Authors: Janet Tashjian

My Life as a Stuntboy (17 page)

BOOK: My Life as a Stuntboy

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I've been hanging around craft services trying to run into Tanya Billings, but two doughnuts, three sodas, and two candy bars later, I still haven't seen her. I wonder what she thought of my drawings and if they helped her learn her lines. The nice woman who's been feeding me snacks all morning says she isn't sure if Tanya's shooting today. I
adjust my wig, which is pinned into place. I still can't get used to being in drag to do my stunts.

Because Dad thinks I haven't been holding up my end of the bargain in the reading department, he asked Ronnie to tutor me today while I wait for my scene. Ronnie's never been on a movie set, so he walks around in disbelief at all the activity.

“There are hundreds of people working on this movie. It's like a city.” Ronnie nearly collapses when a green alien lurches toward us.

disbelief

“I've been sitting in the makeup trailer for five hours,” Tony says. “What do you think?” He twirls around like a Martian model.

“Cool!” When I touch his slimy scales, my hand recoils. “That's disgusting!”

recoils

“It should be,” Tony says. “The guy doing makeup on this film is the best in the business.”

I introduce Tony to Ronnie, who looks afraid to shake Tony's hand. I ask Tony what stunt he's doing this morning.

“I chase Tanya through the house,” he says. “Then tomorrow, she lights me on fire.”

Tony gives me the details of the alien's fate, but all I'm thinking about is that Tanya must be on set today. As if my imagination conjures her up, she appears beside me.

frantically

“I thought you were done,” Tanya says.

I tell her today is my last day. Then I introduce her to Ronnie, who starts frantically combing his hair with his fingers. He finally gets hold of himself and gushes hello.

Tanya pulls me aside. “I liked your illustrations. They actually helped me to remember my lines.”

“That's how I learn my vocabulary words.” I open my pack and take out my sketchbook. Ronnie comes over all smiles as if he did the drawings and invented reading too. I shoot him a look that says
leave us
alone
so he walks away and consoles himself with a candy bar.

consoles

Tanya flips through my book. “These are great.” She takes out a script from her own pack. “It was such a good idea that I decided to do my own drawings.”

I look through her copy of the script, and my heart sinks. Her illustrations are ten times better than mineâno, a hundred times better. They're funny and sophisticated and perfectly drawn. I was going to ask her if she wanted help illustrating her next scenes but realize the last thing she needs is assistance from my little stick figures. I tell her the drawings are amazing.

sophisticated

“Your ideaâI just copied it.” She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze before heading back to her trailer. “I'll catch you later.”

A dozen thoughts race through my head: Tanya Billings just held my hand! My illustrations helped her! Why does her hair smell like cinnamon? What does she mean she'll catch me later?âit's my last day on set. How does she plan on seeing me again?

I must look like I've been hit by a stun gun because Tony the Alien waves his hand in front of my face. “Earth to Derek! Earth to Derek!”

I shake myself out of my Tanya Billings trance.

“The life of a stuntman,” he says. “When the movie ends, so does your relationship with the actor you're doing stunts for.”

I watch Tanya disappear into her trailer, hoping she'll turn around one more time to wave good-bye.

She doesn't.

trance

A Different Kidnapper

I pick up my phone on the first ring.

“I went to your house to see Frank,” Matt says.

“I told you monkey-napping was out of the question!”

“I wasn't going to take him, I swear,” Matt says. “I wanted to check on him after the operation, but he was gone.”

“Look in my mother's office. Maybe
she took him with her so he wouldn't be lonely.”

Matt says he'll call me right back.

“You ready to hit the books again?” Ronnie asks. “You still have several hours until your scene.”

To get out of reading, I ask Ronnie if we can watch Tony shoot his scene first.

“You've got an obligation to do your work,” Tony says. “You signed a contract, remember?”

obligation

I answer my cell on the first ring. Anything to change the subject.

“Carly's here,” Matt says.

This day is getting more confusing by the second. “What does Carly have to do with anything?” I ask.

“She saw Swifty at his house, and he had Frank! He and his cousin are taking him to where his dad works.”

imbecile

“What? Why?”

“Because he's an imbecileâhow many more reasons do you need? I ran over to tell your mom, but she's not there. What should I do?”

“Monkeys can bite,” I tell Matt. “Doesn't Swifty know that?”

“This is all my fault,” Matt says. “If I hadn't hung out with Swifty and told him about your monkey, this never would've happened. He probably overheard us yesterday and let himself into your house.”

“Never mind about that. We just need to get Frank back or the woman from Boston will take him for sure.”

“Jamie's not doing anything,” Matt suggests. “I'll see if he can drive me over.”

I hear him talking to someone else in the background. “Carly's coming too,” Matt finally says. “Can you meet us there?”

I don't want to blow my scene but tell Matt I'll find a way.

“How much time do I have before you need me?” I ask Tony.

He looks over at the clock in the next trailer. (I guess aliens don't wear watches.) “They're shooting your scene in three hours.”

“I'll be back by then.” I grab Ronnie and tell him that there's an emergency and I need a ride.

“Whoa, whoa!” Tony says. “You can't leave like that.”

In all the confusion, I forgot I'm wearing the wig and girl sweats I'll need for my last scene.

“A friend's in real trouble,” I tell Tony. “I'll be back soon, I swear.”

convince

Tony thinks about it a moment. “I'll call you to check in. Just make sure you don't leave me hanging!”

Just as I'm about to go, I notice Tanya's returned. “What are you doing now?” she asks. “I've got a few hours off. Want to watch a DVD in my trailer?”

This is, by far, the best offer I've ever had in my life. For a second, I try to convince myself that Matt and Carly can get Frank back by themselves, that hanging out in Tanya's trailer is a choice any reasonable kid would make. But the thought passes quickly. Frank is my responsibility; it's up to me to get him back.

“I have to go,” I tell Tanya. “Some jerk at school stole my monkey.”

“If you don't want to watch a movie with me, just say so,” she
says. “You don't have to make up some ridiculous excuse.”

“It's 100 percent true.” I suddenly realize we're both wearing the same pink sweats, sneakers, and have long dark hairâlike a freakish pair of twins. “You want to come?”

She calls over a guy who talks to the assistant director on the walkie-talkie. “As long as you're back by two,” he warns.

Tanya and I drag Ronnie reluctantly to his car to be our chauffeur.

chauffeur