Authors: Hailey Abbott
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Love & Romance, #Social Issues, #Friendship, #Dating & Sex
When Beth finally woke up, she thought she might have died.
Then she remembered what had happened last night and she sort of wished she
had
died.
She managed to disentangle herself from the stranglehold of her floral bedsheets, and looked around her bedroom in sleepy confusion. The room was hot, and light streamed in through the windows. The clock announced that it was already afternoon. And her cell phone showed that there were no missed calls.
Somehow, that last part was the most ominous.
It was as if George somehow knew. As if he had
just known
last evening, the way people in movies always seemed to bolt awake in the middle of the night with premonitions of plane crashes or assassinations.
Beth stood in the shower for a long time, tilting her face directly into the water and hoping it might wash away all the
things she felt. Not that her hangover was too terrible. That, at least, numbed some of the memory. But not all of it.
She’d kissed Adam. So many times. And then she’d done more than that. In a small, dark clearing in the woods, they’d been all over each other. Adam had removed her shirt and bra, and Beth shivered in the shower, remembering how he’d stripped them from her in nearly one hasty, rough motion. They’d sunk to the ground together, kissing nonstop. His hands had been everywhere, stroking and caressing every inch of bare skin. It had felt so amazing. So exciting. Within minutes, he’d taken off his jeans. But when Beth slipped her hand under the waistband of his boxers, she realized the seriousness of what was happening. Kissing was one thing, but if she let this boil over, it would turn into something much more intense. And she couldn’t let that happen.
I didn’t have sex with him,
Beth reminded herself.
I didn’t let it go too far.
But they’d gone far enough.
She closed her eyes.
George.
How could she have allowed this? What did this say about her relationship with George? How could she be so in love with George—and she did think she still loved him, even now—yet have kissed Adam the way she’d kissed him last night?
Beth turned off the faucets and climbed out of the shower. Sooner or later, she had to face the day.
After a defiantly big breakfast of bacon and eggs, she took
a long run. When she got back, winded and sweaty, she wandered around the cottage and wondered what in the world to do with herself. Ella and Kelsi were probably already in Amherst, having fun with Jamie. George still hadn’t called, thankfully. Since he hadn’t gotten in touch with her, it probably meant he wasn’t coming up this weekend after all and wanted to avoid another fight over the phone. Which meant that
she
could have gone to Amherst. And if she’d known that in advance, there was a really big chance that instead of hanging around with Adam, she would have been too busy packing for the trip. Which meant she would never have fooled around with him. So really, it was George’s fault. If he wasn’t so flaky, none of this would have happened.
She tried really hard to believe that one, concentrating on it fiercely for a few minutes, but it wouldn’t take.
Beth knew exactly whose fault it was.
Me, myself, and I.
A few minutes later, her phone rang.
Adam.
Beth looked at his name on her phone’s little screen and sighed, putting it aside without answering.
It hadn’t really sunk in yet, she realized then. That
of course
he would call the next day. He thought things had changed between them now. Maybe he thought they were dating or something. Beth panicked a little bit.
Who cares what Adam thinks, or what George thinks?
Ella had counseled the night before, surprisingly wise.
What do
you
think?
In fact, Ella had been surprising all the way through. She’d really seemed to get Beth’s confusion and the depth of her anguish. Beth hadn’t expected that. She’d thought Ella would only care about whether or not Adam was a good hook up (which,
oh God,
he was). But instead, her cousin had seemed to absolutely understand why things had gotten so difficult and crazy for Beth. How Beth had felt like she couldn’t really help herself. And, true to her word, Ella hadn’t judged.
Bethy,
she’d said at one point, when Beth couldn’t speak through the sobs.
The fact is, feelings are gonna be hurt here. You just have to figure out how you can make yourself happy, and you should be honest about it. That’s really what matters.
Oddly, that was the most comforting thing she’d said.
Be honest,
Beth told herself now, when the phone rang yet again, and Adam’s number flashed across the screen.
But, regardless, she couldn’t quite bring herself to answer the call.
By the time they reached Amherst, Kelsi wanted to kick Tim out of the car. While it was still moving, if possible.
The asshole.
It wasn’t just that he continued to engage Ella in conversation, so that Kelsi had to hear her treacherous little sister giggle and flirt and almost audibly bat her eyelashes. It was the
way
he did it. He seemed as if he was just as enchanted by every single inane thing that fell from Ella’s mouth as all the rest of the stupid boys out there.
When she finally pulled onto the U Mass campus, Kelsi decided that she was thrilled that Tim was finally getting out of the car and—she could only hope—her life. He’d told her to trust him, and she’d known better, hadn’t she? Next time she planned to heed her gut instinct.
Tim climbed out of the car and stretched, a move which showed off the swath of tan skin between the top of his jeans
and the bottom his T-shirt. Kelsi tossed her door open and then stormed around to the trunk of the car. As she flung it open, she was glad that, for once, Ella seemed to be more interested in the state of her nails than in the nearest cute boy. The windows of the car were rolled down, but Ella didn’t seem to be paying attention to Kelsi or Tim.
“Okay,” Tim said, coming around to haul his duffel bag from the trunk. He smiled at Kelsi like everything was great and he didn’t deserve to be drop-kicked with full
Kill Bill
force. “I guess I’ll—”
“Go to hell?” Kelsi suggested nastily, cutting him off.
He paused. “What?” he asked, obviously hoping he’d just misheard her.
“Have a nice weekend,” Kelsi snapped. “And you can find yourself a new ride back up to Pebble Beach. I don’t think I could stomach five more minutes of you, much less five more hours.”
“Wow.” Tim settled his bag over one shoulder. There was no sign of his smirk or his usual amusement. Instead, his eyes looked dim. “That’s pretty cold, Kelsi, even for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.
“It means that you think you’re entitled to say any rude thing that crosses your mind, and you expect me to keep laughing it off!” For the first time since she’d known him, Tim seemed dead serious. It sounded like that thought had been building up inside him, because his voice rose a little—but Kelsi was too mad to care.
“Let me assure you, I don’t have any expectations as far as
you’re concerned,” she shot back. Like
she
was the rude one! He was so clueless!
“Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear,” he said coolly. “I don’t know why I wasted my time.”
His voice sounded weirdly bitter, which made Kelsi wish she hadn’t yelled at him—but only for a brief second. He’d been flirting with Ella right under her nose, she reminded herself, when he of all people
knew
how that would make her feel.
“Whatever.” She glared at him, willing him to apologize. But he just looked back at her and said nothing. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” Tim replied. And then, just like that, he turned and walked away.
Kelsi watched him go for a moment, then slammed the trunk closed with all her might—so hard she actually made her hand throb. When she climbed back into the car, Ella had crawled over into the front seat, and was sneaking looks Kelsi’s way while she finished filing her nails.
“What?” Kelsi said aggressively.
“What was that all about?” Ella asked, sounding amazed and confused at the same time. “Why were you so mad at him?”
“Just shut up,” Kelsi spoke through her teeth. “Call Jamie and tell her we’re almost there.”
“But—”
“I’m serious!” Kelsi said. “I don’t want to hear another word about Tim from you, of all people!”
Ella made a face, but she didn’t argue any further. She
fished out her phone, and Kelsi had to restrain herself from snatching the thing out of her sister’s hand and seeing for herself if her ex was still busy texting sweet nothings Ella’s way.
But she did nothing of the kind. She just gritted her teeth as her sister chattered away with Jamie, as if Ella hadn’t just spent the entire morning sucking up to yet another guy in Kelsi’s life. As if Tim wasn’t just one more heartless jock jerk.
As if everything was just fine and dandy.
Ella had never been so excited to see her cousin Jamie in her life.
Jamie was waiting for them on the steps in front of her dorm, her black hair piled high on her head in her trademark messy bun, her green eyes dancing when she spotted the car.
“Finally!” she cried. “I can’t believe how much I missed you guys!”
“We missed you, too!” Kelsi called, with a big smile and without the slightest indication that she’d completely lost her mind a short while before.
Ella was confused by her sister. The fight with Tim had come out of nowhere. He was adorable, sweet, and, if Ella was still able to read guys right (despite the Jeremy debacle), he was totally into Kelsi. Shows what Kelsi knew. Now Ella was so relieved that Jamie was around. Ella knew that Kelsi was unlikely to get all psycho in front of sweet, soothing Jamie.
Ella gave her cousin a huge hug and grinned at her. Everything about Jamie was just so…
Jamie.
The mess of freckles. The sloppy hair. The bohemian-chic look she was sporting. Ella felt a rush of love and kissed her cousin on the cheek.
“We’ve been driving forever,” she cried. “Let’s start the party!”
Can’t I just take a nap?
Ella wondered several hours later, trudging up a hill with Jamie and Kelsi.
Jamie was so excited about spending her summer in Amherst that she’d taken her cousins on a walking tour of the
whole freaking town.
Sure, Amherst was pretty. There was a big green square in the center, and the college sat up on top of a hill looking down on it all. It would make a lovely postcard, and Ella wished Jamie had just sent them one instead of making them
ooh
and
aah
over every square inch.
Jamie checked her watch and gasped. “It’s late!” she said. “We’re supposed to meet some friends of mine back at the dorm.”
“Sounds great,” Ella said excitedly. That sounded a whole lot more fun than anything else they’d done all day. Not that Ella didn’t enjoy hanging out with Jamie, of course. She just wasn’t one for extended walking tours. For one thing, she was wearing the wrong shoes. But what else was new?
Ella just smiled serenely when Kelsi sent a suspicious look her way, like she knew exactly what Ella was thinking.
Jamie led them back toward her dorm, pointing out various sights along the way. Ella tuned out and wondered what
Jamie’s writer friends would be like. She had a pretty good idea that the level of hotness would be fairly low. After all, these people were, by choice, spending their summer trapped indoors, doing what Ella thought of as schoolwork. Who
chose
to go to summer school?
They had to climb up five flights of stairs to get to Jamie’s tiny little room with its slanted ceiling and single window. Ella thought the place looked like a jail cell and, if this was what college was going to be like, she had some serious doubts. Maybe she’d just learn cosmetology. She definitely had enough self-taught beauty skills.
“It’s my own little garret,” Jamie said, grinning as if she’d actually picked this room out of all the others.
“I definitely need to shower if we’re going out,” Ella announced, gesturing to her rumpled clothes and hair. “I can’t meet new people looking like this.”
“Yeah, because that would really hold you back,” Kelsi said with a snort. There was a small silence, while Jamie looked from one sister to the other.
“Um,” Jamie said carefully. “We should all shower, then. I feel kind of grimy, too.”
The three of them gathered towels, soap, and shampoo, and trotted down the long corridor toward the hall bathroom.
“I can’t believe you have to share a bathroom with so many people,” Ella said with a shudder. “Doesn’t it get gross?”
“That’s why you wear flip-flops in the shower,” Kelsi said mockingly. She swept back the curtain of the nearest shower and turned the water on.
“The
boys’
dorms are disgusting,” Jamie said, shifting another curious glance from Kelsi to Ella. “But this is a girls’ dorm. Much cleaner.”
The girls all stepped into the three curtained stalls. Ella sighed with pleasure as the steam and hot water poured over her.
“So,” Jamie called out over the roar of the water. “Tell me
everything
that’s going on in Maine. When Beth e-mails me, she leaves all the good parts out, but I know you guys would never do something like that.”
“Ask Ella about
everything
,” Kelsi shouted snidely.
In the privacy of her stall, Ella repeatedly gave her sister the finger.
“It’s true, I believe in spreading gossip to those less fortunate,” Ella agreed theatrically. “Where should I start?”
“Beth,” Jamie said immediately. “Definitely. What’s the deal with that lifeguard guy? What about George? It’s all scandalous, and she hasn’t answered my last
three
e-mails!”
Ella was only too happy to spill the details of someone else’s bad decisions, of course. Particularly if it helped avoid a discussion of her own—which she worried Kelsi was about one more obnoxious comment away from beginning.
“Well,” Ella began, running the vanilla shower gel along her arms and enjoying the way her voice echoed in the tiled room. The longer she kept talking, the more likely it was she could keep Kelsi from erupting like Mount Saint Helens. “Our cousin Beth has been a little too busy to answer any e-mails…”