My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel (6 page)

Kristen laughed. “So instead of having your own kids, you’re going to turn mine into mini-Jareds?”

“Damn straight.” I purposely avoided looking at Mom. As much as she longed for grandchildren from
both
Kristen and me, I just didn’t see that happening. At least not anytime soon.

I placed the order of fries and the cheeseburger in front of the bald-headed customer. His shirtsleeves were rolled up, revealing a tattoo on the inside of each forearm.

“I like your tattoos. What do they mean?” I smiled at him and his friend. At least I hoped it resembled a smile. My energy level was at an all-time low. Just curving the corners of my mouth up asked a lot.

“This one”—he pointed to the tattoo consisting of four overlapping circles with a fifth circle in the middle—“is the Celtic fivefold. Each of the outer circles represents an element or energy: earth, fire, water, and air. The middle circle unites them, with the goal to achieve balance between them all. Much like we attempt to balance everything in our lives.”

Maybe I could get it tattooed on me, to help me balance my life and my energy levels.

Inwardly I sighed. If only it were that simple.

He indicated to the elaborate cross on his other arm. A circle, with the same intricate design, was tattooed around the center of the cross, with plainer, much thicker circles beyond it. “This one has several meanings, such as hope, balance, transition. Some people believe the vertical crossbar represents the past and the future. The center is the present, the point of transition between the two. The outer circles could represent the moon and the sun. When the sun sets in the west, it’s saying goodbye to what has been done. The rising sun is a harbinger of newness or possible change.”

“Wow, that’s so cool.” Until now, I hadn’t realized how much meaning existed behind Celtic designs. Not that I had given it much thought either.

He chuckled. “I’ll agree with you there. Celtic culture is a passion of mine.”

“I can see why. Can I get you anything else?”

“No, sweetheart, we’re good for now.”

While I’d been busy talking to them, the hostess had seated a group of college-age girls at the next table. Their clothes were trendy and high-priced, their skirts short. I glanced at my ugly brown uniform that was two sizes too big and did nothing to help my tips. I’d been working here for the past three years and I was still waiting for them to get my size.

“Hi,” I said, a little too brightly. It sounded to me as fake as it felt. “Are you ready to order your drinks?”

The girls looked me over, their disgust at my outfit clear. It wasn’t like they were forced to wear it, so I figured they’d get over it soon enough. What my uniform lacked in fashion sense, the food more than made up for.

“I’ll have a Diet Coke,” the girl with long dark hair said. Her friends ordered the same.

I returned with their drink order.

“You mean
the
Jared Leigh?” a girl at their table asked as I parked her drink in front of her. I startled at the name. “What was he like?”

“Amazing. He does this thing with his tongue that is to die for. I actually thought I
was
going to die when he made me come.”

I set the glass down but accidentally placed it on the fork’s edge. The glass tipped over, spilling Diet Coke and ice on the table.

“Sorry,” I said, grabbing the available napkins.

“Are you going out with him again?” her friend asked, more interested in the dark-haired girl’s sex life than the stream of soda headed toward her.

“Maybe.”

I quickly mopped up the mess and left to get a damp cloth and another drink. I deposited the new glass on the table, taking care not to spill the contents this time. She just nodded in thanks, too engrossed in her friend’s sexual escapades to give me or the drink much thought.

“You’re so lucky,” another girl said as I continued cleaning up the mess. “I can’t believe I went to a lame hockey game with my boyfriend. I could’ve gone with you on Saturday and met the band. Did you get their autographs?”

Jared’s “friend” removed a piece of paper from her purse. I recognized his signature. Not his real one—the one he used to sign for fans. None of the other guys had signed it. “I didn’t have a chance to get the rest of their signatures. I got Jared’s before Amy picked me up at his apartment.”

So after he’d come over and helped Logan and me celebrate Sharon’s birthday, he’d gone out and gotten laid. Nice.

I took their orders, a pleasant smile painted on my face, even when the dark-haired girl demanded all kinds of changes to her order. As if tormenting me with information about what Jared had done with her last Saturday night hadn’t been enough.

I busied myself with my job and avoided the girls’ table as much as possible. I wasn’t too keen to overhear any more details about her more-than-satisfying night with Jared. Even when I brought them their food, I did my best to escape as fast as humanly possible.

“Is there anything else you need?” I asked, after picking up the last of their empty plates. I might as well have asked a brick wall. None of them were paying attention to me. They were busy staring toward the main entrance.

“Oh my God, Courtney,” one girl said, her voice hushed yet overly excited, “he must be crazy about you. Why else would he be here?”

“Did you tell him you were gonna be here?” another girl asked.

Without meaning to, I turned to the door. Jared stood there, surveying the area. I gasped and hightailed it to the kitchen. If I was lucky, he and his new girlfriend (or whatever she was to him) would leave before I had to check if the table needed anything else.

I emerged from the kitchen with the order for another table, which was thankfully nowhere near the girls’ table. Like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand, I avoided glancing in their direction. If I didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t notice me. Okay, maybe that was a foolish fantasy, but at least it was worth a try.

“Are you going on your break soon?” Beckie asked me. Just a year younger than me, she had also left college before finishing her degree, but for different reasons.

“Yeah, unless you want to go first.”

“No, I’m still good. Besides, you look like you need it more.”

The break was only fifteen minutes, but if the gods of senseless lust were feeling benevolent toward me, by the time I returned, Jared and his girlfriend would’ve left.

I grabbed a glass of Diet Coke and headed out back. The diner had a small staff room, but calling it “small” was being generous. Right now, the last thing I needed was to be caged in. I needed to run. Run far and run fast. But since there wasn’t enough time for me to do that, pacing in the alley would have to do.

As alleys went, this one wasn’t too bad, as long as you didn’t wander too close to the garbage. A small metal table and two matching chairs sat near the back door. They had once been white, but most of the paint had since chipped away.

After I took a sip of my drink, I parked it on the table and started pacing. My feet were tired, but that was just a minor inconvenience. Nothing I couldn’t overlook.

A slight breeze swept through the alley. The sky darkened as a thick cloud drifted in front of the sun.

As I walked toward the back of the building across from the diner, the diner door squeaked open. Groaning inwardly at the loss of privacy, I turned around to see who else was taking their break.

But it wasn’t one of my co-workers.

A raindrop hit my arm.

“What are you doing back here?” I asked Jared.
Why aren’t you with your girlfriend? You know, the one who’s ready to write sonnets about your tongue’s magical abilities.

“I came to talk to you.”

“Why would you want to talk to me?” A few more raindrops splashed against me and the asphalt.

“Because we used to be friends, and I can’t see why we can’t still be friends.”

Somehow I held back the derisive snort. Maybe if my heart didn’t behave foolishly at the sight of him, things could’ve been very different. Maybe if Logan wasn’t his son, Jared and I could’ve been friends. But as it was, I couldn’t take the risk.

I shook my head. “I don’t have time for friends. Other than my job and my education, I only have time for Logan.”

Lines formed across Jared’s forehead. “What do you mean you don’t have time for friends?”

“Just what I said.” I reached for my drink. The clouds decided now was a great time to release their load. Neither Jared nor I moved. As a kid, I used to love running outside in the rain and splashing in the puddles, even when I didn’t have my rubber boots on.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that.

The lines on Jared’s face deepened. “Do you have friends?”

“Of course I do.”

“Like who?”

“Seriously? You’re gonna ask my friends’ names just ’cause you don’t believe me when I say I have friends?” I did what I could to sound indignant, when in reality he had nailed the truth. In high school and college I’d had a number of friends I’d hung out with. Now the number of friends I had could be counted on two hands, if you included Beckie, Sharon, and my co-workers, none of whom I had time to do anything with. Beckie and Sharon were the only ones I shared with about my life, and even then I kept it to a minimum.

Raindrops dripped down my face, but I still didn’t move.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” he said. “It’s just I don’t get why you don’t want to be friends with me.”

“And I don’t get why you’re so desperate to be friends. In case you’ve forgotten, I have a child. I’m not like your single friends who have time to party and pick up women.” I cringed at how petty that sounded. “We have very different lifestyles, Jared. I don’t know why you think mine will fit neatly with yours.” I grabbed my drink. “I have to get back to work.” Where his girlfriend was waiting for him.

I opened the door and entered the building. He didn’t say anything, but I could sense him following me. I ducked into the staff room and quickly changed into a dry uniform. Since I couldn’t delay it any longer, I returned to the table where Jared’s latest girlfriend and her friends were, and picked up their empty dessert plates.

He wasn’t there. His girlfriend jumped out of her seat and stepped around me. I turned around and before I could blink, her arms were around Jared’s neck, her body pressed against his damp clothing.

“Where did you go?” she asked. “You didn’t even stop to say hi.”

He didn’t?

He opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get that far. Her mouth slammed into his. It was like watching a horror movie when you knew something bad was going to happen but you couldn’t look away. All you could do was watch the carnage. Except in this case, the only one to die an excruciating death was me.

Jared grabbed hold of her arms, but instead of pulling her closer, he pushed her away. Not hard, but with enough force to separate them, and that included their mouths.

“I missed you,” she said, loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. She smiled, but it was tentative at best.

I bolted to the kitchen, unable to escape fast enough. And yes, I might have stayed in there slightly longer than necessary.

When I finally emerged with the desserts I’d been pretending to wait for, Jared was gone. The girls left soon after.

“Callie,” Alice said, “Josephine called in sick. Beckie’s covering her shift tonight until the rush is over, but she can’t help me tomorrow. I need you to pull a double shift.”

I itched to tell her no, that my child came first, but I couldn’t. I needed this job and I owed her. It was the least I could do after I had taken so much time off when Logan was hospitalized with meningitis. And let’s not forget the multitude of medical, physical therapy, and audiology appointments, plus the numerous school meetings that I had missed work for during the past two years.

“Okay.” I hoped Sharon could look after Logan; if not, I was screwed.

Beckie waved goodbye to me, a secretive smile on her face. “Have a good night.”

“You too.” I hurried out of the diner and came to a sudden stop. Jared was standing on the wet sidewalk, watching the door. I glanced back in time to catch Beckie grinning. “What are you doing here?” I asked him. The sidewalk was empty of his girlfriend and her friends.

He nodded at the diner. “One of the waitresses told me when you get off. I thought I’d walk you home.”

“That’s not necessary. This is a safe neighborhood and it’s daylight. Nothing’s gonna happen to me. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be with your girlfriend?”

“What girlfriend?”

“The one who was kissing you.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Really? Because apparently she’s very intimate with your tongue and all the great things it did to her girlie parts.”

He slowly shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I choked back a laugh. Did I seriously need to spell it out? “You went down on her.”

He frowned. “She told you that?”

“Well, not me directly. I was lucky enough to be serving drinks to the table when she bragged to her friends about your gifted tongue. Trust me, it wasn’t something I wanted to hear.” I began walking down the busy street. The rain had taken a break at some point while I’d been working. Too bad. Maybe it could’ve washed from my brain the image of him going down on her.

Jared caught up with me. “I never went down on her or had sex with her.”

“Are you sure about that?” I shrugged, doing my best to make him think I didn’t care one way or another. “Maybe you just forgot her.”

“No, I haven’t forgotten her. Whatever she told her friends was a lie. Nothing like that happened.”

Something about his reaction made me believe him. Besides, he didn’t have a reason to lie to me. We weren’t dating. He wasn’t cheating on me. “I guess you get that a lot. I mean groupies who say they’ve slept with you just to impress their friends.”

“Maybe. But that’s the first I’ve heard of it happening.”

“So you’ve never had sex with a groupie?”

“I wouldn’t go as far as saying never. I’m not a monk. Never claimed to be.”

“Okay.” I turned down a side road that quickly became a residential street. On either side of the road, large leafy trees provided a canopy against the sky.

We kept walking, not saying much. It reminded me of when we used to hang out together. It wasn’t awkward at all. Just the opposite. Besides, what was there to say that I hadn’t already said the other night?

I was just relieved he hadn’t asked about my family. I couldn’t go there with him. Not now. Maybe one day, when their deaths weren’t still fresh wounds on my soul.

It also meant I avoided asking about his. I knew that if I did, he would reciprocate.

“So it must be cool seeing all those different places while touring,” I said.

“Not really. Usually we don’t see much of anything. We drive to the next city, maybe do radio interviews while the roadies set up the stage, meet some of our fans, perform, get back on the bus, and drive to the next location.”

“That sounds kind of…” I left the sentence hanging as I searched for the right adjective, one that sounded more upbeat than the word that first came to mind.

“Boring? Yeah, it is. But it’s worth it to see the fans and see how much they appreciate the music. I mean, we get that they do, based on our album sales, but that’s nothing compared to seeing them live and seeing their enthusiasm when we play.” His face beamed as he spoke, and it was easy to see how much his job meant to him. He lived for it.

And that made me smile. At least one of us had been able to follow his dreams.

“What are the guys in the band like?” I’d heard rumors, but they were based on the media, and I wasn’t sure how much was based on reality.

“They’re great guys. Mason can be a bit of a handful at times, and he enjoys pulling pranks on the unsuspecting, but overall he means well. He’s had some problems in the past, but he’s keeping that part of himself in check.”

“What kind of pranks?”

“One time he put rubber snakes in a drum case for a roadie to find. Unfortunately, Paul was terrified of snakes after a rattler bit him as a kid.”

My hand flew to my mouth. “Oh my God! Was he okay?”

“He did get over it eventually. And there was that time when Mason told our tour bus driver that Kirk was taking a nap. It took us two hours to realize that we had left him in Tucson. He had actually told Mas that he was going for a run.”

The laugh bubbling inside me broke free. “Poor Kirk.”

“He eventually got over it too.”

“So you’re telling me you aren’t ready to kill your bandmates yet?”

He laughed. “Definitely not. I can always rely on those guys to watch my back, like I’d do for them. They’re like the brothers I never had….Which reminds me. My mom says hi and was wondering how your parents are doing.”

The not-yet-healed wound tore wide open, and I swallowed back the pain and the tears. I opened my mouth to answer, but the lump in my throat prevented the words from forming. “They’re dead,” I finally whispered. “They died in a car accident a few years ago.” I kept my eyes on the path ahead of me, willing my legs to keep moving.

“I’m so sorry, Callie. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’d rather not talk about it.” The words came out rough, weary.

Jared stopped and gently grabbed my arm, forcing me to also stop. “Hey, you know I’m here for you, right? We were once friends. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

But that was where he was wrong. Everything had changed.

I gave him a soft smile and started walking again. “You remember when I failed my fourth-grade math test?” I asked a minute later. “I was really upset and wanted to run away and join Cirque du Soleil?”

“Are you gonna tell me that you recently did join them? Because the Callie I remember wasn’t very talented when it came to cartwheels.” He flashed me a teasing smile, and my heart lightened at how easy he was making this for me.

I shoved his arm playfully. “I wasn’t
that
bad.” At his raised eyebrows, I added, “Okay, I admit I wasn’t great at them. I guess that’s why you tried to convince me that I was better off running away and joining Bon Jovi on tour. You even tried to convince me to take you with me.”

“You didn’t expect me to let you meet the band without me, did you?”

“Have you met them?”

We reached the entrance of my apartment building and I paused at the door.

“Not yet. Maybe one day. So far we haven’t been in the same place at the same time for it to happen.”

I grabbed the handle of the glass door. “Well, thanks, Jared. I guess I’ll see you around.” I didn’t really mean it. It just seemed like the right thing to say to someone, even if you were planning to never see them again. As much as I would’ve loved to see him again, I knew I couldn’t.

“Hey, don’t I get to at least say hi to Logan?”

“Why would you want to do that?” I asked, panic seeping in.

“Because he’s a cool kid. Why wouldn’t I want to say hi to him?”

“Because we’ve already had this discussion. I don’t want you to hurt him.”

“How is saying hi hurting him?”

The elderly woman from the apartment a few floors above mine walked past. Jared said hi to her and opened the door to let her in.

“Thank you,” she said, and entered the building.

Jared turned back to me and missed the woman appraise his very nice ass. She grinned at me and nodded her approval. I snickered. She did have a point.

“You see?” he said with a smirk, having no idea why I was laughing. “I said hi to her and she didn’t get hurt.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s not the same thing.”

“So explain to me why my saying hi to Logan is going to hurt him.”

That was the thing…I couldn’t.

“All right,” I said on a heavy breath. “You can come up to say hi.” I wanted to add
But then you have to leave,
but I was too tired to come up with a logical reason he couldn’t stay longer than that.

We entered the building. I unlocked the inside door and let him in. As we approached the elevator, the door slid opened. The elderly woman who had appreciated Jared’s ass stepped in first, and we followed. I pressed my lips together as we rode up to my floor, doing my best not to laugh as she checked out his backside again.

On my floor, I unlocked my apartment door to the sound of coughing from inside, and it was like hooking me up to an IV and rapidly infusing freezing liquid into my bloodstream. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t a child coughing. I quickly opened the door and entered. Jared followed, clicking the door shut behind him.

I didn’t have to wait long before Logan came charging from his bedroom. Sharon followed soon after, moving at a much slower pace. The cold chill returned full blast. This morning she had looked like she was coming down with a cold, but now she looked a hundred times worse. All I could do was stare at her as Logan wrapped his skinny arms around my legs.

I hugged him and kissed the top of his head, ignoring for the moment everything else. The exhaustion. Sharon being sick. The extended shift tomorrow. My feelings for Jared.

Sharon started coughing again. “Sorry,” she said once the coughing fit finally subsided.

“Are you okay?” Unconsciously I tightened my hold on Logan, as if that would be enough to shield him from getting another serious illness.

He squirmed, and I reluctantly let go. “Why don’t you go into your room and I’ll be there in a minute?” I said and signed.

“Jared play with me?”

“Can Jared play with me?” I corrected.

“I can do that,” Jared said. “Why don’t you show me your toys?”

I mouthed, “Thanks.” He gave me his standard you’re-welcome nod. Logan grabbed his hand and led him into his bedroom.

“Are you okay?” I asked Sharon again, my mouth suddenly dry. Maybe it was due to my paranoia after everything Logan had been through, but I had a feeling she was far from okay.

“It’s probably nothing more than a cold. But just to make sure”—her gaze darted to Logan’s room—“I have an appointment with my physician in an hour.”

“How are you getting there?” She didn’t own a car.

“The bus.”

“I’ll drive you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, and the doctor’s waiting room is the worst place you could take Logan.”

“You can’t take the bus. You’re too sick.”

“And I can’t have you drag Logan to that office and risk him getting sick too. I’ve done my best to minimize the chance of him catching whatever I’ve got, but you won’t be able to do the same there.”

She was right, but I was right too.

Jared stepped out of Logan’s room. “I can stay with Logan while you take Sharon.”

“You can’t do that,” I blurted out.

“Why not?”

“Because…um…”

“It’s a great idea,” Sharon said, her voice a little brighter.

I flashed her a look that I hoped conveyed more to her than it did to Jared. While I didn’t doubt for a second she was sick, she was up to something.

But I also didn’t have a choice when it came to Jared looking after Logan. Sharon was right. I couldn’t bring him with us, but I couldn’t let her take the bus.

I let out a hard breath. “All right, but are you sure about this?” I asked him. “You don’t exactly have experience looking after kids.”

“We’ll be fine. In case you’re forgetting, I used to be one.” That was hardly reassuring. “Plus, I have a niece. So I’m not totally inept when it comes to kids.”

I told them I’d be right back and entered Logan’s room. “I have to take Mrs. Rogers to the doctor’s. Are you okay if Jared stays with you till I get back?”

“Jared plays with me, yes?”

“Yes, Jared is going to play with you.”

He grinned, and I could’ve sworn in that moment I’d never seen him look as happy as he did at that news. A pang in my heart warned me this was a bad idea, but I really didn’t have a choice.

At the sound of the man a few seats down coughing with that phlegmy noisy that always made my stomach churn, I subtly turned my body away from him and flipped the magazine page. A familiar model stared back at me, her makeup and glossy black hair making me feel grossly inadequate. Not that her micro-mini and sequined halter top helped much either. But even if she’d been wearing the same baggy jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt as me, she would have looked sexy.

She would have looked nothing like me.

But while Tiffany Grainger might’ve been a supermodel and might’ve had guys drooling over her, I had one thing she didn’t—Logan. Sure, she never had to worry about a guy turning his back on her because she had a child. But she also didn’t know how it felt to have a child love her like she was the most important thing in his world.

Too bad Logan was the only male who would ever look at me that way.

I closed the magazine and searched for one that wouldn’t remind me just how lonely I really was. Which meant no magazines with articles on finding Mr. Right or how to give Mr. Right an orgasm he’d never forget.

As I was deliberating whether it would be better to read the home-decorating magazine or the five-month-old issue of
Sports Illustrated,
Sharon walked over to me.