Murder at Breakfast (19 page)

I
looked at my watch, less than an hour until supper. Maybe at supper someone
would confess. Then four of Hilldale’s finest could go home.

“Well,
Lou, you have any ideas what’s going on?”

“Looks
like a murder investigation, Cy.”

“Looks
like a sergeant might be camping out in the rain tonight.”

“It’s
not supposed to rain, Cy.”

“Nor
is a sergeant supposed to camp out, at least not as long as he’s doing his
job.”

“Okay,
Cy. I don’t know what to make of all of this. I have no idea where the woman
was murdered, but evidently someone has been inside of her apartment, and it
seems like the most likely person to do that is whoever murdered her. Do you
think that allows us to narrow the field of suspects.”

“You
mean to anyone who had a key?”

“Or
maybe to anyone who had access to that window.”

“That
would give us the handyman, the manager, the linebacker maid, who had keys, and
Miss Jewell and Mr. Cochran, who could’ve come through the window.”

“Plus
we don’t know who the murdered woman might have given a key to.”

“Or
to come back to something we talked about earlier, who might’ve knocked on her
door, or come in with her when she returned from breakfast.”

“So,
what you’re saying is everyone’s a possibility but the cook.”

“No
need taking her out.”         

“No,
I sure wouldn’t want to take her out, although if it came down to her and that
linebacker maid, I might go for the cook.”

“You
would, Cy.”

“Hey,
we’ve gotta eat. Actually, Lou, what we’ve got is a woman who was murdered,
poisoned. We don’t know whether she was poisoned before breakfast, at
breakfast, or after breakfast. We only know that she was poisoned, and the boys
downtown found no poison in any of the food that we found in this apartment.
And, naturally, we don’t have any of the breakfast food to test. And she was
found too late to determine which of the things inside her poisoned her. We
only know that she ingested whatever it was. Lou, I wonder if the things we
found in the apartment, like the partially eaten food on her tray, were planted
to divert suspicion away from the breakfast table.”

“Or,
Cy, maybe she wasn’t poisoned in either place. Maybe there’s something else out
there that we haven’t found yet.”

“Lou,
I must compliment you on always making things easier.”

Lou
had a point. Maybe someone invited her to sample something in his or her
apartment. Maybe a close neighbor said, “Try one of these and let me know what
you think.” As always, there were too many “ifs.” We were as successful
discussing the case in the apartment as we had been locating something that was
missing, or something that was there that shouldn’t have been, so we gave up
and went down to supper a few minutes early.

We
were becoming used to our routine of eating with the people at Parkway Arms.
This was our third meal together, and I could tell how we were growing on
people. I felt as welcome as a cannibal at a nudist convention.

I
thought about eating only one supper, but dismissed that thought quickly. These
people eat a lot earlier than I’m used to eating, so I needed to eat with both
groups so that I wouldn’t have to go home and fix something before bedtime.
Besides, I had no idea if the murderer was part of the first eating group or
the second eating group. I told Lou to sit tight and we would eat with both
groups. I could hear him counting Wii exercises in his head.

My
new best friend came over with the possibilities for supper; sirloin steak,
shrimp, or pork chops. The accompaniments were baked potato, green beans, corn
on the cob, and side salad. My steak, baked potato, and corn on the cob arrived
shortly. I didn’t bother to see what the guy next to me was eating. I couldn’t
afford indigestion. The steak looked to be somewhere between Cy size and New
Lou size. That was okay. A second steak would be on its way in an hour or so. I
missed Rosie, but I was beginning to like the idea of two of each meal.

For
the second meal that day, I won the award for first clean plate. That means
that I got the first dessert. This time I got to choose between chocolate cream
pie, pineapple upside down cake, or an ice cream sundae. Too bad there weren't
three suppers. That way I could sample all of them.

When
all but two of the first group dispersed, the cook came over to me.

“Both
of you staying this time?”

Lou
spoke up and said, “Yes, but I’m just here as an observer.”

From
everything I could tell, that was the same role he played during the first
serving of supper.

Before
the cook left, I asked her a question. I had become comfortable enough to ask.

“Would
it be possible to have only one vegetable and two desserts?”

“If
you promise not to arrest me.”

“If
you promise me you didn’t murder anyone.”

“I
didn’t unless you count that guy who pinched me in the movie theater one time.”

We
both laughed. I could tell Lou was broken up about the whole thing, too.

A
few minutes later, the rest of my supper arrived. I smiled as I looked down at
my steak, baked potato, and a piece of pineapple upside down cake. Hopefully,
no one else saw what was on my plate.

The
two maids and the handyman finished eating and left the table. There were four
of us still at the table. I had just finished eating my last bite of my hot
fudge caramel sundae with pralines and cream ice cream, walnuts, whipped cream,
and a cherry when the front door opened and a thunderstorm entered.

The
outside officer ushered Hazel Allnut into the building ahead of him.

“I
seen this one hiding in the bushes. What do you want me to do with her,
Lieutenant?”

And
I had seen that the officer was not an English major in college, but enough
about that. What was I going to do with our trespasser?

“Oh,
I might know, you’d be behind all of this. Practically a member of the country
club now, are you? Well, wait until we see what happens to you after I call
downtown and tell them about all the police brutality going on here,” the old
biddy huffed when she saw me.

Before
I could answer, Margaret Draper stepped in.

“Mrs.
Allnut, remember I’m present here, too. And no one gave you permission to spy
on us.”

“I
wasn’t spying. I was just checking on everyone’s safety.”

This
time, I entered the fray.

“Mrs.
Allnut, everyone will be perfectly safe if you hightail it back home right now.
But should you choose not to, or should you choose to come back without being
invited, prior to this case being solved, I will have you arrested for
obstruction of justice.”

“Well,
I never.”

“Well,
you will if you don’t go home where you belong and stay there.”

With
that she ripped her arm from the officer’s grasp, and stomped out the door.            

When
things settled back down, Martha, the cook, came to me and asked if the two
officers had eaten, or if they might be interested in the leftovers. I wondered
how many leftovers there were, and if I had eaten too soon. Within minutes,
both officers settled down to a home-cooked dinner, and Lou and I agreed to
remain until the officers finished dinner.

+++

I
was ready to get home. I planned to spend a few minutes on the computer, and
then I wanted to get back to the Carolyn Hart mystery that I had started a
couple of days earlier. I dropped Lou off at his place and smiled as I turned
into my driveway and drove to the back of the house.  I turned off the car,
patted Lightning goodnight, opened the door, and began to hoist myself from the
vehicle. It was then that I was attacked.

I
looked down, almost tripped over my attacker. The little, white ball of fluff
looked up at me. I stood still, which was a mistake. Furball took that as an
opportunity to jump up on my body. Luckily, she couldn’t jump high enough to
lick me in the face. I wasn't about to bend over to increase her odds.

I
figured my best defense was a good offense and took off toward the back door. I
was almost there before I noticed my next-door neighbor sitting on my steps,
blocking my way. It was another few seconds before I noticed casts on both
arms. I almost felt sorry for her.

“Cyrus,
I’m sorry if I came on too strong the other day.”

The
other day
.
How about
the last one thousand years?
I thought to myself.   

Because
she was at somewhat a disadvantage and was apologetic, I felt a little sorry
for her. I was also inquisitive.

“So,
what happened to you? Trip over Muffy, or did you chase some other man who
wasn’t as soon to forgive as I am?”

“Neither.
I fell off my Wii. I should’ve known that I couldn’t do that tree exercise, but
I wanted to score as many points as I could, so I hung on as long as possible.”

“So,
that explains the one arm, but what about the other?”

“I
hadn’t finished the exercise. I needed to stand on the other leg, too.”

Too
bad I didn’t have some kind of taping device. I was sure that I finally had
enough evidence to have her committed.

“So,
who’s helping you?”

“Why
do you ask? Are you willing?”

“Not
in this lifetime” didn’t sound like a proper response to a woman with two
broken arms, so I begged off, reminded her that I still was involved in a
murder investigation.

“Miss
Humphert, maybe now would be a good time for you to go visit your sister?”

“Oh,
Cyrus, are you telling me that you’re willing to drive me and Twinkle Toes?”

I
didn’t realize that so many questions could be answered “not in this lifetime.”

“This
may come as a surprise to you, Miss Humphert, but the case I hadn’t solved five
seconds ago is still unsolved. Maybe if you scoot over a little and let me get
inside the house I can solve it sooner.”

“Maybe
if the two of us go in the house together we can solve a lot of things.”

“Miss
Humphert, did they bother to check you for brain damage at the hospital?”

“No,
they realized that I’m in love with the boy next door.”

“Well,
why don’t you go see him and leave me alone?”

“Oh,
Cyrus, you’re always so funny. Have you ever broken any bones?”

“A
couple of times. One was a woman who kept hitting on me.  I think  it was her
nose I broke. I just get all nervous when women hit on me. It was a good thing
I hadn’t drawn my gun that time.”

“Cyrus,
I can massage your back with my toes. They say that’s good for nervousness.”

“I’d
better not. I’ve heard that kind of stuff causes back fungus.”

“Oh,
Cyrus, there’s no such thing as back fungus.”

“There’s
no such thing as you and me in the same house, either.”

“Oh,
but, Cyrus, I have these casts on, and sometime I itch. If you were around you
could scratch that itch for me.”

“Miss
Humphert, it sounds like you need a cat, a scratching post, or both, and maybe
a good bath, too. I’m sure one of those things will solve your itching.”

The
vulture looked away for a minute, trying to see what happened to her mutt. I
took advantage of the opportunity and sneaked past her into the house. Thirty
minutes later, I looked out. She was still sitting there. I hoped she would go
home before it was time for me to leave in the morning. If not, I would have to
call the exterminator.

+++

I
locked the door and leaned against it. I felt like calling someone to see how
easy it would be for a woman with two broken arms and no key to break into a
house, but refrained from doing so. Instead, I slumped down in front of the
computer. I wanted to Google exterminators, stink bombs, or some such method of
getting rid of vermin, but I refrained. Instead, I typed in “locked room
puzzles” wondering what would appear in front of me. That took me to a lot of
“locked room mysteries” that I was rapidly becoming familiar with. I didn’t
have time to read all of them before I solved my murder. Besides, I knew how
someone could have gotten inside the apartment. Enough  people  had keys, but
was the latch on? Then I clicked on something else. This time it took me to a
place where I was locked in a room and needed to click on various things that
would allow me to escape from the room. With that creature hovering outside my
door, I didn’t want to get out. Finally, I deleted the first two words and
clicked on “puzzles.” From what I could tell, doing this allowed me to play all
types of games, some of which I could play with other people. I already had
another person who wanted to play games with me. I wasn’t interested. I just
wanted to solve a murder. It was obvious that nothing I could think of to click
on on the computer would solve Mrs. Higgins’ murder. If I couldn’t solve that
murder, maybe I could solve another. I traded my new computer chair for
another, and got cozy with my Carolyn Hart mystery. This woman, whom I had
never heard of a few months ago, was rapidly becoming one of my favorite
authors. I planned to read for a couple of hours, or until I finished the book,
then call it a night. Tomorrow would be another day, and while another day
meant more time spent at Parkway Arms, it also meant going back to a couple of
meals a day at the Blue Moon. I sat there and wondered if Rosie would chastise
me for missing an entire day of food at the Blue Moon. It wouldn’t be long
before I knew. Too bad that my real life mystery couldn’t be solved in the two
hours or so I set aside for Carolyn Hart, or the time it would take me to eat a
couple of meals at the Blue Moon. Oh well! I was getting paid to solve Mrs.
Higgins’s murder. I wasn’t getting paid to read or eat, although I would like
to be.