Nashville SEAL: Jameson: Nashville SEALs (35 page)

“That’s not fair and you know it. I’m not sleeping around. Where did you get that idea?”

“Well, you’re not here with us.”

Jameson was fuming. He felt she had him tethered in guilt, and it didn’t fit well at all. “I’ve been here every f—darned night and day practically, and you want more? What do you expect? You gonna suck the marrow out of my bones, too? Will that make it so you have enough of me?”

He’d mortally wounded her. He could tell she wouldn’t be bouncing back anytime soon. This was way bigger than a small misunderstanding. Their irritation toward each other had been brewing for the last two days. She’d stopped initiating advances toward him in bed. It had been three days since they’d made love. No, this wasn’t working out. What did she expect of him?

Now the idea of jumping out of airplanes seemed perfectly logical. He wanted to do it, just because he could.

He turned back onto the two-lane highway and then down the gravel road to the inlet and the little fishing village. Coop’s ‘Babemobile,’ as the rest of the team called it, had seen better days. And with the tall SEAL living in it for two years before his marriage, Jameson sure hoped none of the medic’s sexploits came back to haunt him. Lizzie was going through a very tender time. He was afraid to ask her anything for fear she’d snap his head off.

But hell, so was he. He didn’t want to just be a sperm donor. He wanted to be a father Charlotte would look up to, a real hero. Because right now, Jameson didn’t think he deserved anything, or any part of a forever.

“So when are you going home?” he finally drummed up the courage to ask.

“Tomorrow.”

“I see. And when did you decide this?”

“Just now.”

‡

L
izzie began saying
her farewell without tears, which was what she told herself she wanted. She held her package of sunshine. Charlotte warmed her heart, which was otherwise in terrible shape. She wouldn’t say it was broken; the word she wanted to pick was disappointed. Lizzie told herself that’s all it was, braced for any hint she wasn’t firm with her decision, that living for three years by herself with her little bundle of joy had taught her she could do it for however long it needed to be.

But it hadn’t changed Jameson’s plans, she sadly had to admit. He wasn’t going to become a SEAL for her and for Charlotte; in fact, they weren’t even part of the equation. He was doing it for himself. And if she hitched her star to that wagon, perhaps the same thing would happen as when her parents suddenly had been gone. She could be a young widow; bringing him into Charlotte’s life only to have to explain if he were killed in this dangerous lifestyle he wanted to adopt. She felt while she’d matured, as a mother and guardian for Charlotte, it would take time for Jameson to do the same, and how could he if he was gone all the time? What kind of a life would that be for them all?

Over and over again, Lizzie told herself it was for Charlotte’s welfare and not her own that she was doing this. It wasn’t fair to the youngster to have a man in her life, her daddy, who had priorities elsewhere. When the time came, she’d meet and fall in love with someone who could give her his whole heart. Until then, it was only prolonging the agony to try repairing something that perhaps wasn’t really there in the first place. All the duct tape and barbed wire in the world could not patch that puppy. It was like nailing a ghost to the wall, putting back a feather with glue; or trying to tether a guardian angel, like the ones she loved to read about in her romance novels, with some golden string. Although, on a day like today, with the sky threatening to burst forth, she could do with a fairy godmother.

And then she smelled the golden-haired, blue-eyed angel in her arms, and all was right with the world again.

“You don’t have to do this, Liz.” Jameson wrapped her in his arms, and she stiffened. “Relax. Just let me hold you.”

Those had been the words he’d said to her, what was it? Four, five nights ago? And she’d let him do it then and look what happened. So she pushed away from him, even though the timbre of his voice and the scent of him plucked at her heart. This would be the last time. After today, it would start to become easier, and each day thereafter, all these memories would fade.

“Jameson, I hope you find what you need. I hope you find your calling. I really do. Whether it’s music or running around getting shot or worse, whatever it is you want, I hope you find it and it works for you.”

“Liz—”

His hand was coming toward her face, and she veered away. “Don’t. Let’s just leave it where it is.”

“But I don’t understand why we can’t give it a little more time.”

“See, that’s the problem, Jameson. It
was
too soon. I worried about this, and I never should have come. I thought I was stronger than this.”

“You’re being very strong now, but you don’t have to be.”

“Do you understand that I love Charlotte too much to bring someone into her life who isn’t sure what he wants? Where he stands in relation to his future? To us?”

“If you want to get married, I’ll do that.”

“Why? What difference would that make? Is marriage some kind of magic pill you take, and voila! Everything is wonderful all of a sudden? Get married and then go off and get yourself killed, leaving us behind?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You can’t guarantee that, and you know it.”

“No, honestly, I can’t. So you want me to stay in Nashville and pursue my music? That what you’re saying?”

“No, Nashville wouldn’t work, either. If I stayed by to support and watch that happen, it would only hold up until the next pretty girl forces herself into your dressing room. How long before an avid fan shows up at my doorstep saying she’s pregnant with your baby? You really think I want any possibility of that happening?”

“I have no say in the matter, then?”

“If it wasn’t for Charlotte, we could duke it out, hash out all the details, and maybe come to some conclusion, but this is about her, and for God’s sake, I don’t understand why you can’t comprehend that.”

Her flight was to, of all places, Charlotte, en route to Nashville, where her friend had offered her a couple of days to heal and talk through her pain and confusion. She really needed her best friend now more than ever. The flight was now being announced over the loudspeaker.

“I still have to go through security, and they’re boarding my flight. Jameson, you follow your heart, your dreams. I hope you get there. I really do. And I’ll follow mine, okay? Do this for me.
Find
yourself. Find someone who has the luxury of being able to wander the world with you, a great adventure, to be sure. But I’m not that person. I live in North Carolina, and I have a life I’ve made with Charlotte and the support system of my friends. And she’s gonna be happy. Already is a happy little blessing. A little part of you, the only part of you I can have right now. The only part of you I can safely have.” Her voice trailed off. She had to work to keep the waver out of it.

She wouldn’t look at him. He’d put his palm on her shoulder and squeezed.

With her eyes still downturned, she added, “In time, I will be, too. I promise. Now go.” She pushed him away without making eye contact, re-hoisted Charlotte on her hip, pulled out her boarding passes, and turned in the opposite direction, without glancing back.

Lizzie felt his eyes follow her all through the line, knew that he watched for some sign she’d change her mind—if she turned, he’d be encouraged by something she did. Or maybe he was already gone and it was just her imagination. Either way, she wasn’t going to check. Her heart had been excised with a dull spoon.

“Bye-bye,” Charlotte said, as she waved behind her to someone. The tears started to come. Charlotte giggled and continued to wave, because that’s what someone else was doing on the other side of the security checkpoint line.

She handed Charlotte to the agent at the x-ray machine. “I don’t want her going through this, but I will.”

“Yes, ma’am. We have to do a wand check. We can do it on you both. You can hold her hand.”

They barely made the plane before the doors were locked behind them. She’d had to check the stroller and one of her carry-on bags since Charlotte was a lap child on a full flight and space was limited.

She leaned back into the middle seat between two heavyset ladies who grumbled at their placement. Charlotte gave them both a stern frown when neither smiled at her. “It’s okay, baby. We’ll be home soon. Just try to rest, and a little later, we’ll get something to eat and take a little walk down the aisle to the back. Would you like that?”

Charlotte nodded her head, and with her small forefinger, traced a tear Lizzie didn’t know was showing, from just under her eye, down to the top of her lip. Lizzie gazed into eyes that sparkled like aquamarine crystals and wondered if Charlotte understood more than she was able to communicate.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. Mama’s okay. You take a nap.”

Charlotte tucked her little face under Lizzie’s chin, sighed, and—in a matter of minutes—was fast asleep.

‡

J
ameson waited until
the plane took off before he left the San Diego airport. He wanted to punch something, he was so upset with himself for not running past the gate and all the guards, grabbing Lizzie, and kidnapping her back to the safety of his arms. But no, he’d been a dickwad and just watched as she made her way out of his life forever, his daughter waving good-bye like a fuckin’ sad movie scene.

He climbed into his SUV and squealed the tires as he turned the corner of the parking garage. The last thing he wanted to do was show up alone and have to explain to any of his new SEAL friends what had happened. It was too early to tie one on, or maybe it wasn’t. He wished Thomas was there. He’d say something either so obnoxious he could push him over or scream at him, or he’d say something that would take his breath away. Regardless, he would react. It would release some of the tension, and he’d be fixed for now.

He checked his cell phone. Thomas wouldn’t be at the club yet in Seattle. He gave him a call.

“Hey, asshole.”

“How’s it going, Thomas?”

“What the fuck’s wrong with you? This a social call, Jameson?”

“I just put Lizzie on a plane for Nashville.”

“So what the fuck are you doing there in San Diego?”

“Looking for someone to get drunk with.”

“This is bad. This is very bad, Jameson. I’m stuck here another three weeks, unless we get held over, and right now, it looks like that will happen. You could come up here, hang out with the band. Not like performing, but still, it would be something to do.”

“Not happening. I’ve got some sorting out to do.”

“Your funeral. You seriously considering becoming a sailor?”

“Not a sailor, a SEAL. Big difference.”

“In a manner of speaking, but if you don’t make it, you go out to the fleet. You’re not Elvis singing to the troops and all. You’d be swabbing decks and cleaning toilets, or peeling potatoes and shit.”

“Nah. I’m gonna see what it takes. I’ll call back and let you know.”

Jameson, Kyle, and
Coop sat down with the Navy recruiter. Kyle told him not to trust a single hair plug on the guy’s forehead and that they all lied through their teeth. Kyle helped secure an order signed by the senior staff that said he was allowed to try out for the next BUD/S class in just over a month.

It felt funny raising his right hand, taking the oath of allegiance, and receiving the sporadic clapping his three SEAL friends gave him that Thursday afternoon. Before the ink was dry, he got orders to ship off to Great Lakes, where he tested so highly they pulled him out of basic training and told him he was going to be a dentist.

“Nah, man, I’m going to try out for the Teams.”

“No one makes it. I don’t think they’ve graduated anyone in six months, son,” the hardened Chief barked at him. “They don’t tell the public this, but they’re not adding any new SEALs. In fact, they’re downsizing. Just don’t want the enemy to know. I’d say dental school is much smarter, son.” The Chief pressed it to Jameson’s chest. “Take it, goddamn you. I’m doin’ you a fuckin’ favor.”