My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up (43 page)

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RUSSELL BRAND

We used to watch footage from the main Big Brother show in hysterics, particularly the racism, THAT WAS A JOKE; but in fact it illustrates rather well the mentality we had: it was, how far can we push this show and it still fulfill its remit to the channel. “Ballbags,” “Pulled down my trousers and pants” and

“the swine!” Juvenile, silly catchphrases, all born of us lot just larking about. We also used to fuse those daft outbursts with irrelevant, esoteric references to art and literature. It made the show funnier and more popular than it had any right to be.

More people started to come and see me do stand-up, a craft that I had been practicing for eight years, with material that had been written over a lifetime. I became employable, 6 Music gave me a little show that I did with Matt and Trevor Lock, the NME asked me to host their awards. Opportunities began to arise and I was prepared. More importantly, I was surrounded by people who love me, who made it their business not to let me self- destruct. The most rewarding aspect of writing this book has been to record the kindnesses I have been shown by all the wonderful people I’ve been privileged enough to know. John, Nik, Matt, Karl, Gee, John Rogers, Martino, Chip—all these strong, intelligent men. And women: girlfriends that have saved me from poverty and insanity, absorbing my madness, demands and indiscretions, and Sharon, my stylist, who I adore and who is like a sister to me. Hers is the only female friendship I’ve maintained. Since I was first at MTV, I’ve been stuck with her—she comes from an estate in South London, but really likes horses (where’d she get that habit?) and speaks as fast as I do, faster sometimes. Lynne, who looks after my house and makes me and the cat eat food and ignores my indiscretions as resolutely as I imagine she did Steve Coogan’s, who she looked after before me.

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And Then Three Come at Once

And Nicola, who does my makeup. Who reminds me a little bit of my beloved nan, the way she rolls her eyes at me with weary ac ceptance and affection. At the times when I’ve been bilious with self-pity and self-loathing, I’ve thought “Look at these people that love you,” all these amazing people. I can’t be that bad. I’ll write another book one day about how it feels to become famous—it’s berserk, amazing; but to the people who know me I’ve been famous for ages. Nothing really changes, now I’m just a rich poor person.

There’s loads more I could harp on about, famous people who’ve helped me and said stuff that’ll look funny written down: Jonathan Ross, Noel Gallagher, Courtney Love—but all that rhubarb you kind of know. The Brits, Radio 2, Ponderland, tours and now a couple of films, I’ll tell you all about it next time. I have done some terrible things over the course of this booky wook—not while writing it, I’ve been the model of restraint—no, I mean over my life. In the Twelve Steps you’re taught to make amends rather than just apologizing but, by way of mitigation, I felt a tremendous compulsion to express myself, not in a smutty fashion, artistically. From the first school performance in Grays, I’ve been in pursuit of a destiny that always felt beyond my reach.

The most insightful thing I ever heard, was overheard. I was waiting for a rail replacement bus service in Hackney Wick.

These two old women weren’t even talking to me—not because I’d offended them, I hadn’t, I’d been angelic at that bus stop, except for the eavesdropping. Rail replacement buses take an eternity, because they think they’re doing you a favor by covering for the absent train, you’ve no recourse. Eventually, the bus appeared on the distant horizon, and one of the women, with the relief and disbelief that often accompanies the arrival of 349

RUSSELL BRAND

public transport said, “Oh look, the bus is coming.” Th e other

woman—a wise woman, seemingly aware that her words and attitude were potent and poetic enough to form the final sentence in a stranger’s book—paused, then said, “The bus was always coming.” V

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Ac know ledg ments

Suzi Aplin

Gareth Roy

Jack Bayles

Nick Davies

Paul McKenna

Nik Linnen

Lynne Penrose

Lesley Douglas

John Noel

Nic Philps

Ron Brand

Matt Morgan

Sharon Smith

John Rogers

Chip Somers

Tony/Sam and all at Focus 12

Jackie

Joe Star- twin

Nicola Schuller

Malcolm Hay

Tony Arthur Hay

Ben Miller

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Ac know ledg ments

Dr. Abood

Dr. Gormley

Sam Crooks

Moira Bellas

Barbara Charone

Mark Stone RIP

Th

e Macleans

Dennis Noonan

Ian Coburn

Alfi e Hitchcock

Brian Cox

All my secret fellows

Kevin Lygo

Meredith Church

David Marshall

Christopher Fettes

Yat Malgren RIP

Reuven Adiv RIP

Mark Lucey

Iain Coyle

Andrew Newman

Andrew Antonio

Lindsey Hughes

Heidi LaPaine

Janet and Jimmy

Joan and Rex

Leela Miller

Jamie Hodder- Williams

Daisy Poppets

Ben Dunn

Mr. Gee

Karen Corin

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Photographic Ac know ledg ments

Plate sections, pages 1–16.

All photographs are courtesy of the author, with the exception of 15 above and 16 below left, both courtesy of Rex Features.

Every reasonable effort has been made to contact the copyright holders, but if there are any errors or omissions, HarperCollins will insert the appropriate ac knowledgment in any subsequent printing of this book.

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About the Author

Russell Brand
is a comedian, journalist, TV and radio host, and actor.

He captivated audiences in
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
and hosted the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. He has won numerous awards in Britain, including
Time Out
(London)’s “Comedian of the Year,” “Most Stylish Man” at
GQ
’s Men of the Year Awards, and the
Sun
’s “Shagger of the Year.” He is a frequent guest on nighttime television.

www.russellbrand.tv

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

Also by Russell Brand

Irons in the Fire

Articles of Faith

Credits

Jacket design by the Designworks Group, Charles Brock

Copyright

MY BOOKY WOOK. Copyright © 2009 by Russell Brand. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

Adobe Acrobat eBook Reader February 2009

ISBN 978-0-06-177037-1

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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• Cover Image
  
• Title Page
  
• Dedication Page
  
• Epigraph Page
  
• Contents
  
  • Author�s Note
    
  • Part One
    
    • Chapter One
      
    • Chapter Two
      
    • Chapter Three
      
    • Chapter Four
      
    • Chapter Five
      
    • Chapter Six
      
    • Chapter Seven
      
    • Chapter Eight
      
    • Chapter Nine
      
    • Chapter Ten
      
    • Chapter Eleven
      
  • Part Two
    
    • Chapter Twelve
      
    • Chapter Thirteen
      
    • Photographic Insert I
      
    • Chapter Fourteen
      
    • Chapter Fifteen
      
    • Chapter Sixteen
      
    • Chapter Seventeen
      
    • Chapter Eighteen
      
    • Chapter Nineteen
      
  • Part Three
    
    • Chapter Twenty
      
    • Chapter Twenty-One
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Two
      
    • Photographic Insert II
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Three
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Four
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Five
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Six
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Seven
      
  • Part Four
    
    • Chapter Twenty-Eight
      
    • Chapter Twenty-Nine
      
    • Chapter Thirty
      
    • Chapter Thirty-One
      
    • Chapter Thirty-Two
      
  • Acknowledgments
    
  • Photographic Acknowledgments
    
  • About the Author
    
  • Also by Russell Brand
    
  • Credits
    
  • Copyright Notice
    
  • About the Publisher