No Time for Goodbyes (15 page)

M
Y FEET ARE WET
. When I open my eyes, I'm astounded to see that I'm at a beach. A warm wind is blowing and I can taste the salt in the air. Waves are rolling towards me and I step back instinctively.

‘A beach?' I ask him incredulously. He guffaws loudly.

‘I thought you liked the beach!' he says and I turn around to look at him. His jeans are rolled up to his knees and his shirt is billowing in the wind.

When I don't say anything else he looks discomfited and then speaks up.

‘About last time … I'm sorry,' he admits, looking down at the smudged footprints around him.

I still can't bring myself to say anything to him.

‘Tamanna?' he whispers my name and I don't know between the two of us, who is surprised more when I turn to him and hold his face and kiss him. He's shocked at first but then his arms come around me, holding me closer and he kisses me back. I don't know how long we've been standing on the beach kissing because frankly, I don't care. I'm pouring all my anguish of the previous days, all my yearning and all my hopes into that kiss and when I finally pull away both of us are breathing heavily.

‘Wow,' he manages but I can't speak at all. I snuggle closer to him and he just holds me tighter and we continue standing that way. When I finally open my eyes, I'm surprised to see that it's dusk. I can hear the roaring of the waves and I don't like it.

‘Let's go,' I tell him and we walk away from there together, sand in my toes, my arm in his.

Ahead of us, I can see a number of people sitting on various spots who have been watching the sunset. I want to ask him so many questions but I think kissing him right away kind of made them redundant.

I can see his car ahead on the road and he stops to hold my hand and give it a gentle squeeze. I look up at him and shake my head and let out a sigh.

‘So what's the date?' I ask him and he smiles a little.

‘It's a month since we met,' he says.

‘And you had this
brainwave
to take a picture of the beach?' I ask him and he grins as he opens the car door for me.

‘Just thought it would be cool,' he says coming around on the other side to get in.

‘And then you thought of hiding the photo behind a photo frame in the college library. I mean, what were you even thinking?' I ask him as he starts the car.

‘College library,' he repeats after me as he turns back to ensure that he's backing out properly.

‘Wait a minute. I'm confused,' I tell him as another thought strikes me.

‘What?'

‘How did you manage to put the photo behind the frame? I'm supposed to appear right after you take that photo. So how is it possible that I found the photo in the library?'

When he's silent, I try and work it out myself, absently noting that the signboards on the road are in Tamil. We're in Chennai?

‘So you went and put the photo there
after
all this happened?' I ask him and he looks at me like I'm a little crazy and shrugs.

‘How would I know? You're the one from the future!'

God, this is so confusing. I thought I'd understood how the camera worked. Obviously it's more complicated than that.

‘Okay, let's stop worrying about that for now,' he tells me. ‘The camera's packed away inside my bag safely and I'll have to use it to send you back. But not right now.'

I turn to him, trying to figure out the warning tone in his voice and then look outside the window.

‘What are we even doing here? In Chennai, at night?' I ask him.

‘In what?'

‘Err … Madras,' I amend and he rolls his eyes.

‘More future stuff,' he mutters.

‘Where are we going?' I ask him.

‘Why did you kiss me?' he asks me instead.

‘It was a mistake. It won't happen again,' I tell him mock sweetly and he takes his eyes off the road and stares at me long enough to make me worried. Traffic may have been less on the roads in the 80s but I don't want to die here!

‘Look at the road!' I urge him but he shakes his head.

‘Okay! Okay! I was joking!' I tell him frantically. The car is veering towards the centre of the road right in front of other vehicles.

‘Manoj!' I shout and he looks back at the road and brings the car under control. My heart beat is erratic and I want to smack him hard.

‘You're such an idiot,' I tell him exhaling loudly.

‘And you haven't answered me yet,' he says.

I look down at my lap. I don't know why I kissed him. It had seemed natural to just turn to him and then, thinking of the way we'd kissed, my face heats up.

‘I never asked you why you kissed me the night I left,' I venture and he shuts his eyes for the barest of seconds as though recalling that almost magical night when we were coming back from Mysore.

‘You know how I feel about you, Tamanna,' he says finally.

‘And now you know how I feel about you,' I retort and he shakes his head.

‘The two of us are crazy. This whole set up is crazy. Maybe I'll just destroy that camera because then I won't be tempted to call you back whenever I want to see you.'

I'm a little angry at his words. ‘How convenient for you,' I reply and he sighs.

‘We can't spend even ten minutes together without fighting. I think the age difference is a minor issue compared to this,' he says.

There are words bubbling inside me but I'm unable to bring them to the surface so I stay quiet and he continues driving god knows where in the warm night.

When the car stops outside a building, I look at him in resignation.

‘Where are we? What are we doing here?'

‘I can't drive back to Bangalore in the night,' he offers by way of explanation.

‘So we're going to wait till morning?' I ask him, feeling incredulous. ‘Have I told you that time is not accelerated in the past? If I stay here for eight hours, that's the same number of hours I'm going to be sleeping in a classroom in college. I'm going to be in big trouble once I go back.'

He looks thoughtful and then shrugs. ‘Fine, I'll send you back after sometime,' he says and gets out of the car.

I don't know why I'm annoyed as I get out of the car.

‘What is this place?' I ask him as we near the door.

‘We're in Triplicane. This is my cousin's house,' he explains as he rings the doorbell.

‘And once again I'm Tamanna, the pen-pal from Australia?' I ask him.

‘You're whoever you want to be, Tamanna,' he says with a smile right before the door opens.

‘S
URPRISE
!' R
EENA SHRIEKS AS
she opens the door and then looks at me and her eyes grow round.

I know my mouth has just dropped open.

‘Reena! I told you not to scare him off that way!' I can hear Suma's voice approaching us. What are they doing here? In Manoj's cousin's house?

‘Tamanna!' Reena whispers, ‘When did you come from Australia?'

Manoj looks at me and looks slightly shame-faced.

‘Tamanna?' Suma comes into view and her eyes widen and then narrow almost immediately. It's exactly the kind of face mom used to make when she would find Raina and me up to no good when we were little.

‘Can we get inside first?' Manoj says, manoeuvring himself inside and I walk in behind him, trying not to strangle him. When had he been planning to tell me?

Ajji too comes up to the hall where we are standing and looks surprised. ‘When?' she asks but then doesn't complete her question.

Manoj has removed his shoes and I too pull off my sneakers, my mouth curling up in distaste as the dried sand falls around me on the floor. For someone like me who has an OCD about being clean (according to Raina and mom), this is gross.

‘You have me confused with someone else. I don't like the beach,' I whisper to him fiercely as he straightens up.

‘Maybe you will now,' he whispers back and I scowl at him.

‘You were at the beach?'

I turn around to see Vidya standing near a sofa, looking at us shyly. I suppose all the commotion outside has left her rather unsurprised about my presence.

‘Can I wash up somewhere?' I ask no one in particular, looking around for this cousin of Manoj's to materialise. That's when a middle aged woman emerges from a room that is probably the kitchen.

‘Manoj brought a friend? Who? That girl from Australia?' she asks someone as she comes outside.

‘So much for telling me that I can be who I want to be!' I tell Manoj sarcastically. He looks down as though he deserves that and then nods towards a corridor.

‘There's a bathroom there if you want to go and freshen up,' he suggests.

As I'm leaving, I overhear Ajji explaining to Manoj that she had called his aunt to confirm the time that they were going back to Bangalore in the morning. That was when his aunt invited Ajji and the girls to come over and spend the night here so they could leave early or Manoj would simply waste time driving over to pick them up from where they were staying.

Oh. So Manoj was going back to Bangalore with Ajji and the girls. Couldn't he have told me anything? Agreed that I didn't give him time to talk when I landed but he could have told me later. Of course, he may have thought that since we wouldn't be meeting them, there was no need to tell me about Ajji being in the same city.

I switch on the light in the bathroom and step inside and look at my reflection in the spotted mirror. My face is flushed and my hair is a bit straggly. After my last visit to the past, I'd cut it in layers that framed my face. But it's probably the heat here in Madras that's making me look a bit like a scarecrow. Not that Manoj cares, I think a little happily as I wash my face remembering the way he looked at me after we kissed. My hand automatically reaches out for a tube of face wash which is a staple that you'd find in almost every home in 2012. I pull my hand back and remember that this is still 1983 and soap coming in a tube is a concept that everyone here would find unbelievable.

I use my fingers to fluff up my hair a bit and then I spend at least five minutes washing my feet of all the gritty sand. I remove my jacket and immediately feel a little better. Whew. This city is hot!

When I emerge holding my jacket over my elbow, Suma is waiting for me with a towel.

‘Thanks,' I say, taking it awkwardly but not using it to wipe my face. It's only when Suma is looking at me strangely, I realise that my OCD has turned me into a bit of a germaphobe.

‘Why didn't you tell us you were leaving?' Suma asks me straight away. I have to give it to mom. Now I know that she was always a ‘let's cut the chase and get to the point' kind of person.

‘There was an emergency,' I make up and she nods.

‘Yes, Manoj told us about it. But we were right there. You could have told us before leaving. You didn't even tell Amma! She was so upset!' Suma says and I feel ashamed for no fault of mine. I wonder what story Manoj had concocted and how he explained my sudden disappearance to Ajji.

‘I have to leave soon,' I tell her instead and she looks at me quizzically.

‘Australia is like next door for you?' she asks and I want to laugh at the way she has phrased the question but I don't. Thankfully, the woman who I presume is Manoj's aunt calls out to us to come and have dinner.

In the dining hall, all of us sit down at the table and there's a man there who I assume must be Manoj's uncle. Ajji and Manoj's aunt have recruited Vidya to help them in bringing the food from the kitchen.

I'm sitting between Reena and Suma and when I look at Manoj, he looks at me apologetically. Then all of a sudden he raises both eyebrows and makes a face to show that he appreciates the new hairstyle. I realise that Suma is observing our silent exchange and I look down at the plate immediately, feeling a little foolish. She's not my mom yet, I tell myself around ten times.

‘Where's Mahesh?' Manoj asks as his aunt brings a serving dish of steaming ghee rice.

‘Out with a friend. He should be back any time soon,' she answers. Reena starts filling the silence by chattering about how they came to Madras a couple of days back and they were staying in her grandmother's home and how this area was so much better than that.

‘There was cow dung everywhere!' she says, her eyes growing round with horror and we all laugh.

‘What about you Tamanna? How long are you here?' Suma asks. Ajji too has stepped out of the kitchen and is looking at me with interest. I feel guilty for having disappeared the last time without informing her.

‘Actually I'm leaving in a couple of hours,' I say and they all look shocked. All except Manoj who looks downcast.

‘My flight leaves in sometime and I have to go,' I explain, hoping they will understand.

‘Do you know that Suma has started college?' Reena asks once again covering up the spaces in the conversation.

‘Wow!' I reply with fake enthusiasm. ‘Same college as Manoj?'

Suma scowls and shakes her head. ‘No,' she says glancing at Ajji who has sat down at one end.

‘And you?' Suma asks me and I nod.

‘I've joined college too,' I say. Reena and Vidya want to know what a college in Australia is like. As if I know.

‘So have you made friends?' Suma asks and I think of Reshma who isn't really a pal but I nod.

‘What about boyfriends?' Reena whispers so that Ajji can't hear but she has such a saucy look on her face that I can't help but grin. She knows about err … me and Manoj, right?

I look at Manoj who is pretending not to look interested in my answer and I can sense that everyone is looking at him.

‘Yes, there's a boyfriend,' I answer. I'm amused to see that Manoj is looking uncomfortable and is that a red flush creeping up his neck? Is he worried that I will elaborate?

‘Oh! What's his name?' Reena asks surprised.

I feel a little devious as I meet Manoj's eyes and answer with a straight face.

‘Rajat.'