Mother Be The Judge (7 page)

'You not only are hunted by others, you unknowingly hunt yourself.'

Dejan Stojanovic, The Sun Watches The Sun.

ADE234
:
Are you home yet?

LACE57
: yh, just had my dinner :-)

ADE234
: Did you like my drawing?

LACE57
: Yh, lol A4L 4ever

ADE234
: U know I luv u

LACE57
: yh but don't know y

ADE234
: U r not like the other girls, ure my spcl girl :-)

LACE57
: Shut up lol.

ADE234
: It's true. What is ure mum doing?

LACE57
: She's asleep :0 drunk on the sofa AGAIN she's got dribble coming out of her mouth loooool

ADE234
: Is she always drunk

LACE57
: Always. I have to do evryfing 4 my bruv

ADE234
: That's shit.

LACE57
: I know, I can't even go 2 skool every day.

ADE234
: That's good lol, I h8td skool, glad I'm done.

LACE57
: I've got 6 years left lol.

ADE234
: U will do well at skool, ure clever; my clever girl.

LACE57
: Ah ure so nice 2 me.

ADE234
: Can we play that game again?

LACE57
: ??

ADE234
: U know, what we did last time :-)

LACE57
: No.

ADE234
: Come on, u know I luv u xxxxxxx

LACE57
: My webcam is not working. I don't like it anyway :-(

ADE234
: :-( why don't u like it, its fun.

LACE57
: No its not, it's bad. My mum would kill me for doing that.

ADE234
: But I luv u, we can be 2gether when u r older, or now if u want.

LACE57
: I'm 2 young. My mum sed girls don't do stuff like that.

ADE234
: U told ure mum?

LACE57
: No, but told her svnnh did it, lol. Shud have seen her face... I'm not doing it again Adrian, its wrong.

ADE234
: Oh :-( it's not wrong when u luv someone. Don't u luv me?

LACE57
: pmsl

ADE234
: y r u laughing?

LACE57
: I fink it's funny.

ADE234
: Not funny, u r my spesh girl.

LACE57
: I'm going now.

ADE234
: Lacey don't go, I need 2 spk 2 u.

LACE57
: what?

ADE234
: Just, I luv u <3

LACE57
: Bord now, lol I'm going.

ADE234
: Tell me u luv me 2.

LACE57
: Shut up lol.

ADE234
: Tell me u luv me....................

LACE57
: I luv u x

ADE234
: R u getting ure webcam fixed?

LACE57
: No, mum can't afford it.

ADE234
: I'm getting a job at Big Value, I can buy u 1.

LACE57
: Can u get me sweets as well?

ADE234
: Anyfink 4 my spesh girl.

LACE57
: Ok bye.

ADE234
: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee DTNO

LACE57
: IP x x x x x x

Adrian came off the chat room. He was pleased with his DTNO - don't tell no-one - code and loved that Lacey had made her own, IP - I promise. It had been easy to talk to Lacey online. She was
always
on the computer; things were made easier for Adrian because Lacey's mother was continuously drunk. She could often be seen falling out of Big Value carrying the strongest lager available. Rarely would Lacey's mum be seen laden with bags of
food
shopping or sitting with Lacey in the park; choosing instead to wallow in her alcoholism and to leave Lacey and her younger brother Peter to their own devices.

Adrian would often see Lacey in the children's playground and would watch her as she played. Although Lacey was young, she never seemed to Adrian to be as carefree as the other kids in the park and she would often be the peacemaker, breaking up the petty squabbles that would occasionally break out amongst the boys when they played Top Trumps with their dog eared cards. On the rare occasion that Adrian saw Lacey without Peter her brother, or any of her other friends, Adrian took the opportunity to make first contact with her.

He had opened his bedroom window and instigated a conversation between them, discussing inane subjects like school and television. At first Lacey was very cool towards Adrian, she would be quite mocking towards him, calling him 'ugly' and sticking her middle finger up at him. Adrian never reacted to anything horrible that Lacey said to him, he would always talk to her and started to throw both Lacey and her brother biscuits and other food out of his window.

One day Adrian had seen Lacey alone in the playground, crying silently to herself as she swung backwards and forwards. Adrian had called to her and they had spoken about Lacey's mother and how she was always drunk and ignored Lacey. Adrian had offered Lacey a much needed shoulder to cry on and after that she would turn up at the playground alone more often and would call up to Adrian's window. It was obvious to him that she enjoyed the attention he gave her; Lacey's giggles and her increasingly flirtatious manner towards him were a good sign she was ready to progress to a relationship with him, in his opinion.

Adrian did not consider Lacey a vulnerable child, he knew she craved attention and he was happy to oblige. He made friends with Lacey on her Facebook page and soon after that they were privately messaging each other. It was easy for Adrian to say what Lacey needed to hear; she reminded him a little of his mother and her constant need for attention.

It hadn't taken long to cajole Lacey into removing her knickers on the webcam; she would do anything to please him as she believed he loved her and wanted to be her friend. It was the most attention she had been shown in her life and when Adrian had introduced her to his game of 'I'll show you mine,' she played along. Things had gone wrong, however, when Adrian reciprocated the gesture and had shown Lacey his penis. Lacey told him she had never seen a proper one before and she had instantly become different in her manner towards him. The webcam was suddenly broken and she would be more reluctant to chat with Adrian online.

It had taken Adrian a good long week after that to be able to manipulate Lacey into believing he really was her true friend and that he loved her. The airplane love letter had seemed to do the trick because Lacey was back online and chatting to Adrian. The webcam, however, remained 'broken' much to Adrian's chagrin.

-x-

Adrian could feel sexual frustration squirreling around in the bottom of his stomach. It was an itch he could not scratch, a thirst he could not quench and a hiccough which would present itself in his mind quite unexpectedly at odd moments throughout the day. Adrian could be stocking the cucumbers in his job and suddenly have a full on vision of ramming the cucumber into a hairless vagina. It was a brief moment but it would have a very disturbing effect on Adrian's composure. No amount of porn and incessant masturbation seemed to relieve the frustration which was building steam inside him.

Having no testicles made it hard for Adrian to cum with any vigour; his erection would often get lost mid masturbation leaving him with nothing but a useless flaccid piece of skin in his hand. Adrian felt like he needed something else which would maintain his arousal. He wanted to feel flesh and smell the real smell of a female; he didn't believe it could really smell of fish although his mother certainly kicked up a stench sometimes. Adrian wanted to experience sex in its hot, passionate state. To do something forbidden, he believed, would give him the heightened pleasure he yearned for.

He thought of taking Lacey in his arms and violating her, seeing her face as she at first would be unsure but would then begin to enjoy the pleasure his love would bring her. Imagining what he would do to her allowed Adrian to believe that the hot lava of frustration would work its way up through his body and finally would be able to erupt from him, bringing him the blessed release he so desperately longed for.

'When the Fox hears the Rabbit scream he comes a-runnin' but not to help.'

Thomas Harris, The Silence of the Lambs

New Year's Day 2009

00:02 hours

Adrian entered his bedroom bleary eyed and stumbled into bed; slightly intoxicated from the Lambrini he had shared with his mother at midnight. She had knocked on his door earlier and begged him to come out into the living room and see in the New Year with her. Considering Adrian had spent most of Christmas Day in his room and had volunteered for every available extra shift at work since then, the Pig had been complaining that she hadn't seen enough of him. This did not bother Adrian in the slightest; he had no interest in his mother's feelings and felt no remorse at leaving her lonely in the flat. He had grunted at Pig that he was busy and tired because he had been working so hard, but she had stood at the door and snuffled like a pig hunting for truffles in the muddy woods. Adrian had relented, more so because he didn't want to hear his mother's caterwauling should she really begin to cry.

He had gone into the living room at 11:30pm and sat and watched a random celebrity do the countdown to the New Year, whilst swigging cheap wine from the bottle. Adrian did not drink alcohol usually and the Lambrini which he had thought was so weak a fish could swim in it; actually had an effect on Adrian making him more forgiving towards the Pig. At midnight he happily grabbed her into an embrace, gave her a quick peck on the cheek and said, "Happy New Year mother." Pig had been delighted, breaking out into a truly terrible screeching rendition of Auld Lang Syne, slurring through the unknown phrases and filling in words with random sounds. This was where Adrian drew the line in his tolerance of his mother and he trundled back to his bedroom to see if Lacey was online.

-x-

Adrian lay back on his bed and closed his eyes for a short while. He instantly felt as though he was on the roundabout from the children's playground and could feel his brain moving around and around, even though his body was incapable of following. The constant swirling made him feel nauseous so he opened his eyes to get his bearings and to ward off the vomit he envisioned would soon come.

He concentrated on looking at his surroundings, hoping to give his brain something else to concentrate on. Adrian decided his room was very boring. He let his eyes wander over the plain grey curtains which hung limply from the white plastic curtain rail. Every other curtain hook had broken due to over-enthusiastic pulling, causing parts of the material to gape away from the rail. Bright white but worn nets gleamed in his window; what his mother lacked in wealth and personality she made up for with her tireless cleaning.

Adrian's eyes wandered down to his feet which were now touching the end of his bed. He hadn't had a new bed since he was moved from his cot into the divan he now lay in. The mattress where once had provided enough spring for Adrian to touch the ceiling as he jumped on it, would now creak in complaint at the slightest movement and the springs had most definitely sprung. Everything in Adrian's room was from the cheapest range in all the relative stores. The only shining opposite to that being his beloved computer, but even that was now approaching six years old and was in desperate need of an upgrade.

Adrian finally felt as if he could sit up on his bed and turned to retrieve his keyboard from the tired computer desk in his room. He leant the keyboard on his knees and sought the private messaging system he shared with Lacey so he could see if she was available online. Five minutes of 'poking' revealed Lacey was offline or ignoring him; Adrian was never sure which it may be ever since the game they had played had put a barrier between them.

He noticed at that moment that Lacey's friend Savannah was online. She would never speak to Adrian 'in the flesh', but would share a few moments online with him. Unhappily for Adrian the comments she shared with him were usually deriding him for his 'rabbit teeth' or his 'fuzzy hair'. She did not treat him in the same way that Lacey did. Rather than hate her for her cruel jibes, Adrian saw it as a challenge. His ability to manipulate was his one true talent in his mind and he was confident that if he came across Savannah at the right moment then his talent could truly shine. He decided to try his luck now.

ADE234
: Hi Sav, what r u doing?

SAV1
: Nothing, just sitting in my room.

This was an unusual response from Savannah. It contained none of the usual abuse she would levy at him whenever he attempted to contact her.

ADE234: Happy New Year :-)

SAV1
: yh and u

ADE234
: Wassup?

SAV1
: None of ure business

ADE234
: Ok, don't tell me. Did u have a nice xmas?

Adrian waited for a response from Savannah. He knew she was online because there was a green dot next to her name on the messaging list. After about five minutes he decided he was going to stop waiting and go to bed; the wine was still having an effect on him and he was tired. As he turned away from the screen a bong sound alerted him to Savannah's response.

SAV1: I h8 my parents.

ADE234
: Y??

SAV1
: They had a big ruck on xmas day. My stepdad smashed evryfing, even my Nintendo.........

ADE234
: Oh no, y did he do that?

SAV1
: Bcos he's a wanker. My mum didn't care, they just argue all the time, all they care about is there beer.

ADE234
: Oh

SAV1
: And drugs. I saw my stepdad put a needle in his arm ffs.

ADE234
: They luv u tho, don't they?

SAV1
: NO, NO, NO............ they don't luv me, they wudnt care if I was dead. I'm gonna kill myself.

ADE234
: Don't do that Sav

SAV1
: Y not? No 1 wud care.

ADE234
: I would care.

SAV1
: Really?

ADE234
: Yh, I like u.

SAV1
: But I am so horrible 2 u, y do u like me?

ADE234
: I don't care about that, I really like u :-) I don't want u 2 die.

SAV1
: Well I don't know what I'm gonna do. I feel like shit. :-(

ADE234
: Do u need a cuddle ()

SAV1
: Yh, lol, thnx

ADE234
: What r u gonna do now?

SAV1
: I don't know.

ADE234
: Do u wanna have a drink? I've got some wine.

SAV1
: I'm not sppsed to go out.

ADE234
: Thght you didn't care about ure parents and you h8td them?

SAV1
: Yh ure right. I'll come out, shall I call at ure window?

ADE234
: No, I'll come and meet u, we can have some fun away from the parents :-) <3

SAV1
: Ok, where?

ADE234
: At the allotments.

SAV1
: Ok.

ADE234
: U shd delete this so ure parents dnt know where uve gone.

SAV1
: uh ok, c u in a min. :-)

-x-

Adrian felt lucky; communication with Savannah was completely unexpected and now only a short conversation later and he was on his way to meet her. He had sneaked out of the flat; his mother had not quite made it to bed, he had seen her foot dangling off the sofa and could hear the television still playing in the confines of their front room. Slipping silently out of the front door he crept down the communal stairs and let himself out of the communal door, ensuring he caught it before it could slam shut and helping it to click silently closed.

The weather was very good for New Year, it was crisp and dry and Adrian could smell the sulphur in the air from the exploded fireworks which had lit up the sky at midnight. He kicked the odd empty fallen rocket as he walked through the children's playground. Moving briskly on the pavement, excited by his imminent meeting, Adrian made his way past Big Value and on past the gargantuan rugby stadium which sat proudly in Elisworth but declared itself as 'Twockford'; something most of the local residents were also prone to do as Twockford was a more affluent area, boasting residents with Class.

He looked up at the stadium awed by its presence in an otherwise residential area. It seemed strange to walk past houses and parked cars only to find this expanse of concrete and glass waiting for the arrival of the chanting crowds on rugby days.

As Adrian neared the dual carriageway he took a detour down an alleyway used only by the keepers of the allotments which were tucked away behind a line of bushes on the road. Adrian and the other kids in the neighbourhood had frequented these allotments on many occasions. The other kids to pull up plants and allow the pet rabbits and chickens to escape which would provide them with short term amusement before seeking pleasure elsewhere; Adrian generally went there to be alone in a different setting, away from the claustrophobic love of his mother and away from his life in general. He liked to see how tomatoes would develop and wondered at how strawberries went from small white flower to hard green nubbin into sweet and juicy red deliciousness. Adrian had spent many hours in these allotments and knew them well. He knew which squares were cultivated regularly and knew which ones had been abandoned. Adrian had actually put his name on the waiting list for an allotment when he had turned eighteen and was currently saving for a shed to put on the land when he finally got a plot. He had longed for a place where he could sit without the inevitable interruptions from his mother.

One particularly well kept allotment which Adrian admired the most, boasted a blue painted shed with ornaments hanging from it; a squirrel, a robin and some butterflies. It also had a cast iron bench proudly displayed on a slab of concrete in front of the shed which Adrian would often sit on when the owner wasn't there. Adrian sat on the bench now to await the arrival of Savannah. He took out the Lambrini he had lifted from the corridor of the flat on his way out, opened it and took another swig while he waited. It was now about one o'clock and Adrian was feeling tired. He put his head back and fell asleep almost immediately.

-x-

"Adrian, wake up."

Adrian awoke to find Savannah pushing him gently on the shoulder.

"Adrian you doughnut, you fell asleep." Savannah giggled.

"Eh? What's the time?" Adrian asked.

"Half one, I had to run here, it's well dark outside and there was some weirdo standing on the corner."

"Did your mum and stepdad see you go out?"

"'Course not, like they'd let me out at one o'clock in the morning." Savannah sighed, "I don't know why I came here to see you anyway." She sneered at him.

"Well why did you come then?"

"I don't know, I'm pissed off with them fucking people. They always argue; I hate them. Every fucking Christmas I have to see them like that."

"Only at Christmas?" Adrian smirked. Savannah smiled at him, "Nah," she said, "Every fucking week."

Adrian didn't like Savannah swearing, it made her seem a lot older than her young years and he didn't think it sounded right coming out of her small delicate mouth. All the kids on the estate swore though; practically the minute they could
talk
, a tirade of fucks and bollocks would escape their mouths whilst at play.

"Where's Lacey?" asked Adrian.

"She's gone to her nans, not coming back till school starts. She hates it there; her Nan hasn't even got Sky." An incredulous Savannah answered.

Adrian now understood why Lacey had not returned his messages. It made him feel good to know she hadn't given up on him.

"Have you kissed Lacey?" Savannah sang, her eyes twinkling. Adrian didn't reply, he was surprised that Lacey had told anyone about their communications. He had expressly told her not to tell.

"No," he replied, "Did she say I had kissed her?"

Savannah shrugged her shoulders and looked away. "Nah, I just know she likes you." She turned back to look at Adrian. "And I saw that letter remember, don't know why she likes you, you're ugly."

"Well you aren't ugly Sav, you're very pretty."

"Really?" Savannah seemed surprised. It seemed no one had ever told her this before.

"Yes Sav, I love your hair." Adrian reached out to touch her shoulder length chestnut hair. In truth it was always dirty and hung in rat's tails around Savannah's face. Adrian could actually see a creature making its way through the tangles as he touched it.

Savannah moved herself out of Adrian's reach, "Get off." She admonished him, "You're not my boyfriend, where's the wine?"

Adrian produced the bottle of Lambrini, twisted off the cap and took a long gulp from the bottle neck. He passed the bottle to Savannah who took a hefty swig and screwed up her face afterwards, bringing her hand up to her mouth as if to keep the wine in.

"Have you had wine before?" Adrian gestured towards the bottle in Savannah's hand, "Do you like it?"