No Longer Safe (25 page)

Stuart said he’d stay the night and tried the sofa for size.

‘Are you sure about this?’ I asked. ‘I’m not sure it’s going
to be all that comfy.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he said. He’d offered to sleep on
the floor in my room, but the thought of him lying on the same spot as Charlie
– his own flesh and blood – was just too gruesome.

I brought two blankets down to the sitting room from my
chest of drawers. I opened them out. They were musty, infused with the camphor
smell of mothballs.

‘Will you be warm enough?’

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I can pull this over me if I’m chilly.’
He’d hung his wax jacket over the back of a chair.

‘We should plan what we’re going to do tomorrow,’ I said, my
fingers fiddling with my lip.

‘The police will have checked us all out on their national
records after they interviewed us, so they‘ll know about Karen’s conviction. At
the moment Melanie seems fine – do you agree?’ I nodded.

He went on, ‘Did the officers say anything in particular
when they came over the day after Brody went missing?’

I backtracked to their visit. ‘Karen went upstairs with them
– do you remember? So they could see Mel. They were up there a few minutes
checking her over and taking a look around. I don’t think the officers said
anything when they came down.’

‘Maybe there were being discrete – she’s served her sentence
after all. It’s not their place to tell everyone about her criminal history. It
will be Social Services’ job to keep an eye on the child – they should be aware
of everything.’

‘We should ask Karen about that tomorrow,’ I said. ‘She
ought to be having visits from them. Perhaps we should contact them ourselves,
to be sure?’

‘Good idea.’

He looked down at his feet, that familiar searching look in
his eyes.

‘What about your nephew?’ I asked tentatively, feeling like
the worst possible Judas, but it would have seemed odd not to ask.

‘Jim has completely lost him again. There’s no trace of him
anywhere. Probably best I let him go – stop the search. If Charlie is involved
in the boy’s abduction the police will track him down. I don’t want to go back
to Tony having played a part in that kind of news.’

He stroked my hand. ‘I’ll go back to Edinburgh. You could
come with me for a few days.’

‘I’d love to,’ I said. He pulled me to him and held me
firmly. We were locked together, solid, like a sculpture made from one piece of
stone and I didn’t want to let go.

‘So – we’ll leave tomorrow, shall we?’ I asked, cheek to
cheek.

‘Let’s make sure Melanie is safe and Social Services are
fully aware of the situation. Then – yes – let’s go to Edinburgh and get you to
a doctor to see about these headaches.’

‘Oh – okay.’ I was getting used to them by now; they’d
become a natural part of every day.

‘My father knows people – we can get you looked over, before
you get proper tests done in London.’

‘Thank you – that would be good.’

‘Sleep well,’ he said, before giving me a tender kiss. ‘See
you in the morning.’ He said, tweaking my nose like my grandfather used to do.
‘Mine’s a strong black coffee by the way.’

I had to force myself to break away. I wanted nothing more
than to spend the night with him in one long embrace, but it wasn’t the right
time or place.

I planted one final kiss on his lips. ‘I’m glad you’re
staying.’

He squeezed my hand. ‘Me too. I’ll be right here. Sleep
tight.’

I climbed the stairs.
Sleep
tight
. What chance did I have of sleeping tight tonight after all the
revelations about Karen?’ Sleep tight (fists with white knuckles)? Sleep tight
(body screwed up into a ball)?

I passed her room; the thin slice of light under the door
bled onto the landing. Was I right to be concerned for Mel? Was she in danger?
Had Karen been wrongly convicted, or was she bluffing about her anticipated
pardon?

Before I clambered into bed, I propped a wooden chair under
the door handle so no one could get in. Then I reached into the drawer for the
little bottle of tablets. I knew I shouldn’t have any more, but I couldn’t bear
to spend the darkest hours of the night ahead in a frenzied panic.

I quickly swallowed one with a sip of water and drew the
covers over me. Just one more night.
Stuart was
with me now – he wouldn’t let anything happen to me
. We were leaving
tomorrow and as long as Charlie stayed hidden at the bottom of the lake, this
would all be over.

Snow had claimed the ground again overnight.
Furthermore, the dazzling sunshine had sucked away all the grey. It was a
perfect scene, like the inside of a Christmas snow-globe, crystals twinkling on
the window ledge as they caught the light.

It took my breath away and brought a fresh perspective.
Stuart and I were leaving today.

In a hurry, I bundled up my pyjamas and squashed them into
my suitcase, slipping into the same jeans and thick sweater from yesterday. I
couldn’t find my bathrobe, it was probably still at the bottom of my backpack.

I hadn’t bothered to unpack my gear since returning
yesterday, not even my clunky alarm clock – that was still nestling inside my
case. No matter what we discovered, I didn’t want to hang around any longer
than we had to. Stuart and I were going to make a swift getaway – as soon as we
could.

I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. Then
scuttled down to the kitchen to make strong ‘wake-up’ cups of coffee for Stuart
and me.

Our three housemates were already up and about. Karen was
pouring orange juice into a glass, Mark was finishing off a cigarette – one
foot outside the back door – and Jodie was taking the manic curls out of her
hair with straightening irons. The atmosphere was that of a dentists’ waiting
room with the aura of past pain, current pain and the anticipation of further
pain filling every molecule of air. It was ripe for a showdown.

I went through the connecting door into the sitting room.
Stuart’s bedding was folded up neatly on the arm of the sofa.

‘Where is he?’ I asked.

‘Stuart, you mean?’ said Karen. ‘He left early. He said he
had something important to do and he’d call you.’ 

No – how could he?
He
wasn’t supposed to disappear. He said he wasn’t going to leave me. I needed him
now more than ever. Then another thought crept in and my stomach clenched –
maybe he’d got news about Charlie.

Karen put four pieces of fresh toast on the kitchen table
and scooped up a jar of marmalade from behind the butter. It made a
plunk
sound as she opened it.

Everything looked so frigidly normal. I took a seat and
dared to glance at her face. It came to me then that she must have had a
hellish time in prison. Karen couldn’t cope with rules and routine; she broke
them like a lumberjack snaps branches. She was a leader, not a follower; I
couldn’t envisage her in a queue waiting to use the payphone, or the shower, or
trouping in a line carrying a plastic tray, with individual compartments for
her meat and two veg, to a Formica table.

Karen was renowned for going further than anyone else,
pushing the limits. Surely, that attitude didn’t go down too well with the
prison wardens. She’d have had a return quip for every barbed comment that came
her way – I bet that had cost her dearly inside, with the authorities as well
as the other inmates.

Holloway – ha, so close to the sound of ‘Hollywood’ –
Karen’s little ironic twist.

I helped myself to cereal, then sat back; I wasn’t hungry.
Karen started clearing the table.

‘What you doing today, Sugarlump?’ said Mark, blowing out
his last lungful of smoke and rubbing his hands together.

‘A walk, some photos, lunch at the pub – not sure…’ I didn’t
want to tell them I was leaving until I’d spoken to Karen.

‘Don’t you wish you weren’t so predictable?’ he said.

‘Why do you have to be so rude?’ said Jodie.

‘I’m only teasing – can’t people take a joke?’

Karen broke in. ‘Actually – she isn’t.’

‘She
isn’t
predictable?’ Mark retorted. ‘Safe, stuck in a rut old Alice – how can you say
she’s
not
predictable?’ ‘

‘You might find out.’ She turned to me. ‘You’re not the
least bit predictable are you?’

I opened my mouth with no idea what I was going to say. What
was she getting at?

Jodie scrutinised the bruise which was now turning yellow
near my eye. Since we’d been here, it had gone from flame red to purple, then
green and now this. ‘I can put some make-up over that for you, if you like. I
meant to offer before. Is it bothering you?’

‘No – it’s fine,’ I said dismissively. Actually, it wasn’t
fine. My injury might have happened days ago, but it was still sending shock
waves through my forehead whenever I turned quickly or bent over.

‘Anyone fancy a game of Truth or Dare?’ said Mark.

I looked up. ‘At
this
time in morning?’ I gave Karen a nervous stare.

‘Not sure that’s such a good idea,’ she said, slotting the
final soapy plate into the draining rack.

Mark was clattering the latch of the wooden door – up and
down, up and down – making a racket. ‘A game of Truth or Dare will do
me
good,’ he said.

‘Do we have to…?’ Jodie groaned, sounding about eight years
old. If only she would stop behaving like a little girl. Now I’d seen a
different side to her, I could see how creative she was; she had so much going
for her.

‘Let’s do it.’ He went over to Jodie’s chair and dragged her
to her feet.

‘Don’t spoil everything,’ warned Karen.

‘Why will he spoil everything?’ came Jodie’s voice,
high-pitched and innocent.

Jodie really didn’t have a clue. I felt sorry for her – it
wasn’t the first time.

We went into the sitting room and sat cross-legged in a
circle in front of the fire. Mark had put fresh logs on, too many for my
liking, and it was crackling and popping like Guy Fawkes’ night.

He leant back to take a bottle from the pile of empties by
the fire. ‘We’ll spin it to see who starts,’ he said. He laid it flat between
us and swung it round. It ended up pointing straight at me.

‘Ah – it’s Alice. Truth or Dare?’

I didn’t trust that Mark’s dare wouldn’t involve crippling humiliation,
so I said ‘Truth’ knowing I always had the option of telling a lie.

‘Let me see,’ he tapped his lip. ‘What are you most afraid
of?’

Jodie groaned.

I ignored her. I wanted my turn to be over with. I wanted
Stuart to come back so we could plan our escape. ‘Afraid of? Right now?’

‘Yeah – what are you most scared of?’

I glanced at Karen but she had her eyes fixed on the volatile
flames. I braced myself. ‘Living half a life,’ I said, picking at the tufts in
the rug.

He looked confused. ‘What? You mean dying young or
something?’

‘No – I mean living my life as only half a person – being
only half the person I can be.’

Jodie clapped her hands. ‘
Great
answer, Alice – well done.’

Mark grimaced and sent his eyes to the ceiling. ‘Woah –
that’s a bit too deep for me, Honey-pie.’

‘I thought you’d say giant spiders or being stabbed in the
night, or something,’ said Jodie.

I wished she hadn’t used those words.

‘Your turn to spin the bottle, Alice,’ Karen said, nudging
my elbow. She looked, like me, as though she wanted this over with.

The bottle blurred into a green circle and stopped at Mark.

‘Oh – my turn,’ he said in a silly high voice. ‘I choose
truth.’

Damn – now I had to think of a question. ‘Okay.’ I tried to
think of something that would make them laugh, but was essentially harmless.
‘What is Jodie’s most irritating habit?’

‘That’s a crap question – we’ll be here all morning,’ he
snorted.

Jodie slapped his knee in mock disgust. ‘Think of a better
question, Alice,’ she demanded.

‘Um – right. Okay – what are
your
worst habits?’

Mark slapped the carpet. ‘Oh – for fuck’s sake, Alice.’

Karen took hold of my hand. ‘Don’t be such a bastard, Mark.
You never have anything nice to say about anyone.’

‘Thank you,’ chipped in Jodie. ‘He’s been such a miserable
git this holiday, spoiling it for everyone.’

Mark laughed and trailed a finger slowly across the carpet.
‘Why don’t you ask about my deepest and darkest secret, Alice...?’

Silence sucked the four walls that bit closer together. I
shuffled on my backside, aching to get up and walk away. What was he doing?

‘Why would we want to know about that?’ cautioned Karen,
giving him a stern stare.

‘Come on, I think we’ve had enough,’ said Jodie, getting up,
sensing trouble was brewing. ‘Let’s call it a day.’

Mark was in a dangerous mood. His eyes were bloodshot in the
firelight, smouldering with the effects of the dope. He was about to fling a
pile of mud and someone was going to get hurt. I just knew it. 

‘I had an affair at the end of our third year,’ he
announced. ‘I was seeing someone – a tutor – and we had…a kid together – a
girl.’

I was half expecting to hear rumbling under the floorboards
and the entire place to start crumbling around our ears.

Jodie was stunned into uttering only single syllables. ‘Hold
on…a…
child
? When? Did…who…?’ She didn’t
seem to know which question she needed an answer to first.

Mark leant back on both arms, his chest swelling. ‘Siena
Trovato was her name – the maths tutor – May 2007,’ he said clinically.

Jodie had her hand to her mouth. ‘But we were…’

‘Yes – we were…’

‘How long?’ Jodie slowly got to her feet, looking down at
him with loathing, as though he was gradually transforming into an ugly beast
before her eyes.

He shrugged as if it wasn’t important. ‘Two months, three
maybe – I can’t remember exactly.’

‘And you got her
pregnant
?’
Jodie was leaning over him, swaying slightly in her bare feet. He picked at a
remnant of breakfast trapped between his teeth.

‘Where do you think I go on Saturdays?’

‘Football…’ said Jodie pathetically.

He laughed. ‘Not always. I admit I’m not the greatest dad,
but I get over to see Scarlett now and again – she’s nearly six years old now.
I can show you a photo of her, if you like.’

Jodie looked shell-shocked. She stared at the fire as if it
was calling to her.

‘So you cheated. You
were
seeing someone.’ She turned away from Mark and shot a dagger’s stare at me
instead. ‘See – I was right. I
told
you.
You little shit. Did you know?’

I got to my feet and perched on the edge of the sofa,
shaking my head.

‘You liar. You knew all along. You were supposed to find
out. You were supposed to tell me.’ She came at me, raising her hand ready to
strike. I threw my head to one side, but half braced myself for the slap.
Karen, however, stepped in front of her and grabbed her arm.

‘Leave her alone. This has
nothing
to do with Alice!’

Karen held both her arms up out of harm’s way as Jodie
dissolved into tears. ‘But she was supposed to spy on him – she was supposed to
tell me what he did.’ Jodie sank into the chair beside the sofa, snivelling.

Mark laughed. ‘Ha – Alice Flemming –Inspector Morse in
disguise!’

‘It’s not Alice’s fault.’

Jodie’s eyes went back to Mark as if suddenly realising who
the true culprit was.

‘I can’t believe you did this to me. I thought you loved
me.’

‘You might want to hear the rest,’ he said. His eyes were
bright with a madness I’d never seen before. ‘It’s confession time.’ He said it
with an American accent.

Mark was still sitting on the floor – the only one, now –
swinging back and forward on his backside, holding his knees.

‘The rest? There’s more?!’ Jodie put her hands over her
ears, but slid them down as soon as he started speaking.

As if what he’d said wasn’t enough, he went on to detonate
more sticks of dynamite in an already decimated corner of the room. ‘I’ve been
seeing other women all along, right from the start. I even had an affair with
madam – over there.’

Karen and Mark?
None
of us moved as this next shock wave hit home.

Beside me on the sofa Karen let out a little moan; her
forehead sunk into her hand and she was gripping her temples. ‘A brief, but
enjoyable, fling at the end of our first year,’ he said.

‘Why are you doing this?’ I said. All I could think was:
He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t care about Jodie
at all
.

Jodie looked down and mucus from her nostrils dribbled into
her mouth. She wiped it away with the heel of her hand.

‘Mark?’ I pleaded. ‘She’s just lost her mum, for crying out
loud.’

Mark acted as if he hadn’t heard. He was good at that. ‘It’s
all over,’ he declared. ‘I’ve had enough.’

‘What do you mean?’ cried Jodie.

‘I’m calling it a day. We’re done, Babe. Can’t do it
anymore.’

I sat still, trying to be invisible, uncertain about which
way this was going to go.

A spark from the fire cracked and made me jump.

Karen finally said something. ‘Mark’s got problems – haven’t
you Mark? He’s not in his right mind.’

‘Yes, I am. I know exactly what I’m doing,’ he said
absently, flicking bits of ash that had fallen on the rug. ‘I should have ended
it ages ago – it was just so easy to carry on as things were.’

‘But why now? After all these years together?’ I said.

He threw his eyes over to Jodie. ‘Because she’s been banging
on and on about settling down and it’s driving me nuts.’

‘YOU were the one who first mentioned marriage,’ Jodie
screamed, glaring at him. ‘At Uni, remember?’

He ran his hand through his hair. ‘That was pillow talk… I
wasn’t…you know…’ He turned to face Karen. ‘You have no hold over me anymore,
so I’ll have it back, if that’s alright with you.’ He got to his feet and held
out his palm. ‘We can end this stupid little farce right now.’

‘I told you – I haven’t got it. We had an agreement.’

He rubbed his stubble, shaking his head. Jodie looked like
she’d just come up for air after a longer than comfortable period underwater.
Her hair was all over the place, her cheeks wet, her eyes puffy and she was
panting heavily. Shock and outrage had claimed every muscle in her body.