Never A Choice (The Choices Trilogy (Book 1)) (35 page)

“Fuck, Bethany you’re killing me!” He grabs my hips and applies enough pressure to move me further on to him. “Ahh yes baby, it’s been too long, I can’t wait any longer.” He tilts his hips and thrusts while pushing hard on my shoulders and I sink further, deeper. ”You’re so tight baby, I don’t want to hurt you.” He eases on the pressure on my shoulders and it drives me insane, I want him, all of him, pain and all and I lift and sink hard, tilting my hips to take all of his massive length. I stifle a scream. “Fuck! Fuck!” He sits up and wraps his arms around me securing his hands on my shoulders to prevent the same move again. I look into his eyes, deep with desire, deep with love and I can’t fight the tears that escape the corners of my eyes. He is buried so deep, his cock twitches and I contract in appreciation, our breathing is synchronised.

“I love you, Daniel.” I am not in the throes of passion I’m in the arms of the man I love. “Don’t hold back on me, I want all of you.” I breathe these words out slowly because I feel the incredible sweet pain of the tip of him against the end of me.

“Wrap your legs around me baby, I’m going to need a hard surface to give you what you need.” His eyes are alight with lust. He lifts both our bodies from the bath and I grip, impaled and tight against him. He swings me against the cold tiled wall and I let out a cry as he surges forward, deeper. “Deep enough?” He grinds into me and takes my breath away.

“Deeper, all of you Daniel, ahh!” I cry out and struggle to give him the words between my ragged breaths. He hooks my leg over the crook of his arms and lifts it pressing my thigh closer to the wall, stepping into each thrust, plunging into my core. My orgasm started as he lifted my leg and I scream at the first wave of body wracking convulsions that start in my core and spread, tingling and pulsing through every nerve like I’m on fire from within. He lunges as I tilt and scream and sink my teeth hard into his pectoral at the pain as he comes deep, hard with long plunging strokes of his delicious cock. I am trembling uncontrollably, flushed and quaking.

“Fuck!” His hot breath gushes out into my hair and he kisses the top of my head, all the while still slowly pumping the very last of him into me. He holds my face and his tender smile is tinged with a sadness I don’t understand but I get a flash chill that has nothing to do with our recent intimate exchange. “I love you, but I won’t tell you when we’re fucking, just in case you think I don’t mean it, understand?”

“Yes.” I am curious why he keeps needing me to confirm I understand, maybe it’s just we are both new to relationships and he doesn’t want any misunderstandings but it feels a lot like being treated like a child. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Put your robe on, we’ve got company.” He withdraws from me and I feel more than the physical loss.

“What? Fuck Daniel, now I’m really embarrassed. There is no way whoever it is doesn’t know exactly what we’ve been doing!” My hands slap my blushing cheeks in horror.

“So?”

“God! Arghhhh!” I wrap the silk robe tightly around my waist and walk out to the living room. I plan on getting changed but should at least say hello first. I skid in my bare feet because Kit is sitting in the lounge with a glass of champagne in her hand; she has a tight smile when she spots me. Her face changes and I guess that is the result of the footsteps behind me. Daniel squeezes my shoulder and tenderly kisses my neck.

“It’s alright baby, come on.” He takes my hand walks toward the sofa and pulls me onto his lap; an extremely intimate position given my state of undress but he is entirely comfortable and my discomfort has nothing to do with what I’m wearing. “You know it’s been over a week since the funeral baby, and I thought; I hoped you would have contacted your sister, you know, I’m worried about you. We’re worried about you.” I stiffen at this. “Kassandra came to me and asked for my help.”

“It takes two to communicate Daniel?” I don’t point out the obvious that she could contact me any fucking time she wanted to.

“Baby, she’s hurt, she doesn’t understand why you stopped looking for her, I don’t understand but that’s not important. She’s frightened you’re going to reject her.”

“Sorry, sorry,” I stutter “Kit, Kassandra, you’re afraid of me?”

“Bethany, I forgive you but, I just feel so lost. In the space of a week I’ve lost my mother and found a sister who didn’t
want
to find me. I’m feeling a little vulnerable and I know you don’t handle grief well I just didn’t want to let you slip through my fingers now that I’ve found you.” She sobs into her pristine handkerchief. Wow! She is outstanding.

“We’re not going to let that happen.” Daniels’ soft kiss on my cheek makes me start,

“What do you mean, I don’t handle grief well? How would you know if you don’t remember?” My voice is tetchy and the volume is steadily rising, not helping my position if I want to maintain control of this wildly spiralling reality.

“Daniel and I had lunch today at The Ivy.” I feel Daniel shift a little, “and I told him some things I remember now. When you were younger, you were in a very dark place one time, and we were worried that you might, well . . .” She leaves the sentence hanging, its understanding implicit. My head is spinning. “It was the time your little friend had his accident.” I stand and scowl pure hatred. I hope my feelings aren’t left ‘hanging’ subject to interpretation.

“You don’t get to speak about him.” I lean in with a menace I’ve have never felt before surging through my veins. “Ever!” I pull back and swing at Daniel who looks like he is about to stand, maybe intervene. “Is that why you pulled me from the bath? You thought I’d top myself. Ha!” I spin back around to face Kit “Well don’t flatter yourself.” I hug my robe a little tighter. “Was it everything you hoped it would be
sister
our little reunion?” I sneer and I can see the look of mock horror on her face. Daniel, however, my heart breaks at his face, because I can’t make out if its disappointment or disgust. I leave the room to sound of her light pretty sobs telling Daniel that she had to tell him, she couldn’t live with herself if anything happened to me; after all, I’m all she’s got.

He is sitting on the bed when I leave the en suite. My chest hurts at the slump of his shoulders. I can’t bear to see this, to see us erode before my eyes, but if she is hell bent on playing the saintly injured party I can’t see how this is going to go any way but hers.

“Can you tell me about him.”

Well, my reaction was crazy enough to spark some questions maybe if I can shed some light, I might not look so unhinged. “Yes, yes I can.” I take my seat opposite to him. He is leaning against the head board in his jeans and nothing else, even his bare feet look edible. “John.” Oh my, I feel a surge and lump like a rock hit my throat and instant tears prick my eyes and I fight a sob breaking to free itself from my chest. He is on me in an instant, pulling me in to his lap curling his warm strong body around mine. Protecting me from my pain, but my pain is inside and he asked. He wants to know, he wants to see, he wants me to bleed. “Ok” I try to laugh “This might not be pretty.”

“I’ve got you baby.” His soothing deep voice helps me tell him stories I’d not told a soul. I told him of a pure love and a friendship, I told him of our adventures. It wasn’t enough to tell him the facts, facts are cold and although true they never reveal the truth and I wanted Daniel to know the truth, I needed him to see the truth. “He told me the day he fought his brother, that it
did
matter what people said about me, that I shouldn’t let them lie like I was nothing.” My cheeks are so wet I can’t feel the tears anymore. “He told me I was everything and he died defending me, he died in my arms telling me the same thing.” I close my sore eyes and Daniel waits until my breathing is calm.

“You didn’t have a reputation, I don’t understand?” His soft words filled with confusion.

“No
I
didn’t have a reputation and he still died defending me. I know his last fight was defending me.” When I’m not sad about this complete waste I’m incredibly angry.

“Well no wonder.” He sighs and kisses my hair but I stiffen and the hairs on my neck prickle.

“No wonder what?” I calmly ask, I don’t want him backtracking. I want to know how deep Kit’s infection is after everything I’ve just told him.

“Well no wonder baby, you were in such a state. No wonder you were in a dark place, it’s understandable, completely understandable.” He is rushing his words he must feel my tension but I’m not fighting this, my instinct here is flight.

“That’s what you took from that? You know I’ve never told anyone what I’ve just told you but why would you believe me, I’m just an unstable sister hating bitch who should be on suicide watch. Didn’t stop you fucking the life out of me though did it?” He flinches at my harsh words and I know it was a low blow, but he needs to be hurt enough to let me go. His face is again a mixture of shock and disgust; two for two, I’m on fire and I’m going to burn for him. I hope I burn for the look of loss and pain his face is showing. This look now mirrors mine as I crawl from his lap, put my clothes on and leave.

SOFIA’S PRETTY FACE peeks around my bedroom door closely followed by a bottle of white wine and two glasses. “Hey Bets, how you doing?”

“Oh much better for the gifts you bring my dear, come don’t be shy.” I pat my bed and she jumps and winces at the less than comfortable bounce afforded by the wooden slats underneath my mattress.

“How do you sleep on this thing?” She rubs her injured hip.

I laugh. “That’s exactly what Daniel said,” but I quietly stop my laughing. “Pour the wine wench!”

“So have you heard from Queen Bitch?” She pours and hands me my liquid lifeline.

“Oh yes she’s going all out, I don’t stand a chance!” I dramatically confess.

“Really? You’re going let her take everything from you?Leave you with nothing . . . again?”

“No. not with nothing, I’ve got you, I’ve got Marco and your family, God I so love your family, you’re so lucky sweetie.”

“Oh yes, I have so many people interfering in my life, I pretty much live a collective existence.” She sighs. “Yes I’m very lucky . . . but you love him?”

My eyes flood with unshed tears. “Oh fuck Sofs I’m sorry.” I rub my eyes embarrassed that I can’t hold this inside.

“Don’t Bets, not with me.” She places her arm around my shoulders.

“Yes, I love him, I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, he sees me, and he knows me . But now, now I see this distance I can’t stop from growing between us and it’s killing me. She’s poison Sofs.” I suck in my sob but the tears keep falling.

“Don’t let her ruin this Bets, she can’t make him love her when he clearly loves you. Don’t give up and don’t run away.” Her soft brown eyes are fixed with love and concern.

“That’s definitely my gut reaction.” I sip my wine, “I know he loves me and you’re right, she can’t make him love her but she
can
make him not love me. How could you love someone who is so quick to give up on family? Not give someone asking, a chance at reconciliation? Not to mention crazy unstable, he really hasn’t known me that long to give him enough to challenge these questions.” I release a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding. “Sofs I told him everything, everything about John and all he heard was her. You didn’t see his face when I flipped, he looked so disappointed. No he looked disgusted.” I shake my head in utter despair.

“Bets, he loves you.” She repeats like
that
is really all you need.

“He did.” I add softly “Maybe.” I can’t believe I doubt what I know in my heart, so quickly. “But he
will
let me go, she’ll make sure of that. Now my dear,” I try for false levity. “I’m calling a ‘no-more’ so let’s pour some more wine.” I tip my empty glass for a refill.

Sofia leaves mine around eleven thirty and I’m just about to get ready for bed, I’ve cancelled my contract with Mags after my ‘uncovering’ with Daniel and it’s just me now so funding healthcare is not an issue. My phone starts to vibrate almost instantly and I get a twinge of excitement that it might be Daniel. The caller ID says Kassandra and my heart sinks that Daniel must have programmed her number in my phone.