Never Say Goodbye (5 page)

******

I walk into my house a broken girl. My feelings had been pulled apart at the seams by three different people in just a few hours. I can’t cope with any more distress, any more hurt. I just want to be alone. I drop my keys into the key bowl, and walk into the living room. I knew Luke was still here because his car was outside. As I walked in, he jumped to his feet and weirded me out.
    
 
“Luke’s here to see you again.” My mom’s voice made me feel safe, her words would always save me.
    
 
“He has no reason to be here.” I don't look in his eyes. I can’t. I’m sure the whole room could see the distress on my face, the sadness and weakness.
    
 
“Ella, I need to talk to you. Can we please go talk?” I shrug and turn to walk in the direction of my bedroom. I run up the two flights of stairs so that he didn’t get a chance to check me out. I go into my bedroom, continue through to my bathroom, and lock the door. My back slides down the wooden white door and I softly weep into my hands. I hear him walk in and I hold my breath, gather my strength, and stand to my feet.
    
 
Be brave Ella. “Won’t be but a second, Luke.”
    
 
“Okay.” His voice, as always, makes my body shudder in response. My hands are now on either side of my sink and I raise my head to look at my face.

Miserable. Alone. Stressed. Depressed. Anxious. Nauseous
. In love
.

No, I’m not in love! I correct myself. I wipe the excess eyeliner from under my eyes and pull out my ponytail carefully, so as not to hurt myself. My hair falls gently around my shoulders so I ruffle it up a bit. I want to look hot but I know it will be just a wasted effort. I unlock the door, walk over slowly to my bed, and sit next to Luke - careful not to touch him. The electricity was back, pulling me back to him, as if he has some ruling power over me.
    
 
“Ella, what’s happened? Why did you bail on me at school today? We were going to have a date tonight, I organized it.” The hurt in his voice makes me feel so much guilt. If I'd gone with him, I wouldn’t have seen Sarah.
    
 
“You made fun of me.” I shrug.
    
 
  “I was proving a point, Ella, to those jerks I call friends.”
    
 
  “I know, I realized that after, but I felt embarrassed, I wasn’t up for PDA.”
    
 
  “PDA?” His eyes lock with mine and I look down at my weaving fingers.
    
 
  “Yeah, PDA, y’know, public displays of affection?” I can’t help but smile.
    
 
  “Oh, I wasn’t really going to, well, I did plan on kissing you. Ella, what you said on the phone, what did you mean? What have I done wrong? If that was what it was, the whole name teasing, I wasn’t serious.” He plays with his car keys, toying with them through his fingers.
    
 
“No, I know.” I sigh with the knowledge of what I was told earlier that has made me break.
    
 
“I saw Sarah today." He turns to look at me. "She was horrible, Luke. Also, she told me some stuff about you and her. She told me you and her were still having sex. She told me that you were having sex last night-” my bottom lip starts quivering with the realization that this could be true. “When you came and got me from the lake.” I put my head in my hands. Don’t let him see you cry.
    
 
“Ella, that’s all lies.” His voice is comforting and warm. He puts his hand on my back. I lift my head to meet his and stand up. “Erm, really? You think I’m an idiot, Luke? She knew intimate details and you phoned her while she was talking to me.”
    
 
“I haven’t spoken to Sarah since we broke up last year.” He says, deadpanned.
    
 
“Luke, I don’t want to be mind-fucked. I don’t want all of this drama. We have only known each other really since Friday. It's now Monday. This is crazy.” My voice is close to a whisper.
    
 
“I’m sorry I have so much baggage, Ella.” He looks down to the floor and again raises his head to meet my gaze.
    
 
“You don’t have baggage, Luke, we have known each other a few minutes. We need to start again. Hi, Luke, my name is Ella; Let’s go to dinner? I’ll pay?” I watch him study me as I stumble around my room trying to find my piggy bank.
    
 
“Ella, you are not paying for dinner on our first date.” He walks over to me, my back to his front, and I freeze. His hot breath teases my neck; it makes a shiver run the length of my spine.
“Right now, Ella, all I’m interested in is knowing you, and getting to know the girl who I haven’t stopped thinking about all day, Sarah is wrong. I haven’t seen her in a long time. She is only interested in getting me back. She stalks me.”
    
 
“Luke, prove to me you want me.” He kisses the back of my neck and his fingers gently tease my skin at the bottom of my spine. I needed to see what I meant to him. What he wanted from me. I turn slowly to see him look down at me. His fingers slightly graze the side of my cheek and he tilts his head to mine. As he kisses me gently, my whole body surrenders to him. His lips caress mine, marking me, wanting me. We lose ourselves, our tongues locking and twisting, dancing with each other. He bites my bottom lip and I let out a groan that I’ve heard before. My desire for this man is unbelievable. I return the favor and play with his lip. He pushes me hard against the wall, with his mouth on my neck, across my chest, and back up to my lips. We eat at each other, groaning with sexual desire and need; the lust for each other is incredible.

I feel it.

“This is bad.” I whisper against his lips.
    
 
“Then why does it feel good?” He smiles, keeping his mouth close to mine.
    
 
“Let’s go out, Luke, before we make this worse and end up somewhere where I just can’t be yet.” I smile. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and smiles softly at me.
    
 
“Where do you wanna go?” He asks and gives me a small wink.
    
 
“I don’t know, I don’t go out much. I’ve never been bowling, haven’t even seen a movie recently. I’ve missed out on a lot.” His hands still cup my face and he plants a sweet, gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth.
    
 
“I was hoping you would say that. I’ll teach you what it means to live.” He whispers before gently grabbing my hand and weaving his fingers between mine.

******

He holds the door open for me as we enter the coolest diner I have ever been to. With typical American decor, the walls are covered in Hollywood legends and the booths are a light blue with 1950’s dining tables in front of them. It feels homey and sweet. I feel anxious but I push it to the back of my mind and concentrate on the now. This is a real first date with a real person who wants to know me. Wow. The waitress greets us and we follow her to a cozy booth for two.
    
 
“My names Hillary guys, so if you need me please shout.” She smiles an all-American smile and wanders off.
Luke places his hand over mine and just holds it. I immediately feel nervous as hell. My mind wanders into thinking about what we could become. I want to be his best friend, his family, his life. I want to be with him, create love with him, follow his guidance, and let him fall in love with me. All I want again is to feel love, to feel its meaning, its purpose in our lives. I want to find all those things with him and feel all those things with him. But she’s still there, niggling in the back of my mind. Telling me that they ‘fucked’ before he kissed me and made me fall for him. It made me feel physically sick to think of it in that way. I push that thought out of my head.
    
 
I am on a date with Luke. One of the most sought after boys in school. I smiled at my thoughts and looked down at my hands. He still has his hand on mine as we look through the diner menu. I immediately feel relaxed. We are finally going to be able to talk. Just for the sheer hell of it. I want to become best friends with him, I want him to be the only person in my life that I can rely on, that will always catch me when I fall.

“What are you thinking?” He asks and tilted his head to the side. He looks adorable and ridiculously sexy. As always.
    
 
“Um.... Just how lucky I feel to be here right now. Luke, there are many things we need to talk about. I mean, I haven’t had an easy couple of years - as I’m sure you are well aware of, but I don’t want to burden you, or drive you away. You know a lot about me already and I’m sure that must scare you. It scares me.” He shakes his head and his eyes look deep into mine.
    
 
“Ella, honestly, you seem to be okay to me right now, and in this moment, that’s all I care about. I want to help you. We need to build on this relationship, I'm going to learn your flaws, and you’re going to learn mine. That's just the way it works.” His thumb strokes along my knuckles, such a welcome gesture that makes me feel secure.
    
 
“But I’m so high maintenance right now, I don’t even know what I’m doing half of the time.” I protest.
    
 
“That’s fine, Ella. I want you-” We’re interrupted by a waitress coming for our order.
“Mind if I order for you?” Luke says, smiling.
    
 
“No, that’s fine, go for it.” I wink at him.
    
 
“Can we get a starter of nachos to share please, then for mains – 2 two cheeseburgers with sweet potato fries and 2 two thick vanilla shakes.”
    
 
“Yeah, sure guys, anything else?” She beams at us.
    
 
“No, that’s fine, Hillary, thank you.” Ooh, first name basis. He smiles at her and I swear that I see her knees give way beneath her. Hands off missy. I give her a stare and squint my eyes as I watch her beautifully shaped body walk away.
    
 
“Ella, stop it.” Luke starts to laugh hard.
    
 
“What?” I shrug and give him a smile.
    
 
“Who knew you were a green eyed beauty, huh?” He asks with a smile that makes me melt inside and outside. I just want to kiss his beautifully shaped mouth. I bite down on my lip and watch him smile at me.
    
 
“What?” He asks as he stops my hand from fiddling with a napkin.
    
 
“Nothing.” I murmur.
    
 
“No, tell me, Ella.” He orders and the words come from my mouth before I could stop them.
    
 
“I was just thinking that you are sexy.” I shrug and he pulls my chin so my lip comes free from my teeth.
He and I both laugh with such a beautiful demeanor and it feels so perfect. “Oh, and as you ordered for me - it sounds mouth-watering, but if my burger has tomato on it I’m throwing it at you. Tomato is the devil, it’s disgusting.” I pull a sour face and he laughs at me. Our milkshakes arrive and they are to die for. The creaminess and texture is just beautiful.
    
 
“Luke, these are amazing.” I let out an appreciative groan as I suck on my straw.
    
 
“Where did you find this place?”
    
 
“It’s family run, I come here with the guys sometimes and my family. It’s one of my favorite places.”
Our nachos arrive and we chat and laugh throughout dinner. He tells me secrets about some of the boys at school who have always claimed they are masters of sex when secretly they have no idea. He tells me about his life ambitions and his already building business with his father. He tells me about how he wants to find love with someone who will feel the same feelings and opinions as him. Someone that wants to be romantic and feel love with him. Throughout this part of the conversation my cheeks are flushed with a pinky glow and I’m sure he notices. I’m so embarrassing. We talk about family, friends, and each other. I feel a connection with Luke, like I’ve known him my whole life, not four days. Just as we order dessert, Luke's phone rings. He excuses himself and goes outside. I sit and think about love and how it could happen to me, and why no demons have harassed my head about it today. Maybe it’s just meant to be. As my thoughts wandered, my phone buzzes. A text from a number I didn’t know.

*U R so stupid, he is clearly on the phone 2 me
. *

There is only one person who that could be from, so where the fuck is she? She is here somewhere. She has to be. She's watching us. I started to look around to see if I could see anything, but my seat was in a really awkward place to see anyone else. I lean over and looked towards the front door but there was nothing. I started playing with my napkin again. I don
’t know what it is about her that scares me, but it does. It terrifies me. As my anxiety comes rushing back, my phone buzzes again.

*
It’s all about me, Ella. Not u so just go away and let us love each other*

All of a sudden, I feel anger. I wanted to get to her and explain that I wasn
’t scared of her. He was on a date with me, not her, so I need to ask why. I don’t want this. I need to run, get home. But at the same time, I don’t want to leave Luke here with that crazy stupid ex of his. No, fuck this; I’m going to stay. She isn’t going to scare me away.
    
 
Not again. I grab my bag from the seat next to me and get $50 out of my purse. I guess I am paying for dinner. I had no idea what the check came to but it’s all the money I have until my next job comes along. I run to the door and I can see Luke laughing and joking through the glass. I turn to a waitress.
    
 
“Hi, I was sitting at the table over there, I have left some money, and we don’t need our desserts now, thank you though.” She looked at me puzzled. “Sorry, miss, but weren't you with Luke? I'll put your desserts in a take-away box.”
    
 
“Yes, and okay, if it isn't a problem?” I answer, distracted.
    
 
“You don’t need to pay, honey.” She smiles at me.
    
 
“Oh, why not?” I look at her puzzled.
    
 
“This is Luke’s parents’ restaurant, go get your money sweetie.” I walk back over to the table and pick up the $50 I had just chucked on it.  It’s his families’ restaurant? Why the secret? I go to open the door and waved goodbye to the very informative waitress. As she hands me our desserts, I slip her $10 and she winks at me as I leave.
Luke’s still talking when I go over to join him. His back is facing me. He steps forward, away from me, and I step back. If he doesn’t want me listening then maybe I shouldn’t. I lean my back against the red brick wall and prop my right leg up against it. He turns and sees me, smiling a sweet shy smile that makes my knees weak. He wraps up his call quickly and walks over to me. I can’t help but watch his body. It really is defined.
    
 
“Finish dessert without me?” He asks with his head tilted to one side like an inquisitive little puppy dog.
    
 
“No.” I say quietly holding up the bag and I roll my eyes. He smiles softly at me and mouths 'Yum.'
    
 
“Um, Sarah texted me.” His eyes open wide and he looks at me with a frown upon his face.
    
 
“How?” He asks. “I mean, she shouldn’t even have your number, Ella.”
    
 
“I don’t know. See?” I show him my phone and his mouth turns into a frown again.
    
 
“Are you sure this is Sarah?” He asks.
Well, no not really.
    
 
“No, but she is the only person who I have seen today and who has threatened me in the same sort of wording. Who else could it be?” He looks around puzzled and shrugs it off.
    
 
“Whatever, let them believe whatever they want, I’m with you aren’t I?” He looks at me with a possessive and shy gaze.
    
 
“Come here.” He whispers and pulls me into an unexpected embrace. I breathe him in as his arms snake around me, his head resting onto my shoulder. He smells beautiful, like body wash and fresh clothes. He pulls away slightly but keeps his arms firmly locked around me. He lifts my chin to meet his soft green eyes. He puts his lips against mine and electricity explodes throughout my veins. We kiss, our tongues exploring inside each other’s mouths. He breaks off, pushes my hair aside, and kisses my neck, I can’t help but giggle. I try to get free but he pulls away and laughs.
    
 
“Ticklish?” He asks, seduction caressing his tone.
    
 
“Maybe.” I whisper.
    
 
“Shall we test my theory?” He smiles and reaches for me, his hands looking to invade my body.
    
 
“No, please don't!” I scream and laugh. I put my hands out in front of me to try to stop him. Of course it’s hopeless, he is all muscle. It starts a chase and we end up running around the front of the restaurant, him trying to catch me. He catches me, but instead of my expectant tickles, he lets my giggles subside and puts his hands on my waist, looking deep into my eyes, his knuckles grazing my cheek. It suddenly turns very serious. He pulls me close and kisses me again, deeply and passionately, like he's desperate for me. I moan as if I have a dosage of butterflies erupt in my body, taking over me.
    
 
“We should go to our first date, part two.” He mutters between kisses.
    
 
“There’s a part two?” I ask curiously.
    
 
“Yes, Ella, are you ready?” He asks, studying my face.
    
 
“As I’ll ever be.” I beam at him. He looks at me and he won’t let go as I try to break away.
    
 
“What?” I ask smiling.
    
 
“Oh, Ella, you look so beautiful right now.” He puts a lock of hair back in place behind my ear and kisses me sweetly.
    
 
“Where are we going?” I ask. As we walk, our fingers are weaved and his thumb strokes backward and forwards over mine, it makes me feel safe with him.
    
 
“That would be telling.” He looks down, winks at me, and I feel a blush sweep my face. I look up at him and gaze. His beauty is just overwhelming. His brown hair flops against his forehead almost touching his eyes. He is wearing a checked red shirt that is tucked into dark denim jeans and his outfit is finished with some black converse. They look brand new. Unlike mine, which are at least 5 five years old. We arrive at a car I don’t recognize and I recover from my daydream. Where is the Mercedes? He walks around with me to the passenger door.
    
 
“This is your car?” I ask puzzled. “It’s different to the other one.”
    
 
“Well spotted, Ella.” He laughs. Oh yeah that’s it, make fun of me. He notices my blanched look and frowns.
“You are frustrating, lady.” He smiles. It’s a sports car, I know that at least. It’s blue and has two white stripes that run from the trunk to the hood. It’s beautiful, I’m instantly jealous.
    
 
“This is my other car. I have three.” He coughs and looks at me, looking for some kind of answer.
    
 
“Wow, that’s quite an amount for an 18 year old.” I joke. He smiles at me and his knuckles stroke my cheek.
    
 
“It’s a Dodge Viper SRT10 convertible.” He mumbles.
    
 
“Your family must be very rich.” He shrugs and opens the door for me. Whoa. It’s so low and comfortable! The seats feel like they should be in a racecar. I wonder if that’s what this thing is. Either way, it’s absolutely outstanding compared to my little Mustang. Its interior is leather and matches the color of the outside. I put on my seatbelt and I sit with my hands in my lap, ready to test the intensity of this very expensive car.
    
 
“Did you pay for this car?” I ask Luke as he buckles his seatbelt.
    
 
“Yes.” He replies.
How the hell?
    
 
“How?” I ask, curious.
    
 
“It was half given to me; I personally paid $45,000 for the car. My dad paid the other $45,000.”
    
 
He puts the key in the ignition and the car roars to life. It sounds so sexy and seductive. I have to remind myself that it’s just a car. I pinch myself in case I’m dreaming and Luke doesn’t have this kind of money, or car, or looks! He is too good to be true. I look into the side mirror and see a figure move fast out of view but I ignore it.
    
 
“Ready?” He asks with a huge grin on his face.
    
 
“As I’ll ever be.” I say, smiling - repeating my words from earlier. He reverses the car swiftly out of the parking spot, puts it into gear, and drives along the road away from uptown Charlotte. We casually sit in silence and I watch out the window at my lovely city. We are driving away from home and I become curious. I wait for about 10 minutes but then I notice a sign saying left for I-85. I look to my right to see what street we are on and it’s West Sugar Creek Road. I know now we are definitely heading for the interstate.
    
 
“Luke?” I ask, a question upon my lips.
    
 
“Yes, baby?”
Whoa, baby? I instantly smile.
    
 
“Where are we going?” I ask.
    
 
“Greensboro.” He replies. A shy smile appears on his face and he puts his foot down as we make our entrance onto I-85.