Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy: The Last Man in the World (8 page)

She
did not wish to take the risk of encountering her husband again, so she spent
much of the afternoon curled up in the window seat with a book.

The
novel could not hold her interest. She was angry he had spoken to her in such a
way, and both hurt and disappointed he had rejected her overture.

If
her efforts of the last few days were for naught, what was she to do next?

She
wished desperately for Jane or even Charlotte to confide in; they had always
understood Darcy better than she did, and would believe she meant well. But
there was nothing for it but to make her own decisions. For now she would
follow his lead whenever they met.

There
was no point in attempting to avoid him at dinner; she would only be delaying
facing him till breakfast. She chose a different necklace when she dressed for
dinner, selecting for her own comfort a topaz cross she had owned as Elizabeth
Bennet.

He
was waiting for her outside the dining room when she came down.

Unsmilingly
he escorted her to her chair, but paused once she was seated.

She
looked up at him, and he laid his fingers lightly on the side of her neck.

"I
preferred the other necklace," he said.

"I
do not like duty gifts." She was uncomfortably aware this was the first
time since their quarrel he had touched her. The warmth of his fingers against
her skin felt almost shocking.

"I
should not have said that earlier; I have been regretting it," he said
with a straight, serious look. "I would not wish you to feel you cannot
approach me. I hope you will wear the necklace again. It was not given out of
duty."

"Why
else?" she said, the hurt which had been brewing in her all afternoon
coming to the surface. "I know I am a disappointment to you; you need not
pretend otherwise."

He
took his seat at the head of the table. "I will not attempt to disguise
that our circumstances are not what I had hoped for, but it is not you who
disappoints me."

"It
is kind of you to say so," she said uncomfortably, not knowing how to
respond to a statement so patently untrue.

"I
took the liberty of writing to your aunt and uncle to extend the invitation for
them to visit us here."

"You
did?" exclaimed Elizabeth, startled. Recovering herself, she said with
what she hoped would be a teasing inflection, "I hope you will not regret
it, sir. At least they are travelling without their children; my nieces and
nephews might be more than even the most patient of men could bear."

"They
seemed well-behaved enough when I met them in London."

"If
so, it was no doubt a fluke, a temporary whim of the moment on their
part."

He
seemed to realize he was being teased, and smiled slightly. "However you
would have it, madam, they are invited."

"Yes,
I see that when your mind is made up to a matter, there is no arguing with
you." She returned his smile a little shyly.

"While
we are on the subject of my stubbornness, Elizabeth, I should mention I have
found a horse for you. Perhaps you would permit me to introduce you to her in
the morning." There was a challenge in his voice.

"I
would be happy to be introduced, " she said, staking her own ground in the
matter.

He
seemed willing to accept this, and turned the conversation to household
matters, as if there were no difficulties between them at all. Elizabeth was
willing to pretend to this as well, out of sheer relief for the cessation of
hostilities. She only hoped it would last.

The
horse was a lovely chestnut, small as he had promised, but with elegant lines.
Elizabeth reached out to pat her neck, and the mare whickered softly, turning
large dark eyes on her. "Hello, pretty girl," Elizabeth said,
stroking her.

"She
arrived yesterday, but I wanted her to settle in before you met her," said
Darcy. "I have it on good authority she is very gentle and docile."

"No
doubt more docile than I! She is lovely. Thank you."

"The
pleasure is mine." He looked at her quizzically. "I admit I am
confused. I was under the impression you disliked horses."

"Oh,
no. I like horses. It is only riding them I do not like."

"Perhaps
that may yet change."

She
arched an eyebrow at him. "Perhaps. Does she have a name?"

"Her
previous owner called her Pandora. You can change it if you like." If
Darcy was attempting to hide his smile, he was not succeeding.

She
laughed. "No, I think Pandora is perfect. Is it not?" Her eyes sparkled
as she looked at him.

"For
her or for you?"

"I
hope I am not opening Pandora's box by agreeing to this," she said.

"We
shall see." Darcy led the mare to the mounting block, then turned to look
at Elizabeth, silently challenging her.

She
walked over to the block and paused, gazing at it as if it were a mountain to
be climbed. With a sigh, she stepped up, reminding herself the ground in the enclosure
was free of rocks, and she would not be high up, nor moving quickly. If this
was what it took to improve her husband's opinion of her, she would do it. She
closed her eyes for a moment, then gingerly seated herself on the side-saddle,
holding tightly onto the pommel.

"Very
good," Darcy said. "If you straighten your back, I think you will find
it more comfortable."

"When
did you become an expert at riding side-saddle, sir?" Impertinence helped
disguise her fear.

"One
can learn a great deal by observation."

Elizabeth's
hands gripped the saddle as he slapped the mare lightly with the reins. She
would let him lead her once around the stable yard, no more, and then she would
stop, she decided. She was surprised that Darcy himself was taking on this
task. She had expected to be relegated to a stable hand for this stage of her
lessons. But perhaps he thought she would not try it if he were not there.

Pandora's
gait was reassuringly smooth, but Elizabeth's heart pounded at each step. They
were a quarter of the way around, then halfway, then almost back to the
mounting block.

"That
is enough, I believe," she said, her voice scarcely obeying her. "I
would like to stop now."

Darcy
did not argue, leading her directly back to the block. He turned to her to offer
his hand, looking taken aback at the sight of her face.

"I
am sorry, Elizabeth; I should not have asked you to try this. I do not wish for
you to make yourself uncomfortable." The concern in his voice was evident.

Gratefully
she stepped onto the block. "You did not force me," she said.

"No,
but I asked it of you. It did not occur to me that a woman who dared stand up
to Lady Catherine could possibly find riding alarming. It was my mistake. I
will have her put away now."

"No,"
said Elizabeth, her voice a little stronger. "I think I will go around one
more time first."

"Are
you certain?" He did not sound convinced.

"Yes."
She settled herself back in the saddle.

It
was not quite so bad the second time, but she was relieved to dismount.

This
time Darcy said nothing beyond calling for a stable boy to take the horse.

That
night at dinner, Darcy asked how she was recovering from the morning's
exercise.

"Well
enough, sir," she replied.

"I
apologize that it caused you distress."

"You
must think me very foolish to be so frightened of riding." She was curious
to see how he would handle this challenge, but she also wished to continue the
conversation. Her riding was one of the very few subjects they could discuss
without conflict.

"Not
foolish. I do not understand why you would feel that way, but many people have
irrational fears. I have no doubt as to your courage."

"But
I cannot believe you would ever be subject to irrational fears." Or if he
were, he would never admit to them,
she thought.

"I
would not say that." He appeared completely preoccupied with cutting his
meat.

"I
cannot imagine what irrational fears you might possess."

He
took a bite and chewed it slowly before answering. "I fear losing the
people I care for."

"That
is hardly irrational. Who would not fear that?"

"True,
but I perhaps worry about it disproportionately. I also dislike heights, though
I have learned to overcome it to a large degree."

It
made him a little more human somehow, yet Elizabeth wondered about the
disproportionate worry he was so reluctant to speak of. And yet he had spoken
of it, when he quite easily could have denied any fears.

Apparently
he could still surprise her.

"I
believe tomorrow I will try again with Pandora and see if I have learned
anything," she said.

An
expression she could not interpret crossed Darcy's face, then was quickly
hidden.

"If
you will inform me when you intend to do so, I will accompany you,"

Darcy
said.

"There
is no need to interrupt you. One of the stable hands can assist me."

She
did not wish to be any trouble to him, especially when they were just
establishing amicable relations.

"I
would prefer to be there, unless you object."

"I
will be certain to inform you, then." She wondered why he wanted to be
there. If he merely wanted to know if she followed her plan, all he would have
to do would be to ask a servant. But perhaps he, too, recognized the importance
of having an activity they could broach safely. She hoped so; it would mean he
had not yet completely given up on her.

The
next morning Darcy led Elizabeth around the stable yard again.

It
was no easier for having done it the previous day, but this time she managed to
make the circuit of the stable yard twice before asking to stop. She was
equally proud of her success in achieving another period of civility with her
husband.

She
spent the remainder of the morning writing a letter to Jane. It was not a
letter she expected to send; she did not yet feel comfortable resuming the
correspondence without Darcy's express direction, though she expected this new,
polite Darcy would not object if she asked. Still, she did not wish to risk
their tentative reconciliation. But writing the letter helped clarify some of
her thoughts and improved her determination to resolve some of the issues with
her husband. That would be Jane's advice.

She
was interrupted by a footman. "Miss Darcy has arrived, madam," he
said.

"Miss
Darcy?" Elizabeth had heard the sound of a carriage a few minutes earlier,
but had thought little of it, as no guests were expected, certainly not Miss
Darcy. At least not that Mr. Darcy had mentioned. Perhaps he was well aware of
this plan. Hurriedly, Elizabeth smoothed her skirts and descended to the main
sitting room.

Georgiana
was in her brother's embrace, her head against his shoulder. "I told them
you had sent for me. They were ... " Her words trailed off as she noticed
Elizabeth's presence, and extricated herself from her brother's arms.

"Do
not give it another thought." Darcy's voice was tender, as once it had
been when he spoke to Elizabeth.

It
felt presumptuous for Elizabeth to welcome Georgiana to her own home, yet under
these circumstances she needed to say something. She advanced toward the
younger girl and kissed her cheek. "How lovely to see you again,
Georgiana."

Georgiana
gave a proper curtsey. "Thank you." Her voice was colourless.

"How
was your journey?"

Georgiana
glanced at her brother before answering. "It went well, thank you."

Elizabeth
felt very much de trop. "You must have a great deal to tell one another. I
shall look forward to seeing you at dinner." She retreated, making her way
quickly to her rooms, where she settled herself in her favourite chair and
picked up her embroidery, hoping, rather than believing, it would be enough to
distract her from her thoughts.

Choosing
a length of azure thread, she prepared her needle. Why had Darcy not told her
he had sent for Georgiana? Surely he could not have thought Elizabeth would
object; she had not objected to anything since their marriage. Perhaps he had
not wished to explain his plans to her. The most likely reason he would send
for his sister was all too obvious: he must desire some companionship more
congenial to him than her own.

Knotting
the thread, she stabbed the needle through the delicate fabric.

It
would make no difference to her own situation, since she saw him only at meals
and at her brief riding lessons. So why did it trouble her so?

She
waited to see if Darcy would seek her out with an explanation or at least some
information on the length of Georgiana's visit, but he did not appear by the
time she had finished embroidering the flowers around her new initials. Elizabeth
Darcy. Pemberley might officially be her home, but she was its mistress in name
only.

She
felt a surge of loneliness. Somewhere Georgiana and Darcy were no doubt
enjoying one another's company. Running her finger over the embroidered 'E.D.',
Elizabeth wondered if Darcy would continue his recent kindness to her now that
he had Georgiana for companionship, or if she would be just another body
inhabiting the lovely, echoing house.

Unable
to tolerate being imprisoned indoors any longer, she put her work aside. After
a quick stop in the kitchens, she made her way to the stables seek out the only
company which might truly be pleased to see her.

Pandora
whickered softly and swished her tail when she saw Elizabeth.

"No
ride this afternoon, girl; just a treat." She held out a lump of sugar. The
horse's warm breath moved over her palm as she ate. "I have a carrot for
you, too." Breaking the carrot into pieces as she had seen the manservant
at Longbourn do, she offered them one at a time. At least she could make
someone happy.