My Most Precious One (28 page)

Bizness

Just like Jacob had taught me, I was able to make it back to Montréal in less than six hours. I guess being disillusioned can make you not care about speed limits or cops.

I drove up to my parent’s home with Tune Yards blaring, Bizness had now become my theme song. I had it on repeat for the last hour. I turned off the car and saw my father walking towards me. He must have been on one of his famous long walks. I think partly to get away from my mother. The moment I saw him the tears that I had held back all this time, began to flow uncontrollably. He nearly ran to me and took me in his arms and held me quietly without asking what had happened. The moment I stopped, he took my bag and helped me inside. Still not one word was uttered from him.

“Vasiliki? Alexia is here.” He cried out my mother’s name and I cringed not wanting to do this right now.

My mother hurried from the kitchen to the hallway and saw me standing there. She sighed heavily and shook her head. I swear to you, I could hear her thoughts of the millions of ‘I told you so!’ At least she didn’t say it, even thought I felt it. I took my bag from my father and walked up the stairs to my old bedroom. No Greek ever gets rid of a bedroom, just in case someone from Greece visits. I closed the door behind me and crawled into bed.

Which brings us back to three months later. I still hadn’t had the strength to move forward with my life. Lukas’ little stunt had made me question who I was and what I was capable of. I had left everything behind including my cell phone. Thankfully my parents had kept my belongings here and I was able to retrieve my old Iphone. I reinstated it and was able to talk to Roxi and Kaci. I would Facetime them at least once a week and we would text each other frequently.

Roxi was now in a management position in the pharmaceutical company she worked for and Kaci’s cupcake bakery had taken off. I was happy to see both of them in a good place, even though my life was in the shitter. Not once had Lukas tried to contact me. Not that I minded, but I felt hurt he didn’t at least ask why I left. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he thought I walked out on him and fuck me. Either way, that part of my life was over.

“What will you do with your life now?” My mother’s Greek words drove into me each fucken day I was here. The woman was driving me mad. I needed a place and quick. I contacted my cousin, who was the real-estate agent that helped me find the awesome condo that I had given up when I decided and uproot my life to New York.

“Alexia?” My father called for me, after my mother was done railing into me about love and how stupid I was for falling for him. She even accused me of being dramatic and so what if he had gotten me the job, I should have been grateful and stayed with him.

“Ela Dad.” I walked to him leaving my mother in the kitchen as she still spoke about what a loser I was.

“Come with me and let us take a walk.” He offered knowing how much I needed to get out of here.

I put on my Converse and followed him out. It was late spring the flowers were blooming and the grass was a bright and vibrant green.

“I understand why you left.” My father began. “But do you truly think it wise that you left without letting him explain?” He waited with an open ear and I felt shame wash over me.

“If I had, he would have convinced me to stay and I just couldn’t. I felt like the life we were building was a lie. What else did he do to keep me in this cage he had made for me?” I began to cry.

“It was a cage you gladly stepped into.” My father said without apology.

“So I’m to blame?” I asked.

“No you are not to blame, but you are not without your own faults. You need to find who Alexia is before you can be anyone’s bride. Alexia, what is it that you want?” He asked a question that Lukas had once asked me.

“Freedom, to be who I want to be.” I murmured though my tears.

“Then be free. I will help you get back on your feet.” He smiled.

“No!” I said vehemently.

“I am your father, I may not have the money Lukas has, but I have enough to make me live well. Alexia, we are not poor, take what you need and start your life.” My father said in a serious tone.

“I will take what I need and pay you back.” I said softly. He nodded.

“Do what you think is best. But first we need for you to leave here. As much as your mother loves you, her words can be poisonous. She doesn’t mean it in a bad way, but she has her own way of showing her anger and frustrations.”

“I can’t believe that prick!” Roxi almost slammed her Starbucks coffee on the table.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

“Dazed, confused, hurt, confused, pissed, confused.” I kept listing my emotions.

“Yeah you said confused a few times.” She reached for her coffee.

“What are you confused about?” She asked.

“Don’t you see she’s confused cause she doesn’t know if it was such a bad thing he did.” Kaci spoke for me.

“It was a bad thing. You don’t go around manipulate someone else’s life.” Roxi snapped.

“It’s not like he did it to hurt her, he did it because he loves her.” Kaci bit back.

“Kaci, the man has some serious control issues. He can’t just buy her a job. How would you feel about going there every day living your dream job and then finding out it was a fucken lie and that everyone was in on it?” Roxi fired back and Kaci stayed silent.

“Ok girls, round two.” I smirked with a few tears falling down.

“What are you going to do now?” Kaci asked.

“Well I asked Stella if I could work there until I find something better.” I said sadly, it felt like I was taking two giant leaps backwards.

“Why don’t you work with me?” Kaci offered.

“No. I want to keep our friendship and I would be too nervous. I might fuck up somewhere.” I said shaking my hand in the air to her.

“But why then work at Stella’s? Aren’t you afraid to fuck it up there?” She asked.

“Stella’s like family. There’s nothing I could do to piss her off and if I did it wouldn’t fuck up our relationship. You mean a lot to me and I’m not risking that for a job.” I said candidly.

“Fine! Do you have a place to stay?” Kaci asked picking at her food.

“Well Maria has found me a couple of awesome condos in Old Montréal and I’m going to look at them later.” I smiled but my heart wasn’t in it.

“How do you know they’re awesome?” Asked Roxi.

“Cause it’s my cousin Maria. The girl knows what I like and want. There’s no way she’d ever make me look at something I wouldn’t want to waste my time on.” I noted.

“Anyways, if any of them are half descent, I’ll just take it. Anything to get me out of my mommyville.” My body shook as shivers came down my spine.

“Mommy giving you trouble? I’m shocked.” Roxi mocked. Roxi had to leave since her lunch break was almost up. I thanked her for coming out to see me and we made plans to see each other on the weekend.

“So has Lukas even called or at least made contact with you?” Kaci asked.

“No and I’m fine with that.” I lied.

“Liar!” She crossed her arms and waited.

“I don’t understand. I know you maybe better than I know my own daughter. You expected him to follow you here and grovel at your feet. But he didn’t, did he? So you’re left shell-shocked, wondering what to do now.” She accused me.

The very words she spoke tugged at the knots that I had created around my heart.

“Fuck off Kaci! I didn’t ask you to analysis me.” I growled.

“No you didn’t, but you asked me to be your friend and this is what I do. I point out the obvious and throw it back into your face. Fine, what he did was wrong.” She began, but I glared at her.

“Fine, what he did was really wrong. But it wasn’t out of nastiness, it was out of love. He didn’t want to see you hurt by this.” She said earnestly.

“Do you have any idea how humiliating it was when I read that letter? Have you any clue how it felt walking back into the museum knowing it wasn’t real. That everyone in there may have known about this? This was a dream I had since I was little and he handed it to me on a silver platter, like I was some spoiled child. I had the right to choose if I wanted his help. I had the right to know the truth about me.” The words came out strained as I spoke to her. I began to cry. One by one my tears fell off my chin onto my jeans.

Kaci sat still watching me, her eyes welling up, listening to my fears.

“What else has he done? What else would he do? I want to be his equal. Instead, I was a toy he played with. He toyed with my emotions and with my life.” I closed my eyes feeling the hot searing sting on my heart.

“Yes Kaci, I expected him to find me. Yes, I expected him to grovel at my feet, but he didn’t. He never came and he never will. To him, what I did by walking away was a betrayal of the trust that we had promised each other. But in my mind, he was the one who betrayed me first.” I seethed.

“I understand.” She quickly wiped away her tears and sniffled a little, she then reached for me and wiped what tears had remained on my face.

“What is it you want me to say? That I don’t love him anymore, that I don’t lie awake almost every night dreaming about him. He’s part of me Kaci, he had woven himself into the fabric of my life and there is no way I will ever be rid of him. But I can’t just walk back into what was our life knowing what I know now.”

Kaci had ended our conversion, she was worried that I wasn’t dealing with it and that I was doing the classic Alexia move, which was hide it under the rug until it blew up on me. Maybe she was right. I was living on autopilot for what seemed like months. And it didn’t help that our one year anniversary was coming up. We had planned to get married on the day we started dating, I guess that wasn’t going to happen.

Thank god for Maria and her awesome connections. She was able to find me a condo that needed a lease ASAP. It was on the top floor with a small private balcony, but not much else. It was one bedroom and a complete open concept kitchen living room space. I honestly didn’t care much, since living at home wasn’t an option anymore.

“What do you mean you found a place to live?” My mother began grilling into me.

“Well I found somewhere where I could live, which is not here.” I said slowly, trying desperately to get all my things together and shove them in Roxi’s car.

“Here is your home and here is where you will live until you get married.” She began shouting.

“Why don’t you just kill me now?” I picked up a pen from the table and handed it to Roxi, who was half laughing. She had her own Greek mother to deal with.

“Roxi was a good girl she got married and then she left home.” She continued her tirade.

“Yeah Lexi, I was such a good girl.” She tried hard to stifle a laugh.

We both knew full well how batshit crazy Roxi was as a teen. The girl would tell her mother that she would be at a slumber party, while she was in New York clubbing at sixteen.

“Ok ma I love you, but I have to go. Thank you for everything.” I smiled and pushed Roxi out of the kitchen towards the doorway.

My father had the rest of my stuff and was waiting for us outside so we can all caravan it to my new place.

“Yeah, sure.” My mother said to me as I left.

“So your mother took it well?” My father laughed at me.

“Very.” I answered with fake enthusiasm.

“I’ll follow you and Roxi ok?” He unlocked his Mercedes. It was normal all older Greek men drove one. They made their money and wanted a toy to spend it on, which was always a Mercedes.

After an hour in the famous Montréal traffic, we finally reached my new home in the heart of the Old Port.

“Very nice!” Squealed Roxi. It was. All four stories had stone covering. The only bad thing was it had no elevator. It wasn’t bad for me it only meant my mother wouldn’t come as often, but neither would my friends, I loved them, but let’s face it, they were lazy.

I piled on as many boxes as I could carry and headed up with both my father and Roxi. Once we reach my door, Roxi nearly fell over.

“You realize I won’t be visiting as often as I used to.” She said trying to catch her breath. I unlocked the door revealing an empty space.

“Just throw the boxes on the floor, don’t worry about the rest of the stuff. “What about furniture?” My father asked.

“Don’t worry its being delivered.” I took the last of the money I had from working and used it to buy a bed and a couch. Thank god, my mother saved my desk.

My father left the moment the last box was in, Roxi however stayed with me.

“Any news from dickhead?” She asked as she started to opened the boxes and taking out my things.

“No” I said bluntly.

“Okay.” She answered “Want to elaborate?” She asked looking up at me from the floor.

“No.” I said again.

“Baby girl, you’re going to have to talk about this. It might not be today, but you will have to. You can’t self destruct like you used to. It’s not healthy.” She said anxiously.

“Can you take the towels and place them in the bathroom, there’s a small closet inside.” I ignored her and started to give her direction to where I wanted my things to go.

“Passive aggressive much?!” She noted as she stood up from the floor and followed my orders.

After a few hours, I had pretty much everything in order except for my furniture, which was coming later on in the afternoon.

“You want to eat?” She asked as she piled up the boxes to take them outside.

“No I’m good. Why don’t you go now? I pretty much done and all I have to do is wait for the furniture to come.” I half smiled.

“You want to be alone, don’t you?” She asked.

“Yes.” I finally mustered up an honest answer.

“Ok I’m going. Call me if you need anything.” I nodded and thanked her.

I was finally left alone in my new space. The silence was deafening. I held onto the deadbolt for I don’t even know how long, until I slowly slid to the floor and began to cry out.

Lukas was my world and I had walked out on him and everything that I had grown to love.

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” I yelled angry at what had happened. Why hadn’t Lukas at least followed me like he used to? At least to give me that closure I needed. I seriously was a fuck up. Why was my mind always on him? How he was? Where he was? What was he doing?

Why couldn’t I at least concentrate on getting my life back on track? The buzzer went off. It must have been the movers from the furniture store. I peeled myself off the floor and again pushed it all back, not wanting to deal with it anymore.