Naughty Secrets
In
Totally Private
, Joan Elizabeth Lloyd invited readers to respond by mail or on-line to an unscientific, no-holds-barred survey about their
sex lives—the for-real as well as the fantasized. How would you answer?
• What part of your partner’s body do you like most?
• What was the best sex you ever had?
• What was the worst sex you ever had?
• What do you wish your partner knew about making love with you?
• What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done during sex?
• Do you have a favorite position for lovemaking?
• How often do you and your partner play with toys?
• Have you ever played “pretend,” as doctor? Pirate? Prison guard or kidnapper?
• Have you ever fantasized about having sex in public?
• The one thing I’ve never told anyone about my sex life is…
Find out in…
NAUGHTY SECRETS
Totally Private
52 Saturday Nights
Bedtime Stories for Lovers
Come Play With Me
If It Feels Good
Nice Couples Do
Midnight Butterfly
Velvet Whispers
The Love Flower
Black Satin
The Pleasures of Jessica Lynn
Slow Dancing
The Price of Pleasure
This book is intended for use by adults who are informed and want to invigorate and maintain a great sexual relationship.
The author is not medically trained, and the reader is reminded that following these guidelines and new ideas is voluntary
and at the reader’s own discretion. The positions and methodology presented herein are safe and satisfying for most adult
men and women, however, every individual is different and you should not undertake any position or technique that is not suitable
to your physical condition. You should consult a health care professional with any questions. Certain acts described in this
book are illegal in some states and you should be aware of the laws in your state.
Copyright © 2003 by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
All rights reserved.
Warner Books, Inc.,
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017
Visit our website at
www.HachetteBookGroup.com
.
First eBook Edition: February 2003
ISBN: 978-0-7595-2749-2
This book is dedicated to all of the wonderful people who spent their time filling out my questionnaire. I can’t thank them enough for all their hard work. I hope they enjoyed the effort, learned something about themselves and their sex lives, and maybe even found the courage to share some of it with their partner. Sex can get better and better as the years pass.
Ed and I are living proof.
CONTENTS
Also Available From Warner Books by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
ABOUT THE SURVEY AND THE RESPONDENTS
E
ver wanted to peek into your neighbors’ bedrooms? I think we’re all curious to see what “real people” do, how they make love. What games do they play? What toys do they play with? What fantasies do they have? Do they act them out?
Why do we want to know? Maybe for ideas—
What are they doing that my partner and I can incorporate into our sex lives?
Maybe out of curiosity—
Mary and John always look so content. I wonder what they’re doing that leads them to grin at each other “that way.”
Maybe to see whether we are unusual in what
we
do behind closed doors—
Does anyone else enjoy being blindfolded? Playing doctor?
For many years I’ve been writing books on sex and relationships and running a Web site at JoanELloyd.com devoted to the frank
interchange of ideas. Well, I finally got curious, too. So my last book,
Totally Private,
included a survey to see what “normal folks” were doing and how they were feeling.
I can hear you now—
Normal folks? What the heck does that mean?
Over the years I’ve been asked the same questions over and over again. One of the most common questions, although phrased
differently in each letter, boils down to
Am I normal?
Well, let’s answer that once and for all. Here are ordinary men and women discussing what they do in the privacy of their
bedroom.
When I first published the survey, both in
Totally Private
and on my Web site, I expected to get responses. I told myself that this was a totally unscientific survey since only a few
brave souls would have the honesty and time to respond. Well, I still don’t see anything scientific about it, because the
folks who filled out the survey had bought a book about sex or visited my sexually oriented Web site, but the number of responses
floored me. Hundreds of people took their valuable time to fill out a survey and send it to me. Bravo to all of them, and
I thank them all so much. These aren’t
my
neighbors, you say. Maybe that’s true, but they are someone’s neighbors.
Several people told me that they had copied the survey, keeping one copy and giving another to their partner. They each worked
in private, then exchanged their answers as a step toward more open communication. Others found that filling out the survey
helped them learn what had slipped away over the years that might be recaptured. If you’re interested in filling out the survey,
for any of the above reasons or just for kicks and giggles, one is included at the end of this book.
This book is filled with real letters from real people. Do they make love the same way you do? Some do, but many don’t. You’ll
find some of their answers off-putting—
No way I’d ever be interested in doing what that person did.
But still… some of the answers will intrigue you.
Hmm. I never thought of that. I’d kinda like to try it.
Great; that’s part of the reason I wrote the book. But how do you discuss something new and maybe a bit unusual with your
partner?
In my first book,
Nice Couples Do,
I introduced a technique called Bookmarking, and it will work wonderfully with
Naughty Secrets
as well. If you find an idea anywhere in the book that curls your toes, slip a bookmark in that page and give the book to
your partner. Then leave him or her alone to read and react in private. One of two things can happen. One: He or she may be
titillated by the idea. Fabulous! You two have begun a communication that can make your desire come true.
The other: He or she may not be turned on by the activity you’ve marked. That’s fine, too. Hopefully he or she will realize
the risk you’ve taken by placing the bookmark in the first place. You’ve risked your partner’s censure in order to improve
your sex life. Bravo! So, partner, take the same risk. Move the bookmark to something that lights your own fire instead, then
return the book. That way you two have begun a dialogue that can lead to some very interesting exchanges and some spicier
sex.
Okay, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Who answered the survey? Almost exactly half of those who responded were men, and
they ranged in age from twenty-one to seventy-eight. The women ranged from nineteen to sixty-two. About half were permanently
partnered.
I asked folks to respond with straight or gay, and I do apologize for limiting answers that way. I was taken to task by a
few people who said they were bisexual. Thanks for setting me straight. I truly believe that heterosexuality is at one end
of a continuum and homosexuality at the other. Many people fall somewhere in between, primarily straight but enjoying an occasional
same-sex relationship or primarily gay with some heterosexual relationships as well. So where it’s relevant to the answer,
I’ve noted their bisexuality. Sadly, I didn’t get any responses from anyone who identified him- or herself as a homosexual.
Are all the stories they told me true? Who knows? Some of them might be touched with a bit of wishful thinking, but let’s
just take everyone at their word. Also, lots of people used explicit language. I didn’t want to change too much and spoil
the sense of what they wrote. Occasionally I softened the words a bit and edited the contents, but most of the stories are
as the writers penned them.
One last note. No idea is included in only one section. Some of the best sex ever involved fantasies, oral or anal sex, as
did some of the worst, the most unusual… well, you get the idea. So skip around and merely ignore letters and/or sections
that don’t interest you. Play and have some fun.
Okay, let’s get to it. How do those who filled out the survey think about sex, about their partner, about themselves? Let’s
learn all their Naughty Secrets.
The First Time, the Best, the Worst,
the Most Embarrassing, the Most Wonderful
E
ver wonder whether your neighbors’ first times were similar to yours? Or whether they matched those romantic encounters in
romance novels? You know the ones—he knows just what to do and she experiences a small stab of pain followed by an intense
orgasm. Then they fall in love and she vows never to forget that wonderful night they spent together. Oh, and she’s not left
with any mess.
Well, I can tell you mine didn’t. As a matter of fact, I don’t actually remember my first time. My then-boyfriend—later husband
and ex-husband—and I petted and approached actual intercourse more and more closely with each encounter. Although I don’t
remember the specific evening, we eventually just did it. It obviously didn’t feel like crossing any big hurdle, since that
particular evening, probably spent in the front seat of a 1954 Ford, doesn’t stand out in my mind. As for the quick stab of
pain, I assume my membrane was torn long before that night from bike riding, or roller skating and falling, or just from general
wear and tear. For whatever reason, I had neither hymen nor pain.
But that’s just me. Let’s peek in on the neighbors and see what their first times were like. Surprisingly, a lot of people
couldn’t remember what their first time was like, either, and a lot of people who responded didn’t think their first time
was a big deal at all.
I don’t really remember it, which is odd because it wasn’t even four years ago. It was planned out. We had talked and he hads
bought condoms. We ended up not waiting until “the night,” which was a good thing because I got my period that day. I do remember
it didn’t hurt like I thought it would, but it wasn’t exactly ecstasy either.