My Secret Life (80 page)

He withdrew it still stiff, and came shuffling along his feet encumbered by his trowsers towards the washstand which was quite close to my door. The prick was then within a yard of my eye, and I saw sperm drop from it — Nelly did not get up, but with thighs closed turned herself round so as to lay more easily on the bed, her heels towards the door — “Make haste dear, I don’t want him to meet you on the stairs, he said he’d be back in ten minutes — and I want to wash before he comes, you have made me so wet.” — He gave his prick a hasty wash — I could not see that, but saw him rub his tooleywag (still stiffish) and a big bag of stones, with a towel. He pulled up his trowsers — he had already his coat on, — gave her a kiss, — said he would see her next week, paid her, and went away. — “Make haste down, I don’t want him to see you, turn the key twice — that’s it, — good bye love, shut the door, come next week and write when.” — Off he went utterly unsuspecting.

Nelly saying, “Oh I must wash” — as he left, still lay there until the door closed, and we heard the clatter of his feet on the stairs — Nelly let me in then, and immediately laid down again. — Mad with lust I rushed to her. — “Oh lock the door first, in case he comes back.” — I ran and did so, and back to her in a jiffy, she on the bed had opened her thighs. — The man’s footsteps were still audible going down the stairs, whilst all this took place.

I had seen fresh fucked cunts before, but never but once saw one like this — from her arsehole to clitoris, it was one thick mass of glairy or rather gruelly sperm. — Shutting her legs in getting up to open the kitchen door for me to enter, some had squeezed out and her thighs were wet with it. — It clung to the hair round the lips. — It lay in a large globe at the mouth of the prick hole, ready to drop down or roll down towards her arsehole. I stretched her thighs open wide, the cunt lips opened with them — but the whole mouth of the red avenue was still hidden by the sperm — from clitoris to bum hole, from one lip to the other distended as they were, was one mass of transparent viscosity, mixed greatly with opal lumps. The inner lips, — the nymptæ, — were almost indiscernible — tho they are distinctly developed in Nell now. — She was older and her nymphæ had enlarged since I first fucked her.

My prick was throbbing — I felt as if I must spend even when peeping thro the keyhole, and unbuttoned my trowsers, pulled it out, and gave it ease and play. — “Did you spend with him?” — “No. I was just beginning to feel him when he finished, he was so quick.” — “Oh! now don’t, — you’d better not — oha — you baudy — beast you.” — I had seen Nelly’s eyes and knew the look. — Randy and without premeditation, I thrust my pego up her into the man’s sperm, and fucking violently, Nelly and I spent together the next minute — I kept questioning. — She ejaculating, “Baudy — beast you — oh — yes — he spends always — spends — a lot — aharr — eher — ah.”

When we came to our senses I was anxious and feared consequences, and still up her with prick still stiff, her cunt yet constricting, as if to incite me to continue the exercise. — “I hope he is all right in health,” I said — “I think he is so — but I can’t be sure, what made you do it.” — “You know him?” — “I’ve seen him regularly for a couple of years, he is married and has a family he says, and comes to town purposely to see me.” — I felt then easier in my mind. — Nelly was tightening her cunt still and pinching my prick with it, whilst we were talking. — My pego responded by keeping nearly at cockstand. — “You spent with
me
almost directly I put into you.” — “Yes, he’d been tormenting me before and made me want it, he always gamahuches me till I’m nearly mad, and leaves off just before it comes.” — “You want fucking again Nell.” — She laughed, pushing my prick out in doing so.

Then Nelly shifted herself lengthways on to the bed, leaving a trail of spunk on the coverlid as she did so, then throwing off my coat, I jumped on to the bed — and saw her cunt still flooded with sperm, — now, mine, and his, and hers mixed — fell on her, and was up her cock exhauster with a dash. — “Oh what a baudy beast you are.” — “So are you.” — “What a lot of spunk’s on your cunt.” — “He always spends a lot, and so do you. — Oh! oh you beast.” — “Is his prick bigger than mine?” — “Oh — same size you — beast — fuck — ahr — fuck” — said Nelly who was unusually hot arsed and lewed tongued, and in a minute we spent together again, talking about her friend’s copulative qualities, to the
last
— till our power of talk left us, and we could only ejaculate baudy words, as our seminal juices squirted and oozed and mingled.

Out came my doodle soon — reeking to my balls with spermatic fluids. “You have dirtied the counterpane,” said Nell. — I washed my prick in a hurry and Nell did the same to her cunt. — Seeing her black motte over the basin, — “Don’t soap it,” — I said still feeling lewed — “let’s see if the spunk comes out.” — Nell did exactly what I asked her, she always did, it was one of her great charms. — She obeyed me unhesitatingly like a French whore, without sham or affectation. There were now very few sperm lumps I recollect, it had got churned up, and came out mixed on to our genital bushes, had rubbed nearly dry on my balls and her thighs, and all and every where on those surfaces was adhesive. Then for a while we talked and all about the man, his way of fucking, his prick, his balls, his sperm, and everything else about him. — We laid upon the bed whilst we talked. My prick had a soft, lewed irritation on it tho it was not stiff, as if his sperm had left his lust in me as well as my own. Then we moved head to feet of each other lying sideways. — I saw Nell’s large, fat lipped, dark haired cunt, under the strong light of the summer afternoon, my head lay on one of her legs, with one hand I propped up the other, which opened the gap, whilst she gently frigged me — she was now a splendid frigger. — Then my prick went into her mouth, and whilst my fingers travelled round her hard smooth bum and thighs, and I gloated on her cunt, titillated the clitoris, twisted the curly thatch, or probed its depth, she gently fetched the sperm out of me into her mouth and at once I fell asleep my head upon her thigh. When I awoke, she was seated at the side of the bed quietly twiddling my cock — she never could keep her hands off of that — and would play with it for hours, twiddling it from the time I first saw her till I left; keeping up voluptuous irritation and desire, even if I had no intention of further pleasure in her charming, soft, pulpy, yet powerful cunt, for its muscularity at the crises merited that description.

There was something in the smoothness of the cunt filled with sperm, a voluptuous lubricity together with the idea of another man’s prick having just been up it, which excited me tremendously — I seemed to participate in his pleasure whilst having my own, and as I thrust, could almost feel his thrusts in her — his prick seemed to be up her as well as my own — there was a maddening voluptuousness about it which sank deeply into my mind, and made me desire to taste such pleasure again. — And I have been able to repeat the pleasure, tho I had resolved for many reasons not to do so, after my frolic with the man at Sarah F
^**
z
^*
r’s. — It was now some years since I amused myself with him.

I went to see Nell again to talk about it, hoping for the chance of having her after her stalwart friend, but failed — I said I’d wait for another man, but she put me off. Now she went out a night, which she formerly used rarely to do, and that did not suit me. At length she one day said, — “I can’t get a gentleman for you to do it after, but there’s a man who has begun doing it before gentlemen, will you have him?” — “Is he a bugger?” — “Oh no. He’s a poor man, a workman about thirty years old.” She did not know how he came to be fucking before gentlemen, a girl had told her of him and that he had a very big prick. — I refused to see him.

Then I went abroad and did nothing worth telling about there. — On my return I found Nell had just got a little servant girl. I could have her if I liked she said, but she’d have nothing to do with it — I persuaded the lass easily enough, and she frankly admitted that several had had her. But the extreme smallness of her cunt was a wonder — I tried to fuck her, but getting my prick in was impossible, to get two fingers up her was as much as I could do. I have had many girls as young as she but none with such a small vagina, tho the cunt in its entirety looked large enough. I doubted if she really had been fucked. Two or three days after, going there to try her again, she had run away, and stolen some of Nell’s clothes.

[More manuscript must be destroyed for mere abbreviation will be useless. — Eighty pages must go to the flames. — The narrative thus curtailed cannot show clearly the gradual development of abnormal excentric tastes, and necessitates an epitome of some years to supply the hiatus. Some of the most conspicuous incidents I shall keep as originally written or nearly so, and they will take their place chronologically.]

[Some years before I met H*l*n M***w**d, I had been frequently at
^*****
and more frequently at bordels than for many years previously. I principally visited one where there were (and still are) about twenty women on the establishment, who sit nightly nearly naked in the saloon, a bewildering, voluptuous sight. Idealities becoming an increasing source of delight to me, and abnormal erotic letches and fancies coursing through my brain whenever I was in rut, variety in form and color of my women, and in their postures, being to me more charming than ever, I sought this lapunar. There I had one, two, or three women, or more at a time and got much voluptuous enjoyment — had all those voluptuous preliminaries which a stiff prick suggests, and never hurried myself to the delicious crisis which for a time destroys desire.

[It is doubtful however whether I got more pleasure, from having three women together, than I got by one alone; so soon as my prick had stretched the cunt, and fucking had begun. But idealities in the preliminaries, and even during the consummation of love, are much — perhaps almost every thing in love. — Is it not the beauty, the taste of the eye, the thoughts, which more frequently than otherwise make the sole difference in the pleasure between fucking one woman and another — makes the difference between a cunt which a man thinks pretty, and one which he thinks ugly?

[There was one woman at the lapunar whom I selected often for her exquisite form and sweet face, named Elaine — a Luxembourg woman. She took a fancy to me, and after a time told me much of the inner life of a brothel, of its internal economy, and the habits of the inmates. She told me of those who were much sought after and always had five, six or seven men a night. Elaine saved money, and in three years became
sous-maitresse,
and was then supposed to have ceased fucking there; yet I had her there once or twice, on the sly. She then left and set up a bordel of her own. One named Hortense succeeded her, and then Alexandrine.]

H. and I get confidential. — Her voluptuous abandonment.
—
Our erotic philosophy in practise. — My sensitive pego avowed.
—
My seminal ejaculations. — H. likes a big pego. — A big one up her.
—
I up after the big one.
—
Mutual delight in a semenalized vagina.
—
Reflexions thereon.