My Libertine (Trio Book 2) (16 page)

“I want to beat his ass but I know it’s not my place. Fuck I want to, though.” He says.

“Really Row? It is in the past now. I just hope you don't judge me for sleeping with my step brother.”

“Fuck now. Not at all. I'm just pissed his drunk ass took advantage of you.”

“Oh please. I think I took advantage of him as much as he did of me,” I say making him look at me scowling.

“Not funny Dove.” He looks away and takes a deep breath. “Alright, I will let it go. It is your past, you have accepted mine I will do the same for your’s baby.”

“Thank you.” I smile, our conversation ending as we pull up into the parking lot. He helps me out and we go inside. “I'm going to get the gallon of makeup Linn put on me off. You can get in bed. I will be right there.” I start to go for the bathroom bit stop turning to him. “Row. Thank you for coming tonight. I couldn't have done it without you.”

“Yes, you could have Dove. But I'm proud to have stood by your side tonight. You are one hell of and amazing woman. I'm a lucky man.”

“Yes, you are.” I continue into the bathroom to strip off the makeup and my dress, hanging it on the door. Looking at myself in the mirror. I have on a sexier bra and panty set. Black lace. Nothing to fancy but I'm sure Row will love it. I have small silver stretch marks around my belly button that Row said the other night were the ‘sexiest fucking things he has ever seen’ his words.

I go back to the room wanting to surprise him with my lace but get a surprise of my own when I walk in. There he is sitting on my bed wearing nothing but his cowboy hat and boots as promised.

“Get you sexy as fuck ass in here. This cowboy needs ride’n.” I do believe I’m the lucky one.

Karter’s first birthday is next week and me being someone who grew up with not having a party for my birthday, I am throwing him the biggest birthday party a one-year-old can have. I am out shopping now at some party place filling the cart full of whatever Nemo/Dory thing I can get my hands on when my phones rings. It's Row. We have been seeing each other for almost three months now. During that time he has come to see me six times and stayed four nights. Including the time I was sick on my deathbed. Oh and countless face time calls. As far as I know he hasn't been with anyone else and I do believe he would say something if he had. We also haven't touched the ‘I love you’ topic since he said it that first time on the phone. It never got said again either.

“Hey you,” I say into the phone.

“Who is this?” a woman’s voice sneers at me on the other end.

“Excuse me? Who is this? You are the one who called me on Row’s number.” I snap back at her.

“This is his wife.” The voice says sending ice throughout my veins. Wife. Oh god, I did it again, I slept with a married man. His wife. He lied. He fucking lied. “You the bitch he keeps sneaking off to fuck when he could be coming home to see his family?” more ice everywhere. “His Dove.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Family? I don't even ask. Oh god, he has kids. no wonder why he was so good with Karter.

“I'm so sorry,” I whisper and hang up the phone. Quickly blocking his number so she doesn't call back. So he doesn't call back. I turn on my autopilot and pay for all of my party things. Walking out to my car in a daze I pop the trunk and lift the bags one by one into the trunk. I don't even know what to do. I'm lost. His being with me and sleeping with some random chick on the road is one thing but when I am the chick. It is another. I'm the other woman. Again. I can’t get over that fact. This isn't what we agreed to. Not even close. I feel like I need to talk to him and get an explanation but on the other hand, I never want to talk to him again. It hurts so fucking much. I have a lump in my throat cutting off my airway. I slam the trunk shut and loose it. Bending down so I can breathe, tears falling from my eyes like rain in a monsoon. I suck in breath after breath trying my best to breathe. Asshole. “Fuck!” I yell in the damned parking lot of the party store. Luckily no one is out here to witness my moment.

After my heart rate has slowed down and my tears have dried I get into my car and go home. I still have more shopping to do but it isn't happening today.

Home. Fuck. Karter is at Linn’s right now so I could go shopping and wouldn't see all of his birthday supplies. Like a one-year-old can really tell what is going on. I'm so fucking stupid.

I don't even take my purchases out of my car. I just go inside and fall onto my bed. The pillow on his side still smells like him. He was here a week ago and it still smells like him. I grab it and squeeze it to my body breathing in his scent. Crying again. I stay here for what seems to be forever. Letting my tears fall.

My head hurts, my eyes burn and I can still smell him. An overwhelming feeling of anger rips through me suddenly and I throw his pillow as hard as I can across the room. It hits the wall with a fluff of a thud and falls to the floor. Fuck this. I won't do this. Not anymore. Get up and go. I tell myself. Get the fuck up and go.

Today is my baby’s birthday. I have a one-year-old son. We are all gathered around him singing happy birthday while he sits in his highchair and I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes. They are a mix of happy and sad. I help blow out the candle and he goes to town on his over sized cupcake I made just for him. It has cool whip frosting and he is loving it. It's all over his face, hands, arms, and even in his light blond hair. Best party ever.

I haven't heard from Row at all since his wife called me. I'm sure it has to do with the fact I blocked his number and he doesn't have my land line number. I don't do social media or email on a regular basis so really there is no way for him to contact me unless he comes to my front door. Which shouldn't happen anytime soon since the circuit isn’t going to be coming up my way for a while. I breathe easy on that fact. I can’t see him right now. Not for a while.

“How are you, sweetie?” Brinn came over for Karter’s birthday and to visit Cris. It is nice having her here.

“I'm good. How are you?” she looks a little run down from her usual vibrant self. Light blond hair that was once just like Cristal’s is now thinning and lifeless tied back into a loose braid. Her skin is paler than I remember and she seems smaller. She was so young when she had Cristal that I know her appearance now isn't due to age. I try not to think too much into it.

“I'm fine, fine dear. That boy hurt you didn't he?” ever the observant one she is. I didn't tell the girls about the phone call just said that we didn't work out. They know it was something more but didn't pry and I love them for it. They know if I need to vent to them that I will. It’s just how I work. “Cristal told me about your arrangement with the libertine. Quite the clever girl you are.” She winks. What?

“First off what the hell is a libertine?” I ask that isn't something I have heard before.

“It's a nice word for a slutty man.” Mom. I roll my eyes at her. “What do you mean by clever?” I can’t believe she just said that.

“Telling him he can see other people and be with him at the same time. Knowing damn well he is crazy about you and wouldn't be able to go through with it.”

“I will admit that I hoped that in the back of my head but really…” I pause and shrug. “I was okay with a random woman here and there. It sounds bad or weird, take it how you want but I was fine with it. I still am. We weren’t married, weren’t committed to each other, we were just enjoying each other’s company when he was here. When he was here he was mine and that was all that mattered.” I kick at some dirt on the ground making a small pile with my foot. “Neither of us are in a place where we could be in a committed relationship. He travels everywhere and I have a son. It just wouldn't work out if we put restrictions on things someone would end up getting hurt.”

“But you got hurt anyway. Didn't you.” It's not a question.

“I did,” I admit. “But it wasn't for reasons that you think. He lied, mom. Lied to me good. The shitty part of it all is that I'm not even sure if the lie is true or not. I didn't even let him explain. I don't even know if I want to.”

“I remember the first time I saw you. Cristal brought you over to our house and you were upset. Upset about a boy. You remember what I told you that day?” I remember that day.

I had asked him if he would ever like me today. The jerk said no. And when I asked him why, his explanation was, ‘because I like other people’ how lame. The cutest boy in school, in my class. I was crazy about him.

“Hey, let's go to my house, Shane.” Cristal my best friend says after school. I knew I could my mom didn't give a shit where I was. I hadn't yet been to Cristal’s house and met her mom. Linn said she was great. Probably the coolest mom there was. Her words.

“Okay, let's go,” I tell her and we walk to her place just down the street from the school. I lived in town, a small run down trailer house that my grandma owned before she died. My mom kept it for me to stay in when she was gone. Off with some guy usually.

Walking into Cristal’s house I see pictures of Cristal everywhere. From diapers to one that looks like it was just taken a month ago. Pictures from art class framed and hung on the wall like priceless paintings. I don't even think my mom owns a picture of me.

“Mom this is Shana. Shane this is my mom, Brinn.” A woman that looks exactly like Cristal only a few years older stands in front of me wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

“Hello there dear. I have heard a lot about you from the girls. I was hoping to get all three of you tonight, I making spaghetti. Where is Linnie?” she asks.

“Didn't come to school today mom. I called her from the school phone she said she was sick.” Cristal tells her. Sick my ass I'm sure her asshole of a dad had something to do with it. No one can prove he is hitting her because she hides it so well, but we know. She just won't let us help. Brinn is quiet for a moment then asks if Cristal would run and grab her something from upstairs.

“You seem, sad child, something happen today?” how would she know that? “I am a mother I know things.” She says answering my thoughts.

“Boy, stuff,” I say. She urges me to talk more. “I asked a boy if he would ever like me. He said no because he likes other people. Whatever that means.” She takes my hand.

“Let me tell you something about boys…”

“They are all liars. Mom, that really doesn't make things better you know?” I say.

“Oh I know dear, I just wanted you to remember that. Even the ones that love with all their heart still do it. It is just human nature to lie. Keep that in mind before you decide what kind of person he is. People lie.” She squeezes my shoulder softly. “I'm going to go see my grandson and then go lay down for a bit. I am just exhausted.” She says and walks away, smiling at Karter when she gets closer. He puts his arms out for her to pick him up and she does so but seconds later my dad is up grabbing Karter from her hands and Lee is right behind her catching her before she falls to the ground. My heart stops in that moment and all thoughts of Row go out the window.

“She has been going through chemo. That is why I went to visit for so long.” We are at the hospital getting Brinn checked out. She woke up right after fainting but we all insisted she go in. The stubborn woman didn't want to of course.

“What do you mean chemo? Why didn't we know about it?” Linn asks the same question running through my mind.