My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel (19 page)

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen the diner this busy. My feet were ready to call a strike and I still had over an hour left of my shift.

The diner door opened. Tiffany entered with the same guy she had been with the last time. Murmured excitement stirred from the surrounding tables. If a skinny supermodel was okay with eating in a diner known for its greasy yet delicious food, then it must be okay for everyone.

They wouldn’t have been as excited if they’d known that the last time Tiffany was here, she’d eaten food that would’ve made a rabbit jealous.

I entered the kitchen to check on my orders. While I was there, Beckie came in from the staff room. Her face was pale, a stark contrast against her black hair.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Have you checked any of your social media sites today?”

I laughed and shook my head. Who had time for those when you were balancing a full-time job, being a mother, part-time classes, regular meetings with your son’s therapists and school, and freelance design work? Occasionally I went on it when I wasn’t working, but it wasn’t my priority.

“Someone’s spreading a vicious rumor that Jared Leigh is Logan’s father, and apparently you’re dead?”

Oh God
. The words became stuck in my throat, cutting off my ability to breathe. I leaned back against the counter to keep from collapsing.

Beckie’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. It’s true. I mean, other than the part where you’re dead. Obviously you’re not.”

“Callie, your order’s up,” Larry called out.

Beckie said something, but I didn’t hear her. I was too focused on getting air in and out of my lungs.

The kitchen door swung out, and Alice poked her head in. “Callie, Tiffany Grainger specifically asked for you, but she didn’t want to wait until one of your tables opened. She’s sitting in Beckie’s section.”

Right, because I wasn’t busy enough as it was. “Why the heck does she want me? It’s not like Beckie can’t take an order for lettuce leaves.”

Alice shrugged. “Who cares what her reasons are, just as long as she doesn’t bad-mouth the diner.”

With a grunt that didn’t begin to convey how crappy this day was turning out, I grabbed my order from under the warmer and entered the dining area. I delivered the food to the waiting table, then headed over to Tiffany.

“Hi, are you ready to order?” I gave her my best smile, plastered on with a heavy dose of superglue.

The answering smile was nothing that would ever be featured in
Vogue
—except maybe at Halloween. Inwardly I shuddered. “No, but I would ask you, woman to woman, to back off when it comes to my boyfriend,” she said with mock sweetness. On the wall beside her was a photo of a wide, all-encompassing tornado with lightning streaking across the sky. How fitting.

“Your…your boyfriend?”

“Jared Leigh.”

“But…I thought you guys weren’t seeing each other anymore.” At least I assumed they weren’t—because he and I had been screwing for the past week. Did it mean that after he’d finished fucking me, he turned around and fucked Tiffany too?

God, I hoped not.

“Now that I’m living in L.A., we’re back together.”

That was news to me. Jared hadn’t even mentioned her since we began hooking up.

“You love him, don’t you? The boy, I mean,” she said.

“Yes.” I bit back the words I craved to say:
I love them both
.

“What if I can convince Jared to let you have full custody? I think you and I both agree his lifestyle is the worst possible one for a child.”

True. “But why would you want to help me?”

“Because my parents were very much like Jared. They were always traveling. They never had time for me. I was raised by nannies. No child should have to go through that. Logan’s a sweet kid. He deserves better than that. And he’s better off being raised by a parent who can always be there for him. He doesn’t need a parent who pops into his life whenever it fits into his busy schedule.”

I could only nod, because she was right. It was what I had always feared from the beginning. It was what Alexis had feared. I was in love with Jared, but what I wanted wasn’t important.

“The only thing I ask from you in return,” she said, “is that you end whatever relationship it is you have with Jared. You can’t be his friend or anything else you might have going on with him. It all ends now.”

I frowned. “Why would I do that? Jared is Logan’s father. He’ll see me whenever he visits Logan.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that. He’ll be too busy with touring and with his life to visit.”

So in the end, Jared would be nothing more to Logan than a monthly child support check. Like I feared, he would end up disappointing his son again and again and again. Plus, it was clear that Tiffany didn’t want to be part of Logan’s life, not in the same way I did. Maybe it was because she knew her career, like Jared’s, wasn’t the best when it came to being a mother. She was only interested in Jared, but unlike me, she fit in perfectly with his life.

Except where did that leave Logan?

Logan and I walked back to his home in silence after his assistant principal had finished speaking with me. I should’ve made more of an effort to talk to him, but all I could think about was what Callie would do once she found out about the article that had gone viral. All I could think about was who had leaked the information. All I could think about was what the hell was I going to do to fix it, preferably before the band’s promo blitz began in two weeks. Because after that things would be crazy, and by the time life settled down again it would be too late.

At the apartment, I unlocked the door and let Logan in. Before picking him up from school, I had dropped off his new guitar in his room, propped up against the bed with his toy puppy.

“Are you really my daddy?” he asked, staring at the two gifts.

I knelt to his level. Shit, where did I start? “It’s complicated, and I don’t expect you to understand. But yes, Logan, I’m your daddy. I only found out about it a few weeks ago. Your mommy and I thought it was best that you and I got to know each other first before we told you the truth.”

“Mommy? Hunter said my real mommy doesn’t want me. He said no one wants me.” Tears spilled from his eyes. The pain in his words just about gutted me.

“None of it’s true. Callie is your mommy, Logan, and she loves you very much. You can’t stop believing that because of what someone told you. She would do anything for you. I would do anything for you.” I wiped his cheek dry with my thumb. “I love you.” I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a gentle hug. “I love you very much.”

At first his small body stiffened in my arms, but at my words the tension leaked from his muscles. He hugged me back. “I love you…Daddy.”

That only made me hug him tighter, tears in my eyes.

I blinked them away and released him. “Do you still want to learn to play the guitar?”

He smiled, eyelashes and cheeks still damp with moisture. “I want to play guitar like Daddy.”

This time I didn’t bother blinking away the tears.

After spending time with Logan, I’d left him with Sharon, and joined the band for our daily practice session and meeting. Our first single off the new album was releasing next week. The band didn’t have time for my crises. Until Callie and I discussed what to do about the situation, I didn’t want to discuss it with the guys. We had other things to focus on for now. After I talked to Callie, I would talk to my lawyer and the record label’s publicist to find out what needed to be done to fix the mess.

Logan and I were on the couch, watching his favorite show when the apartment door clicked open. My heart took this as a cue to pick up its pace. I wanted to break the news to Callie first about the leaked story, but one look at her face told me I was too late.

I pushed myself off the couch. Logan was faster. He sprinted across the room and threw himself at Callie. She hoisted him in her arms and kissed his cheek.

“I have a daddy,” he said, coming close to puffing out his chest.

Callie smiled back at him, but the smile never made it to her eyes. Instead, they glistened with unshed tears. “I need to talk to your father. Okay?”

Logan nodded, and she returned him to the couch to finish watching his show. She then indicated for me follow her into her bedroom. Which meant she didn’t want Logan to overhear us.

She walked to her window and looked out. She didn’t speak at first. She just continued staring out the window, lost in thought. The bright afternoon light glared through the glass but did nothing to warm the room.

When she finally turned around, she appeared more exhausted than she had after that super-long shift three weeks earlier.

“How could you do it?” she asked, her voice calm yet slightly off. “How could you use your son for publicity like that?”

I frowned. “Whoa, what are you talking about? I had nothing to do with the information being leaked.”

She laughed, the sound hard and brittle, ready to break. “Well, it certainly didn’t come from me. Other than Sharon when she guessed the truth, I’ve never told anyone who Logan’s real parents were. Only you knew about it, so the information had to come from you. I warned you that something like this would happen. Will the media now hound him every time he goes out? Am I supposed to get him a bodyguard to keep him safe? Will I have to worry about paparazzi stalking me and searching through my garbage?”

I wanted to tell her none of this would happen, but I didn’t know if it was true or not. Would the leaked story in combination with the band’s upcoming album mean open season on my son? And what would it mean for Callie? Would she be hounded too while Logan was with her? Or would the media quickly grow bored and move on to the next celebrity news story?

“All I can tell you is that I’m sorry. I didn’t want this to happen any more than you did. I certainly didn’t want Logan to find out this way.”

Deep creases formed between her eyes. “What do you mean, ‘find out this way’? How exactly did he find out?”

I told her everything the school had told me.

She sat down hard on her bed and dropped her head in her hands. “None of this was supposed to happen. You need to decide what you want to do when it comes to Logan, but I can’t be with you anymore.” She couldn’t even look at me when she said it.

“What are you saying? You want to take a break?”

She laughed, the sound brittle again. “A break implies we were dating. We were never dating, Jared. We were just screwing. I was someone to entertain you while you weren’t with Tiffany.”

“Tiffany? I’m escorting her to a charity event Tuesday night, but that’s it.” Which I had failed to mention to Callie because I didn’t believe it was important.

“Isn’t that the same as dating?”

“No. Dating implies I’m hoping to at least kiss her. Escorting means just that. I’m taking her to the event ’cause she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She would rather go with a friend than arrange a real date for the night.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want to call it. I still can’t be with you anymore. Logan is our first priority. You need to decide what you want to do with him, especially once the band starts touring. Am I the one who’s looking after him while you’re away? Or will your parents be doing that?”

I opened and closed my mouth like a dying fish, incapable of making any sort of sound. I’d foolishly thought she cared about me, but she never really had. While I hated how this had all come out, maybe it was for the best.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, once you’ve figured it out, be sure to let me know.” She stormed from the room. A moment later, pots banged loudly from the kitchen.

My phone played Aaron’s song. “Yes?” I answered.

“The guys and I are heading over to Santiago’s for a couple of drinks and to watch Burning Wire perform. Nolan’s also coming.”

“Sure, I’ll be there.” Maybe giving Callie some space was a good idea. She was angry and hurt. She needed time to let everything sink in; then we could talk again.

Logan was still watching TV when I entered the living room. “Hey, I have to go out, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” I raised my fist to bump his.

A heartbreaking pout formed on his lips. “You’re not living with me and Mommy?”

“I’m sorry. But would you like to live with me when I’m not touring?”

“Can Mommy come too?”

Yeah, I guess I should’ve seen that coming. “It’s up to your mommy.” I hugged him. “I love you.” It felt good saying that, but at the same time there was a hollowness to the words. Like it wasn’t just Logan I should be saying them to.

The banging in the kitchen had stopped. Not wanting to leave things the way they were, I manned it up and entered the kitchen. Callie was staring at the covered pot on the stove. The electric ring under it burned bright. Tears stained her cheeks.

I couldn’t help myself. I enveloped her in my arms. Instead of resisting my touch as I had expected, she leaned into me. Her soft scent and her soft body in my arms reminded me how right this was.

I pulled back slightly, my arms still around her, and my lips brushed against hers. This felt right too. It also felt right when she parted her lips and let me in.

The kiss that greeted me wasn’t slow and it wasn’t hungry. It was filled with a longing burrowed deep—both down to her bones and mine. It was also a kiss that spoke of goodbye.

I deepened it, my hand on the back of her head, telling her I wasn’t about to walk away from her like she expected. Everyone important to her had disappeared from her life. No way in hell would I be one of them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I didn’t give her a chance to respond. I said goodbye to Logan one more time and left.

Santiago’s was nothing like the old dives I used to play in when I was first introduced to the L.A. music scene. It was the place where the up-and-coming bands wanted to be showcased. Many a musician had been discovered here by either an agent or a label. And the clientele knew this. The bar also catered to a crowd that wouldn’t be caught dead in a dive.

The rest of the band was already at a table near the stage when I arrived. I dropped onto a padded leather chair next to Nolan and smirked. “Let me guess…Hailey’s out with friends?”

“Hey, she doesn’t have me whipped, if that’s what you’re implying.” His gaze jumped to Mason, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out where that had come from. Mason was positive Hailey had our lead singer whipped and that was why Nolan usually stayed home with her instead of joining us for drinks.

I laughed. “So she’s not out with friends?”

“Nope. The last I saw, she was watching a girlie show with some dude in a kilt prancing around an old Scottish castle.”

“Ah, so she kicked you out of the house so she could watch it without you making wiseass remarks.”

Nolan grinned. “Yep, pretty much.”

We didn’t get a chance to talk beyond that. Burning Wire sauntered onstage, and we cheered as our friend Tomas took his place behind his drums.

It wasn’t until the set was almost over that I glanced around the bar to check out the audience’s reaction to the band. And that’s when I spotted Tiffany at a table with a few other people. Unlike Callie, who’d been wearing a simple T-shirt and faded jeans, the women wore tight, low-cut dresses, the men high-priced suits. Callie’s clothes teased you with a hint of her sexy curves. Tiffany’s dress made me miss the feel of Callie’s sweet-smelling body in my arms.

As if sensing me watching her, Tiffany shifted her attention from the band to me, and she flashed me the sexy smile that had graced numerous magazine covers. The sexy smile that did nothing for me. Not like it used to. It just made me miss the girl I loved even more.

I turned back to the stage.

Once the band finished their final song, hollers, screams, and whistles filled the air and left my ears ringing. The guys in Burning Wire waved to their fans, and they were barely off the stage before the fans and groupies swarmed them.

They weren’t the only ones enjoying the attention. Numerous people had also spotted us and were quick to either chat with Kirk and Aaron or let Mason be his usual horndog self. Nolan was busy talking to a couple of guys. A group of girls near him watched him while giggling. I’m not even sure he noticed them. He was deep in conversation.

I checked my phone in case Callie had tried to contact me. Nothing. Needing to go to the bathroom, I pushed myself out of my seat and weaved through the crowd. Now that the live part of the evening was over, everyone had swarmed to the bar to get a refill.

A hand landed on my arm, stopping me. I turned to gently remove myself from the fan’s grasp.

“Hi, Jared,” Tiffany said, giving me the same smile she had given me a short while ago.

I stepped back, causing her hand to fall away. My ass brushed against the bar stool behind me. “Hey, didn’t realize you were planning to be here.” Not that it mattered either way, as long as Callie didn’t find out that Tiffany and I had been here at the same time. That would only worsen the situation between us, even though nothing was going on between Tiffany and me.

“My friends have been gushing about the place. I thought I’d check it out.” She narrowed the distance between us. “I heard about the picture of you and your son going public.” She visibly cringed. “That’s horrible what the paparazzi did, but you and your son will eventually get used to it.”

“What do you mean we’ll get used to it? Aren’t there laws in California against it?” I was pretty sure there were. Whether the paparazzi obeyed them was another matter.

She shrugged. “I have no idea, but with your band’s growing popularity, people will be curious about your life. They’ll be curious about your son, especially since he’s deaf. It’s part of being a celebrity.”

“I don’t want him to be a part of that media circus. I want him to have the same life I had growing up.”

“Then maybe you should consider allowing Callie to adopt him and have full custody. Eventually the spotlight will move from them and he can grow up having a…a normal life.” The way she said “normal life,” you’d have thought it involved moving to a cold, desolate location like Siberia.

I scowled. “Are you telling me I should give up my son?”

“I’m just saying that you need to do what’s right for him. You need to do what’s right for you. You’re not meant to be a father, Jared. You’re meant for bigger things.”

“Apparently my sperm would disagree with you,” I said, my tone even despite the fact that my insides were boiling at her words. Yes, I was still learning to be a good father and I had four years of catching up to do, but band or no band, I knew I was meant to be a father. I was meant to be Logan’s father. I might not be a religious man, but if I were, I would’ve bet that God had brought Logan, Callie, and me together for a reason. And it wasn’t so that Tiffany could tell me I wasn’t meant to be a father.

“You and Pushing Limits are going to be big,” she said. “All your hard work and sacrifices will be worth it.” She traced her fingertips up my arm, her meaning clear.

I jerked my arm away. “Are you saying I can’t be in the band and be a father to my son?” I had asked myself the same question a number of times in the past few days. Could I still be a good father and continue to play with the band? I had no idea, but I was willing to work hard at it and do my best for my son.

And I was willing to work harder at it with Callie.

“No,” Tiffany said. “I’m just saying it’s not the best way to bring up your son. You’ll always be busy and will always be on the road. I told you, my parents weren’t around much and I was brought up by nannies. Sure, I turned out fine, but not every kid can adjust. They feel unloved and unwanted. Is that how you want Logan to feel?”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re expecting, Tiffany, but I just want to be clear that there is no you and me. There hasn’t been for a while now. What you and I want from life is very different.”

“That’s not true. I can guarantee we want the same things.”

I thought about all the things that were important to her: the mansion where she lived on her own, the high-priced clothing, the trips to exotic locations, the Hollywood parties, the connections, the money, the fame.

None of those were who I was or wanted to be.

Without another word to her, I returned to my table and told the guys I was bailing. I left and drove around for an hour, trying to figure out what to do next. I loved Callie. That much I knew. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being the mother of my child, and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

At first I drove aimlessly around the area, then the next thing I knew I was parked in front of the diner. It was late, but I had a sudden craving for a chocolate milkshake. Or maybe it was the waitress who always served it to me who I was craving.

I entered the diner and was met by Beckie, Callie’s friend. “If you’re looking for Callie,” she said, “she’s not here.”

“I know. She’s home. I just came in for a milkshake and fries.”

The corners of her lips twitched up. “Is this for you or for Logan?”

“Me. You could say he got me addicted to them.”

That made her smile more.

She led me to the same booth Logan and I usually sat in when we ate lunch here. “How…how’s she doing? She was upset after I showed her the article about Logan, but she seemed devastated after your girlfriend talked to her.”

I frowned. “Girlfriend?”

“Tiffany Grainger.”

I shook my head, a bad feeling crawling over every inch of me. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Really? That’s not what I heard.”

“Whoever told you that was wrong.”

“It was Callie.”

Somehow this didn’t surprise me. Not after our conversation earlier. “When exactly did she tell you this?”

“This afternoon. Right after Tiffany left.”

Fuck. Well, that would explain a few things. “Do you know what else they talked about?”

Beckie shook her head. “All I know is that whatever Tiffany told her upset her more than the news story that you’re Logan’s father.” She studied me for a second. “I still can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner. He does look a lot like you. Do you have any idea who leaked the story?”

“No.” But based on my earlier conversation with Tiffany and what Beckie had just told me, I had my suspicions. She’d sold me out. Few people were aware of my relationship with Logan. So unless Mason had gotten drunk and blurted it out, the initial information had to have come from Tiffany.

The question was, what was her involvement in Callie’s decision to end our relationship? And more important, how could I show Callie how much she meant to me?