Mortal Danger (The Immortal Game) (8 page)

“They’re pretty cute,” he admitted.

“Did you know Seth before the SSP?”

“Only online. We’ve talked in various forums.” From his tone, he’d rather not tell me which ones.

I could guess. “That’s cool.”

“Hey, do you mind if I take a picture of us, show you off to the guys back home?” His question gave me a weird twinge.

Before, he never would’ve wanted to do that, even if he liked me. How did I feel about being eye candy? It was bizarre and slightly unwelcome, not because I didn’t think I was pretty now, but I wasn’t before, and I was still the same person inside.

“No problem.”

It wasn’t fair to dump my ambivalence on him without context. This was probably a normal request and something he meant as a compliment. Obligingly I leaned in, tilted my head against his, and smiled. The flash blinded me for a few seconds, and when I focused on the girl in the photo with Ryu, it didn’t feel like me, more as if somebody had transferred my consciousness into her body.

“We look great. Do you mind if I post this as a status update?”

“Go for it.”

He got busy tapping on his phone, so he missed the moment when Seth leaned in and kissed Vi for the first time. They bumped noses, sweet and awkward, and I turned my face away, cheeks hot. Probably they thought I was too wrapped up in Ryu to notice. I liked him, but … he was safe. There was no chance of losing myself in him.

“And done.” Before he could do more than hug me and kiss my cheek, the instructor called us to attention and directed us to our next lesson.

Possibly because there were only thirty-six of us, no cliques developed, and nobody was left out. And that was just on the social front. School-wise, I learned a ton. By the time the program wrapped up, we had gone to the Jet Propulsion Lab, the Caltech campus, and Griffith Observatory. Of the trips, I liked the last one most. There was something freeing about being surrounded by people who shared my interests. Nobody thought I was weird for being interested in the stars, not that I wanted to study them professionally. I just found them fascinating, so I enjoyed my time in the dome, working on the orbit determination project.

The weeks melted away, and I came out of the program stronger and more confident.
Kian will be proud,
I thought, as I put the last load of clothes I’d ever wash on this campus into the dryer. While I might not be completely used to my new self, I’d gotten good at pretending.
That’ll have to be enough.

The final night in our dorm room, Vi lay on her bed, dreamy-eyed. “Seth and I are going to keep in touch. I have his IM, Snapchat, WhatsApp, and stuff. He lives in Illinois, so he’s only three hours away.”

I paused the packing long enough to suggest, “You could meet halfway for dates.”

She sat up in excitement, got online and found the town that was exactly an hour and a half between them. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I never thought of this. It could totally work. I mean, we’d only see each other once a week, but it would be so worth it.”

“He really likes you.”

And it was so awesome to see that not all guys were assholes. Both Seth and Ryu were decent people, who cared more about what a girl was like than how she looked. But I couldn’t help a kernel of doubt regarding Ryu when I considered that Seth had gone for Vi without her getting a complete makeover.

She wore a stubborn look. “Ryu’s into you too. Sucks that he lives so far away.”

“Yeah, I won’t be doing the long-distance thing to Tokyo.”

Vi relented with a laugh. “I guess not. I don’t even know what the time difference is.”

I’d been dorky enough to look it up, but both Ryu and I agreed while we could e-mail, it wouldn’t be like we were in a relationship. We’d both be free to date, which was crucial for the next phase in my plan. I couldn’t wait to see Cameron Dean—and not because I secretly adored the guy who had been so cruel to me. I had no soft feelings for him. This fall at Blackbriar I’d be a one-girl wrecking crew. And I knew who I’d hit the hardest.

Cameron had been the meanest of the guys, focused on me with an uncanny laser beam of douchebaggery. He was the one who got them to steal my gym clothes. He’d also squirted ketchup on my pants, which led to an endless parade of on-the-rag jokes. Then, of course, there was the worst prank—the one that broke me—but I wouldn’t think about that right now. Slowly I shoved down the wave of endless shame.

Vi’s here, and she likes me, here and now. She doesn’t know any of that, thank God.
Not that it would change things, but I needed a clean slate, free of mockery and humiliation. While I strangled memory demons, Vi called to tell Seth the good news and they talked for an hour, making plans. I laughed when I heard her arguing with him about where they should meet, because that would be their place from that point on, and didn’t it deserve a little thought, and certainly shouldn’t be a random Burger King? This was the girl who couldn’t talk to a guy earlier in the summer, and gladness surged through me that I’d played a part in leaving her life a bit better than I’d found it. Otherwise, she hadn’t changed. She wasn’t prettier. But she had more confidence, which resulted in a boyfriend. The people who wrote articles about self-assurance being a great attractor obviously knew what was up.

“What’s so funny?” she demanded, after she hung up.

“You are.” Still laughing, I explained why.

She hurled a pillow at me, a habit I’d miss. “You’re not wrong, though. It’s pretty cool that I’m not freaked anymore. Guys are just people, you know? Some will like me, some won’t. That’s life.”

“You’re wise beyond your years, young Padawan.”

“Whatever. I’m going to brush my teeth. And you should call Ryu.”

Once Vi gathered her basket of bath supplies, I headed for the phone, which rang as I reached for it. Apparently, Seth had been telling Ryu the exact same thing.

“Hey, you,” he said.

“Hey, yourself.”

A knot formed in my throat. I liked talking with Ryu, laughing with him, his arm around my shoulders on a summer night, while we made notes on astrological phenomena.

“Did Vi lecture you?”

I laughed softly. “Yeah. They don’t get that our circumstances are different. Long distance will be hard, but doable, for them.”

“But it doesn’t make sense for us,” he replied.

“I knew that shirt was a good move.” Idly I wondered why Kian had bought the thing.

“Are you going to wear it again?” Though he tried to hide it, I could tell he didn’t want me to.

If I put the shirt on again, it would become a fetish-thing, like I was obsessed with Japanese guys, and I didn’t plan to cheapen what we’d had.

“Nah,” I said. “It did the trick. But I’ve gotta be honest. That shirt was a gift. I had no idea what it said. I just didn’t want you to think I was an idiot.”

He laughed. “I know. You covered, but I could tell. For the first thirty seconds, you were very
W-T-F?
” Ryu went on, “And of course you’re not an idiot. You blew us all out of the water in physics. You’re the total package.”

I hadn’t been, until Kian got his hands on me. My pulse fluttered, thinking about seeing him again.
Bad hormones. Cut that out.
Likely it was just a combination of factors that made me feel this way. He’d saved me, changed my life. How could I
not
feel something toward him? I’d get over it.

“I’ll e-mail,” I said softly. “With the time difference, it’ll be tough to Skype.”

“Cool. And who knows where we’ll go to college.”

“Are you considering the US?”

“Yep. My mom’s family lives in Sacramento.”

I’d known his dad was Japanese, his mother American, transferred overseas by her company; she met his dad, loved it there, and stayed. Since I hadn’t expected to be alive, I’d made no college plans. A spark of remorse popped like a live wire; I had lied through my teeth when my parents checked with me, and because they
trusted
me, they didn’t demand to see my scores. Why would they? I didn’t deceive them, so far as they knew, and I never got in trouble. I was smart; I had their genes, and I always brought home straight As. So when I made up some results and accepted the accolades, they ordered pizza.

Fortunately, there was still time to salvage the wreck of the SS
University
. “I need to take the SATs again,” I murmured.

Lie.
I’d never taken them. I told my parents I’d signed up, but instead I went to the movies and ate popcorn all day. Busy with research, grad students, and grant proposals, they let me manage academic milestones because it taught self-reliance. This way, I wouldn’t go off to college and end up dying in a pile of my own vomit because I’d never been in charge of my own life. From listening to Vi talk about her parents, I’d come to understand my folks weren’t uncaring; they just didn’t realize how their hands-off approach felt to me. What they meant as a show of faith registered as indifference, though teenagers with helicopter parents would prize the freedom I’d taken for granted. It was amazing how much I’d learned—and changed—in five short weeks.

He glanced at me, brows raised. “That surprises me.”

“It was a bad day.”

“I’m sure you’ll rock them next time,” Ryu said.

“Anyway, yeah, I’ll let you know what schools I’m considering.”

He sounded more cheerful already. “And vice versa. Even if we never date again, it would be fun to hang out.”

I smiled. “You too. Have a safe flight home, Ryu.”

“Bye, Edie.”

Before he could say anything else, if he would, I put down the phone, and it didn’t ring again. I was glad he knew when to let go. A few minutes later, Vi came in, cheeks pink.

I raised a brow at how obviously kissed she looked. “Did you sneak up to see Seth? I hope Barbie RA didn’t catch you.”

“Nope. I’m a ninja.” She couldn’t say this with a straight face, or maybe making out with Seth had left her with that can’t-stop-smiling expression.

“Don’t leave your throwing stars where I can step on them in the morning.”

“You’re leaving early too? I got my parents to change my flight. I’m going to Chicago with Seth, then I’ll catch a connection, and he’ll take the bus.”

“Sweet. I’ll try not to wake you when I head out.”

“Then I’d better do this while I can.” Vi ran over and hugged me. “I told all my friends about you, by the way. They hope you’ll come visit so they can meet you.”

“I’ll try.” I had no doubt Vi’s friends were cool and nice.

I could use more of that in my life.

Before bed, I packed and got everything ready to go. I fell asleep thinking about Kian, wondering if he’d look the same, if it would be weird after the kiss. The alarm on my phone went off at seven, and Vi didn’t stir. Taking my clothes, I snuck out with my bath supplies. After I showered, I dried off and dressed in the dorm bathroom, and then went back to the room to grab my bags. A quick check verified that I’d left nothing behind, so I slipped out for the last time.

My cell said it was 7:46, early, but no time for breakfast; that didn’t matter since I’d be home in ten seconds. I found the spot where he’d dropped me off and pushed into the quiet, leafy cathedral. At least that was how it felt to me with the sun shining through the leaves, all green-cast. It was silent and sacred, divorced from the other side of the hedge.

At precisely 8:00 a.m., Kian appeared. I’d convinced myself he couldn’t be everything I’d remembered.

He was.

HOME IS WHERE THE HEARTACHE IS

His dark hair fell over one eye. In the half-lighted forest, the copper streaks were muted. But his face retained the haunting beauty that made my chest hurt, like it was too much to look directly at him. I wondered if he ever tired of that; if he’d made the wish young and now he wished to be a little more ordinary. Otherwise, how could he be sure it wasn’t always his face people wanted and not who he was inside? Or maybe he didn’t care. What did I know about him, after all?

Kian made no allusion to the kiss, the smoking-hot, life-changing
,
why-doesn’t-he-do-it-again-right-now kiss. “Did you enjoy the SSP?”

“It rocked. I learned a lot. Made some new friends.”

“And got used to the new you?” That had been the point.

“I think so. It feels a bit more natural now.” I still wasn’t used to the way guys watched me, or how they tried to help me with things I was capable of doing myself.

“Then let’s get you home.”

My heart dropped a little in disappointment. “I have a couple of questions.”

You do? Really?
My brain was surprised to hear that. But I couldn’t just let him dump me off. I hadn’t seen him in weeks; I wouldn’t see him until I was ready to ask for my next favor, and I had no idea when that would be.

“About the deal?” he asked in neutral tones.

“Of course.”

“Have you had breakfast?”

I shook my head.

“Let’s go, then.” To my surprise, he pushed out of the leaves.

I followed. “But this is business-related, can’t you hitch us somewhere?”

“I could, but every expenditure is tracked. I’d rather not risk running over my monthly power allotment when there are decent places to eat nearby.”

“You’re not the one hauling luggage,” I muttered.

“I am now.” He took my wheeled suitcase and backpack before I could protest. “Is this all you bought?”

“Yep. I’m a simple girl.”

“No, you’re not.”

I eyed him. “Like you know me.”

“Don’t you think we study a person before they reach extremis, Edie? I know exactly who you are … and what you’ve been through.”

A shiver went through me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Exposed, certainly, but there was warmth too. With Kian, I didn’t have to pretend I wasn’t a screwed-up mess with a head full of payback plans. He understood. And I’d never face a moment like the one with Ryu, where I realized I was keeping the ugly bits hidden away.

“Okay, I take it back. Thanks for carrying my stuff.”

“Edie?”

Before turning, I recognized the voice. Ryu stood forty feet away, looking shocked. Kian and I weren’t touching, but he was carrying my luggage in a fairly purposeful way.