My Big Bottom Blessing (8 page)

I once heard it said that our feelings are like the indicator lights on the dashboard of a car. Just as the “check oil” light warns us that something needs attention in our engine, a feeling of frustration can warn us that something needs attention in our hearts. I think the goal is to accept that we have a myriad of feelings, and we should thank God for them. But we also need to know that sometimes they are misleading. We must pray for the Holy Spirit's wisdom in order to accurately interpret and act upon what we feel.

• Psalm 51:6—Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know
  wisdom.
  
• Psalm 111:10—The fear of the L
  ORD
  is the beginning of
  wisdom;
  a good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever.
  
• Proverbs 2:6—For the L
  ORD
  gives
  wisdom;
  from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
  
• Proverbs 3:13—Happy is the man who finds
  wisdom
  , and the man who gains understanding.
  
• Isaiah 33:6—
  Wisdom
  and knowledge will be the stability of your times, and the strength of salvation.
  
• Ephesians 1:17—That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of
  wisdom
  and revelation in the knowledge of Him.
  
• Colossians 1:9—For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all
  wisdom
  and spiritual understanding.
  
• Colossians 3:16—Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all
  wisdom
  , teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
  
• James 1:5—If any of you lacks
  wisdom
  , let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
  

 

It can happen anywhere at any time: the moment when we see something we've never seen before—a breakthrough that changes our lives. Your moment could come as you look out over the ocean on a family vacation. It could happen as you stand over the kitchen sink, hands covered in dish soap. It could happen during a worship service or while reading a good book. For me, it happened at that Chicago conference.

Since that time, it seems like one spiritual light switch after another has flipped on for me, revealing all the good stuff God had waiting all along—everything He knew I would need to make it through this life. The Bible says that God has already given you and me
everything
we need to live our lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually (2 Pet. 1:3). So, if we already have what we need, life really becomes a great “unpacking” of it all. Rather than asking God to give us more, our prayer changes instead to “Help me uncover what you've given me.”

For me, the uncovering began when I took a deeper look at something I thought I already had a pretty firm grasp on: Jesus and His relationship with His Father, Almighty God. I knew that Jesus and God had a close relationship. I knew that God couldn't have asked for a better Son (He was sinless after all), and that He was willing to sacrifice that perfect Son to pay the price for my sins. But there was something I had somehow missed, despite all my years of studying the Bible. Something Jesus was trying to show me—to show us—about the beauty and the full power found in that divine relationship.

From an early age, Jesus was aware of the special connection he had with his Dad. We all remember the scene in Luke's gospel in which Mary and Joseph realize after a three-day journey that they've left Jesus behind in Jerusalem. When they return to find Him, Jesus (twelve years old at the time) is sitting in the temple having deep conversations with the teachers. Mary essentially asks him, “Young man, what do you think you're doing?” and Jesus says, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business?” (Luke 2:49). The business He's talking about here isn't Joseph's carpentry work. Jesus is talking about the work of His heavenly Father.

And Jesus went on from that time always living to do His heavenly Father's business and only His business. Look at what He says in John 8:28: “When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and that I do nothing of Myself; but as My Father taught Me, I speak these things.”

Jesus did
nothing
but what His Father showed Him to do. His focus was constantly on His Father, and I believe it's important for us to see this. It makes me think of those WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelets. I almost wonder if there should be a different one: WWJFO (What Would Jesus Focus On?). After all, His focus is what led to everything He did. His actions all flowed out of His perfect relationship with His Father—a relationship He desperately wants us to have as well.

Several times in the Bible we see Jesus saying, “Follow Me.” In the fourth chapter of Matthew, Jesus asks Peter, Andrew, James, and John all to drop what they are doing to follow Him. At this point, Jesus is asking them to come along on a physical journey—to witness His power and ministry on earth. (And boy, what an incredible eyeful they got!) But not much later, Jesus makes the same request with an interesting twist.

In John 21:19, Jesus is talking with Peter once again by the Sea of Galilee. He says to Peter, “Follow me.” He says it again in verse 22. Now remember, by this time Peter has already been following Jesus for quite some time. Why does Jesus keep saying this? I believe the answer can be found a few verses earlier (verse 14): “This is now the third time Jesus showed Himself to His disciples after He was raised from the dead.”

Look at the timing here. On this occasion, Jesus is asking Peter to follow him
after He was raised from the dead.
His earthly ministry is pretty much over. Jesus is about to go back to heaven. Why is He still asking Peter to follow? Where is Jesus going that He would continue to repeat this request? Well, here's what Jesus says:

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:1–6)

From these verses we can see that the journey has changed from the physical to the sacred. Jesus is now asking Peter (and us) to follow Him not just around town, but to the
Father.
And not only does Jesus ask us to follow, but He says He is
the way.
What is the use of a “way” if there is no destination? But there is a destination, and it appears that leading us to that place is a primary objective for Jesus. His hope was not simply that we would
do
what He
did
, but that we would
go
where He
went
—into the arms of His Father.

If we stop short by following Jesus only as far as salvation from hell, we are stopping far short of everything He died to accomplish.

So, do you feel like you've followed Jesus all the way to the Father? When you get really honest, would you say that your relationship with God the Father is all it was meant to be? For many years I thought mine was. I was very aware that God loved me, and I wanted everyone else to know that He loved them too. In fact, I believed I was experiencing all the love God had to give me. But I wasn't, and chances are you're not either.

Here's a quick test for you. Without giving it much thought at all, what are the first few words that come to your mind when I say the name “Jesus”? For many years, my list would have looked like this: savior, humble, lover of sinners, sacrifice, healer, gentle, lover of children. Now, what words do you think of when I say “Holy Spirit”? My list would include such things as comforter, counselor, and loving teacher.

Okay, here's the big one. What words first come to your mind when I say “God the Father”? Honestly, my list would include words such as judge, ruler, holy, discipline, chastening, hater of sin, fear. Is your list similar?

The list of words I related to the Father was far different from those I used to describe Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It's quite obvious that my feelings toward the Father were a bit colder and less personal. Why? The answer started to come for me during one of my “sessions” with my Mighty Counselor (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit).

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
Teasi, I want you to think about your attitude.

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
Oh, yeah. I know it's bad. It always has been.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
Tell me what you remember about your attitude as a young girl.

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
Well, I remember that I was always kind of negative—pouting about this and that—and I was really quite lazy.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
What did your parents do about it?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
They were always trying to teach me the importance of having a good attitude. Almost any time I was grounded it was because of my attitude. In fact, I remember my mom saying this quite often: “You're grounded until your attitude changes or Christ returns—whichever comes first.” Of course I sat there waiting for the Rapture.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
So, when your attitude was bad, you were sent away to be alone? You were separated from fellowship with your family for a while, and you purposely kept yourself away from them, right?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
Yep.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
Tell me…do you think your heavenly Father is upset about your attitude?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
Of course. I can't ever seem to get it right.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR
:
So, do you think He has “grounded” you? And are you keeping yourself from Him because of it?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN
:
(
Long silence
.) Well, yes…I guess I am.

This conversation may appear less than epic, but it was a major light-switch moment for me. The issue of my attitude was huge. I had been feeling guilty about it from my earliest years all the way into my adult life. Without being consciously aware, I was living my life like God the Father was disappointed with me—like I was constantly on restriction. My time with the Mighty Counselor showed me that under it all, I believed God was waiting on me to get my attitude right so He could
finally
bless me. And I didn't think it would ever happen because I was a hopeless case.

But, the Bible doesn't say that.

It doesn't say anywhere that God is waiting on us to get our attitude just right before He can bless us. His blessings are based on
His
goodness, not our own. This lie I believed—this misperception I had of the Father's heart—kept me from fully experiencing all the love He was desperately longing to give me. In effect, I was refusing it because I didn't believe I deserved it.

In her book,
Hurt People Hurt People
, Dr. Sandra Wilson says it well: “We all read and interpret the Bible through the defective lens of personal experience.”
⁶
And I would add that we also view our relationship with our heavenly Father through those glasses—glasses muddied by our experiences with our parents and other relationships here on earth.

As crazy as it may seem, even something as simple as my parents teaching me the importance of having a good attitude became a roadblock in my adult life. A good lesson became twisted into a lie I believed for years. Without knowing I had done so, I turned God into my heavenly Disciplinarian. And this kept me from experiencing Him as He
really is.

Now, if this could happen to me, do you think it's possible it could have happened to you? Is there a personal experience you had as a child (or some other time in your life) that could be creating a roadblock today?

Think about this: What if as you were growing up, your father was the authoritarian type? Each day he came home from work tired and irritated. He wanted dinner on the table immediately, and he wanted his children to be seen and not heard. He expected immediate obedience and tolerated no silliness. If you were brave enough to discuss your life at the table, you'd better have been sure it was something worth listening to. It better have been good—good grades, awards won. After all, he worked hard to afford you all the privileges you had. If you didn't live up to it, you were not being very appreciative.

Fast forward to your adult life. How are things now? Can you look back and see that you've been living your entire life trying to please your earthly father because when you do well he is happy, and when you fail he withdraws his love. Are you doing that now for God? Do you volunteer for everything at church because you want to be a good girl? Do you feel like you should pray more, study more, or do more and more to please Him? Do you think you have to earn God's love through performance just like you did your earthly dad? If so, you are missing out.

Or maybe your father was passive. He was present at home and didn't demand much; in fact he didn't seem to want anything. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV for hours, eating dinner in the living room so he wouldn't miss the big game. When you walked in, he would give you a quick smile and a pat on the head, but would not have time to engage in conversation with you. Mom would do all of that. His job was to provide the money for necessities, nothing more. He was there, but he wasn't.

As an adult do you keep your relationship with Father God distant—logical and intellectual and only that? Do you keep your heart to yourself because you don't believe your heavenly Father cares about it just as your earthly father didn't? Do you believe in the Bible, but shy away from any emotional manifestations of God's love? Are you uncomfortable with others around you showing emotion in their relationship with Him? Are you uncomfortable with love in general? If so, you are missing out.

Or maybe your father was directly abusive to you in some way, and if so, you were definitely not alone. There are more than three million reports of child abuse in America each year with over 68 percent of those being sexual abuse by a family member.
⁷
If this was your story, you were probably desperate for your daddy's love. When you heard his car pull up, your heart skipped a beat because you were excited to see him. Only when he came in the door he was drunk. He would immediately yell at your mom and push your little sister aside as if she were an annoying piece of furniture in his way. But sometimes he was sober, and you lived for those moments because he would hold you in his lap. You were so happy to have his attention that you chose to ignore where his hands traveled, and you would never tell anyone about that because you were afraid to make him mad.