Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction (20 page)

“
Let’s warmly welcome the lovely ladies, our fine contestants for Miss Goose Pimple Junction.” Buck swung his arm out toward the women, who were walking on stage to applause and whistles.

“
These beautiful young women don’t need an introduction, but it’s protocol, so I gotta do it,” he continued. “Our first fine contestant is Araminta Lehigh.”

Araminta
stepped forward, twirled around, in model fashion, and stepped back.

Lou
put her hand up to the side of her mouth and whispered to Tess, “She looks like she made an ugly pie and ate every slice!” Jack leaned in, and Tess whispered Lou’s line to him.

“
Cornelia Crump,” the mayor said into the microphone. Cornelia proceeded to step up and twirl.

“
Land sakes, she can’t help that she’s ugly, but she could've stayed home,” Lou whispered.

“
Julia Cole,” was the next contestant called. She stumbled a bit as she stepped forward.

“
Bless her heart,” Lou said, “She’s so tall if she falls down she’ll be halfway home.”

By
now, Jack was leaning over Tess’s lap so he could hear Lou’s commentary straight from her, since Tess had her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh out loud.

“
Nellie Baker.”

“
Mmm mmm, look at her.” Lou shook her head. “She’s so buck-toothed she could eat an apple through a picket fence.”

“
And last but not least, Frona Walker.”

“
Aw, it’s not right to say what I thank a poor Frona, bless her heart.”

“
Lou, you can’t stop now! This is the last one!” Tess begged.

Lou
took a deep breath, put her hand up to partially cover her mouth, and whispered, “She's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.”

“
And the winner is . . . Julia Cole!”

Lou
leaned over Tess’s lap and whispered, “I know Julia’s mama is happy. That child was so ugly when she was born, her mama used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.”

“
Lou, you outdid yourself this year. Excellent commentary.” Jack patted her on the back, as the audience dispersed.

“
I don’t understand,” Tess said, confused. “Why aren’t these women more . . . ‘beauty queen-like?’”

“
Well, now see, there’s your problem. You’re thinkin’ Miss Goose Pimple Junction’s a beauty contest. No, honey. This contest idn’t
about how you look, it’s about who you know. Social prestige and
power. That’s why I don’t mind makin’ fun of the girls. There’s not a one was in it on account of their beauty or brains or talent. It’s all just a crock a . . . “

“
Mama!” Martha Maye interrupted. “Little pitchers have big ears.” She hitched her head toward Butterbean.

“
Oh yeah, sorry, honey. Anyway, it’s all in good fun. Well,” she said, looking behind Martha Maye. “Hidee, Henry Clay. I figured you’d be around.”

Henry
Clay Price had quietly walked up to the group and was
standing right behind Martha Maye. He had a wide smile on his face and
a
campaign button on his shirt that said, “Henry Clay Price for
Governor.” Martha Maye turned, saw him, and promptly wrapped
him in a friendly hug. 

“
Henry Clay! How long’s it been? It’s so great to see you!”

His
face turned bright red, but he looked extremely pleased to see Martha Maye, too. “What are you doin’ here, Martha?”

Lou
jumped in and said, “It’s nice to see you Henry, but we’us just headed up to the watermelon seed spittin’ contest. Martha Maye, you and Butterbean, are comin’, too, ain’tcha?”

“
Mama, y’all take Butterbean and gwon ahead, I’ll catch up dreckly.
I wanna talk ta Henry Clay a minute.”

They
all strolled off, leaving Martha Maye and Henry Clay behind. As they walked, Lou brought Tess and Jack up to date on her daughter and Henry.

“
Martha Maye and Henry Clay—idn’t that cute how that rhymes!” She shook her head. “Anyway, they grew up together. He’s been
sweet on her, long’s I can recollect. They even dated, against my better judgment, the summer she was home before her last year in college. But it was right about then that she met Lenny, and he swept her off her feet and away from Henry Clay.”

“
Did Henry Clay ever marry?” Tess asked.

“
Oh, yeah. But his wife ran off with the mailman. Or somethin’ like that. I think it broke his heart when Martha Maye got married, and he married on the rebound. You wanna hear a funny story about your
mama?” She looked down at Butterbean, who nodded her head. “When they were in junior high skule, Henry Clay came up to her one day, out on our driveway. He handed her a note that said, “Will you be my girlfriend?” Well, she didn’t know what to do, so she said, ‘Wait a minute, I gotta go ask my mama.’ And in the house she ran. She asked me what she should do. I told her to tell him she already had a boyfriend. So she went runnin’ back out and told poor ol’ Henry Clay, ‘My mama said I’m already seein’ somebody and I can’t see two boys at once.’”

Everyone
laughed at Lou’s story, and Tess said, “He seems like a nice enough fellow.”

“
Henry Clay’s a banker, aspirin’ to be the gov’nor. He’s made a
good livin’ for hisself. He just worries me a little about gettin’ on with Mart. He’s a nice boy, but he don’t have the sense God gave a chigger. He’s got too much book-smarts, and not enough common sense. And he’s a typical politician.” She stopped and looked at her granddaughter. “Buttabean, you wont a sno-cone? Here,” she gave the girl some money, “go gitcherself one. It’s hotter ‘n a fritter out here.”

Just
as Butterbean skipped away, Buck strode up to their group. “And a marvelous fourth of Joo-lye to y’all.”

After
a brief chat, Buck moved on, but Tess was surprised at
Lou’s comment: “Beauty's only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.” She sounded meaner than Tess thought was possible of Lou. “I don’t have much use for him. He don’t have a lick a sense either.”

Then,
just as soon as the cloud had come on her face, she
brightened
again,
as
Butterbean
rejoined
them,
sipping
on
a
blueberry sno-cone. “Let’s stop by and take a look-see at the bakin’ contest. They shouldoughtta have the winners by now.”

They
went to look at the myriad display of baked goods. Lou didn’t know that Tess had entered her apple pie. When she saw Tess’s name next to the blue ribbon she exclaimed, “Well butter my butt, and call me a biscuit!”

“
I won?” Tess asked, a bit shocked. A big smile came over her face, reality sinking in. “I won!”

“
And look here, Granny, your peanut butter cookies won, too!”
Butterbean said, with a blue mouth.

“
And your fudge,” Jack said, moving down the line, “
And
your
coconut cake, Lou. You two gals cleaned up!”

After
reveling in their victories, they watched Clive and Earl battle it out in the watermelon seed spitting contest, with Earl being the victor. The next event was one for fathers and daughters.

“
Whatta ya say, Butterbean? Wanna sneak in with me?” Jack asked.

They
watched as all of the fathers in town, and Jack as a substitute father, donned goggles and had their faces lathered with shaving cream. The children were given squirt guns, and at the count of three, the race was on to see who would be the first to squirt their daddy’s face clean. Jack and Butterbean didn’t win, but they had a ball.

Just
as Jack predicted, as they made their way through the crowd that day, all of the ladies fawned over him. Tess was introduced over and over again to some women who were clearly jealous and others who were glad to see him “with such a nice girl.”

At
dusk, Jack grabbed Tess’s hand and led her away from the heart of town and the crowd of people, to a grassy hill where they’d be able to watch the fireworks alone. Tess protested, but Jack was persistent. She wasn’t sure the other night had been a good idea. Maybe she’d let her guard down because of the martini, but she wanted to keep her distance from Jack now. There was still that matter of him cheating on his wife.

“
Jack! What are you doing?” Tess towered over him, as he settled onto the cool grass at the very top of the hill. Lying down, he put his hands behind his head and scowled up at her.

“
I do believe you could start an argument in an empty house, Mary Tess!”

“
Jack, what are we doing up here? People will think we’re being anti-social.”

“
You wanted to spend time alone with me,” he said, grinning and looking up at the sky.

“
What?” she screeched.

“
Well that’s what you said . . . “

“
I said no such thing and you know it!”

“
Oh, maybe it was me who wanted to spend time alone with you,” then he grinned, reaching out to pat the grass beside him. “Come on in. The water’s fine.”

“
Jackson Wright! I can’t believe . . . “

“
Shh, shh . . . now just simmer down. Stop arguin’ and relax.” He looked up at her. “Please?”

Nothing
was said as she sat down next to him, bringing her legs up to her chest
and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“
How’s the book comin’?” He sat up on one elbow and looked at her.

“
I haven’t had much time to work on it lately. Between working at the bookstore and researching Lou’s family . . . “

“
Hey! I meant to ask. Did you look any further online? Did you find anything?”

“
Yes and no.”

“
Yes and no?”

“
Yes, I looked, and no, I didn’t find anything,” she explained.

“
Dang.”

“
Yeah.”

“
So what’s our next move?”

“
I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“
Well, do you still think we shouldn’t approach Lou about it?”

“
Yes, I have a hunch it’s still too painful for her even all these years later.”

“
Okay, maybe we could discreetly talk to Martha Maye. She might know somethin’.”

“
That’s a good idea,” she said, genuinely enthused.

“
Yep, I’m full of good ideas.” He moved closer to her.

lilac
:  verb \lahy-lak\ lie like

You lilac a dirty cur dog!

[  1937  ]

The mosquitoes and fireflies were thick on the hot July evening when Trevor Hobb sauntered up his sister-in-law’s front walk. She sat on her porch swing, trying to stay cool, breathing in the sweet scent of honeysuckle and watching her children. The sun had set long ago, and all
was quiet except for the cadence of the crickets and the squeals of her children in the yard as they tried to catch lightning bugs. Maye watched the tiny spurts of light flash throughout the pitch-black yard and was in such a reverie she wasn’t aware of Trevor’s presence until he’d been there for several minutes. Hearing him swat a mosquito, she turned her head and found him leaning against the porch column, silently watching her.

“
Trevor!” she said, startled. “I didn’t know you were there.”

“
Sorry to scare you, Maye.” He came up on the porch and sat down beside her. “The kids sound like they’re havin’ fun.”

“
The simple joys of life. A summer evenin’, catchin’ fireflies,” she said wistfully.

Trevor
reached out for her hand. She pulled it away from him and asked, “Would you like a refreshment? I have some lemonade and
cookies in the kitchen. Are you hungry? I can get somethin’ out of the ice box.”

“
You’re my simple pleasure, Mayepie. But I don’t get you. You run hot and cold on me. Why are you fightin’ me now? You know I’m crazy ‘bout you.”

“
Trevor, you and I can’t be. We just can’t. Please get that through your head.”

“
You don’t mean that, Maye. I know ya don’t. I know I didn’t have a chance when John was alive, but now that he’s gone, let me take care of you and the kids. Let me make you happy again. I want ta marry you.”