Nathan’s Montana Bride (Sweet Historical Mail Order Bride Romance) (Montana Ranchers Brides series) (12 page)

What a privilege it is to be living here, she thought. I cannot allow anything to spoil this.

"Well good evening ma'am," a voice said behind her.

It was Nathan.

She turned and smiled, trying to disguise the obvious worry written on her face.

Nathan was smiling mischievously at her and she was sure there was a wicked glint in his eye.

"Are you thinking of taking up ranch work?" he teased

Abby wrapped her arms tight against her. "I think I know the work I have to do around here," she said.

Nathan came right up to her and slid an arm around her shoulders. "And what would that be?" he asked.

"I think you already know the answer to that question Nathan."

Abby felt a quiver of emotion. She tried to disguise it but she didn't quite manage. Nathan saw right through her effort.
 

He frowned and ran a finger down her cheek. "What's wrong?"

Abby tried to turn her head away but Nathan gently guided it so that he could see into her eyes.
 

Abby's eyes widened. His gaze penetrated right into the core of her soul.

"Something's worrying you," he said quietly.

"It's nothing."

"Abby. Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"You know what I mean. Don't shut me out. Tell me what it is that's bothering you."

Abby tried to lower her head but Nathan was in control and wouldn't be denied.
 

"I can't Nathan. I don't want to spoil today, what with Emma
 
getting better and all the good things we've said to each other."

Nathan's eyes narrowed. "Look, Abby the time is now. You saw how easy it is for us to lose everything . Don't hold back. Tell me."

Abby sighed. She looked at Nathan. He looked like he wouldn't budge until he'd had an answer.

"Okay. You remember when you were writing all those letters to me, trying to persuade me to become your bride."
 

Nathan nodded. "How could I forget. I sat up half the night writing them."

"I loved getting them," she told him. "I'd run to the post and spend the whole morning reading them. They were wonderful and made me so happy."

A faint smile of satisfaction flickered at the corner of his mouth.

"I'm glad."

"It was like being courted by mail. It was the most romantic thing in the world. Nothing like the stories I'd heard about mail order brides."

 
"To me you were much more than a mail order bride, Abby."

She felt the color rise to her face when he said that.

"When you sent us that likeness and we saw how beautiful you were, there was no way me and Emma were going to let you go."

Abby tried to turn away but Nathan held her firmly.
 

Briefly, suddenly, she didn't think she could go through with telling him.

But, she pressed on in spite of the tightness in her chest.
 

"Things seemed to be going so well. I thought I was the luckiest girl in Boston. Then one day I fell ill."

Nathan frowned.

"We were getting so close through our letters. I was sharing them with Florence and she was so excited. I was excited beyond thinking too, and waiting to make the final decision to come to Montana.

Abby glanced at Nathan. He was unmoving, eyes locked on her.

"But. Something happened. A terrible thing for a woman. Especially for one hoping to...start a family."

Abby paused. She didn't know how to say the words. She hoped Nathan would have the sensitivity to understand what she was referring to.

Nathan frowned. "I don't think I follow, Abby."

"I had what the doctors called a hysterical episode."

"What!"

"One day I fainted and could not be roused. It was on the day I was going to tell my family about my decision to come to Montana. I'd thought long and hard about how I was going to tell them. I had everything worked out. I knew they'd understand. But on the day when I was going to tell them something happened. I became hysterical. The doctor told me it was a nervous disorder brought in by my worries about becoming a bride."

"But you're better now. Aren't you?"

Abby sighed. "That wasn't the end of it. During the course of the care the doctor gave me something else came to light."

Abby felt Nathan's grip around her shoulders become tighter. Nathan's eyes narrowed and his lips became thin. He seemed to be preparing himself and finding it hard to do so.

This was such a delicate subject and Abby was struggling to find a proper way to say it.

Abby swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Nathan. It appears I may not be...quite able to...have children."

CHAPTER TWENTY

Nathan looked shocked. His mouth opened and his brow furrowed. "Can't have children?"

"That's what the doctor said. I hadn't been having the usual things a woman has every month for a while. I was going to have it checked out but the excitement of hearing from you and then the shock of my illness stopped me. When I told him he assessed me and came to the conclusion that, most likely, I'd find it next to impossible to conceive," Abby said, her voice fading. "Oh Nathan. I'm so sorry I didn't tell. I didn't know how to."

Abby put a hand to her throat. She found it suddenly difficult to breathe. How was Nathan going to react? He had every right to be angry. She'd kept something so important from him. Something that could have made the difference between them being a couple or calling the whole thing off.

Nathan stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. He sighed loudly and leaned against the rail.

When he spoke it was with a quiet steady tone. "Why didn't you tell me Abby?"

"I didn't know how to Nathan," she answered.
 

"Is the doctor sure about it?"

"He said he was as sure as he could be. And with the anxiety brought on by my collapse it could be permanent."

"Permanent?" he said with a gasp.

"I haven't had my woman's monthly for quite a while. And I'm not pregnant. If that's what you might be thinking," she added quickly.

"I wasn't even thinking that at all Abby."

"You know that there has only been you, Nathan. No-one else has been close to me."

Nathan nodded wordlessly. He lifted his head and gazed off into the distance. She wondered what he was thinking. She'd have preferred it if he'd have railed at her, or even clutched her in his arms and held her tight and told her he understood, that it didn't matter, that things would be alright.

But he didn't do either of those things. He was silent for what seemed like a very long time. Then she could bear it no longer.

"Nathan. This doesn't change anything between us. Does it?"

She touched his arm. He looked at her arm on his and looked at her. "Why didn't you tell me before. Why did you hide this?"

"I didn't lie to you. I was going to tell you. It's just that with things being the way they are I didn't get the chance."

"There was the time before we left Boston. The long journey to Montana. You had plenty of chances to tell me."

"I know and I'm sorry." She leaned in closer to him desperate to get more out of him. "It doesn't change how you fell about me. Does it."

Nathan sighed quietly. "The feelings I have for you are real. They've been getting stronger by the day. What I told you still stands. It's just that this is such a big thing. For you, me and for Emma. It means she's not going to have any brothers or sisters," he said his voice trailing off.

"We could always adopt. Or maybe there's an orphan train."

Nathan frowned. "I'm not adopting any orphan. I won't put Emma through that," he said firmly.

"Okay. That was a bad idea. But we still have each other."

Nathan looked down. He went quiet for a long time. Abby thought it best to give him time.
 

After a while he spoke: "Are you really feeling better now. Are you over your troubles."

Pleased that he was showing concern for her Abby pressed closer to his side. He didn't try to move away.

"I am better. I was almost recovered when you came for me in Boston. Now?" She gestured toward the land around. "In a place like this. Montana? How could I not be recovered. It has filled me with health and vitality. It's made me feel more alive than I ever could have hoped."

Nathan smiled slightly. "I'm glad. I'm happy for you. It's important that you're well. For your sake and for Emma's"

Abby gazed at Nathan's eyes. "And for you Nathan? Can't I be well for your sake too?"

Nathan nodded and sighed softly. "I guess so," he said not sounding convincing at all.

"This doesn't change things between us. Does it Nathan?"

Abby saw Nathan swallow. The man seemed to be in a quandary about what to say to her. And she didn't like it one bit. She wanted him to come right out and say what he felt. This reluctance was starting to drive her crazy.

Finally Nathan stepped away from the corral railings. "I'm tired Abby. I need to lie down for a while. We can talk later."

Abby stiffened. "No Nathan. I want to talk about it right now. I need to know what you're thinking."

Nathan shifted awkwardly on his heels, rubbing the toe of his boot in the dust of the yard. He shook his head. "I can't right now Abby. I just can't."

He turned and started to walk toward the house.

"Nathan! Please. I need to talk about this," she shouted at him.

But Nathan kept on walking, his shoulders hunched, his head down. Abby wondered just how long she'd have to wait for an answer.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

How could she do this? How could she keep such an important thing from me, Nathan thought.

He'd made his way up to the spare bedroom at the far end of the house and locked the door behind him. He lay down on the single bed. He wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not right now. His mind wouldn't let him. He had to figure this out.

No more children!

The very thought made a knot curl in his stomach and his heart sink. His mouth felt suddenly dry and he couldn't swallow.

He'd clammed up down in the yard. The words had literally stuck in his throat. Getting away from Abby for the moment had been the only thing he could do.

He wasn't angry or sad. The truth was he was numb. He couldn't feel his legs properly and his mind was racing.

He took a deep breath and eventually things started to settle. With his pounding heart slowing he tried to compose himself.
 

He knew he still had feelings for Abby. How could he not have feelings for someone who'd shown such character in dealing with Emma's problem. How could he not feel a strong desire for someone as beautiful as Abby. Nathan was irresistibly drawn to her. He found Abby bewitching and it had driven him crazy that they still hadn't made their union complete.

But that had been his fault. He'd found it hard at first to move on from Lucy. He couldn't deny that he had been the one to hold back from Abby. And it had taken every fibre of his being to resist her. But the call of the past had been strong and impossible to ignore.

After Emma had almost died? Well that single event had changed everything. He knew that the life he had to live was with Abby. He'd told her as much. Their future was as a couple.

And now this?

What was he to make of it? He couldn't have imagined that someone as healthy looking as Abby couldn't have children. He wondered how it had made her feel. What must it have taken for her to keep that from him? It must have burrowed away inside of her all this time. And she still had the guts to face life and start afresh in a faraway land. It showed Nathan what his wife was really made of.
 

But no more children!

That made Emma even more precious to Nathan. He couldn't let anything happen to her.

Suddenly he heard the noise of a horse pulling up in the yard. He went to the window and looked down into the yard in front of the house.

He saw a tall figure dismounting and hitching a horse to the rail.
 

It was Trent!

What was he doing here at this time?

Nathan ran down quickly. There was no sign of Abby. He opened the door just as Trent was going to knock.
 

The rancher's even features were pale. His face was covered in sweat and he was breathing fast. Nathan stepped out and closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong Trent?"

"I need your help."

"My help? With what?"

"I need you to come into Billings with me."

"When?"

"Right now"

"Now? Why?"

"I can't tell you. Not here," Trent looking up at the house.

"It's a long way into town at this time, Trent."

"I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important."

"Can't you tell me what it's about?"

Trent shook his head. "Not here. I can't be overheard," he said.

Nathan sighed and frowned. Finally he said: "Okay Trent. I'll go with you. But you gotta fill me in on the way there."

Trent sighed and his tight shoulders relaxed.

Nathan started toward the stable. "I'll get my horse."

"You'll need a gun too, Nathan," Trent said keeping his voice low.

"My gun?"

"Yeah. It might be wise considering where we're going," Trent said.

Nathan gave Trent a querying look but could tell he wasn't going to get any more out of his fellow rancher.

"Why me and not one your ranch hands?"

Trent just shook his head and said nothing.

With a sigh Nathan went inside and got a gun from his office. When he came back out Trent had already mounted his horse and looked eager to be leaving.

This was turning out to be quite an evening, thought Nathan, when he and Trent rode off onto the moonlit trail that would take them into town.

In her bedroom Abby awoke. She'd been sure she could hear voices below, in the yard. She wasn't sure, but one of them sounded a lot like Nathan's.

She went to window just in time to see Nathan lift himself up onto the saddle of his horse. There was another rider who looked like he was impatiently waiting for Nathan. Abby squinted and saw that it was the rancher Trent who'd visited them.