Mothers and Daughters (27 page)

‘We both like Freya, but your father would have thought differently about Nick if he’d been here now,’ Alice retorted, though he might understand, having been in this predicament himself. Though, unlike Nick, he hadn’t cheated on anyone. Perhaps they should ask Ned and Sarah to come too, for all to see the scandals of their family. She hadn’t told her daughters about Ned; she hadn’t told anyone except for Cecily. Besides, the girls should know the story before she told her friends. She must tell her daughters calmly, not let the anger she felt leach out, and she must tell them both together, but they weren’t all going to be together until the wedding, unless she joined them in the cottage when Laura next went down for her last fitting.

She poured herself some more tea, wishing she had some brandy to slosh into it to give her strength. Cecily’s idea was a good one. ‘It takes the edge off shocks and other nasties. Far better than antidepressants and all those drugs they push at you these days at the slightest upset,’ she’d said, before pouring them both a good slug.

The wedding plans were progressing. It was to be a small affair and there had been much heartache as to who would have to be left off the guest list. It hadn’t occurred to her that Nick… and Freya would be asked, let alone their daughter be a bridesmaid.

‘None of the London people know about him and Evie, and Lexie is Bunny’s half-sister, we can’t get away from that. Freya’s all right about it, I did ask her. I saw her and Lexie in Bury when I went down for my dress fitting.’ Laura took another biscuit. ‘Freya and I chatted awhile and Lexie was dancing about and when she heard the word wedding she said, rather wistfully, that her friend was being a bridesmaid in a “fairy” dress and could she be mine, and somehow I couldn’t say no.’

‘But surely Freya doesn’t want…’

‘She told her to be quiet, saying she’d be a bridesmaid another time, but Lexie grabbed my hand and looked at me with such longing saying, “please, I’m little I won’t take up much room,” I couldn’t find a way to refuse her. So I said yes, and then of course she jumped about so excited that Freya had to give in. But it will be fine, Mum, they won’t be the only people there, after all.’

‘Has Nick been in touch with Evie?’ Alice asked. He’d seen his son only because he’d come across them in the town and she had pointedly held him up to show him.

‘I don’t know, Evie didn’t say, but she doesn’t mind him coming to the wedding,’ Laura said. ‘We found Zara’s dress in Laura Ashley and Lexie will have the same.’

‘So it seems as if it’s all settled then, and I suppose it would be unkind not to let Lexie come if she’s set her heart on it,’ Alice said, going on to ask if Laura had seen Frank lately.

She was haunted by how badly she’d treated him, when it was Julian she wanted to blame, not Frank, the messenger.

She’d tried to telephone him the day after she’d seen Cecily but it went straight to voicemail and she couldn’t think what to say so she’d rung off. That was almost two weeks ago and she hadn’t heard a word from him since. Had he gone back to France? Would he come back for the wedding?

‘Frank, yes, he’s rung a couple of times, asked how everything is going.’

‘Is he here or back in France?’ Alice asked.

‘Here, I think. Hasn’t he been in touch with you recently, taken you paragliding again,’ she teased.

‘No… we must take Johnny again, we did promise,’ she finished lamely.

‘Let’s wait until after the wedding, perhaps in the summer,’ Laura said, clearly hoping Johnny would have forgotten about it by then. ‘Was it scary?’

‘No, well just for a moment before we took off, but it was wonderful, so peaceful floating in the sky.’

‘Did you do it alone, two kites side by side?’

‘I didn’t fly on my own, we flew in tandem, Frank’s done it before. He flew behind me and controlled everything, searching for thermals and all that. We were perfectly safe and I loved it, would like to do it again.’

Frank would not ask her again but the instructors were nice; she could go up with them, the ever-chatty Ben or the girl whose name she’d forgotten, though it wouldn’t be the same, that special magic she’d shared with Frank.

There was a pain whenever she thought of him, and a desperate wish that she’d never mentioned seeing that young man.

‘Well don’t say too much about it to Johnny. He’s stopped going on about it a bit. Anyway, they’ve been away with their mother, somewhere expensive, a sort of kids’ club with endless games and sports to occupy them all the time, while their mother…’ her mouth twisted at the word as if she had a bad taste on her tongue, ‘lay about with her lover.’

‘I expect she’s exhausted with her high-powered job,’ Alice said weakly. There were too many complications, too many people pushing into their lives, sending it askew. Were all families now so complicated, with their musical chairs of changing partners and children?

Laura’s approaching wedding was like a train out of control, surging on to the end of the line. Perhaps it would all work out in the end but her main thought now was how her daughters would react to the news that they had a half-brother to add to this crazy mix of families.

Evie had her drawing to ground her and surely she now realized that Nick would not stand by her. But there was more fallout to come. Julian’s illness and death had been difficult enough to come to terms with, and both of the girls had retaliated by making such life-changing mistakes. How would they cope with the fact that their beloved father was not the man they thought he was but had led a double life, a life he kept hidden from them all?

The ‘nursery’ baskets took off – as much as they could with only two people making them and just word of mouth and one small advertisement in a free magazine. Margot and Alice kept their sewing ladies stocked with pretty fabrics and baskets, which, to Alice’s relief gave her mind a rest from her family problems.

Frank had still not contacted her since the day he’d told her about Julian’s son, and she had not tried to contact him again. Whenever she went to Margot’s house, she kept an eye out for him, and even Ned in case he’d returned. She often took the bus to South Kensington, even walking up Queen’s Gate, scouring the faces of the people she passed. Occasionally her heart lurched at the sight of a man of Frank’s build, the glimpse of a profile, the sharp cut of a suit, but it was never him, perhaps he was no longer in London.

He kept in touch with Laura and it was through her that she heard that he
was
still in London working on some article about the affairs of a large financial company who’d employed a firm which specialized in so-called ‘legal’ tax dodges.

‘He can’t be distracted, he’s got a tight deadline but he’ll be at the wedding,’ Laura told her when they met in a hurried lunch hour to discuss the menu for the great day.

‘So you’re often in touch with him?’ Alice asked, squashed into a corner of the busy restaurant, hoping she sounded casual, though just the mention of Frank was like snagging a wound inside her.

She was ashamed now of blaming Frank for telling her these important things that her husband should have done. It wasn’t as if Julian hadn’t had plenty of time and opportunities – and what other secrets had he hidden?

In the lonely, dead hours of the night, her mind sometimes trawled through all those years she’d trusted Julian when he was away on business and the times he’d told her he couldn’t make it home as there’d been a crisis at work.

‘We speak or text most weeks.’ Laura raised her voice over the chatter in the restaurant she leant forward, her eyes on her. ‘He says you do too much.’

‘Too much of what?’ Had they been talking about her behind her back?

‘Oh this and that.’ She looked away, her face awkward. ‘I think he means things with us, well really Evie’s baby… I mean she’s landed herself in it, hasn’t she, Mum? Just when she got that great commission she got pregnant with a man who’ll never stay with her. Do you think she did it to get out of doing that? She did feel it was quite a challenge and I know she’s afraid her work won’t be thought good enough and they’ll dump her.’

‘No, I don’t. She was thrilled to get the job, naturally she worried she might not be good enough or get it done in time, but that was a positive feeling, it made her work extra hard. People who think they are wonderful at things often just drift on,’ Alice said, impatient with the psycho rubbish spewed out today. ‘Nick is very attractive and very good at seducing women. I think he chose Evie because she was vulnerable after Dad’s death, and alone in the cottage. Evie should have known better, or at the very least not got pregnant, but I blame him more than I blame her. There’s something weak about a man who only seduces vulnerable women and I despise him for it,’ Alice finished sternly.

‘Oh, Mum, that’s rubbish, it takes two, and it’s not Victorian times when women knew nothing about sex,’ Laura snapped. ‘Evie didn’t
have
to sleep with him or have his baby. She was on the pill, so I wonder why she stopped it.’

Alice hadn’t known Evie was on the pill, though it seemed sensible if she was planning to sleep with someone, but Laura was right, why would she have stopped taking it? Had she not planned to sleep with anyone after Julian’s death, so stopped taking it or had Nick’s seduction of her been so over powering they hadn’t time to take other precautions?

Since Frank’s revelations Alice found that she admired Freya even more for putting her children’s welfare before her heartache over Nick’s behaviour, though they were young children still dependant on their home life.

Later, after lunch, Alice went on to meet Margot at her house. It was a relief to discuss colours and materials and choosing pretty ribbons and braid to trim the baskets. They added lined laundry baskets to their range and whole matching sets of baskets for the nursery.

‘Sam says we should have a website, sell on the Internet,’ Margot told her of her son’s idea. ‘We’d have to find more people to help Edith and Amy and we don’t want them to feel we think it is too much for them.’

‘Let’s see how this lot go first,’ Alice said. They’d had quite a few orders from their advertisement. ‘How many have they done already, should one of us fetch them?’ She didn’t want to go to Suffolk, but she did want to see Bunny, he’d captured her heart, as she’d known he would. Whatever the circumstances of his birth, he was not to blame and he was part of the family now, a person to be treasured.

‘I can’t go just now.’ Margot looked cagey. ‘You should go, see your grandson, stay a night down there? We do need to have some finished baskets up here to be able to sell in London and see if some of the small children’s shops would stock them.’

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask Margot why she couldn’t go to Suffolk. She’d always managed before to take her turn on driving there and she liked to see Edith and Amy and keep an eye on their work, but she kept quiet. Alice had an uncomfortable feeling that something was not quite right. Margot had been withdrawn all afternoon, staring into space, and though Alice had asked if anything was wrong, Margot said hurriedly, ‘No, why should there be?’ in a tone that forbade further questions.

‘OK, I’ll go then. Laura wants another fitting. So I’ll take her with me,’ Alice said, remembering Laura saying at lunch that she wasn’t sure she liked the sleeves of her dress. ‘I’ll text her and see when she can manage it.’

‘Thanks, I’ll go next time,’ Margot said, starting to pack up the fabrics and the ribbons for her to take.

They left for Suffolk a couple of days later, Laura now stressing that she’d put on weight and wouldn’t fit into the dress,

‘You’re never fat, darling,’ Alice reassured her. Laura was a larger build than dainty little Evie but she wasn’t fat.

The drive was slow with many lorries on the road, Laura fell asleep and Alice left to herself was hit with a sudden thought that buzzed into the back of her mind like an annoying wasp. The three of them would be together, alone in the cottage tonight. It could well be the last time before the wedding. She must tell them about Ned.

She’d asked Cecily’s advice when she’d last seen her a few days ago. ‘I’m dreading telling them, upsetting their image of their father. Do you think I really have to? Julian didn’t think it worth telling me, so perhaps…’ Her anger with him burned, how could he have died and left this bombshell behind?

‘I don’t know what he thought about it or why he didn’t tell you, but I think you must tell them, they are adults after all and secrets can often cause more upset than the truth,’ Cecily said firmly. ‘Think how it distressed you, finding out, and how angry you are with Julian for not telling you, disturbing your good memories of him. You don’t want them finding out some other way and thinking the same of you, far better to get it out in the open.’

‘You’re right, I’ll have to tell them, but look how they reacted when Julian died.’ Her stomach churned with the dread of telling them.

‘I know. That was unfortunate, but surely they’re over that. Evie won’t have another baby now she’s juggling one with her work, and from what you tell me, Nick has moved on. Laura’s about to get married, and unless she calls it off nothing worse will happen.’ Cecily smiled, took her hand, ‘Alice, it’s not you who did this but Julian and he shouldn’t have left it for you to do. These things are never easy, perhaps Frank would help you tell them, after all he was there when it all happened, and knows Ned well.’

‘Oh, no, that won’t work,’ she said hurriedly, she couldn’t possibly involve Frank.

Cecily regarded her thoughtfully before saying, ‘It was Julian’s doing and Julian’s responsibility. I’m very disappointed that he never told me that I had a great-nephew, especially since Ned lived in London for a while, but for whatever reason, he chose not to tell us and we can do nothing about it now.’

‘He should have told you, Cecily, I wonder why he didn’t.’

‘That was his choice, it’s not something you want to share with everyone,’ Cecily said. ‘But once you’ve done it you’ll feel better about it, have them to share it with, but don’t let it ruin your happy memories of Julian. Remember they are all you have left now so cherish them.’