Read Murder at Breakfast Online
Authors: Steve Demaree
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #Humorous, #Mystery; Thriller & Suspense, #Mystery, #Cozy, #General Humor
I
sat there, saddened. My partner spoke the truth. He had changed. What could I
do to get my friend back? My friend who used to eat real food.
Even
though I was ready to eat, I decided to question one of the residents before we
left for lunch. Maybe if Lou had to wait a while longer, he might be willing to
eat a little more. I walked around the corner, down the hall, pushed the
elevator button, got on, and pushed “3”.
I
stepped off the elevator, headed down the hallway toward the residential
apartments. I spotted apartment six and knocked. No one opened the door to
admit me. I knocked again. Finally, after my third knock, I heard a voice from
inside the apartment.
“I’m
sick. Please call again at another time.”
“Mr.
Cochran, this is Lt. Dekker with the Hilldale Police Department. I need to talk
with you. It’s urgent.”
A
gray-haired man with a moustache opened the door. He looked like he’s seen
better days. He motioned for us to come in and take a seat.
“So,
what’s so important Lieutenant that you must bother a man when he’s sick. Is this
something that couldn’t wait until Monday?”
“Oh,
I guess it could, but I prefer to go ahead and discuss this with you. What can
you tell me about Mrs. Higgins?”
“Katherine,
she’s a friend of mine. Why? What does she have to do with anything?”
“When’s
the last time you saw her?”
“Thursday
night. Is something wrong? Is there something I don’t know about?”
“Evidently
so, Mr. Cochran. Mrs. Higgins died yesterday.”
“Katherine.
No, not Katherine. Tell me you’re kidding.”
“I’m
sorry, Mr. Cochran. I’m not kidding. She was found dead in her apartment last
night.”
“But
she was in fine health. She was never sick.”
The
gravity of the moment had begun to hit the older man. At least that’s the way
it looked. Tears began to flow from his eyes.
“She
was my friend, my best friend.”
“And
the last time you saw her was Thursday night?”
“Thursday
night, at dinner, and after. She invited me over to watch
Wheel
and
Jeopardy
.
We did that a lot, watched them together, then sat and talked for a while
before I came back to my place to get ready for bed. It won’t seem the same
without her. Tell me, do you know how she died? Was it her heart?”
“We
won’t know until after the autopsy. Probably on Monday. So, you two spent a lot
of time together.”
“That’s
right. Katherine and I really hit it off. I don’t think it was because I’m the
only man here. I don’t think Katherine was looking for a man, although I think
that some of the women around here are that way.”
“Like
Mrs. Hunt?”
“I
see I’m not the first person you’ve talked to. Yes, Christine, and Joanna
Moberly, too. Joanna’s a little younger, and I admit she’s not bad looking, but
Katherine and I seemed to feel the same way about things.”
“Had
the two of you talked about marriage?”
“Oh,
no. We’re too old. Besides neither of us wanted to break up a beautiful
relationship.”
“Do
you know of anyone here who didn’t like her?”
“Well,
you know how women are. They don’t always get along all that well with certain
other women. Katherine had a habit of saying what she thought, and some of the
other women here are the same way. There were disagreements, but nothing
volatile. Just that Katherine preferred some people to others. The other women
were the same way.”
“So,
Katherine didn’t get along with the other women?”
“No,
I can’t say that, either. She and Hilda Winters were good friends, did things
together from time to time.”
“As
I understand it, you spent the entire day yesterday and so far today in your
apartment.”
“That’s
right.”
“Did
you by any chance hear anyone out in the hall yesterday anytime?”
“Well,
I was in bed most of the day. I didn’t hear anything except one time I woke up
and the cleaning woman was running the vacuum. It sounded like it was outside
my door forever. Finally, I got back to sleep. I got up a while later, around
lunchtime, took my tray from the dumbwaiter. She bumped against the door with
the carpet shampooer one time.”
“And
that was when you were eating lunch?”
“I’m
not sure exactly, but around that time. Most of the time they get through
shampooing a little before 1:00, but of course the carpet is wet, so we can’t
leave our apartments for a while. They ask us to stay off the carpet from 10:15-4:00 on those days when they shampoo, which isn’t often.”
“And
you didn’t hear anything else all day?”
“No,
but what does all that have to do with Katherine? Katherine lives downstairs.”
“Which
reminds me of something, Mr. Cochran. There’s a ladder outside your window.”
“Oh,
did I forget to put it back again? No, I’m pretty sure I put it back. I forget
sometimes, though.”
“So,
you’re known to use that ladder from time to time?”
“Oh,
I figured someone would find me out some day. Katherine and I thought it was a
hoot. One time, a while back, when I was in one of my rascally moods, I climbed
down the ladder and knocked on Katherine’s window. Katherine died laughing when
she opened the blinds and saw me there. After that, whenever we didn’t want any
of the busybodies to know that Katherine and I were together at her place, I’d
come back to my apartment after dinner, brush my teeth, and then slip out the
window and down the ladder to Katherine’s place. Only in good weather, of
course. I knew that sooner or later someone would see us. Tell me, was it one
of the hired help?”
“Now,
Mr. Cochran, policemen have to have their secrets, too.”
“Well,
it doesn’t matter. Everyone knew about the two of us anyway.”
“Well,
I guess that’s all for now, Mr. Cochran. I hope you get to feeling better. Oh,
and we’re asking everyone to stay in until we learn more about Mrs. Higgins’
death.”
“Oh,
was there something suspicious about it?”
“We
won’t know until after the autopsy is completed.”
+++
I
was embarrassed to go to the Blue Moon with Lou. Lou, a shell of his former
self. And he had no idea what he was doing to himself. He used to be a man who
carried his weight quite nicely. Well, not as nicely as I carried mine, but
nicely compared to most guys. This morning, he had the nerve to admit to me
that his Wii told him he had lost twenty-one pounds. Maybe it had something to
do with that voice, the one that came from the TV, the one that told me I was
obese. It was a strange voice. Maybe it had hypnotized Lou. Oh, if only someone
could steal Lou’s Wii, so I can get my old friend back.
Robust
and Frail walked into the Blue Moon. I hoisted myself up onto my stool. Lou
slithered onto his. Rosie sensed there was something wrong with me. She turned
to Lou to see what it was.
“What’s
wrong with him?”
“He
fell on his candy.”
“Excuse
me?”
“He
fell on his candy. Actually, something happened in the line of duty which
caused him to fall and all of his candy bars broke into little bitty pieces.
Now I don’t understand what the big deal is, because he breaks his Hershey
Almond bars into bite-size pieces before he eats them, but I think it has
something to do with the fact that the impact caused some of his nuts to break
in half.”
I
gave Lou a dirty look, but he didn’t notice. He and Rosie were looking at each
other at the time.
Rosie
turned to look at me.
“Can
I help it if I like to break my own candy bars the way I want?”
I
took my mangled Hershey bars from my pocket, showed her the damage that had
been done, and received her empathy. Lou’s tattling had caused us too much of a
delay, so I changed the subject to something more important than being
blindsided by a linebacker of a maid.
I
ordered an open-face roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and enough gravy
to start a flood. Lou ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato,
and brown mustard. I waited to hear the rest of his order. There was no rest. Lou
was through. Lou was through all right. I knew that before long he wouldn’t
have enough strength to feed himself.
When
our food arrived, I propped a menu up between us, so that Lou wouldn’t see that
I had a much better lunch than he had. I quickly put it back, hoping that he
would be tempted. He even looked at me, at my food, and didn’t lick his lips
once. I wanted to get Rosie aside to see if maybe Lou was sneaking back after I
dropped him off at night, in order to make up for his transgressions. Then I
remembered that the Blue Moon is no longer open at night.
A
few minutes later Rosie walked up, whispered in my ear. She didn’t want
you-know-who to hear. She had just taken a coconut cream pie from the oven. It
should have had time to cool just enough. I told her to bring it on, and set
the whole pie in front of the vacant stool next to me, just in case the aroma
might snap someone out of his catatonic state.
Rosie
brought a large plate, sliced two pieces of pie and put them on my plate. I
have never “oom-oomed” and “yum yummed” as much as I did those next
five minutes. Nothing worked. I even rang Pavlov’s bell. The poor boy never
even requested a yogurt. Maybe I could find someone at the department who
would break into Lou’s apartment and steal his Wii. I wondered if the Wii
company ever recalled those things.
+++
I
pulled into the “Visitors Parking” area at Parkway Arms and pulled my map of
the premises from my shirt pocket. I wanted to consult my map, but I also
wanted to allow my lunch an ample amount of time to find a spot to rest while I
worked. I looked over the list of residents and decided to begin my questioning
on the third floor. I already knew that Russell Cochran and Elaine Jewell were
the only ones who had had their breakfasts sent up that morning and that
Cochran and Mrs. Higgins were the only ones to have their lunches sent up. I
wanted to let Miss Draper know that Lou and I were there to question the
residents. She sighed, knowing that we had to do it. When I returned from her
office, I noticed Lou and the cop on duty laughing about something. They
stopped laughing when I joined them.
“Well,
my friend, are you ready to quit having a good time and get back to work?”
“Ready
when you are.”
I
walked over toward the elevator, noticed a sign on the door, “Elevator out of
order. Please use the stairs. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Luckily I
recognized Lou’s handwriting, ignored the sign, and pushed the button. Then, I
ripped the sign from the door, handed it back to Lou. He smiled, folded it, put
it in his pocket.
Christine
Hunt lived across the hall from Russell Cochran. Lou and I walked up to her
door and knocked. We had talked to someone who worshipped Mrs. Higgins. We were
about to talk to someone who despised her. I knocked and waited for someone to
answer the door. In a few seconds, an elegantly-looking woman opened the door
and looked at us with a quizzical look on her face. Like many of the other
females we had encountered at the apartment building, this woman was above
average in height and not overweight.
“Yes?
May I help you with something?”
“I
assume you are Christine Hunt.”
“I
am. And you are?”
“I
am Lt. Dekker of the Hilldale Police Department and this is Sgt. Murdock. We’d
like a few minutes of your time.”
“Whatever
for?”
“Do
you mind if we step in?”
“Oh,
all right, if you insist. Has there been a burglary in the neighborhood? We’re
pretty safe here. We keep our doors locked, and no one can get in the windows.”
“Do
you know a woman named Hazel Allnut?”
“Hazel,
of course. Did something happen to her?”
I
refrained from saying, “I wish,” and answered, “No, I was just wondering what
you can tell me about her.”
“Well,
she’s a friend of mine. I don’t know why, because both of us are the assertive
type, like to get our way. But we get along famously.”
“When
is the last time you saw her?”
“Oh,
a couple of days ago. I started to check with her to see if she wanted to go
shopping and to lunch with me yesterday, but it slipped my mind, so I ended up
going alone.”
“So,
you were out yesterday. When did you leave and when did you come home?”
“Normally
I don’t pay attention to that stuff, but I needed to get out of here before
they started shampooing the carpet, and I couldn’t come back until afterward.
Anyway, I left here a little before 10:00, got back just after 4:00. Probably more like 4:15. Did something happen while I was gone?”
“I
don’t know.”
“Well,
you seem to be interested in my whereabouts, and my friend. Anyone else you
want to know about?”
“How
about Russell Cochran? Do you know him?”
“Know
him? I dream about him every night. He’s a handsome devil and the two of us
could make wonderful music together. Of course, for some reason I can’t
understand he has had his eye on that Higgins woman on the second floor. But if
what I heard at breakfast this morning is correct, she keeled over sometime
yesterday, so I guess old Russell is fair game now.”
“You
seem to be pretty broken up about Mrs. Higgins’ death.”
“Oh,
so that’s why you’re here. You think I bumped her off. How did she die, anyway?
No one seems to know.”
“Including
me. Maybe I’ll let you know when I find out. When was the last time you saw
her?”
“So,
someone did bump her off. Let me know who did it. I’ll want to drink a toast to
him or her.”
“I
don’t believe you answered my question.”
“Which
was?”
“When
was the last time you saw Mrs. Higgins?”
“You
mean alive? Sorry, a little joke there. I saw her at breakfast yesterday
morning. I didn’t slip anything into her orange juice, although I’ve been
tempted to many times.”
“So,
how did you know it was something in the orange juice that killed her?”
“The
policeman can be a jokester, too. I like that in a man. Maybe if things don’t
work out between Russell and me, I’ll look you up. Looks like you know a good
meal when you see one. Maybe you can take me out sometime. By the way, what’s wrong
with him? He hasn’t said a word.”
“He’s
in training. He’s just supposed to sit still and take notes.”
“I
haven’t seen him take any notes.”
“See,
how good he is. He takes notes so quickly that no one even notices that he’s
taking them.”
“Is
he as funny as you are? Sometimes those strong silent types are good company.
Still water runs deep.”
“I
don’t think you’re his type.”
“Oh,
and what’s wrong with me?”
“Oh,
nothing. But he has a tendency to stand in front of a mirror admiring himself.
It’s something recent. Never did that until he bought a Wii.”
“Oh,
does he have one of those things? I bet he has a Wii Fit, too.”
“Don’t
tell me you like those things, too?”
“Never
found a need for one. Of course, I could get interested. I was on the Internet
this morning, a site called YouTube, you’ve probably heard of it, and I saw the
sexiest man doing the hula hoop. Come to think of it, he looked a lot like you.
It was you. You wolf you. Here you are acting like he’s the one doing this
stuff, when all the time it’s you. Maybe we can get together sometime and try
it out. I’m always game for something different.”
“I
think that’s all the questions I have for you right now, Mrs. Hunt, but please
don’t leave the premises in case we have any more questions.”
“I
wouldn’t dream of it. Here, let me give you my number. Call me when you’re
free.”
I
got out of that apartment as quickly as possible. I didn’t look back until I
realized that Lou had paused at the door. Before he left, he said something to
Mrs. Hunt.
“He’s
really shy around women, but I can tell he likes you,” Lou said.
“Shy?
Are you kidding me? Maybe you didn’t see him reaching out to those two women to
give him CPR.”
“That
was on there, too?” I asked, before I could shut my mouth and rush away. George
is really in for it now, or was Lou responsible for this? No, it had to be
George. Lou wouldn’t know any more about how to do something like that than I
would. I hoped I didn’t encounter anyone else who has seen my three minutes of
shame. Or was it an hour?
+++
That
incident so unnerved me that I ate a whole Hershey Almond bar instead of the
one bite at a time that I usually do. I spit out the paper before I swallowed.
After
doing so, I turned and faced the Cheshire Cat. I would get even with him, too.
Some day. Somehow.
The
other two third-floor residents were out of town, visiting their children, who
were no longer children. The next person on my list was only a few feet down
the stairs, or a lot more feet if we took the elevator. I thought about taking
the stairs, letting Lou go first, tripping him. But I knew if I did, God would
punish me. I brushed past Lou and hurried to the elevator. Maybe I would
question the next person alone and send Lou over to talk to my next-door
neighbor to see if she knew Mrs. Higgins. As we rode down in the elevator I
wondered how long Wiis work before they break down. Hopefully, Lou’s Wii will
break down before I do.
+++
It
was Saturday, so Lou and I decided to question each of the other three
residents who were in town and wrap things up for the weekend.
Over
the next hour, I talked to Hilda Winters, Joanne Moberly, and Elaine Jewell and
found out nothing of consequence from any of them. All of them had chosen to go
out the day before. All of them went out somewhere around 10:00, and each one returned just after 4:00. All of them admitted to knowing about Mrs. Higgins’s
death, but none of them appeared to know about it until breakfast. I had no
idea if all of them were telling the truth. I didn’t even have any idea yet if
anyone murdered the woman. Miss Winters seemed to be the most broken up about
Mrs. Higgins’s death, but then supposedly Miss Winters was a close friend of
Mrs. Higgins.
+++
Lou
and I sat in Lightning for a few minutes before we pulled away from the Parkway
Arms parking lot. Most of the time, we do our reflecting upon the case at
night, but since this was Saturday and we planned to do no more work that day,
we took time to reflect while the case was still fresh in our minds. The two of
us sat there silently, mulling over everything we had learned so far, which was
not much.
“Well,
Lou, what do you think?”
“I
think it was Mrs. White in the kitchen with the lead pipe.”
“You
actually think she kept the lead pipe in the kitchen?”
“Not
really. But it’s the best I can come up with on so few clues.”
“Okay,
let’s say we have a murder here. If not, we get to do more reading on Monday,
but humor me here, and let’s say that someone did the old lady in. Who might it
have been?”
“Well,
Cy, If she was actually killed at noon, that sure cuts our suspect list down to
a respectable number.”
“Well,
I’m not sure how respectable it is, being that the old lady was murdered. But
tell me, who’s on your list?”
“Well,
all the residents but the boyfriend are out, because they were out at lunch.
And if the door was latched, no one could have gotten to her at that time. So,
I can see only two people who might have done it; the boyfriend or the cook.”
“That
settles it, then.”
“That
doesn’t settle it, Cy. It only narrows it down to two suspects.”
“No,
it settles it. We’ve never had it this easy, so obviously, when Frank finishes
his autopsy we’ll learn that she’s been dead for three days and she was shot
through the temple.”
“And
what about all of those who saw her during those last three days?”
“Obviously
it was an actress hired by the murderer.”
“Or
the murderer disguised as Mrs. Higgins.”
“Looks
like we’ve solved the case. Now all we have to do is check out all the
actresses in town.”
The
two of us had lost it. Well, Lou had definitely lost his. I was trying to
maintain mine.