Neverland (20 page)

When my gaze wanders back to his face, I suck in a breath. His eyes are open. Striking blue and curious, they are focused on mine. Jamie doesn’t move or say a word. Only his wet strands of hair twitch every time he blinks. In this short unreal moment, he truly looks nineteen.

My hand is still splayed over his. I pull it away and start to stand up, but he laces his fingers with mine and holds me in place. Trapped in his gaze, I can’t look away.

Not sure what to do and because I don’t want to break this special moment of ours alone, I fold my arms on the desk like he’s doing and lay my head on them. We’re face to face, with only five inches between us, and our fingers locked. All I see is his warm blue eyes. His scent surrounds me. I feel him deeper in my heart, like I’m just beginning to know him.

There’s so much more beneath this pirate’s ruthlessness. A part he hasn’t opened to anyone other than me. And I’m starting to crave this part of him with everything I have.

Never breaking eye contact, Jamie slips out his other arm from under his cheek, slowly reaches for the hat beside him, and places it on my head. It’s sitting askew and covers my right eye. I feel roguish. The shadow of a smile sneaks to his lips.

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Hi,” he says back.

“You fell asleep.”

“It was a long night.”

“Do you want me to leave so you can rest?”

He skims a few stray wisps of my hair out of my forehead and under the hat, hooking them behind my ear. His warm hand splays over my neck and his thumb starts stroking along my jaw. He shakes his head. And I smile.

“Shall we go outside?” I suggest then. “It’s such a lovely day.”

Dragging a deep sigh, Jamie straightens in his chair and rubs his hands over his face. “You go ahead. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

He does look tired and somehow worn out. Deciding to give him time, I stand and face him. I must look like a princess playing pirate in my current outfit, so I give him the hat back and tuck my hands into the pockets of my dress, rocking on the balls of my feet. “Can you show me how to work the helm again?”

“We can do whatever you like.” He reaches for my wrist and pulls my hand out of my pocket. A small piece of paper slips out with it and spirals to the floor.

I bend to pick it up, briefly glance at it, then scrunch it between my fingers and toss it into the basket next to the desk. As I turn to leave, Jamie grabs a handful of my dress and holds me back. “What did you throw away?”

I shrug. “Nothing important. Just a forgotten price tag or something.”

His brows furrow. He leans over and fishes the paper out of the bin. With his thumbs, he smoothes it out and stares at it for a long moment, then his gaze lifts to mine. “This isn’t a price tag, Angel.” He pauses then speaks with more insistence. “It’s a ticket for transport.”

“Okay…” I arch both my eyebrows at him. “But I don’t intend to go anywhere.”

“It’s a ticket to
London
. Where you come from.”

“So?”

“So…you shouldn’t throw this away.”

I shrug. If it means so much to him, he can keep it. I don’t mind. “See you outside,” I say and, in a happy stride, I walk on deck.

Finding a place to stand by the railing, I prop my elbows on it and gaze down into the water. It’s crystal clear. Under the surface the pretty coral reefs shine and colorful fish zoom past. Neverland is so beautiful. Everything about it. It doesn’t matter where I came from; I never want to leave again.

Expecting Jamie to follow me out here, I cast a glance over my shoulder. The door to his study is still open. I can see him pace his room. When he stops moving in circles, he lifts his gaze to the ceiling and rakes his hands through his hair. Something is nagging at him. Is this still about the price tag? I can even see his chest lifting with a heavy sigh. Then he braces his hands on the desk and hangs his head.

Even though I’m clueless, my heart fills with sadness for him. I push away from the railing and hasten across the quarter deck toward his study. But before I make it there, he steps out and stops when he sees me. His face is marred with longing and determination. He’s still clasping the price tag in his right hand. A bad feeling creeps to my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” I whisper.

“We need to talk.”

These four words make my blood run cold.

“There’s something you have to know,” he tells me in a tight voice. “And it’ll change everything.”

My heart misses a beat. I don’t want things to change. It’s good how it is. I take a step back, shaking my head. My knees start to tremble. Suddenly I don’t want to know what’s going on anymore. I don’t want to talk. Not when the subject is causing him so much pain that it shows in every line of his face. And I realize it’s all about me.

“We can talk about it another time,” I croak. “Tomorrow…”

Jamie follows as I stumble backward. He grabs my shoulders and pulls me to a halt. “No, we cannot talk about it tomorrow. It’ll be too late then.” He drags a restless hand through his hair and cuts a glance skyward. “Shit, it might already be too late now!”

Every pirate on board stops work for a moment and turns to us. Jamie doesn’t even notice. I do. “You can’t stay in Neverland,” he says through clenched teeth.

My world quakes. “What?”

“You have to go home.”

“I don’t understand.” What I really want to say is
I don’t want to hear this
. Has he already had enough of me?

“This isn’t the right place for you,” Jamie explains. “Hell, I wish it was, but it just isn’t. You belong somewhere else.”

“Someplace where
you aren’t
? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” I cock my head. “You no longer want me near you?”

Honest shock narrows his eyes. “No! God,
no
!” He takes my face between his hands and touches his brow to mine, pressing his lips together and squeezing his eyes shut. “I would tie you to me and never let you go, if I could, Angel.”

“Then what is this all about?” My voice breaks on the last three words.

Jamie swallows hard. “This”—he holds out the price tag—“is a
train…ticket…
to
London.
” He sounds like he’s recalling the words from somewhere at the back of his mind. “The city where you were born. Where you
live
. You’ve been trying to get back ever since we met, but you kept forgetting things about your past.” His face scrunches up. “And I ignored it.”

Deep inside me, something rings true about his words, but it’s so far away that I can’t reach it. And I don’t even want to try. “What’s it to you where I come from?”

“It means something to me, because I care for you, Angel. I promised to help you find home. Just try to remember! It’s there
somewhere
.” He skims my hair out of my forehead and hooks it behind my ears, resting his hands on my neck.

Suddenly I hear the voices of two girls calling my name. They step out of the shadows in my mind. One is a pixie. The other holds out a picture book. I know these girls. They are… “Family,” I whisper hoarsely.

My heart sinks to the floorboards of the Jolly Roger. With trembling knees I walk backward until I feel the wooden boxes pushing against my legs and slump down. “But I don’t want to go,” I breathe as Jamie lowers to a crouch in front of me.

“And I don’t want you to leave. All night I was thinking of ways to keep you. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had. But I realize now it’s selfish to force you to stay.”

He wouldn’t have to force me. I
want
to be with him. I want to feel his warmth as his arms wrap around me. “Be selfish then. I don’t care.”

“Heck, Angel, I tried!” He sighs. “But I can’t be selfish with you…”

“Why not? You’re a pirate. You’ve been selfish most of your life,” I snap.

“Yes. About things that never really mattered to me. With you it’s different.” He drops forward to his knees, the hard lines of his face growing softer. “I want you to be happy…more than I want you to myself.”

“And you think I would be happy if you sent me back to…wherever it is that I come from?”

“Back to London. Yes. It’s a world full of wonder. You have ships on wheels there that go with an amazing speed. Your horses might as well have wings, because you fly in coaches.” His eyes grow wide with newfound enthusiasm. “Boxes write letters for you and you can talk to people across the world through tiny things you call a
John
.”

Vaguely I recall holding one of these devices to my ear and talking to somebody, but I’m sure I didn’t call it
John
. Grimacing, I struggle to remember more of these things he’s talking about. I can hear some honking in my mind. And the chimes of a clock.

Jamie reaches for my hand and twists my wrist. “Look at this.”

I look down at the tattoo on my forearm. It’s almost gone. Only the first letter and a few stars of the dusting beneath are still visible.

“Your baby sister gave it to you.” He searches my face. “She’s your everything. Both your sisters are. After they were born you carried them around all day as if you were their mother. At night you sneaked into their room with your bed linen and slept on the floor beside their beds. You call them honey bunny and fairy bug—even though I think that one’s more of a pixie.”

Paulina and Brittney Renae. “How do you—”

“How do I know? Think, Angel! You told me all about your life the other night and made me promise to retell it. You knew you’d forget your world.” He shapes his palms to my cheeks and touches his forehead to mine. “I’m keeping my promise. Now don’t make this any harder for me than it already is.”

Yes, he kept his promise. All our conversations of the past few days suddenly resurface with crystal clarity. Everything he told me about Peter Pan and their father. Everything I told him about my home, my house and my family. My heart swells with longing for my sisters. I know where I come from. I remember why I need to go back. But most of all, I remember what Jamie gets out of this deal if he can take me home.

My voice drops to an ice-cold level. “You’re only doing this because you want me to tell you where the treasure is.”

James Hook

WHAT THE FUCKING hell— I suck in a sharp breath. “Angel, are you crazy?”

“I haven’t been this clear in my mind since I came to Neverland.” She rises from the box and looks down at me with venom in her gaze. “You promised to bring me home. And in turn you want me to tell you where to find that freaking treasure of yours.”

My shoulders slump. “Yes, I did. But it’s not why I’m trying to help you now.”

“No? Then why,
Captain
? Because you’ve suddenly grown a heart?” She laughs. The sound is bitter. “I don’t think so.”

“Angel—”

“You know what? I think you’re afraid that with me forgetting things you’ll never find what you want. And then I’m of no use to you any longer.”

I can hardly believe she means what she’s saying. After what we had the past few days. What we had become. Pushing to my feet, I grab her shoulders and shake her once, making her look at my face. “This is
bullshit
. And you know it!”

“Until ten minutes ago I only knew that I really liked being with you. And you’re going to throw it all away. Because you’re selfish!”

Goddammit, for once in my life I’m
not
selfish and here’s what I get for it. But I won’t let this silly lass get away with playing down my feelings for her. Wrapping my fingers around her wrist, I haul her down the stairs to the main deck, across, and up to the fore deck. We’ve just passed Mermaid Lagoon and are still heading north. Pushing her against the railing of the ship’s bow with my body, I snarl into her ear, “Where do you think we’re sailing, Angel? What’s out there?”

The tension in her body reveals how angry she really is at me, but she’s silent for a moment and just stares ahead.

“You know what’s hidden here. What we can only find at low tide.” I struggle to kick the edge out of my voice again as I spin her around to face me. “There’s a treasure buried underwater, isn’t there?”

Her mouth and eyes open wide. She takes a few steadying breaths, her hands finding balance on my forearms. “You already know?”

“Heck, yes, I do. Wanna know how I found out?” I take her silence for a yes. “You were talking in your sleep again out on the rocks where you freakin’ slept on my chest and in my arms. With me taking care of you all night.”

Angel gasps. “But why didn’t you tell me?” The rush of the waves swallows her whisper.

“I told you: because I wanted to be selfish. You were all different this morning. You had forgotten. And I wanted to keep you with me. But dammit, Angel, I can’t be selfish with you!” I grit my teeth. “I just can’t.”

She doesn’t say a word for an unbearably long time.
Come on,
I want to shout at her.
You must see that I’m telling the truth!

Eventually, her hands slip away from my arms. She swallows hard and tears start to glisten in her eyes. “If I go home, I’ll never see you again.”

My throat tightens. “I know.” And the thought kills me. I hug her and rest my chin on the top of her head. “But you’ll be reunited with your sisters. You’ll be happy again. And one day you’ll just forget me and continue to live your life in London like you did before.” I didn’t mean for this to sound so sad. However, my attempt at soothing her backfires. Her hot tears seep into my shirt.

This time, I’m not telling her to stop crying. I just hold her for a long time, caress her hair, and fight to get rid of the bile in my throat. If all the right decisions hurt this much, I swear I’ll not make another in my life.

“Cap’n!” Brant Skyler’s surprised call drifts to us. “The Pan!”

Not releasing Angel just yet, I look over my shoulder. Peter Pan has come indeed. He’s sitting on the crosspiece of the ship’s front mast, feet dangling, a stupid grin pasted on his face as always. He’s arguing with Smee about whether he’s going to piss down on his head or not.

Skyler pulls a pistol from his belt and aims at Peter. “Put it away, Yarrin’ Brant,” I shout out to him. Then I press a soft kiss behind Angel’s ear. “Your ticket home has arrived.”