My Heart for Yours (22 page)

“
A kiss for a kiss?” he asked like always.

I clutched the ladder with all my strength, leaned forward and touched our lips together. He let me move away before leaning in to give me the same soft kiss I’d just given him. Something was different. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.

“
Another kiss for a kiss?” I asked, already feeling out of breath. The heat from his body kept me warm as the breeze drifted across the lake.

He leaned in first this time, and parted his lips just slightly, just enough that I wanted to kiss him harder, deeper, to taste the beer and lake water and whatever else made Tobin taste like Tobin. When I kissed him back, I wasn’t as careful.

There was no kiss for a kiss. I couldn’t back myself away from him if I’d wanted to.

By the time we did break away, I was out of breath, and he’d nearly fallen off the ladder.

“
You are one dangerous girl, Delia Gentry.” He grabbed me by the waist and hoisted me onto the dock.

I realized as my bum hit the boards, once again in just my bra and panties that I trusted Tobin. I trusted his eyes, and I trusted his kiss.

“
Wanna go inside?” he asked.

Something was definitely different. The air between us tense and intense and charged with a million things I wanted to feel around Tobin forever.

I stood up on the dock. He gathered our things, and carried them toward the door of the small cabin. This cabin that had been abandoned long ago by strangers that we’d claimed as ours.

The moment we stepped inside I forced myself to speak. “My wet clothes for yours?”

I swear I heard the air leave his lungs as he turned to face me. “You sure?”

“
You chicken?”

He dropped our dry clothes on the floor and carefully pulled me toward him. I pushed down on his boxers, and he unsnapped my bra, and then after a few really deep breaths, I pulled off my panties while he watched, jaw slack, and I laid down on the bed, pretending to be way braver than I felt.

He scrambled out of his soaked boxers, and crawled onto the mattress. His body was on me, the weight of him warming me in a way I’d never experienced before, and it was like he already couldn’t catch his breath. Or maybe that was me. Both of us probably.

He was propped on his elbows, keeping most of his weight off of me. “Are you scared?”

“
No,” I lied.

“
Well I am.” His eyes never wavered from mine. “I promise, I’ll—”

I cut him off with my lips. I know he was worried about being my first. He had told me so. There were so many times he had put off us being together no mater how badly I could tell he wanted me.

I loved him. I trusted him. And I wanted him.

***

As much as part of me wants to slide out the window, drop and run, I slide in to my blankets and just wish for a good night’s sleep. Actually, if I’m making wishes, I wish to wake up in the morning knowing exactly what I need to do, but I can’t imagine that’ll happen. Instead I wonder if Tobin’s finding any amount of peace tonight.

Twenty-Two

Tobin

“
Thanks for everything, man,” I say to Nelson. I pick up a pile of empty cups and toss them into a garbage bag.

“
Hey, that’s nothing, Tobin. We miss Eamon, too,” he says.

“
Tobin, please call us if you need something, we love you,” Leslie says. She stands on her tip toes to kiss my cheek.

“
Yes, Ma’am.”

“
You thinking about her?” Leslie asks.

“
Thinking about who?” I ask. The girl I’ve never been able to erase from my thoughts? That one?

“
Oh please, I saw the way you guys looked at each other earlier.”

“
She was just helping me with some ice. Don’t make it into something its not. Besides, I don’t have feelings for her anymore.” I shake my head and stuff a few more cups into the garbage bag.

She shakes her head.

“
Tobin, you were in love with that girl,” Leslie says. “You haven’t just forgotten all of that. You should see her again. It might do you some good to get a little closure.”

I stare up at the sky. Waiting for all of the answers to fall from it is futile, but right now, it’s all I’ve got. I don't have any idea what to do about anything.

“
Yeah, well, it’s easy to throw out advice when it’s someone else’s life,” I say.

She gives me a small nod and a quick smile that says she’s going to drop it.

“
Hey, are you going to be okay to drive home?” Leslie asks.

“
I’m good. I haven’t had anything to drink tonight, but I’m staying here at the cabin anyway.” I point to the small abandoned cabin behind us. It’s no bigger than my bedroom at home, but it was the perfect size to spend a night alone…or with someone you loved. I still hadn’t decided if it was stupid not to have chased after Delia earlier. God, I’d missed the feeling of her mouth on mine. I shake my head to clear the memory and say the rest of my goodbyes. But it’s not that easy. This place is full of memories of her.

I flung her onto the makeshift bed and inched up the length of her body. Taking my time, touching every inch of skin, kissing every flawless curve.

There were so many nights that we spent here together. But that first one, I didn’t see that one coming. I’d never been scared to be with a woman before, but Delia, the thought of being with her, well, I was nervous. Nervous I’d hurt her. That it wouldn’t live up to whatever she had in her head. Nervous that she’d freak out afterward. Nervous that I’d fuck it all up.

I’d never been with someone that I loved before. Shit, I’d never even been a girl’s first. It was moments like that that made Delia’s father’s words ring true. There was no way that I was good enough for her. I didn’t deserve to be touching her. Loving her. It didn’t help that that night we’d gotten into our first and only real fight. It was the night of that damn fundraiser. Such a ridiculous affair it seemed fit for a movie, not real life.

***

The Crawford Country Club was never my scene, but especially not on that night, when the place was packed full of deep pocketed politicians and their supporters, who all couldn’t wait to get in line to kiss Delia’s father’s ass and make him the next Louisiana Senator. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t swipe a couple of flutes of champagne when no one was looking. I needed something to calm my nerves in this place. Why had I let Delia talk me into this? Sure she did things with me and my family, but we weren’t like the Gentry’s.

We all hung out on the river, barbequed, drank beer and got too loud. We didn’t put on a big show like this. I was already on edge and out of place when Mr. Gentry started walking toward us.

“
Tobin, so nice of you to accompany Delia tonight,” he said.

I smiled a thin, tight smile, knowing that he was completely full of shit. He couldn’t stand me.

“
Delia, you look beautiful as always,” he said. “Tobin, son, I assume you won’t mind me borrowing my daughter for a moment. I’ve got someone I want to introduce her to.”

I nodded as he led her away from me. Did I mind? If I did, it wouldn't matter. I never had a choice when it came to her dear old dad. It did give me the opportunity to grab another glass of liquid courage, though.

Across the room, I watched Mr. Gentry introduce Delia to a guy. He looked about my age. Delia tugged on her bangs, looking flustered and uncomfortable.

She glanced over her shoulder at me. “Sorry,” she mouthed.

All I could do was shrug. I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly what her father was doing. Trying to find a replacement for me. Trying to find someone suitable. Someone worthy of his precious daughter.

The discomfort I felt quickly grew into anger when her father walked off, leaving Delia with the stranger. I watched them laugh together. He touched her elbow and my skin prickled with irritation. She didn’t shrug away from his touch, and I think that’s what made me the most upset. Sure he wanted to touch her. I bet every man in this room wanted to. The point was she shouldn’t have been so comfortable with it. Or maybe that was just the bubbly talking.

“
Sorry about that, you know my dad, he just can’t help himself,” She tried to link her arm through mine when she came back a few minutes later, but I shrugged it off.

“
May be an inherited trait.”

She pulled her brows together in confusion.

“
What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

I sighed. “Nothing, you just didn’t look too bothered by him.”

“
Oh Tobin, you’re being ridiculous.”

I felt then like I was so childish. Such a bother to her.

“
Maybe that’s all I am. Maybe that’s all
we
are. Just ridiculous,” I said.

“
You really want to do this? You’re just letting my father win if you do.” Her lips pressed tightly together. Delia might not agree with her father, but she was an expert at playing his games. She knew how to put on a smile for show and if I was going to be with her, I knew that I was going to have to learn to do the same.

She reached over and grasped my hand. I leaned down and kissed her on top of her head.

“
So, about that swim later,” I said with a smile.

“
Funny thing about that,” she whispered. “I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”

“
That’s never been a problem before,” I said. “Tell you what, you don’t wear yours, I won’t wear mine.”

“
You’re making some tough deals tonight, Mr. LeJeune. I think these guys might be rubbing off on you.” She laughed and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me.

***

The fire is dwindling, so I kick some sand into it and watch the flames slowly disappear. Unable to breathe. Choking. Like I’ve felt the last few days. I close my eyes and I’m back at the Country Club.

***

“
So, do you have plans after this? I thought maybe we could go find something to do together?” The strange guy said. I had gone to get our coats and neither Delia, nor the tuxedo-wearing-jackass knew I’d come back and was standing right behind them.

“
No, sorry. I’ve got plans. And um, also, I’m seeing someone,” Delia said.

“
Seeing someone, or
seriously
seeing someone?” He laughed. He thought he was so clever. I worked my jaw back and forth, my anger rising by the second.

“
It’s pretty serious.” Delia let out a soft laugh. You could tell that she was uncomfortable but didn’t want to be rude.