My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel (22 page)

From the kitchen window, I watched Logan in the backyard, playing tag with his grandfather near the gazebo. Even though I couldn’t physically hear him through the closed window, I could hear him giggling in my head.

“He’ll be fine,” his grandmother said, next to me. “Enjoy yourself and let us worry about him. We’re looking forward to getting to know our grandson better.”

Guilt rushed me like a semi without brakes on the downward stretch of a mountainous road. “I’m sorry I never told you about him. I just…”

She redirected her smile at me. “I know. You were looking out for him and doing what your sister asked. No one blames you for that, Callie….Jared knows he’s here, right?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t heard from him in almost a week.” Not since he brought me home last Friday, after I got drunk, then sent me the one text four hours later.

“That’s strange. He hasn’t talked to Logan at all during that time?”

Not that I knew of, unless he spoke to him while I was at work. I hadn’t thought to ask Sharon or Logan if that was the case.

“It’s okay,” I said. “He’s been busy because of the entertainment show tonight.” Which Hailey had told me about two hours ago. The band had flown out to New York City this morning, and she’d invited me over to watch it with her. I’d told her I’d think about it, but then decided to visit my old friends back in San Francisco.

I walked outside and said goodbye to Logan. “I’ll see you in two days. Okay? And maybe if you’re good, Grandma will let you watch Daddy on TV tonight.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “Daddy’s on TV?”

“Pushing Limits will be performing on TV live. You’ll get to see Daddy play the guitar. Won’t that be cool?”

Logan nodded enthusiastically. “Daddy is cool.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “You’re right. He’s very cool.”

I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. This was the first time in three years I’d be away from him. Not surprisingly, the thought of that made my stomach do backflips, ending with an unimpressive belly flop.

The first thing I did when I arrived in San Francisco was drive to my old university. My appointment with the counselor wasn’t for another forty minutes, so I wasted time wandering around, visiting all the familiar places.

At first I figured that I’d be plagued with memories of happier times, back when I was dating Chris. He had meant the world to me then. Funny how small that world had really been. The world with Jared was more vast and fulfilling. Chris had held me back. Jared encouraged me to not confine myself to what was sitting in front of me, which was exactly what I’d been doing with the graphic design degree. I had been doing it because I believed that was what I had to do. I’d never considered what was really important to me. I’d never considered what I loved.

Instead of memories about Chris, I revisited memories of Jared. Even on the campus grounds, where he had never been before, Jared was everywhere. A group of guys kicking a soccer ball around the green space reminded me of those times he and I had played soccer with Logan. A tree reminded me of the tree house in his parents’ backyard, and that in turn reminded me of Jared’s smile and his heart-melting dimples. A couple walking together nudged a memory, fuzzy until now, of Jared walking me home from the lounge and singing to me. God, I loved his voice. The voice the world was deprived of because Jared hated being in the limelight. Which was kind of ironic when you considered he was the guitarist of a rock band. A rock band that I was positive would be hitting the big-time with their new album.

No way could he avoid the limelight after that.

I walked past a guy sitting on a bench with his girlfriend. He was playing guitar, his eyes closed as he poured out his emotions through the music. He opened his eyes, and the love she clearly felt for him was mirrored back. God, what I would have done to have Jared look at me that way.

He
has
looked at you that way before,
a voice in the back of my head whispered.
You were just too blind to see it.

I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t been blind. I had just been honest with myself.

I ignored the laughter echoing in my head. Then realized it wasn’t coming from the voice in my head. It came from the girl with her boyfriend. And that made me miss Jared even more.

I hurried away from them.

After my appointment with the counselor, I drove to my friend’s apartment. She was having a party tonight but told me I was more than welcome to stay for a few days. She had graduated with a degree in illustration and was prepared for my billion questions.

I knocked on her door. The familiar strains of a Pushing Limits song leaked from the apartment, and I sighed. I wasn’t going to get a break, was I? I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, I could go for an hour without thinking about Jared. The universe was currently laughing at me and having a great time at my expense.

The door opened. “Callie,” Samantha shrieked. She threw her arms around me and hugged me like old times. Before I could say anything, she grabbed my arm and dragged me inside. Her place was exactly as I remembered. The tables were cheap and scratched. The couch had faded to a weird shade that was best described as rusty orange, but it was more comfortable than it looked. At least it had been when I used to go to school here.

At least fifteen people were crammed in the small living room. Some were sitting on the chairs or couch. Others were sitting on the floor. The rest were standing. The only thing they had in common was the large flat-screen TV. All eyes were directed at it.

“You’re just in time for the new Pushing Limits song,” Samantha said.

Oh, joy.

“Oh my God, it’s them,” a girl on the floor squeaked as the five guys entered the TV studio and waved to the off-camera audience. “They’re so hot and fuckable.”

“And you know this from experience?” the guy sitting next to her said with a smirk.

She shoved his arm hard. “Of course not. But you can tell they are, and I’ve read the fan pages.”

Ah, yes, the fan pages Hailey had warned me about. She told me not to believe anything written on them when it came to the guys and sex. Most of it was made up. I didn’t ask her how she knew…or why she’d been reading the comments to begin with.

“I want to have Nolan’s babies,” a girl with a blond pixie cut said. “They’d be soooo adorable.”

“He has a girlfriend,” I blurted out. “And I’ve heard they’re very much in love.”
You’re welcome, Hailey
.

“That’s too bad.”

“Jared’s still available,” another girl said. “He’s super-hot too.”

“But he’s got a child,” pixie cut said, “and is banging the nanny.”

Nice. Now I was Logan’s nanny. The girl must’ve been friends with my ex. And yes, I did remember his comment from the night I got drunk.

“Shhh.” The volume was cranked up, preventing further conversation.

The guys walked to the black leather sectional in the middle of the TV studio. The interviewer, a guy in his late twenties sitting in a matching armchair, had each guy introduce himself to the frenzied screams of the audience. And based on the volume of the screams, the audience consisted mostly of females. Young, horny females.

If the fans’ reaction was any indication, the band’s new album would zoom up the charts.

“How does it feel to be preparing for the release of your new album,
Tangled
?”

“Exciting,” Mason said. “We can’t wait to get back to touring again and rock the crowds.”

The guys nodded in agreement while I waited with bated breath to see what topics would have a green light and which were off-limits. My guess was that the do-not-even-go-there list included what had happened to Nolan and his family five years ago, and the recent news that Jared had a deaf four-year-old son. The interview should be about the music and not about their personal lives.

The interviewer asked a few more questions, which for the most part Nolan answered, but not without the other guys joking around and adding their own comments. The easy friendship they had in real life came through when they were interviewed together, with Kirk usually the more serious, quiet one and Mason the rambunctious joker of the group.

“You guys recently finished shooting the first video from the album, but instead of premiering it today, you’re singing the title track from your new album unplugged. Correct?” The interviewer looked at the guys for confirmation.

“Actually,” Jared said—and my chest squeezed so hard at his deep voice, I could barely breathe—“we’re going to play a song that isn’t on the album.”

“Oh, so it’s from the first album?”

“No,” Nolan explained, “Jared recently wrote it for someone special. The record label hasn’t even heard it.” My heart rate picked up at his words.

For some reason, Nolan’s news excited the interviewer. “Even better.”

The guys walked to their instruments of choice—all except for Jared. Instead of grabbing his guitar, he stepped up to the microphone.

I stood staring at the screen as Jared started singing.

When we were young

You were always by my side

My friend, my confidante, my sun on a cold winter day

I never felt like I needed to hide away

Not a single person in the room made a sound, all mesmerized by the emotion of the song and his incredible voice.

Thought I could handle the rain

Fell for a rose all beauty, all wrong

Didn’t realize until much too late

Only one real treasure was my fate

This is my song for you

The truth of my heart for you

When the clouds obscure the view

This is my song for you

You’re the only one for me

That’s the way it’s always been

You’re the air and the stars and the moon

This is my song for you

I didn’t know how the record label would react to the band’s sudden change in plans, especially when the song wasn’t even on the upcoming album and it wasn’t the new single. But in that moment, while Jared sang about his love for a woman he had known forever and who had inspired him to be everything that he was, about his love for the woman who had sacrificed everything for those she loved, I didn’t care what the label thought.

I watched the stars from our old tree house

But it wasn’t the same without you by my side

The sunrise at dawn is what we can have

Just give me a chance to prove we’re strong

Just give me a chance to prove my love

Tears threatened to obscure my vision, and I blinked them away. He loved me? He hadn’t proposed because he figured it was the right thing to do for Logan. He had proposed because he wished to spend the rest of his life with me because he loved me—Logan or no Logan.

And I had rejected him.

I sank onto the corner of the couch, my legs uninterested in holding me up anymore.

But why hadn’t he told me this before? Why write a song and perform it live on TV when Nolan was supposed to be singing their debut single off the album?

I knew the answer. Because what better way to prove his love for me than doing the one thing he’d rather not do—be the one at center stage?

The final strains of the song faded and the entire studio broke into overwhelming cheers and applause. I had no idea how it sounded on TV, but here it was deafening.

We returned to the couch. I had done it, but was it enough to convince Callie that I loved her? I wanted to phone her, to find out if she felt the same way about me. I wanted to phone Hailey and hear about Callie’s reaction when she heard the song. But I couldn’t do either of those. We still had the interview to finish.

“Wow, Jared,” the host said. “I had no idea of the depths of your talent. Do you sing any songs on the new album this time?”

“No, this was a one-time deal. I’m more comfortable being behind the guitar than the mic.” Disappointed murmurs rose from the audience.

After the stunt I’d just pulled, I wasn’t sure if I was still a member of the band. Yes, Nolan and I had created it, but I had no idea the extent of the label’s rights when it came to us.

The guys had been on board with my idea to sing the song tonight. When I pointed out it could get us in trouble with the label, Mason had simply said, “Let’s go fuck the hell out of the song and prove to your girl you’re not some dumbass loser who fucked up proposing to her.” But while the guys might’ve been supportive, Remar’s reaction was anyone’s guess.

Did I care what his reaction would be? Not really. There were some things that were just that much more important to me.

The interview continued for another fifteen minutes. The original plan for the show was to perform two songs—“Tangled” and one of our hits from our debut album. So not to entirely piss Remar off, and because we were here to promote the new album and not so I could declare my love to Callie on national TV, we performed “Tangled.” Which was met with the same level of excitement as my song for Callie.

Afterward, we hung around to sign autographs for a select group of fans who had won the VIP prize. By the time we escaped the station, I had been congratulated, pawed, hugged, and kissed. The last one had taken me by surprise, when a fan unexpectedly kissed me on the lips. Out of respect for Hailey, Nolan no longer allowed fans or groupies to kiss him at all. Not even a peck on the cheek was permitted. I would have to be more vigilant in the future and adopt the same policy.

Assuming Callie felt the same way about me that I did about her.

Our newly appointed bodyguard, who looked like he could have once served in the Marines, escorted us from the building. He wasn’t alone. Several members of the station’s security detail were also at our side. And just as well that they were. Our appearance at the station had been well publicized. Fans were waiting for us outside, held back by a red rope on both sides of the building’s entrance.

While I was sure Brian, our bodyguard, would’ve preferred that we hightailed it straight to our waiting limo, the band stayed back to thank fans and sign more autographs. Mason let the girls kiss him, but the rest of us kept a safe distance from the more ardent fans.

The fans were the ones who bought the albums and downloaded the singles. If it hadn’t been for them, we wouldn’t be where we were now. So as much as Brian wanted to get us away from the craziness, it wasn’t going to happen just yet.

The downside was it delayed me contacting Hailey.

Eventually Brian successfully herded us into the vehicle, with threats that we would miss our flight home if we didn’t get our asses in gear. With my heart pounding in my chest, I sent Hailey a text:
Did she see it?

Sorry. I don’t know. She didn’t come over. She said she needed to get away for a few days and dropped Logan off at your parents’ house.

Shit. I dropped my head back against the limo seat. Now what?

“Sorry, man,” Nolan said a moment later. Hailey must’ve told him what had happened. “I thought for sure your plan would work.”

“Me too.”

“Don’t give up yet. Hailey’s positive Callie loves you, and I believe it too. Any idiot can see that she does.”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter if she has no idea how I feel about her.”

“Do you know where she might’ve gone?”

“Not a clue.” There was one way to find out.
Thinking about you,
I typed.
How are you?

Before I began demanding to know where she went, I wanted to at least know if she was talking to me. While I waited for her to respond, I phoned Mom.

She picked up on the second ring. “That was beautiful,” she said. The noise in the limo dropped to a quiet murmur.

“What was beautiful?”

“The song. You wrote it for Callie, right?”

“Yes. She didn’t by any chance watch it with you, did she?”

“No, she had already left, but when she dropped Logan off, she told him that it was going to be on. Do you want to talk to him?”

Before I could answer, she passed him the phone.

“Daddy? You were inside the TV.”

I chuckled. “Yes, I was
on
TV. So you watched?”

“Yes, but I didn’t hear you sing,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Is Mommy there?”

“No. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” And I did. How I’d survive touring without seeing him every day was a mystery. I’d spoken to him every day, when he was with Sharon, but that wasn’t the same. “But I’ll see you tomorrow. Do you know where Mommy is?”

“Somewhere magical.”

I considered that for a second. Something about his words sounded familiar. “Is that exactly what she said? Or did she say it was somewhere they bring magic to the screen?”

“Yes” was all he said before handing the phone back to my mom.

“Do you know where she went?” I asked.

“She didn’t say. She only said that she needed a few days to think things through. Did you two have a fight?”

Good question. I had no idea. As far as I knew we hadn’t. But when it came to figuring out women, I was clueless most of the time.

After getting off the phone with my mom, I checked to see if Callie had responded to my text. She hadn’t. And she still hadn’t responded by the time we boarded the plane and the flight attendant announced we had to turn off our phones.