Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction (34 page)

He
listened for a minute, then said, “Of course I didn’t tell ‘em anything. I did my best to put it all on Granddaddy. But I don’t think she was convinced, and I don’t think she’s gonna quit. You’d best come up with a new plan, buddy.”

He
listened again. “I don’t wanna know, nor do I care what you do. It don’t concern me. I’m just sayin’ come up with a new angle. Design a new plan. Change tactics. ‘Cause you’re T minus dumb and counting if you think your current strategery is goin’ to stop
that
little lady.”

* * *

Tess got up the next morning and made chocolate chip muffins, Nick’s favorite. He was still sleeping when she left for Stafford’s, so she left him some muffins on the table, and took the rest with her, choosing to drive to work again.

The
door to the bookstore opened as she approached. “Hidee, Mizz Tess!”

“
Good morning, Pickle!” She slid past him as he held the door open for her.

“
Why thank you, that’s very nice of you.” Tess breathed in deeply as she entered the bookstore, inhaling the aroma of coffee coming from next door.

“
No problem. I saw ya comin’.” Pickle craned his neck trying to see what goodies Tess had brought in this time.

She
looked at his green t-shirt with white lettering. She hadn’t seen a repeat t-shirt yet. This one said, “Have You Met My Imaginary Friend?” and had an arrow pointing to the left.

“
What’s his name?” Tess asked with a wry smile. “Or is it a she?”

Pickle
looked puzzled. “My name’s Pickle, Mizz Tess. Is who a she? Whatchew talkin’ ‘bout?”

Tess
studied him for a moment. “Are you pulling my leg?”

He
looked down at her legs briefly. “Wull . . . no ma’am.”

She
held out the plate of muffins. “Pickle, have a muffin. Would your imaginary friend like one, too?”

Tess
could see the light bulb go off in Pickle’s head. “Ah, thank ye, ma’am. Roger would love a muffin!” He took two off the plate.

Lou
came bustling out of her office with her purse on her arm. “Mornin’ Tessie! Peekal, take those muffins to the back room, and don’t spill crumbs all over the floor!”

Tess
offered her a muffin, but Lou declined. “No thank you, sugar bear, I'm so busy, I don't have time to cuss the cat. I’m late for a meetin’ with the not-so-honorable mayor. Will you hold the fort down while I’m gone?”

“
Of course, take your time.”

Around
eleven o'clock, Taterhead, the postman, came in. “Mornin’ y’all. Hot dayum, it feels good in here! It’s hotter out there than two rabbits making babies in a sock.”

“
And it’s only eleven o' five.” Tess met him halfway in.

“
Here ya go.” He handed her the mail. “Through rain, snow, sleet or heat . . . “ he trailed off, as he made his way back out of the store. “Bye y’all.”

Tess
flipped through the envelopes. Her brow furrowed when she saw one addressed to her. She took the rest of the mail into Lou’s office and put it on the desk. Walking back to the register area, she opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper with words spelling out letters taped to the page. She might have been scared if it hadn’t been so ridiculous.
Really? Letters cut out like in a ransom note? Who is this person and where did they go to crime school?

LA
sT
W
aR
N
inG. I’
m
  W
atC
hiN
G
Y
o
U.
  dO
N’t
Ma
K
e m
e
 
dO
So
M
eT
h
iN
G
 
D
r
as
Ti
C
.

“Crap a shit, Mizz Tess. What’s that?”

Pickle’s
voice over her shoulder made her jump. “Oh! Pickle! Didn’t I tell you not to sneak up on me like that?”

“
Sorry, Mizz Tess, I don’t mean ta sneak up, I’m just bein’ me. What’s that all about?”

“
Oh, it’s just a joke, I’m sure. Nothing to worry about.”

“
Okay, I’ll be in the back room sweepin’ up if ya need me.”

Tess
called Jack, but his voice mail picked up. “Hey, Jack, just wondering if you by any chance got any weird mail today. I may try to catch you and Nicholas at the diner in a while. I have something to show you.”

Stafford
’s had a spurt of business for a while; Lou came back in and immediately began helping Tess at the cash register.

Shortly
after one o’clock, there was a lull, and Tess asked Lou, “Do you mind if I step out for just a bit? “I’ll work past two if you need me to. I just want to drop in on Jack and my son Nick at the diner.”

“
Your boy's here? That's wonderful! Well sure, honey. We’re not busy right now. You gwon over there, but you’d best bring that boy ‘a yours over here, too, and let me meet him or I’ll be all tore up.”

Tess
hesitated at the door of the diner, forcing a smile as she went inside. Jack and Nicholas were in Jack’s usual booth, and she spoke
to Clive and Earl as she hurried past. Her stomach did a flip-flop when she saw Jack, and she couldn’t stop the huge smile from lighting up her face, as he stood up as she neared the table. Nicholas looked over his shoulder and then stood also.

“
Hey, Mom.”

“
I see you’ve finished eating.” She eyed their empty plates.

“
Tess, how come you never told me you have a published children’s book?”

“
Hello to you, too,” she said, sliding in across from him. “I suppose because one children’s book doesn’t stack up to nine mystery novels.”

“
I want to see it, and I want an autographed copy.” Jack sounded like a petulant child.

“
Oh, Jack, you don’t have to do that . . . “ She shot Nick a look.

“
Sorry, Mom. I thought he knew.”

Junebug
arrived at the table. “Hidee, Tess. This boy ‘a yours is the spittin’ image of his mama. And he’s got a good appetite, too.”

“
Yes, all his life, people have said he looks like me, haven’t they Nick? One time, when he was ten or eleven and had begun wanting to be manly, someone said, ‘You look just like your mama’ and he said, ‘Hmph. I’d rather be ugly and look like my dad!’”

“
Ooh, law, that’s funny! I wouldn't trade him for a farm in Georgia.” Junebug slapped Nick on the back. “I thought it was just gonna be the fellas taday. Jaeet yet?”

Jack
looked at Tess’s and Nick’s blank faces, so he quickly interjected. “Did you eat yet. You haven’t, have you? Do you have time to order somethin’?”

“
Oh! No, I haven’t eaten. What’s good today, Junebug?”

“
I highly recommend the bacon, lettuce, and fried green tomato sandwich. It’s so good tastin’ it’ll make your tongue slap your brains out!”

“
How can I resist that? I’ll have one B-L . . . uh . . . F-G-T and a sweet tea, please.”

“
Comin’ right up.”

“
Okay, Tess, what do you have to show us?”

Tess
pulled the letter from her purse, and showed it first to Jack, who read it, and then passed it to Nick.

“
Mother!” Nick exclaimed once he saw the note. “Are you
serious
!”

“
This came to the bookstore?” Jack asked with a frown.

“
Yes. I thought that was strange, too, since I don’t have regular hours there, per se. You didn’t get one, Jack?”

“
No, but the postman hadn’t been to my house when I left to pick up Nick. I can go check.”

“
No, it can wait. You know, this person is trying to scare me off, but the more stunts they pull, the more I want to get to the bottom of this.”

“
I don’t like it, Mom. This idiot sounds serious.”

“
We need to find out about relatives of the other two bank
robbers.” Tess ignored Nick’s remark. “Jack, do you think you could ask Clive and Earl?”

Junebug
came back with Tess’s order, and Jack said, “Junebug, you and yours have lived here forever and a day . . . “ Junebug shot him a look over her reading glasses and he backtracked. “I don’t mean you, yourself, have lived here forever, I mean your family goes way back.”

“
Mmm hmm,” Junebug smirked. “You best watch yerself, Jackson!
I prepare way too much a your food!”

“
Aw, Junie, you know you’re prettier than a field of daisies. What
I meant was, you know a lot of folks in town. Do you know anything about a Rod Pierce, or a Junior Wells, I b’lieve his name was, or anything about their families?”

“
Hmm. You talkin’ ‘bout the boys who robbed the First National back in the thirties?”

“
The one and the same.”

Junebug
looked at Jack, hands on her hips. “Rod Pierce was Clive’s brother, ya know.”

nopie
: adverb \nohp-ee\ nope or no

Nopie, not that I know of.

[  July
2010  ]

“CLIVE?” Tess and Jack said in unison. She had just taken a bite of sandwich and bits of lettuce and bacon sprayed out with her outburst. She clamped her hand over her mouth as they all looked toward Clive, who was busy arguing with Earl.

“
Don’t worry, he’s hard a hearin'.” Junebug pulled a bobby pin out of her hair, securing the bun tighter to the back of her head.

Speaking
almost in a whisper, Tess said, “Clive is
Rod’s brother?”

“
Well, yeah . . . Clive Pierce. Hellooo. Y’all didn’t know that?”
Junebug propped her hand on her hip and continued. “Course Rod’s been gone forever and a day, but Clive’s still kickin’. He’s a good man. Far’s I know the worst thing about him is he squeezes a quarter until the eagle screams.” She arched her hand on the side of her mouth, and stage whispered, “That’s code for he don’t tip well.” She dropped her hand. “He’ll figure out ten percent down ta the penny. Twelve percent on a good day. But he’s good people. He don’t like ta talk ‘bout his brother, though.”

“
Does Rod have any children in town?” Jack asked.

“
Nopie, not that I know of. Y’ont me ta ask Clive ‘bout it fer ya?” Junebug hitched her head in Clive's direction.

“
Sure. If you don’t mind,” Jack said. Junebug headed for the
counter.

Tess
was facing away from Clive, but Jack watched as Junebug sidled up to him, refilled his coffee, and began talking.

“
Uh oh. Clive’s neck and face just flushed a bright red and a ‘Huh?’ came out of his open mouth,” Jack told Tess and Nick.

“
Junebug’s talking gently to him and patting his hand. Now she’s saying somethin’ else to him. Clive looks irritated.” Tess took another bite of sandwich.

They
heard Junebug say, “Now, now . . . “ and then her voice got lower as she wiped off the counter, continuing to talk softly.

“
It sounds like she’s cajoling him,” Tess whispered.

“
Uh oh,” Jack said, “Clive’s face just turned beet red, and he said somethin’ to Junebug. Now she’s getting a piece of coconut meringue pie out of the domed plate and giving it to him.”

Jack
said Junebug was headed back to their booth, and Tess looked over her shoulder and saw her checking on a few customers along the way.

“
Well, live and learn, die and know it all,” Junebug said as she got to their table. “I just found out that Clive is the baby of seventeen children. He was still knee-high to a duck, of course, when the robbery occurred and doesn’t really know that much about his older brother Rod, but he does know that he don’t have any offspring. He says Rod was the black sheep of the family, who besmirched the Pierce name, and he got kind of testy with me ‘bout bringin’ him up. It cost me a piece of pie. So it’s gonna cost you too, Jackson. Now pay up.”

Junebug
bent down and put her face right in front of Jack’s lips, pointing to her cheek. Jack promptly complied, giving her a big kiss, and then another.