Never Forget (Memories) (12 page)

I know where this is going, and I feel the sting as it spreads outwards from my heart. ''Yeah, yeah, I remember.''

Lexy looks between us and I know she can sense the mood shift. ''Should I ask?''

''You can always ask,'' Mum says. ''It's one of the best stories, in fact.'' She laughs softly. ''When Alec was seven, his Dad took him fishing. Steve preferred a bait called 'Power Bait'. He planned for Alec to use worms on his kiddie fishing rod but Alec wanted some 'Masturbate.'''

I rub my chin and smile at the memory. Lexy smiles softly.

''We tried not to laugh, but we couldn't help it. Photography is one of my passions so I was there with them to document their trip. Anyway, after a couple of hours of Alec's continuous masturbate requests he finally caught a fish. He had no idea what it was and when he asked Steve, Steve said 'it's a chub, buddy. Well done.' Alec, still innocent, jumped up and down screaming 'Daddy! Mummy! I used masturbate and caught my first chub!''' Mum's eyes fill with tears and she blinks them away.

I can't take it. I can't listen to him be talked about.

''Excuse me.'' I stand and walk into the back garden, the night settling onto me.

ALEXIS

I watch Alec go, his slumped shoulders, the pain in his eyes.

''Did we say something wrong?'' I ask Jo, noticing she's trying not to cry. I touch her hand.

''No, no, honey we didn't.'' She sniffs and I squeeze her hand. ''He really hasn't told you much about himself, has he?''

''Apparently not,'' I say softly.

''Steve – Alec's Dad – died three years ago in a car crash. He'd been to Bristol for a meeting and took the back roads to save getting caught in traffic. It was raining and pretty dark. Some younger guy came speeding round the corner and hit him head first. He died on impact.'' She breathes in deeply and I can feel the pain as it encompasses her. ''It's our only comfort, that he didn't feel any pain. Alec didn't know how to cope. He'd lost his best friend, his idol, his hero. He was sixteen and they were supposed to go on one of their fishing trips the next day. Alec lost it. He didn't deal with his pain. He buried it deep inside him and became the very thing his Dad would have hated. Drinking, womanising.''

''He wanted to forget,'' I look out the window at him, his hands in his pockets, leaning against a tree.

''He needs you,'' Jo says suddenly and my eyes settle on her again. ''He might not admit it, but he needs you. He's never brought a girl home to meet me before. When I suggested it I thought he'd say no, but he couldn't have been happier. You're good for him.'' She nods and squeezes my hand. ''He needs you more than he'll ever admit to himself. I know he's not perfect and he's not the ideal guy for you to fall in love with, but he's my boy. I see how he looks at you, and you ain't like the others, Lexy. You're one of a kind.''

His bada bing person.

''Thank you, for sharing that with me.'' I smile sadly. ''I know how hard that would have been.''

''Have you ever lost anyone, Lexy?'' We both stand and Jo looks at me with heartbroken eyes. ''Have you ever lost someone you would have given anything to save?''

''My granddad.'' I nod and look out the window again. ''If I could, I'd swap places.''

''Then you know the pain Alec is feeling. Go to him. Trust him enough to know he believes in the idea of you two.'' She nods once. ''It's in his eyes. Look hard enough, and you'll see it. Look hard enough and you'll see your future.''

I'm starting to see it.

''He needs you now, so you go to him.''

''Will you be okay?'' I ask.

''Honey, I've got endless photos, our song and his jumper. I'll always be okay.'' She disappears around the corner and I make my way outside, to Alec.

ALEC

"Alec, I'm sorry."

The pain of losing my father still cuts like a knife. It's a sharp stab whenever I remember; but as I look down at the large, compassionate brown eyes staring up at me, the pain softens. The edges blur and for the first time in three years, it's almost bearable. She makes it bearable just by being here.

"Don't be sorry, Princess." I trace her mouth with my thumb, the pad of it gently brushing the softness of her lips. "There are some things you can't change and death is one of them. It was his time to go and while I'm not necessarily okay with it, I've accepted it. I'd like to think that wherever he is, he's proud of me."

She closes her hands round mine and rubs the back of my hand softly, soothing the sting. "I am sorry. I'm sorry because it hurts you." She pauses. ''And I'm sure he is. It'd be hard not to be proud of you, Alec. He's still here, watching. I don't think they ever leave. I'd like to think they don't."

She laces our fingers and pulls me towards the big tree in the garden. She tilts her head back and looks at the sky.

"My grandpa was always the star in my life. He and Grammy together.. It was like watching love in a solid form. They were love personified. You could see it in their eyes, their smile, their touch. But I was his girl. We always played pranks and got up to mischief together. He taught me everything I know about water balloon throwing and whoopee cushion positioning. I remember when he died. I was 9 and I thought my world had ended."

I know that feeling. I remember it. I squeeze her hand softly.

"And then I decided that since he was my star in life he could be in death too. So that night I went into the garden, found a constellation and picked a star. Every time I see it I think of him. It keeps him close." She turns her face towards me. "Do it. I can see Orion. If you pick one by a constellation you'll never lose it. Pick your Dad a star."

My lips twitch as I consider it equally the cutest and stupidest thing I'm ever gonna do. But I will do it, simply because I'm powerless to deny her anything.

"Okay." I look upwards and find Orion's belt. Just to the right of it is a lone star, a beacon of hope and memories in the everlasting night.

Just like my Dad was.

"That one." I point it out and she smiles.

"Good choice. Now he'll always be with you, watching you."

"Not during the day." I smile.

"Oh, Alec." She shakes her head.

"What?"

"Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there. It's just waiting for the right time to show itself," she says softly, too softly, and I wonder if she's included herself in that statement.

I tuck some hair behind her ear and she wraps her arms round my waist, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you," I whisper, burying my face into her neck.

I hold her close to me under the stars, just silence, just us. I let her hug away the pain that comes with the memories of the greatest man I've ever known and I let her make it better in a way only she can.

This, this he would be proud of. He always said to fight for what you believe in, to never give up and never forget why you believe in the first place. For the first time I can honestly say I'm following his advice.

I believe in Lexy. I believe in us. And I'll always fight for it.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ALEXIS

Thursday dawns. The day of my eighteenth birthday. I wake with a smile and roll over, automatically feeling under my pillow for my phone. The display reads I have a few text messages. I scroll through the ones from my friends in London wishing me a happy birthday, smile at the ones from Carl and Jen, open Alec's.

Happy birthday, Princess. Xx

The message says it was sent at midnight. He stayed up til midnight just to wish me a happy birthday? Wow. I say as much to him in a reply.

He texts back almost instantly.

Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. And yes, I did stay up until midnight just to wish you happy birthday. I wanted to be the first. Can't wait to see your face later. Xx

I sigh happily and shake my head into the pillow. I give myself a moment to bask in the warmth of the feeling spreading through my body before climbing out of bed.

My nose twitches. I smell bacon, and eggs, and toast. My stomach rumbles a protest at my dawdling and I make my way downstairs, towards the glorious smell.

''Happy birthday!'' Grammy shrieks at me the second I step into the doorway. She wraps me in one of her world-famous hugs, rocking me side to side enthusiastically.

''Uh, thanks, Grammy.'' I laugh and hug her back.

''Oh, you're all grown up.'' She sniffs and wipes a mock tear from her eye. I snort slightly at her theatrics.

''Happy birthday, baby.'' Mum cups my face and kisses my forehead. Tears are glistening in her eyes and in a spur of the moment, I grab her and hug her tightly. She sighs into my ear and squeezes me.

''Baby girl, you're all grown up now. Do you know what that means?'' Dad tries for stern but his proud smile gives him away.

''Yep.'' I grin. ''I can finally do everything you've been telling me not to for the last year.'' I hug him.

''Like that ever stopped you before.'' Bing ruffles my hair and snatches a piece of bacon from the side. Gram slaps his hand.

''Fine.'' I poke my tongue out. ''I can do it legally.''

He laughs. ''Happy birthday, sprog.''

''Thanks, Bing.'' I smile at him and he winks.

''Sit down, sit down!'' Grammy flaps her hands at us. ''Oh fudge, where are my darn oven gloves?''

''On the oven door,'' we all say simultaneously.

''Thanks, dears.'' She picks them up and brings out a large platter full of food. Hash browns, sausages, mushrooms, grilled tomatoes, more bacon. She's certainly been busy this morning.

I sit at the table and notice the pink balloons floating on the ceiling. Cards and presents sit on the floor slightly to the side and I look at my family gratefully.

We might not be the most functional family in history – but it's my family. Any ill feelings I had towards my parents about bringing me here for the summer have disappeared. I know why they did it now. They wanted me away from the city for a while, because you find yourself in the most unexpected places.

''Eat up, and Bing, leave some for everyone else!'' Grammy frowns at him across the table.

He puts his hands up innocently, chewing on a large piece of whatever-it-was he put in his mouth while I was having my inner monologue.

''But it's so good,'' he mumbles through his food.

''Samuel!'' Mum admonishes. ''Do not speak with your mouth full!''

Here come the manners. Even at a birthday breakfast, proper etiquette is demanded at all times.

I have the best Mum, ever.

''Chill, Mum.'' Bing winks and swallows his food. ''You always say not to ignore someone when they speak to you, and Gram was speaking to me.''

''In the case of a full mouth, you put a hand up politely for them to give you a moment, swallow your food and then you reply.'' Mum starts cutting her food.

''Well,
oooookay.
'' Bing looks at the ceiling. ''If you say so, Mum.''

''Em, can't you see the boy's winding you up?'' Dad snickers.

Mum levels a glare on Dad and points her fork in his direction. ''Do not encourage him, Simon.''

''Mum?'' I ask tentatively.

''Yes, Lexy?'' She turns to me, a smile on her face.

I poke her arm. ''Get your elbow off the table. It's not polite.''

Everyone laughs and she drops her elbow from the table, smiling at me. I grin back and make a start on my breakfast.

''You taught them well, Emmy,'' Gram comments, chewing her food.

''Mother!'' Mum looks at her horrified.

Grammy swallows her food and raises her eyebrows. ''Hey, sugarpie, I made the rules. I get to break them.''

She winks at me and Bing. Bing leans over and high fives her.

''Damn, Grammy, you're one of a kind.'' He shakes his head.

''Well, of course I am,'' she bristles. ''You think there's another sixty-eight year old woman in this village as beautiful as me? Don't be daft, Bing.''

''I dunno..'' He looks at me, a playful twinkle in his eye. ''I saw that Mabel yesterday, and phwoar, she's one hot GILF.''

I snort and cover my mouth with my hand. Oh, hell.

''GILF?'' Grammy looks at us. ''What is a GILF?''

Mum's eyes widen and Dad looks on, more interested and amused than he probably should be.

''It's a Grandma I'd Like To F-''

''That's enough, thank you, Samuel.'' Mum interrupts him. ''I'm sure your grandmother can work out the last word on her own.''

We all fall silent, looking at Gram. Her eyes are narrowed thoughtfully. She turns to Bing.

''Well, dear, you should probably know about her varicose veins before you decide to make like a rabbit with Mabel.''

We all explode in laughter. Only Grammy.

~