My Big Bottom Blessing (9 page)

So as an adult you are left with this strange mix of emotions. You want to love God, but how can you possibly call God your Father? How can you trust your heart to Him? Every time you trusted in your past, you were hurt. Daddy was unpredictable and became one to be feared, not held by. Do you resist God's touch now? Do you believe that He is someone everyone else can trust, but not you? Do you hold back your heart from Him because you just can't stand to be hurt again? If so, you are missing out.

The point of taking a look at our relationships with our parents, and even more specifically our fathers, is not to build a case for blame. Blaming others doesn't get us anywhere. The point is to begin to identify potential false accusations we've piled up against God. Have we given him a false rap sheet, of sorts? Does our list of adjectives describe the true nature and heart of our heavenly Father?

The only way we can find out is to look at what the Bible says about His heart. And one amazingly simple way to find out a ton about our heavenly Dad is to look at the life of Jesus.

Now, remember all those warm fuzzy feelings we had about Jesus when we made our list of descriptions for Him? We think of Jesus as someone we are very comfortable with. We might even see Him as our big brother who protects us from angry Dad when we've blown it.

But take a look at what Jesus had to say about Himself.

“If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father'?” (John 14:7–9)

On many other occasions, Jesus tells us that when we've seen Him, we've seen the Father. So, if we look at the character and heart of Jesus, we've actually seen the character and heart of the Father.

What do we see in Jesus? We see Him healing the hurting and the sick. We see Him giving sight to the blind. We see Him taking time to talk to harlots and tax collectors. We see Him angry at the self-righteous and religious folks who thought their actions were winning them heavenly brownie points.

And we see Him being a servant.

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. (John 13: 3–5)

Jesus got down on his knees and washed the filth off the feet of his disciples. He performed a job that was normally reserved for the lowliest of servants in those days—washing feet that would have been covered with dirt and potentially animal feces (remember the mode of transportation in that day). He humbled Himself before them, and when He did, He showed us the Father.

As you read this scene from the life of our Savior—the One who came to show us the heart of His Father and bring us into His arms—imagine something. Take the disciples out of that chair and put yourself in their place. Now, picture your heavenly Father at your feet. See His eyes filled with nothing but adoration looking up into yours. Hear Him asking, “My sweet, sweet girl. May I please wash your feet? May I wash away the filth and the pain of this world that has piled up on you and left you feeling dirty? May I serve
you
, My daughter? Please let Me.”

I don't know about you, but I can love a Daddy like that. In fact, I want nothing more than to love Him. And now I know in order to do that, I must first receive
all
that He's offering me. I must first allow Him to make right all the wrongs I have believed about Him. I must allow truth to tear down the wall of lies so that the good stuff can get in. It is as Scripture says, “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Precious Heavenly Father
,

I can't believe how I have misjudged You. All these years, the lies I have believed about Your true heart have kept me from feeling the unconditional love You have desired to give. Please forgive me for that. I did not understand the truth, but now I am beginning to see.

Please continue to open my eyes to the ways I have misperceived You. I want to trust you completely and to experience Your love. Fill me from head to toe.

From this day forward, I put on new glasses. I want to see clearly. I want to know You more. When I read my Bible now, it won't be out of religious duty, but out of desire to find out about who You are—to read about how much You adore me. I want to know everything about You.

Please fill my heart so full of Your love that all other healing You want to do can occur. I understand that I cannot love myself or anyone else until I am first filled with Your love for me. I accept that and embrace that truth.

Thank you, precious Lord Jesus, for showing me the heart of the Father in all that You did while You were on earth. Thank You for being the Way to Him. Thank You for showing me how to climb back into my Daddy's lap. Thank You for dying for my sins—for all that You did to make this relationship possible for me.

I love You. I embrace the life You have for me. I embrace change. I embrace healing. I embrace Father God.

In Jesus' name
,

Amen

1. List three adjectives that would describe your dad while you were growing up:
   

   a. ______________________________________________________________
   

   b. ______________________________________________________________
   

   c. ______________________________________________________________
   

2. List three adjectives that would describe your mom while you were growing up:
   

   a. ______________________________________________________________
   

   b. ______________________________________________________________
   

   c. ______________________________________________________________
   

3. Be honest here: How would you describe the way they felt about you when you were a child? For example, did you feel like they adored you, or did you feel like you were a bother, or somewhere in between? _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   
4. Looking at your responses to the first three questions, how do you think the way you felt about your parents and perceived how they felt toward you has transferred over into your relationship with God? In other words, how has it affected the way you would describe Him, and the way you think He feels toward you?  ________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   
5. Pray and ask the Mighty Counselor (Holy Spirit) to bring to mind any potential stowaways you might have brought with you from childhood into your adult life. Are there attitudes or behaviors you've ascribed to your heavenly Father simply because they existed in your earthly parents? What is the Mighty Counselor hoping for you to see? What would you say to Him?
   

   a.
   MIGHTY COUNSELOR
   :
   ___________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   

   b.
   YOU
   :
   _________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________________________
   

6. How could having a more correct understanding of the nature and heart of your heavenly Father change your life? _______________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   

It was so very important to Jesus that we know His Father (who happens to be our Father too). As Christians, it is essential that we see the Father for who He really is. No matter how good our earthly parents are, He is far better. We can't settle for seeing Father God as just a bigger (and more demanding) version of our parents. If we do, we'll miss out on parts of what He wants for us.

Even though it can be hard, we've got to take our hands out of our earthly parents' hands, so to speak, and put them into God's. He wants to parent us now…His way. The Holy Spirit helps us make the full transition by showing us what's getting in the way, if we let Him.

• 1 John 4:8—He who does not love does not know God, for God is
  love.
  

God defines Himself as love. To see a bit more of the true nature of our heavenly Father, replace the word “love” with the words “the Father” in the following verses:

 

• 1 Corinthians 13:4–8—
  Love
  (the Father) suffers long and is kind;
  love
  does not envy;
  love
  does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
  

 

One friend comes and takes my doll, cheerfully sitting to play
My heart rate soars, my stomach's a knot
Hey! That belongs to me.
Another comes and takes my role, making the audience laugh
The tears roll down, my stomach's a knot
Hey! That belongs to me.
Again one comes and takes the guys, walking around so thin
The anger builds, my stomach's a knot
Hey! That belongs to me.
Another friend comes and takes the stage
Teaching the Word of God
Hopelessness invades, my stomach's a knot
Hey! That belongs to me.
The Father comes and takes my heart
Gently pouring in His love
Jealousy leaves, inheritance comes
Yes! That belongs to me.

 

Do you ever want to call one of your childhood friends simply to apologize for what a crazy nut you were back in the day? Perhaps you're haunted by the memory of that horrific sleepover—the one where you joined in on pouring warm water over your best friend's hand while she slept just to see if she would wet herself. Or maybe you're embarrassed about that “Truth or Dare” game gone terribly wrong.

Well, I know the feeling. In fact, I have apologized to my childhood friends many times. You see, I didn't realize it then, but I was a very difficult friend to have. Of course, I saw myself as an incredibly loyal friend, one who would never leave your side. But, that was the problem: I would
never
leave your side! I was extremely possessive of my friends—or I should say “friend,” because I only had one at a time. After all, how can a girl be completely devoted to more than that?

Now, even though I was perfectly content to have my
one best friend
, sometimes she would decide to play with someone besides me. It was not pretty when that occurred.

YOUNG FAT GIRL
:
Hey, Christina! Do you want to spend the night tonight?

FRIEND
:
Well, I do, but I'm spending the night with Lee Anne tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

SABBY
:
What did she just say to you?

YOUNG FAT GIRL
:
She's spending the night with Lee Anne. (
Increased heart
rate.)

SABBY
:
How can she do that? How can she turn her back on you like that?

YOUNG FAT GIRL
:
I don't know. (
Tears welling up in eyes
.)

SABBY
:
You would NEVER spend the night with anyone but her. I can't believe she's doing this to you. I don't think you should EVER talk to her again. That will show her.

YOUNG FAT GIRL
:
You're right! I would never do that to her. Never! How can she call herself my friend?

Scenes like this happened many times in my early childhood, and, sadly enough, they carried on through the years. I can remember feeling betrayed when my
one
high school friend dared to go off without me. And I can remember feeling the same way about my
one
friend in college. (Can we say
weirdo
?)

What's really sad is that I knew how unhealthy my behavior was. I understood that it was normal for people to have several good friends at a time, but I couldn't stop my possessive and jealous behavior. And it didn't stop when I became a Christian, either, which only made the inner turmoil greater. It was very clear to me that God did not approve of jealousy. I knew He did not want me to be irrationally angry about what my friends had going on in their lives, but no matter how hard I tried to act better, I just couldn't. The pain and shame would turn into a big self-pity cycle, which would make me an even more difficult friend to deal with.

Thankfully, I am no longer possessive with my friends, and in fact, I have several healthy friendships (at the same time!). I have also been forgiven by all of my victims…um, I mean,
friends.
And I have not only gotten over the embarrassment but, as a result of uncovering more of that good stuff God has already given me, I have forgiven myself for being such a jerk. Another divine light switch was flipped on for me, helping me to understand my actions. I see now that they were merely symptoms of a much bigger problem—a problem I believe we all have to deal with: living with an orphan heart.

I read an interesting story once about a little orphan boy who was adopted at around seven years old. The couple who adopted him had prayed for years that God would show them the perfect boy, and they were thrilled when the day finally came that they could call that boy their son.

The couple gave the boy everything. They gave him a wonderful room to call his own. They gave him new clothes and toys. They gave him all the love they had to give. They absolutely adored him. But even though he had been given all of these things—even though he was now truly part of a family—he couldn't completely accept it.

The boy couldn't keep himself from folding a few extra dinner rolls into his napkin to hide in his bedroom. He couldn't stop burying his favorite toys in a secret place deep within his closet. He couldn't stop wondering when everything would be taken away from him. He couldn't help it because he couldn't let go of
the orphan way.

Now, most of us would think that the orphan way is only experienced by children who have lost their parents. So, if I were to say that I believe we are all—in one way or another—orphans, your first reaction might be to disagree if you were raised by your parents. But, the word
orphan
can have a much broader meaning. It can refer to a person or thing that is without protective covering. And in the Greek,
orphan
can mean one who is
comfortless.

Even with the broader definition in mind, you might still think you don't deal with orphan issues in your life. But let me point out one interesting thing. According to traditional Christian theology, we are all born “without protective affiliation.” In other words, we are born alienated from God (our Protector) thanks to our ancestors, Adam and Eve. Back in Genesis, when the first man and woman disobeyed God by eating that dumb apple, they were sent out of the garden of Eden. They experienced a spiritual death (just as they'd been warned)—a separation from the perfect love and intimacy they had always known in the garden. They were homeless. No more security. No safe place. No protective affiliation. They were on their own. They were orphans.

And, as Jack Frost says in his book
Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship
, “As a result of their [Adam and Eve s] fall, their orphan heart passed down to every succeeding generation, thus becoming the common heritage of all humanity.”
⁸
We retain that heritage—an orphan heart—until we finally learn how to exchange it for a new one. But, that's much easier said than done. For just like the little orphan boy in the example above, even after being brought into a family—the family of God—it is hard for us to abandon our old orphan ways.

I'd like to take a moment here to tell you about some of my former orphan ways—ways that continued well into my life as a Christian. I'll admit that some of them are embarrassing now that my heart has been changed. But, if we're all gonna get honest here, someone's gotta go first. It might as well be me. I'll start with the biggest one: my bottomless need for approval.

Before I was finally able to receive lasting love and approval from my heavenly Father, I was desperate to get it from people. Nearly everything I did was motivated by that need. Of course I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time, but when I offered to help a friend with her children, I didn't really
want
to help her. I
needed
her to think that I was a great friend. When I signed up to help with this or that at church, I didn't do it because I really
wanted
to do that task, it was because I
needed
someone to think I was such an amazing servant. I
needed
to be counted as one of the spiritually mature—those who sacrifice their time and resources for others. I
needed
to be seen as “someone” because deep inside I didn't really believe I was.

That need for approval went hand-in-hand with another of my orphan ways: competition and jealousy toward others. Because I needed approval so badly, when others around me got it, I was jealous. I couldn't rejoice when others were promoted because inside I was thinking, “Hey, I've been here longer than she has! What's the deal?” When someone was honored at church for starting some amazing new ministry, I'd be trapped in bitterness because it should have been me.

And that disappointment led to another orphan way: hopelessness. When others around me were being blessed or promoted in their jobs or ministries, I couldn't help but feel like nothing good was ever going to happen to me. It seemed like God wanted to give good things to everyone around me, but for me, life was going to be about striving for what little I could get.

So, what about you? Do you think you might have some orphan ways keeping you from living the way God really wants? In
appendix A
of this book, there is a list of orphan heart tendencies, but one simple way to find out is to answer this question honestly: can you really rejoice when others rejoice? Now I mean
really.
Even more specifically, do you think nothing but happy thoughts when someone gets
exactly
what you've wanted for years, but you don't? Could you say you're not a bit jealous when they get that job you've been dreaming of? That guy you've imagined on
your
arm? That ministry you've always thought was God's call on
your
life? The thing you've been praying about for years?

I'll tell you this: about the only thing that would keep you from being truly happy for others is fearing that nothing good will ever come to you. And that, my friend, is orphan thinking. That is the belief that you have no inheritance. No exciting destiny. And this way of thinking makes it impossible for us to be effective Christians. You know why? Because the Bible says that people will know we are Christians by our love for one another (John 13:35). And if we can't rejoice for each other, we don't have love.

And not only that, but this way of thinking means we can't really love God because we'll always think He's holding out on us. And we won't see Him as a loving Father longing to give us good things. He will be seen only as a master—someone to be served and rarely appeased.

Now, the opposite of living the orphan way is living the daughter way—living like we belong to a family—like we have a Father—like we're safe. This way is easier to describe than it is to live, simply because it requires letting go of bad habits. Not only bad habits, but we need to let go of lies we've believed about our own identity and about Father God's. Living the daughter way requires us to relinquish our orphan ways, and crazy as it may seem, many of those ways die hard. Without us realizing it, they became our identity—such a huge part of our being—and letting go can be painful.

But it's so worth it, for there is nothing—I mean nothing—like the freedom and peace that a daughter feels.

So, what does the daughter way look like? Here's a glimpse:

 

• loving people with no strings attached
  
• loving God simply because He's our Dad, and not for the things He can give us
  
• believing we have an awesome inheritance instead of feeling the need to fight for anything we can get
  
• serving God and others because we can't keep ourselves from sharing the love instead of doing it to impress people
  
• knowing we have value and worth instead of listening to the lies of the devil
  
• living free and fruitful instead of bound and broken
  

 

Take it from this former orphan girl: I don't ever want to go back.

The good news is Jesus knows our predicament, and He addresses it in the Bible. In John 14:18, He says, “I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” In this verse “orphans” means more specifically “comfortless and fatherless.” And Jesus doesn't leave us that way. Remember that He came to be “the Way” back to the Father. When we follow Him into the embrace of our heavenly Father, the fact is we are not fatherless. And He also comes to us, as He says He will, through the power of the “Helper” or “Comforter” (the Holy Spirit, John 14:16). The truth is we are not comfortless.

We also know we are not orphans because the Bible tells us we've been adopted:

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. (Romans 8:15–16)

We are daughters of the King of Kings, and not only that, but we have been given an inheritance. In fact, we are joint heirs with Jesus (Rom. 8:17). We have the same Father He has, and remember Jesus was all He was because of the Father He had. Just think about all we could be if we put an end to our orphan thinking and take our rightful place—a place that Jesus prepared for us. It's ours for the taking.