New Title 1 (21 page)

“
But what if it's not!”

“
Why the fuck wouldn't it be!” He screamed, becoming upset. “I fuck you every fucking day, Noe! Bleeding and all! That mothafucka aint make that fucking baby!” Slim's fists were clenched and his veins were popping out of his forehead. By this time the intensity of their argument had Noelle in tears.

“
I can't Slim! Please, please don't be mad at me papi. Please,” she cried. “I love you! Please understand...please...”

Slim was crushed but he kept a straight face. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. His anger seemed to be pointless. It seemed like her mind was made up and it was little he could do, but he couldn't front and say he wasn't hurt. He glowered at her out of slit lids and she cried hard, in obvious pain. Slim walked over to her slowly and hugged her, although he was still upset.

“
I aint gonna say this shit aint fuck me up Noe,” he spoke lowly. “But I guess this is what you want, so...I'm wit' you. Just let me know when and where... I got you.”

“
Thank you baby,” she whispered back. “It's better this way, Slim. Trust me. We do it this way and everything stays normal, nobody gets hurt. I love you, baby.”

But Slim just continued to hug her in silence. He wanted to say something so bad, but he figured it wasn't worth another argument.

But in reality, he knew in these types of situations, someone, and usually everyone, gets hurt. Noelle was living in a fantasy.

***

Jordin walked into a dark and quiet house that night, and when she got up the stairs, she saw that Noelle was knocked out in her bedroom. The television was left on VH1 soul and some love videos were blasting through the TV speakers. Lays potato chip bags and an Oreo cookie package was left on the bed. Jordin rolled her eyes.

“
This bitch needs to go and see her husband, laying around watching videos and eating junk all night.”

Noelle had been to the hospital earlier that day for about 15 minutes. She told Julez she would be coming back later, but never made it.

Jordin shook her head and continued to her room.

“
Oh, I am so tired,” she said to herself, but soon found out that she was talking to Slim, who was standing by the bed, going through the dresser drawers.

“
Hey baby,” she greeted him. “You in early.” She was happy, she felt like she hardly saw him. Lately, he'd been out so much now that he was back into the streets, and Jordin used the time that she would have normally been depressed and hounding him about it, working and visiting Julez at the hospital.

Now she would finally have some much needed quality time with her man.

“
What's up,” he replied dryly, as he began to take out folded up t-shirts and throw them down onto the bed.

“
What you doing?” Jordin asked, staring at him as he kept his back turned. He finally stopped and faced her, slipping his hands into his pockets and looking her in the eyes. His smooth chocolate skin and strong features reminded her why she had fell in love with him all of those years ago. That and the way he looked at her, used to look at her. His eyes smiled a little and it caused Jordin to soften. He may be less attentive as he had once been, but she still loved him very much.

“
I gotta tell you something,” he said to her seriously.

Jordin stared at him and wondered what it was about as she waited patiently. After a few seconds, she smiled nervously.

“
Okayyyy,” she giggled.

Slim walked toward her and coolly took her hands into his, still remaining serious. He looked into her pretty face and thought of how special she was. Jordin was truly a good girl, as close to perfect as he'd ever witnessed.

Jordin's heart raced as she pondered on all of the possibilities of what would come out of his mouth. She secretly hoped that he was finally going to pop that big question to her. His next words were almost just as mind blowing.

“
I bought a house today.”

Jordin's jaw dropped and after a few seconds, it turned into a wide grin.
Thank god!
She wanted to shout. She loved Noelle, and Julez and McKenzie, but she had missed her own space for too long.

“
Oh my god, Slim! Where?”

“
It's in Edison. Not too far from here.”

“
Oh my god!” Jordin screamed again, ecstatic. She jumped on him and hugged him tight. “Slim! How? I mean, what the...you just went and bought a house? Oh my god, I'm so excited!”

He nodded. He wanted to tell her that working with Julez's connect had sent him straight to the top of his money making pyramid, but he just told her...

“
Yeah, I saw it, I liked it, so I bought it.”

Jordin couldn't stop smiling. She knew this was something that they needed. She figured that once they had their own space again, their relationship would go back to the way it was. They could become more intimate, more in tuned with each other, get back to love. Although she was happy, a part of her wished she could have seen it first.

“
Why didn't you tell me though, baby? I could have come and looked at it too.” She regretted the words a little when she spoke them, she realized that he probably wanted to surprise her. And who could complain about their man surprising them with a house!

Slim rubbed the top of his head like he was a little frustrated and Jordin sighed.

“
I'm sorry, it doesn't matter. You didn't have to...”

“
I didn't tell you J, because...”

“
No, it doesn't matter,” she cut him off.

“
I didn't tell you Jordin because you're...”

“
It was your surprise. I love it.”

'Jordin! I didn't tell you because you're not coming with me.”

The world stopped. Jordin looked at him with her forehead wrinkled in confusion, searching his face for the joke, and Slim just stared back solemnly.

“
You're not coming with me, Jordin. I'm...I'm sorry.”

Jordin swallowed hard and she felt her heart began to ache. Was it crumbling, was it breaking, what was this feeling?

“
Wh-what?”

Slim looked at her with sincere eyes, eyes filled with regret.

“
Jordin, I love you. You...you been with me since the beginning. But, I'm just not...” He couldn't believe he was saying these words to her, but he felt like being honest. He still felt fucked up about it but it had to be done. He continued. “I'm just not in love with you anymore. I haven't been... for a very long time.”

Jordin felt the tears coming to her eyes and she wanted to stop them, she didn't want him to have the power of seeing her cry, but she was in so much pain. It hurt so bad, his words cut her self esteem to the bone. What had she done wrong? She had tried her hardest to be the perfect woman. She had given him all of these years, and just like that, he could just let go.

“
Eleven years,” she spoke through a hoarse whisper. “I...I don't understand?”

He dropped his shoulders before he responded.

“
You wouldn't, ma. We live in two different worlds. You don't know me, and I don't know you.”

“
Who don't know who?” Jordin snapped in a low voice with indescribable pain. She slit her eyes at him. “
Who
don't know you, Slim!”

Jordin bit her trembling lip and stared him in his pathetic face. How dare he.

“
Did I not know you when I gave you my virginity? ...Or how about, did I not know you when I spent the night in jail when you got me busted with work you'd left in my car? ...Or better yet, did I not know you when I held you down for five years, when your ass sat up in that jail cell! How about that abortion by that bitch Tammy that you paid for with our fucking money! Yeah, you thought I didn't know, huh? My how we forget, how fucking well I know your bitch ass!” Jordin couldn't even go anymore, she broke down crying, gripping her head with her hands and crumpling down to the ground. This man was literally breaking her down. What would she do now?

Slim moved closer to her and went to touch her, feeling fucked up. She swatted at him as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“
Get away from me! Oh my god, how could you? I gave my life up for you! I lost my family because of you. And now...now you're just gonna tell me, oh, I'm not in love with you. You think I was always in love with you? You think I didn't wanna give up on your punk ass? You think people didn't come at me, offering me bigger and better?” She immediately thought of Julez at the fight party. “But I remained loyal to you! And now, now you're heading back to the top. You don't need me anymore, huh?”

“
It aint even like that, Jordin. You know...you know we haven't been...” He looked at her with regret and shook his head before he spoke again. “I mean, ma seriously, are you happy? Can you seriously say that you're happy?”

Jordin wasn't sure how to answer that, truthful wouldn't do her justice so she just sobbed a little harder.

“
We could have been though. We could have been happy, if you would have tried... you just don't want to try.” Her tears flowed like a faucet and the pain wouldn't let up. “You just don't want to try, Slim.”

There was a silence as he pondered on what she had said. And then he spoke.

“
You're right. I don't, ma.”

Jordin looked up at him with venom in her eyes.

“
Fuck you.” It sounded like she had said it from the bottom of her heart.

“
...You can't even give me babies.” The words left his mouth like word vomit, he couldn't believe he had said them.

“
Fuck you!” She jumped up and smacked him hard across the face with all of her might. He felt the sting but just nodded in acceptance. He deserved it. It was the lowest and harshest blow.

Without another word spoken, Slim walked over to the bed and threw the folded shirts into a duffel bag that Jordin hadn't even noticed was opened on the ground. He zipped it and looked at her long and hard. And with pain and finality in his eyes he headed toward the door.

“
Goodbye Jordin. I love you.”

And Noelle Yells Cut!

“
Yup, just like that. I'm not in love with you anymore, that's what he said. Wait...hold up, don't you think that's a little too much?”

“
Nah, I'm good, it's light. Proceed.”

“
You're gonna hurt yourself, Julez.”

“
I got it Jordin. Go ahead, finish. Finish telling me about this clown,” he said to her.

Jordin let out a half smile as Julez snickered lightly. They were in the rehabilitation center room of the hospital lifting free weights. The doctor suggested light exercise for Julez's shoulder to rebuild muscle, but Jordin felt like he was doing a little too much.

She shrugged as she pulled at her t-shirt, trying to make it cover her butt. She was self-conscious about all of her juiciness.