwardly. We all start leaving when I turn and ask him about Mr Prakash.

‘Isn't he coming with us?'

Manoj takes a deep breath. ‘Either he'll join us later or we'll have to come and pick him up on our way back.'

It's clear he doesn't want to discuss his grandfather at the moment.

‘Why don't you take Prerna along?' Renuka Aunty suggests and I swear, I could have heard us five women—Ajji, Suma, Reena, Vidya and me—groan inwardly.

Either Renuka Aunty is simple minded enough not to see potentially volatile situations or she deliberately enjoys stirring things up.

Manoj is too caught up with whatever his argument was with his grandfather and he doesn't seem to care.

Outside in the car, Prerna makes sure she sits in the middle next to Manoj while I occupy the window seat. I look out of the window as we drive through the city. Prerna continues a quiet conversation with Manoj that all of us are excluded from but I don't really care at the moment.

Manoj belatedly realises how odd it is that all of us in the car are quiet.

‘Tamanna's interested in clothes and fashion,' he tells Prerna. Err hello? I read books too, and not just Harry Potter!

‘Really?' she asks him, looking at me with barely concealed distaste. ‘Doesn't look that way … seeing her.'

Oh you're
such
an aunty, I tell her in my mind. In 2012 she definitely is one anyhow. Manoj's attempt to steer the conversation towards me has failed spectacularly but he tries once more but thankfully with the girls as subjects.

The topic is what everyone wants to be when they grow up. The irony is not lost on me because I'm the only one who knows what happens to them. Except Manoj and Prerna of course. In fact, Manoj even glances at me as Suma starts telling us about how psychology really interests her.

‘I want to get into movies!' Reena says, clapping her hands and then falling silent as she notices Ajji glaring at her. How on earth did she end up becoming a Maths teacher, I wonder. Vidya dreamily says that she'd like to be a librarian so she could read as many books as she wanted.

It feels kind of sad listening to their dreams. The only thing my mother has done with her love for psychology is to practice it on Raina and me. I'm looking out of the window when I realise that Ajji is asking me a question.

‘What?' I ask, turning around a little. I can see her sitting behind me, her face lit up by the afternoon sun. Manoj stops the car outside a restaurant and Ajji repeats her question to me.

‘What do you want to be when you grow up?' she asks me.

I pause for a moment and I realise that no one has got out of the car yet. They're all waiting for me to answer, particularly Manoj.

‘I don't know yet but I'll figure it out soon,' I say. But first I have to get back to 2012.