Never Let Me Go (23 page)

But when he inched closer, closer still, his lips grazing mine softly, almost like a whisper, the knowledge began to seep in. When he twined his fingers in the curls at the back of my neck and the kiss heated up, became louder, like an inside voice, the picture was a bit blurry. I couldn’t see it yet, couldn’t see that everything was about to change.

When his hand slipped beneath my dress and up my leg, grazing my thigh and my rear and the bottom of my back, and his head inched closer and the whisper became a scream, when his tongue danced against my lips, begging,
pleading
for entrance to my mouth, and when my mouth widened, at first only a fraction of an inch, but then opened wider and wider and wider, when his tongue and mine met each other, sucking and gasping and grasping, when his head tilted toward mine and he grabbed my lower lip between his teeth and tugged, when our lips said everything our hearts were afraid to voice, and when our hands felt all the things our hearts were afraid to admit to feeling, and when our bodies held on to each other and loved each other the way we knew
we
loved each other without even having to say it, I knew.

I knew that right there with Hayden, that was the kiss. That was
the
kiss, and nothing about my world would ever be the same after that; not with Hayden, and
definitely
not with Brody.

My hands found their way from the back of his neck to the drawstring of his pajama pants, and I didn’t hesitate a single second to let them roam over his belly and upward until they found the hardened, sculpted muscles of his chest. He emitted a low growl against my lips and with that sound, taking it as a cue, I traced his lip with my tongue. His hands reached higher as they moved, inch by inch, up my back until his hands were right above the back strap of my bra.

Our mouths remained as one, dancing with each other and learning from each other and greeting each other with such a ferocity and unadulterated affection, I was surprised neither of us needed to come up for air yet.

I reached around and ran my hands along his shoulder blades, which were jutted out, waiting for me and just
begging
for my attention. I raised my hands and grabbed at his hair, pulling down on a tuft hard and fast, at the precise moment he bit down and sucked on my lower lip.

He pulled away, letting my lip drop from between his teeth with a low
pop
and kissing my jaw as he buried his face against my neck.

I ran my fingers through the thick, curly tufts of his auburn hair, reveling in the way it felt to watch him submit himself to my touch.

“Michele,” he whispered, his breath tickling my neck. “I l—.”

I grabbed another lock of his hair and pulled it gently. “Please don’t say it. Don’t.” I grabbed him by the hair in an attempt to kiss him again.

One kiss wasn’t nearly enough.

He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away, but he kept a firm grip on me, holding me at bay. He reached up and cupped my cheek with one hand, his amber eyes seeing straight through me as if they were seeing me for the first time.

“Michele, I love you,” he said. He said it so nonchalantly, like he didn’t just stop my heart with those words.

I didn’t know how to respond. I believed at the back of my mind, and in the bottom of my heart, I did love Hayden. And because I was too afraid to even
consider
it, I knew that I was nowhere near being ready to say it.

“Hayden, don’t. I don’t want you to tell me you love me.”

He grabbed my legs and pulled them into his lap, then took my ankles and dragged them upward so that I was lying flat on my back on the couch. He placed a hand beside my waist, holding himself up as his other hand came up and grazed the side of my face.

“I have to tell you, Mich. I can see it in your eyes…Because of your dad, and because of Brody, you think you’re incapable of being loved. You think it’s
impossible
for someone to love you, but that’s not true.” I closed my eyes and attempted to turn away, but he took my chin between two of his fingers and forced me to keep my gaze locked with his. “I’ve spent almost four years alone, thinking forever was a fantasy. I spent almost four years thinking the only girl that could ever hold my heart was Skylar. But I was wrong. I love you, Michele. Don’t deny me the simple pleasure of telling you so every chance I get.”

Even as he said it, even as he repeated it, I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that he loved me—that anyone did.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t my fault either. Hell, I wasn’t sure if it was anybody’s. Hayden tied it back to Brody and Daddy, but they weren’t to blame. Dad could never be happy with Mom, and Brody…well, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I wasn’t sure Brody could ever be truly happy with me.

Shit. Brody! In all the, er, excitement of our first kiss, I’d completely forgotten to tell Hayden what had happened between Brody and I.

Gazing up at him, I knew Hayden was far too good for me. I knew that I shouldn’t even
entertain
the thought of a date with Brody, let alone a week.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was unfinished business between us. I kept feeling like we were incomplete. We were a movie without an ending, a book without an epilogue, a Disney movie without a happy ever after, a song without a CODA. I needed closure.

And more than that, I needed Hayden to understand it.

“I need to tell you something,” I said, gazing up at Hayden, my breath caught in my throat as I mentally prepared myself for what needed to be said.

“Okay. Shoot.”

I closed my eyes and pulled my hands up, covering my face with them. Suddenly, being there, literally
beneath
Hayden Jax, felt so wrong. Being there and getting ready to ask him to let me go on a date with someone else. I knew it was wrong.

More than that, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give Brody a chance anymore.

Even if I hadn’t said it or realized it before, there was no point in even giving Brody a chance. There was absolutely no point. Brody said he
could
love me. But with Hayden, love was already on the table. He already
did
love me.

I gazed into Hayden’s eyes and I knew there was no looking back anymore. There was an endless world of possibilities that were awaiting the both of us. I couldn’t start a new chapter with Hayden if I was too busy rereading the last one over and over and expecting different results.

I decided that I wasn’t going to tell Hayden about Brody’s proposition. I wasn’t going to go on dates with Brody, because we were done. I would talk to him about whatever he thought we needed to talk about, but I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to win me back. Like my favorite princess, Princess Jasmine said, I am
not
a prize to be won.

I had to let go of Brody, and being with Hayden was the perfect way to actually do that.

So, instead of asking Hayden’s permission to go on dates with Brody, I said, “I was hoping that I could stay the weekend. I know it’s last minute, and I should have asked you first, but I really want to spend the weekend with you. Plus, on Sunday, Nic’s invited us over to lunch, and I thought I could teach Sky how to swim in the pool in the backyard. It’s win-win.”

Hayden flashed a wide grin, leaning forward and planting a kiss on my forehead. “Is that it? You had me worried there for a second, love.” He rested himself beside me, and I threw one of my legs over his waist, nuzzling him and wrapping my arms around him. He held me close and buried his face in my hair. “I’m happy to have you for the weekend. In fact, on Saturday, Elizabeth, Summer, Livie, and my best friend Bailey are coming over to start planning Skylar’s birthday party. It’ll be nice to have you in on the action too.”

I smiled, reaching up and cupping his cheek with my hand.

“When is her birthday?” I asked.

“August 8
th
. We’re going to have her party on the 9
th
, but she still hasn’t decided on a theme yet. So, I’ve rallied all the troops to help plan a great party for her.”

I sat up, suddenly remembering that Colin’s birthday was coming up. Nic had told me that she’d been having trouble figuring out what to do for him, so I figured that getting Hayden and his sisters to plan an epic party for him would do just the trick.

“Speaking of
parties
,” I began, dragging out my last word. “My best friend Colin’s birthday is on August 26
th
. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it until just now, but you planning a party for him would be awesome. Do you think your sisters will give us a quote if we meet up with them sometime soon?”

Hayden gave me a curt nod, then reached behind my head and pulled me in for a tender kiss. “Of course. I’ll even give you the family and friends discount.” He kissed me again, his lips soft and supple as they moved against mine. “
God,
it’s gonna be great having you here all weekend. I can kiss you all.” Kiss. “Night.” Kiss. “Long.” Kiss.

I grabbed Hayden by the shirt, then flipped myself over so that I was straddling his hips. He bent his knees, supporting my weight with his legs as I flattened my feet on either side of him. His hands came up to rest flat against the small of my back.

“You know something?” he mused. “I
really
hate this dress. It frames your ass perfectly, and it’s
extremely
distracting. You went to work in this dress. You went to dinner with Brody in this dress. I don’t ever want to see you in this dress again.” His words were serious, but the way his eyes were alight with a fire I’d never seen, I could tell that he actually,
loved
my dress.

I made the peace sign with both hands and walked my fingers up the ridges of his abdomen as I grinned up at him through my lashes. His hands moved lower and cupped my butt, squeezing it in his hands. His gaze was one of pure lust as we allowed our hands the opportunity to get to know each other’s bodies.

“I’ll never wear this dress again, baby, I promise,” I said, leaning forward and giving him a great view of my breasts.

“Baby?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Just trying out a term of endearment.” I flushed, ducking my head in embarrassment.

Hayden ran his hands up my back and pulled me down. My hair fell into my face as I giggled, our faces mere inches away from each other.

“I love it,” he said, kissing my neck gently. “I love
you
.”

I knew that I could never tire of hearing those words.

“I think saying that just earned you another kiss.” I smiled and leaned forward until our lips met.

…

Knock, knock, knock.

I groaned and rolled over in bed, covering my eyes. Still, the knocking continued. I looked over to find Hayden fast asleep, the blanket draped delicately over his body. I nudged him, and he stirred immediately.

“Huh? What?” His voice was groggy and low, and his hands immediately came up to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. “What’s the matter?”

Knock, knock, knock.

That time, the door swung open slowly, revealing a teary-eyed Skylar. She stood in the doorway, clinging to her teddy bear and sobbing hysterically. She held onto the doorknob, and hiccupped through her tears.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Hayden asked, sitting up.

“I had a—
hiccup—
a bad dream,” Skylar said, trudging over to the edge of the bed and extending her arms to her daddy. He scooped her up into his arms and cradled her to his chest, rocking slowly. “Can I—
hiccup—
sleep in here—
hiccup—
with you guys?”

Hayden kissed his daughter on the forehead and sighed. “Sure, Sky. Come on.”

He leaned forward and pulled a pillow from beneath his head. He set it in the space between us, and he laid Skylar down in between us. I watched in awe as he grabbed her ankles and lifted them into the air, then pulled the blanket from beneath her. He draped it over her, lying back down and smoothed her hair back—which was sticking to her forehead from sweat, no doubt.

Sky turned and looked, bleary-eyed, at me, then threw her arms around my neck and grabbed at my ears. It was a bit weird, and surprising nonetheless, that when she had a nightmare she reached for
my
ears for comfort when falling asleep. Her head lay against my forearm, and her half-open amber eyes peered deep into mine.

“Daddy, tell me a story,” she begged, but her eyes were already drifting closed.

He leaned forward bent his arm, resting his head above it as he looked at me caring for his daughter. His eyes were as wide as mine likely were, and I wondered idly if this was something that she did often.

“Once upon a time, there was a boy. His name was Harry. He was crazy. He loved to ride four wheelers and dirt bikes, and he did bad things like smoke cigarettes and drink big people drinks when he was a little person. He used to fight all the time and hurt people, and he didn't care about anything or anyone, except her. He loved a girl named Sandy. Sandy made him happy and made him not want to be bad anymore, but he couldn't help himself. He was hurt inside, and no matter how much Sandy loved him, he was still bad. She made him
want
to be good, but he wasn't.” He brought his hand up to run his fingers through her hair, and he kissed the side of her cheek. “One day, Sandy told Harry that they were going to have a baby. But still, Harry was bad. Harry had nine months to get better, because he was going to be a daddy. But he didn't know how to be what Sandy needed. 9 months came and went, and Sandy gave Harry the baby. He put her in his arms, and he smiled down at her. She had deep auburn hair, and light amber eyes, and bright lips, like a red rose. So he named her Rose.”