Never A Choice (The Choices Trilogy (Book 1)) (31 page)

“Good lord, how difficult is it to hold a tray steady?” A woman claims laughing loudly, she doesn’t turn but her comment is enough to draw attention to me. I really don’t see anyone else. He is looking directly at me and although I can see his hand on the small of her back, which he retracts, it’s not him I’m looking at. It’s her. It’s my sister Kit.

I don’t know where my strength came from but I hold the tray firmly, like my life depends on it, with white knuckles and sweaty fingers. I hold it steady and hold my eyes steady too. I fix a brilliant smile and feel my mask fall into place. Once my tray is empty I slip out of the room, my steps falling faster the further I move away toward the staff room. I feel his tight grip on my elbow and he spins me to face him. His face is cold and his eyes are dark, I hope my mask holds up as I meet his look.

“Daniel, you’re looking very dashing, quite the gentleman.” I smile too brightly, this is really hard.

“Bethany this is . . .” He looks angry, whether he is angry at me or angry at being caught now is as good a time as any to break my own heart.

“-None of my business,” I interrupt, “but bringing more canapés is; I’m seeing you later right? We’ll talk about it then?” I hope this will end this now if he thinks we’ll sort it later. He releases my arm with a frown.

“It’s not what it looks like.” He steps toward me and I back away. I can’t be close, I can’t hold this together when he’s close. “Bethany?” He reaches for me and I back away some more. He looks devastated but it doesn’t come close to my pain right now.

“Daniel, it’s fine. We’ll talk . . . later?” This awful empty swell churns in my stomach, gathering momentum and threatening my fragile act.

“Dammit it’s not fine! “ He grabs me by my arms and I start to shake. I feel his heat rush through me and I can feel my eyes start to water. I can’t breathe.

“Right, Ok it’s not, but we’ll talk about it later or maybe we should both go back in there and you can introduce me as your girlfriend?” I snatch my arms back and glare. I’m speaking through gritted teeth to keep the volume down. Conscious that this is Sofia’s debut as hostess I’m not going to let Daniel or me fuck that up.

“No.” He quietly confirms and my heart plummets.

“No . . . Quite, so how about you let me do my job and we’ll talk about it later?” He lets me turn just as I hear Kit’s voice calling him. I think I’m going to vomit. I manage, and I don’t know how, to sweep the room once more with a tray of canapés. I can feel his eyes on me, feel the tension but I don’t risk making eye contact. Sofia waves me over.

“Take a break Bets, I’ll be there in two minutes.” I couldn’t be more relieved to sit in a sweaty cramped staff locker room.

“What a complete Arse-wipe! Bets I’m so sorry, God I’m so sorry.” She opens her arms and steps toward me.

“Don’t you dare cuddle me Miss!” I hold my hand up to stop her advancing. “Not if you want me to go back out there, because I am not going out there with red swollen eyes.” I try and smile but it catches and doesn’t quite make it. “You know it isn’t that.” I let out a shaky sigh, “I’m really not surprised, more surprised he wanted me to start with. Kind of let that go to my head, no it’s just . . . did you see who he was with?” Sofia’s sympathetic face is not helping.

“Yes, some blonde bimbo with false tits, fake tan, dripping in diamonds, shoe horned into a Harvey Leger bandage dress, gross!” Her lips curl with distaste.

I snicker. “True, but did you see her face?”

“Botox, probably.” She sneers this time.

“I’m sure, have a look next time you go in there.” I’m wringing my fingers as I try and sort through the mess in my head. Sofia doesn’t really do shaken but she does look furious when she returns.

“What the fuck is she doing here? I didn’t recognise at first, I mean she’s blonde now and those boobs and what happened to all the tattoos?” I’m shaking my head because I have no idea how to answer. I honestly haven’t seen her in four years. “Did she see you?”

“I don’t know.” I shake my head lightly.

“Does she live around here? I’ve never seen her at the club before. Not that I can be sure, if you hadn’t told me to look again I wouldn’t have known.” She frowns trying to make sense of this but I’m clueless. “What’s she doing here with Daniel?”

“I don’t know.” I whisper.

“God! You don’t think?” My eyes flash to hers and she stops before she finishes that horrendous thought.

“Sofs do you need me to finish up here?” She must see the cracks in my mask because she already has my coat in her hand. “I need to stay somewhere tonight, somewhere he can’t find me?”

“Go to Paul’s. I’ll text him, his building has shit hot security; no one gets in without a rectal exam and a DNA test!” She snorts and already has her phone in her hand.

“Or if they’re approved, I hope?” I give her a hug and a kiss, take my bag and slip away down the stairs.

Paul looks like he is walking on eggshells, Sofia must have told him to ‘handle with caution.’ I have had a steaming hot shower and he’s lent me some sweats and a t-shirt which swamp me but are better than what I was wearing. I am snuggled on his sofa with a warm brandy and sugar. I have had to argue to sleep on the sofa, Paul’s apartment is flash but is one bedroom and it was only when I said I would take my chances on the street that he got me a pillow and blanket.

My phone has been buzzing with unanswered messages since midnight and I am just about to switch it off when I get one from Sofia.

HE’S JUST LEFT HERE, I DIDN’T TELL HIM WHERE YOU WERE BUT HE ANSWERED HIS PHONE AND SAID THAT HE’D FOUND YOU- JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD WARN YOU XXSX

CRAP! THANKS, JUST HOPE YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT SECURITY XXBX

Thirty minutes later Paul’s entry phone starts to buzz. Paul was already woken by Sofia and goes to answer it. I pull my legs up and wrap the blanket tightly around myself, I feel suddenly very cold.

“No, he isn’t approved and I don’t care who he is. If he insists please feel free to call the police and have him arrested for trespassing.” Paul slams the phone down and comes over to me. I feel awful for putting him in the middle of this.

“Hey honey.” He wraps his big arms around me. “He can’t throw his weight around here; you’ll see him when you want to,
if
you want to.” He plants a kiss on my head and returns to his bed.

My phone buzzes.

I KNOW YOU’RE THERE PICK UP THE PHONE BETHANY! YOU SAID WE’D TALK. IT’S THE ONLY REASON I LET YOU GO; YOU SAID WE’D TALK, YOU LIED.

I don’t have the energy to retort, ‘so did you,’ ‘you’re an arse-wipe’ or ‘why?’ God I want to know why, why her? How long have they been together? I heard her talking about the evening they had planned and tomorrow being such fun. They were even staying at the Savoy. I notice my hands are wet when I touch my cheeks and feel the layers of tears that have coated my face. I wipe roughly, fuck! It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter why he wanted me, it doesn’t matter that he wants her, all that matters is the net result, which is always the fucking same; everybody leaves. The pain in my chest hurts like a bitch as I try to fall asleep but I am not going to cry anymore.

I wake early and find some of Sofia’s clothes to wear, I can’t go back to my place yet. She has some jeans and a sweater and I thank heavens we’re the same shoe size. I buzz down to security to check if I can get out. They can let me out but the car from last night is still parked out the front. If I come down the stairs and wait in the security guard’s office for a delivery I can use that to get out, unseen. I leave a note for Paul and make my way to wait in the office.

I spend the day with my mum, she is looking pale and has no recollection of who I am or that I visited last week. I feel numb. I switched my phone off, it kept buzzing. I might just change my number. I spoke to the manager of the home and have arranged to sleep on one of the day beds tonight. I just don’t want to go home, yet. I decide to take a walk along the beach before lock-down. It’s dark and cold and the large pebbles are damp against my jeans. There is something really eerie about the sound of crashing waves when visibility is so low and I shiver not just with the cold. I switch my phone back on to call Sofia to let her know I’m not back tonight

“Hey sister, I’m staying at my mums tonight, and I’ll go straight to Uni in the morning so will see you tomorrow evening if that’s Ok? Oh and thank Paul for being a super hero last night.”

“Oh he loves it! Bets are you Ok? Can you even stay at your mum’s?” She sounds so worried.

“Yes and yes. It’s not a normal thing but they can accommodate, sometimes, besides I can be quite persuasive myself.”

“He came over today Bets he looked like shit. I think maybe you should hear him out.” Her words maybe softly spoken but they feel too harsh to hear.

“Traitor!” I say without conviction. “Look, I will at some point, but not now and it really isn’t going to change anything, I promised Marco a ‘no-more’ and I’m definitely there with Daniel. Love you sister.” My teeth are chattering as I sign off.

“Bets where are you? You sound strange?” Her voice is tinged with concern.

“On the beach, just heading back.” The noise of the pebbles breaks the silence as I shift to leave.

“Christ Bets is got to be minus five out there with the wind, get your arse back inside!” She orders.

“On my way, I’m on my way.” I have no energy to argue, I have no anything.

I am woken by the night porter trying to placate an irate man at the main gate, when realisation hits me that I recognise that irate man at the gate.

“I’m sorry sir, there is no one here by that name.” The porter insists calmly.

“I know there is no one by that name as a resident, I am telling you that you have Bethany Thorne staying there tonight and I have come to collect her.” His anger barely contained to a level of moderate civility.

“Well, that would be highly unlikely Sir, but even if that was the case, I couldn’t let you in until the morning. We have a number of vulnerable patients here and I can’t risk upsetting them. I am very sorry Sir but those are the rules.” His voice is firm but fair.

“I won’t be upsetting anyone. I will just pick her up and take her home, and surely you are not insured for non-residents to stay on the premises?” Daniel obviously trying an alternative route, I look with panic at the porter, an old man with kind eyes.

“Hmm.” He laughs “No I’m sure we aren’t. Why don’t you raise that with the manager. In the morning when I let you in? Good evening Sir.” He disconnects and winks at me and I mouth a big thank you. I walk back to the day room where they had put up a camp bed for me when my phone rings, my other phone. I sigh I couldn’t be less in the mood for this.

“Sir”

“Lola.” he sounds agitated but I wait for him to speak to try and gauge how this conversation is to go. “How have you been?”

“Good sir, thank you for asking.”

“Really? I thought we had resolved the lying issue early on in our relationship Lola, why do you decide to lie now?”

“Sir, I . . .” I hesitate and sigh, if he really wants to know, what could it hurt. He’ll soon tell me to stop talking if it’s not what he wants to hear. “I haven’t been so good Sir, but I didn’t think it was right to tell you.”

“If I ask you something Lola, I want to know the truth, that’s all, no lies. So tell me have you been bad.”

“No Sir, not bad, just stupid.”

“Stupid how?”

“Well stupid or naïve, either fits . . . I mistook lust for something else.”

“You are stupid for thinking that someone loves you when it is just lust, is that what you are saying?”

“No no.” I laugh. “I know its lust on his part, but I was stupid.” Christ, my voice is breaking. “I was stupid because I fell in love with him when I should’ve known it was just lust, that it was only ever going to be lust.”

“Did you tell him you loved him?”

“No Sir, no I didn’t, and I am really glad I didn’t but it doesn’t stop me feeling, it just means my humiliation is contained.”

“-and you can’t tell this person this?”

“Oh yes that would be perfect! I could perhaps cut my heart out as an offering, a side dish if you will.”

“Sarcasm is not very polite, is it Lola?” His stern reprimand stops my inappropriate tirade.