My Blue River (14 page)

My skin prickled. It felt like someone had just squeezed my heart. I loved knowing he would want nothing more than to date me. As quickly as I knew I loved it, I hated myself.
I have got to stop torturing myself!

He continued with a forced, upbeat tone, “But I guess you’ve made it clear you won’t date me, so I’m happy with our “
just friends”
status.” He rolled onto his back. “But I’d never break your heart,” he nearly whispered the words.

My face froze as I stared at him. He continued staring at the sky, ignoring the feel of my gaze. I couldn’t find words that would fit the moment, so I rolled back as well. Somehow we had both managed to find positions a little closer to each other. I could now feel the heat of his body. The temptation almost overwhelmed me.

The CD began playing a song and the lyrics included “
kiss me slowly
.” I was afraid I would roll over and plant a huge kiss on his full, beautiful lips so I scooted my body away from his.

I sat up and suggested we use the telescope. He gave nothing away. I couldn’t read his expression the slightest bit and I couldn’t help but wonder how disappointed he was or if disappointment was even the feeling he felt right now. We marveled at the sky, taking turns looking through the telescope until I started to shiver. Even though it was summer, in Montana it cooled off at night.

“Are you cold?” asked Jack.

“Yeah, a little,” I said, wrapping my arms around my body.

He grabbed a small blanket and put it around my shoulders. He must have predicted this moment but what he didn’t predict was the touch of his hands to my shoulders causing more shivers.

“Wow. You are shivering! I can’t believe how thin your California blood is!” he exclaimed.

I pretended not to hear his comment. “So how’s your astronomy?” I asked.

“Pretty good, actually. I know all of the constellations. I know Saturn is over there.” He pointed in what I assumed was the right direction. “How’s yours?” he asked.

“Well, I know
that’s
the Big Dipper.” He turned to see where I was pointing, only to find I was pointing at
him
.

“Wow. You just totally slammed me.”

We both laughed as he playfully smacked my finger away.

“Yes, I did.” It was a silly joke to basically call him a “dip” as if he were stupid, but he took it all in good fun.

“Very clever, Adelaide.”

“
Oooh
! That’s serious. You called me
Adelaide
.”

“Hey, I just realized, I don’t know your middle name.”

“Mary. My middle name is Mary. What’s your middle name?”

“A. It’s just the initial A.”

“No middle name, huh? Why?”

“My parents couldn’t agree on a name but agreed on the A, so I’m just Jackson A. Cooper.”

“I like it. Jackson A. Cooper. It sounds like an attorney’s name. Jackson A. Cooper, Attorney at Law.”

“Oh, no. I’ll never be an attorney. I’m not college material, remember?”

“So just what type of material are you? I mean, you have to have some type of life plan, right?”

“I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m pretty sure college isn’t for me.”

“Well, you better get going! You’re about to be a senior in high school!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out. I’m good with my hands.”

I looked away and muttered, “I’ll bet.”

“What’s that?” asked Jack as he raised one eyebrow.
Did he catch what I said?

“Oh, I was just saying, I bet you’ll get a plan for your life.”
 

“Oh, I just thought…never mind…well…anyway, I’ll be fine. I can always farm with my dad, but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. It would be okay for starters and my dad can use the help. I’m pretty easy going. I don’t stress about things like
life plans
. I’m just happy to be alive.”

I shook my head in disbelief. It was unbelievable how completely different Jack and I were from one another. We were like oil and water but then again, oil and water combined with an egg and dry cake mix could make something quite delicious. It just took a few other ingredients to make it work.

I laid back to gaze at the sky. I started to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”

“Addy, you might want to keep your day job,” he chided.

“What?” I pretended to look hurt but I knew I couldn’t sing or at least, not as well as Jack could. “I think I sound great. Besides, at least I have a real job.”

“I have a real job, too, missy, or did you forget I work for your mom and dad?”

“Missy? Dude, do NOT start calling me missy,” I said as I poked him in the side. He jumped from my touch.

“And you don’t start calling me dude.”

“I could call you worse.”

“You could, but you won’t.”

We bantered back and forth for a while until we succumbed to laughter then something caught my eye.

“Look! A falling star!” I exclaimed as I pointed to the sky.

“Quick! Make a wish!” exclaimed Jack.

We both silently made our wishes.

I sighed and declared, “This is an amazing view. I have never seen anything so beautiful.”

“Me either.”

I glanced in his direction and found his eyes fixed on me.

********

Jack’s Journal

Sunday, August 29

I would like to say I went star gazing tonight but it was more like Addy gazing. It was like last night. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The starlit sky paled in comparison to her. I had a small moment of hope when we started to talk about dating. It began as a conversation about Zeek and Sallie—which by the way, somebody should really get those two together. Anyway, it turned into a conversation about whether we should date. I was honest. I want nothing more than to date her. But she was honest, too. She leaves after graduation and doesn’t want her heart broken.

If she would only give me a chance, I could make her love Montana, make her want to stay, and hopefully, make her love me, too. Why am I talking about love? I guess for now, I will settle for her friendship and value each and every moment we get to spend together. We wished upon a falling star tonight. In one year, we’ll see if I get my wish.

11. Summer Blowout

“There’s no way your parents
won’t
let you go. Have you even asked? You’ll be with me and they
love
me,” said Jack.

He had been planning an end-of-summer camping trip. He had even named it the
summer
blowout
. It was amazing how fast the last two months had flown by when I had envisioned a miserably long summer. We were already approaching Labor Day weekend and right after that would be the first day of school.

Jack’s usual group of friends would be there—Zeek, Mac, Sallie, Claire, Mimi—Sallie was bringing her cousin, Miranda, who was going to be a junior at a high school in Wyoming but other than her, everyone else was about to be a senior at Blue River High School. I had to admit it was a comforting thought that no one was a couple. I hated feeling like a third, fourth, or fifth wheel.

Not comforting was the idea of camping in the mountains of Montana with Grizzly Bears. The only camping I had ever done was what my family referred to as “hotel camping.” We never camped—we didn’t even own a tent or a camper. We hung out at the beach with bonfires a lot, but never spent the night.

“I don’t know, Jack. It sounds dirty, and buggy, and cold. Did I mention dirty? I mean, I know it’s the summer but—hello? It still gets pretty cold at night.” I sounded whiney and I knew it, but couldn’t help myself because this time, I really did have mixed emotions.

“You’ll stay warm. Trust me.”

I wished he would stop the “trust me” talk. I knew I could trust him; I just wouldn’t admit that to him.

“Come on, cowgirl up,” he jokingly demanded.

“Really? You still haven’t noticed I’m not a cowgirl?”

He cocked his head to the side and asked, “Is it exhausting?”

“Is what exhausting?” I rolled onto my side and shot a perplexed look in his direction. We had taken a break from apple picking in my family’s orchard and spread ourselves out on the lawn, gazing at the big, blue sky.

Jack rolled to face me. “Is it exhausting to be so difficult all the time?” he chortled.

I actually felt offended and could feel an overreaction coming on. I rolled onto my back. “Wow! You did NOT just say that. I’m not
difficult
.” I spat.

“Yes,
you are
difficult. Just let go and have some fun.” He reached out and touched my arm and with that one touch, I let go of feeling offended. “Quit worrying about whether you’ll get cold or dirty or bug bitten…
just have fun
. I won’t have fun if you’re not there.”

I let out an over exaggerated sigh. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I said with resignation.

“No, I’m not. Besides, I already asked your parents. I believe their response was,
well, you are almost eighteen and you are going in a group and we know you’ll be responsible,
blah, blah, blah...oh, and then I told them my parents were chaperoning and that clinched the deal. They said it was fine with them, but it was up to you,” he explained.

I turned to face him. His hopeful expression tugged at my heart.

“Please, Addy.” Jack’s puppy dog, brown eyes were pleading with me.

I let out another heavy sigh. “Fine, I’ll go,” I relented. “But I refuse to share a tent with Mimi.”

“Deal.”

********

Two days later we were headed to a heavily wooded campground two hours from Blue River that was near a lake. Those who owned Jet-Skis had them in tow. I sensed this would actually be a lot of fun, but I would never admit it to anyone. I took my camera to capture each moment. Memorializing my time in Montana was actually beginning to be a rather thick scrapbook and I was really enjoying every photo I took.

I got a lesson in tent assembly when we set up camp. Jack laughed at my lack of skills. I was thrilled Claire had decided to go, or rather, that Ethan “allowed” her to go, so we could share a tent. I was also thrilled that her less than appealing boyfriend wouldn’t be showing up to put her on an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe just once, she could actually have some fun. I glanced over at her as we rather clumsily worked on the tent. When we caught each other’s eyes we started to laugh at how ridiculous we must have looked. She was really growing on me and something told me we would share a lifelong friendship.

Before long our camp area resembled an outdoor recreation resort—Montana style. Some of the guys put up a volleyball net and built a horseshoe pit. I had never in my life tossed a horseshoe. It sounded laborious and boring. I did look forward to some time in and on the water—boating, jet-skiing, water-skiing—those were the activities I knew and loved. But it didn’t take long to learn that the temperature of this Montana lake wasn’t as warm as I thought it would be. I decided it was time to take a break and resume my photography.

“Ready?” asked Jack. He stood in front of me, holding up a bronze, heavy looking, U-shaped object.

“Excuse me?” I wearily asked.

“Are you ready to play a game of horseshoes?”

“I don’t think so, Jack. I’ve never played it before but I’m sure that’s not my type of game.”

“Oh, come on. Give it a try,” he pleaded.

“That looks heavy and the…um, “sport” looks boring.”
Sheesh, I’ve become my air quoting mother!

He mumbled something about me being difficult again. I was beginning to hate that he knew how to get under my skin and work everything to his favor.

“Fine. I’ll give it a try.” He held out his hand and helped me up.

After a few brief instructions of the game, I gave the horseshoe a toss. It was such a feeble attempt I felt embarrassed. It landed halfway between each pit which was exactly why I didn’t even want to try this foolish game.

“Wow! That stunk! I guess I should show you the right way to toss that thing,” Jack offered.

I wanted to object to his offer but when he stood behind me, he was so close I could feel his naked chest against my bikini covered torso. He could have just reached for my hand; instead he slowly slid his hand down the length of my arm until he reached my hand. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he gave me instructions. It felt so nice to be close to him.

“…and then you release…”
What?
Crap!
I had gotten so lost in my fantasy about Jack—lost in thoughts I shouldn’t be having—that I wasn’t listening. I had only heard his last few words.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” I asked.

“Weren’t you listening?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Yeah, I…uh…I mean no, it’s just that it will be tough for you to hold my attention about something so boring.” I was thankful the flush of summer heat could mask my embarrassment.

“Well, excuse me, Ms. Big City. Sorry this game is so boring for you. Why don’t we see if you learned anything,” I was relieved he followed his words with a laugh.

“Okay, cowboy, back off. Let me show you how a city girl does it.”

“Yeah, can’t wait,” Jack chuckled, and then mumbled something about loving to know
just how a city girl does anything.

I’ll let that go
.

Determination fueled my swing and I managed to get the horseshoe near the pit at the opposite end. After several tosses, I became better, even making what was called a “ringer.” When my arm, hand, and fingers began to feel numb from the pain, I was done. I exercised muscles in my hand that I didn’t even know I had. These Montanans played way too hard for me and I couldn’t keep up.

“I’m done. You happy now?” I asked.

Jack grinned. “Actually, I am happy and maybe even a little impressed. I do believe you deserve a break so maybe we should eat.” He declared our next move and grabbed my hand, pulling me in the direction of the picnic table. I flushed as I felt several eyes on us, noticing Jack’s hand holding mine.

“Hey everyone! Gather ‘round. It’s time to eat!” yelled Jack’s mom.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and gathered together at the picnic table like a pack of famished wolves. I held back for fear I’d lose a hand if I reached in for a sandwich. At the rate Zeek was grabbing food, I wasn’t sure anything would be left but that was okay by me. This was becoming one of my favorite summer memories. Everyone was having such a good time I thought our laughter could have been heard from our campground back to Blue River. I smiled as I watched the buzz of activity around me. Even Mimi let her guard down at times. “Real” was the only word that came to mind. There was no pretense or hidden agenda about them or the friendship they offered.

It felt like time flew by after we ate lunch and by the end of the day, we were ready to settle into some down-time by the campfire. We made s’mores and someone struck up campfire songs, none of which I knew. I did, however, enjoy watching Jack play his guitar. The way his fingers strummed the strings mesmerized me. I shook my head in amazement—
how is he so good at so many different things?

“Jack is so hot,” Miranda whispered to Sallie. They were both sitting behind me on a huge log. Her words caught my attention and I immediately sat up straight as if that would somehow improve my hearing.

“Don’t bother. I think he’s taken,” Sallie whispered back.

“By who?”

I turned my head to the side and waved at a phantom someone across the campfire so I could use my peripheral vision. At that moment, I could see Sallie nod her head in my direction. To think Jack was taken by me was quite exciting.

When the group exhausted themselves of songs, Zeek began to tell spooky campfire stories that were far from scary but greatly amusing. He was unbelievably funny. Whether he was telling a story, a joke, or dancing, Zeek always managed to make us laugh. I stole a glance at Jack and saw he was looking at me. He winked and my heart leaped.
Dang you Jackson Cooper
!
Quit making my heart do that!

I was becoming entranced by the flickering flames of the fire when I heard Claire say, “So, I saw the wink.” She settled down beside me on the log.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“The wink, I saw Jack wink at you.”

“Oh, that—that’s nothing. That is just Jack being Jack.”

She shook her head in disagreement. “No, you don’t know him well enough yet to say that. Jack doesn’t
wink
at
just
anyone
. I’ve known him for like, forever and I can tell he’s crazy about you.”

I paused.
What can I say? I know he likes me and I like him, too
, but I couldn’t allow a relationship right now, especially one that would break my heart into a million pieces.

“Claire, I…” I fumbled for an explanation. She held up her hand to cut me off, rescue me really.

“Hey, I know this is hard. He’s a great guy but you plan to leave. I prefer it this way myself. He’s like a brother to me and I would hate to see him get hurt. He’ll be crushed as it is. I’ve never seen him so…so…happy.”

“Really? Jack strikes me as the type of guy who is always happy, no matter what.”

“Well, in a way he is, but in another way, I know he wants to find love.”

“Oh…love. So he gets serious fast?”

“No, I’m saying he’s dated and lots of girls have loved him, or so they think, but he has never fallen in love with any of them. Jack is different.”

“Yeah, I’m finding that out.” Our conversation was making me feel gloomy because the selfish part of me wanted to know if Jack could love me. It took Claire a few minutes to say anything. It was like she wanted to let her words sit and stew in my mind and she had no idea how right she would be.