Mothers and Daughters (7 page)

‘Yes, I am. Thanks, Mum.’ She smiled at Alice and glanced at the children to see what they made of it.

‘Great cakes, I want that pink one with silver balls.’ Zara stretched for it and put it on her plate before sitting down.

Douglas told her to wait until everyone else was sitting down and to have a sandwich first, but she took no notice of him and bit into the cake, wriggling on her chair and talking at the same time.

‘My friend Becky had cakes like this at her party. They were all piled up on a plate, oh, there were hundreds of them.’

‘Goodness,’ Alice said, ‘and did she have a birthday cake as well?’

‘Yes, of course, it was like a pink handbag with things inside,’ Zara went on then catching her father’s expression she said, ‘but these cakes are very nice.’

‘I’m glad you like them,’ Alice said not overly keen on this child but perhaps she was finding it difficult to cope with this new situation in her life, her mother gone, a new step mother and now a new step granny.

Alice went over to the kettle to make the tea, urging Douglas, who hovered like an awkward heron, to sit down. While the kettle boiled she watched Johnny, who sat next to his father, regarding the cakes and biscuits warily as if one might jump off the plate and bite him. She ached to hug that fearful little boy, try and soothe away his fears. Couldn’t his parents have stayed married long enough for him to grow up a confident person? If two adults found they couldn’t live together that was one thing, but once you had children surely it was your duty in all but exceptional circumstances to make a secure home for them. As far as she could see Johnny’s only problem was not knowing how to deal with the drastic changes in his family.

Laura came over to help her make the tea and pour out milk for the children.

‘Happy for me now?’ Laura said, her eyes hesitant, reminding Alice of when she was a child, yearning for approval, though why she craved it so much she never knew, as both of them, but especially Julian, was always praising ‘his girls’.

‘As long as you’re happy, I’m happy,’ Alice said, glancing across at the others at the table. Zara was holding forth about something and Douglas was listening dutifully to her.

‘They won’t be your real grandchildren, not like Evie’s baby.’ Laura’s voice was flat.

They would not be the same, though she would try her best to care for them. Johnny had already touched her heart, with his insecurity. She felt closer to him than she did with Zara, who seemed very together, but then this was only their first meeting.

‘Grandmothers come in all shapes and sizes and have different names depending on their culture, we are just a part – I hope an important one, as your grandparents were to you and Evie – to bring more love to the children. We’ll all get used to each other,’ she said, hoping that in time they would.

‘Mum has plates like this,’ Zara said, running her finger round the rim of her plate. ‘Only they are green not blue. I think I like green best.’

‘OK, Zara, now eat your sandwich,’ Douglas glanced at Alice with embarrassment. ‘They are very pretty plates whatever colour they are.

‘I haven’t seen them in green or I might have chosen it,’ Alice said quickly to soothe his reaction.

‘They have them in pink too,’ Zara went on. ‘I like pink best but Mum didn’t.’

Laura glanced at Douglas as if she hoped he’d put a stop to this. Zara was only a child and her mother is part of her life so it was natural she’d talk of her sometimes, Alice thought, and Laura would have to get on with it, difficult though it might be.

Douglas cleared his throat and said, ‘Now Mrs… um… Alice, what should the children call you? I thought Granny Alice, if that suits you, or would you prefer Nana or Grandma?’ He smiled at her.

She hadn’t thought about that, it was all becoming too intimate, but she smiled and said, ‘Granny Alice, or just Alice…’ – Granny still felt so old – ‘would be fine.’

‘Granny Alice, it is then,’ Douglas said firmly. ‘Now, what’s this I hear, Alice, about you test-driving a sports car? Are you thinking of buying one?’

‘Oh no, I…’ Glancing at him, she felt that he didn’t approve, no doubt his mother would never do such a thing. ‘It was just spur of the moment.’ She smiled at Laura. ‘It was wonderful, reminded me of Frank, your godfather. He, your father and I used to have such fun together.’

Laura looked a little alarmed, ‘You’re not going back to your youth like poor Gina’s mother, she’s gone all peculiar since her divorce, so much Botox she looks petrified all the time and wearing skimpy clothes, you know…’ She stopped, glanced at the children, ‘Clothes that…’

‘Are not suitable for older people,’ Alice finished wearily. ‘But the thing is I… don’t feel old. Remember, I’m some years younger than your father, and I’ve some years to go yet.’

‘You were acting out of character, Mum,’ Laura said kindly, though there was a touch of steel under her tone as if she was warning her not to do so again.

Alice understood her insecurity. Her beloved father was dead and now it seemed that her mother was in danger of making a fool of herself and, as a consequence, her, in the eyes of her new man whose own mother was so sensible and so house-proud, constipated with convention, as Alice thought it. But one thing Julian’s death had taught her and, Cecily had encouraged, was to live the life you wanted as near as possible without hurting anyone else.

‘It is a part of my character, a part you didn’t see, as you didn’t know me when I was young.’

She turned impatiently to Douglas, struggling to hide her irritation with them both. They were young for goodness sake, yet where was their excitement, a splash of daring to step out of their comfort zone? ‘My husband was a wonderful man but he was also quite a cautious man and I didn’t want to upset him, but I like to drive in sports cars, not that I’ll ever be able to afford one and… to paraglide,’ she added for good measure.

‘I’d like to paraglide,’ Johnny, who’d been watching them anxiously, announced.

‘Would you, Johnny? Then perhaps we could do it together?’ Alice said, feeling elated that inadvertently she’d got through to him.

‘Mum,’ Laura said impatiently, glancing at Douglas, his face now tinged rosy pink, as if she’d said something indecent. He threw her a pained look.

‘Yes. I’d like to paraglide,’ Johnny said, looking animated for the first time since he’d arrived.

‘Now Johnny, Granny Alice was only joking,’ Douglas said hurriedly.

‘Were you?’ Johnny’s small face creased with disappointment.

Alice couldn’t bear it. She
did
want to do it. It annoyed her that Douglas and Laura thought her too old or it was not suitable, whatever… for a grandmother to do. Her remark had perked up Johnny and she wouldn’t let him down by making him think she was only joking.

‘No,’ she said firmly, ‘I wasn’t teasing about paragliding and maybe…’ she avoided Laura’s eyes, ‘we’ll find a way to arrange something to do with paragliding when Laura and your father are there. We could watch it anyway. There’s no harm in that is there, Douglas?’ she confronted him.

‘Perhaps
watching
is all right,’ Douglas said doubtfully and Johnny’s smile made Alice feel she’d won a tiny victory, with Johnny anyway, Zara would take a little longer to get close to, she thought, but hopefully they’d get there in the end.

‘I’m glad now that I didn’t have children,’ Cecily said when she’d heard Alice’s description of the tea party. ‘I had twinges of regret after the war. But from my experience, listening to my friends with children, they sometimes do seem to be such a headache.’

Alice understood. Though she did not regret for one minute having her children, there had been a few – minor seeming now – gut-wrenching dramas at school and uni, but nothing so life changing as the muddles her daughters had got themselves involved in now.

‘You were a wonderful aunt though, Julian adored you, more than his own mother even.’

‘Ah, poor Sybil, she liked living such an ordered life, with her beautiful house and garden – an extension of the doll’s house she had as a child, where everything stayed just where she’d arranged it.’ Cecily’s eyes twinkled mischievously in her wrinkled face as she remembered her childhood. ‘Sometimes I used to get up in the middle of the night and cause havoc in that house. I was jealous of it, you see, but I hadn’t the patience to arrange it like she had.’

‘Cecily, how naughty, what happened?’ Alice laughed, remembering the difficult times she’d had with Julian’s mother. When she was first married and determined to do the right things, she’d suffered nights of anxiety about having the house spotless and tidy before her mother-in-law came. Julian would tease her, saying he’d always hated living in a museum, and it was her home and she must have it as she wanted it, as long as it was clean. He hated grubbiness and changed his clothes if ever there was a mark on them, but she didn’t mind that and felt she’d got off lightly, after all he could have taken after his mother and demanded a pristine house at all times.

‘I pretended I knew nothing about it and that it must have been the dolls or Beatrix Potter’s two bad mice. But I was fond of Sybil, she was wonderful when both my fiancés were killed, and I adored her children, especially Julian. And now I have you and your girls, I’m very lucky.’ Cecily smiled, ‘I have the luxury of children without the aggro.’

‘I suppose you do,’ Alice said, ‘and soon you’ll be a great-aunt.’

‘Heaven’s, I suppose I will.’ Cecily turned to Zarinda who’d just come into the room. ‘I shall have to stay alive a little longer to meet all these great-grandchildren, Zarinda, and hopefully go to Laura’s wedding, though what we’ll do about Evie, I don’t know.’

‘You’ll outlive us all,’ Zarinda said. ‘So you are to be a grandmother,’ she smiled at Alice.

‘Yes, in rather strange circumstances,’ Alice said. Zarinda took life as it came and never made uncomfortable remarks, but Alice had found it difficult to explain to some of her friends, especially the ones whose children had married in the conventional way to conventional people, that Evie would be a single mother and that the father was married and had various offspring scattered round East Anglia, and possibly further afield.

‘A child is a blessing however it comes,’ Zarinda said.

‘So true, and we’ll all love it,’ Cecily said. ‘And as they say, Alice, there’s nothing new under the sun. During the war there were many babies fathered by men no one knew at all, sometimes not even their names. Girls drinking too much – remember we were much more innocent then about alcohol and the facts of life, and it was a disgrace if you were caught out, even if you were ignorant of such things. People married quickly but often regretted it later. And the men who came back after the war often had become strangers from the dashing, amorous men those girls had fallen in love with.’ She sighed. ‘Each generation has its own problems.’

‘I know,’ Alice agreed, wishing she’d been spared these ones.

Seeing her expression, Cecily patted her hand. ‘You’ll cope. I know you will.’

Alice felt ashamed of her weakness. Cecily had lost the two men she loved before they’d barely lived, while she had been lucky having a life and children with Julian.

‘So, are you going to test-drive a car on your way home today?’ Cecily asked with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, and seeing Zarinda’s quizzical expression explained what Alice had done last time on her way home from visiting them.

‘No, not today, I’d better take the bus or walk down through the park in case the salesman sees me and tries to pressurize me into buying one.’

Cecily laughed, ‘You do amuse me, Alice. Now tell us about Laura’s wedding, who will give her away?’

It was so like Cecily to ask the question no one else had so far voiced. Who indeed? Julian had an older sister, Selena who had a son, Christian, who worked in some highly important job in Washington, and there were a few male cousins dotted about, none of whom they knew well.

‘You could do it,’ Cecily said. ‘I’ve been to a few weddings where a woman, usually the mother, gave the bride away. Unconventional, I know, but why not?’

Alice frowned, ‘I’d feel awkward somehow. I expect we’ll find someone, one of Julian’s friends or… someone. Anyway it’s up to Laura to choose.’ She didn’t want to think about it, which was stupid really as Julian wouldn’t come back to step in on the day, but somehow she didn’t want to accept that he would not be there to lead his daughter down the aisle.

‘Has Laura any ideas?’ Cecily asked.

‘It’s something we have to discuss,’ she said.

Cecily took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Julian will be much missed, but he’d expect you to find someone he approved of, I’m sure he’s got many good friends who’d be proud to take his place. I know… what about Frank Trevelyan, isn’t he Laura’s godfather? What would she think of asking him?’

‘Yes, he is her godfather but I don’t know where to find him. I think he still lives in France. I suppose I might have his address somewhere. He wrote me a letter when Julian died, but the address was of a hotel as he was away working.’ Alice felt reluctant to track him down but if Laura wanted him, she’d do her best to find him, although whoever took Julian’s place would not be the person they longed for.

Cecily said, ‘He’s such a nice man, he always sends me Christmas cards. If you like, I can look out his address and write to him, just to find him and inform him of the wedding, and then if we do make contact, leave it to Laura to ask him if that’s what she wants.’

‘That would be great, Cecily, thank you. I’ll tell Laura, so she can make up her mind what she wants.’

*

The next day when she met up with Petra and Margot, Alice told them about Cecily writing to Frank. ‘Just to make contact with him as we are not sure of his whereabouts as he travels so much,’ Alice explained.

‘Much quicker if I go and find him,’ Petra said eagerly. ’I’ve been thinking of going to Saint Tropez, and I’m certain he’s got a house around there, Port Grimaud, I think. He told me about it once; it belonged to his grandmother and he inherited it. He even invited me to stay,’ she giggled, ‘but I never got to go. But I’ll go and find him for you,’ she finished with a bad attempt of nonchalance and if offering to look up someone’s elderly uncle.