More Than Her (36 page)

I washed my hands and pushed my sleeves up. "What can I do to help?"

She laughed the same time Dad did.

We'd moved to the kitchen and she was unpacking while Dad sat at the counter.

"What's funny?" I asked them.

Dad answered, "I don't think I've ever seen you do anything cooking related."

Amanda laughed again. "Ever?" she asked him.

"Ever," he confirmed.

Assholes. Both of them.

She opened the fridge and pulled out two beers, she handed one to Dad and started to give me the other, before she hesitated and pulled it away. Her eyes went huge, realizing what she'd just done.

My dad chuckled. "Sweetheart, he's been drinking openly since he was sixteen, it's fine." He gave her a reassuring smile.

I saw her body relax as she handed it to me.

When I was sixteen, Dad noticed the amount of parties I started going to. It was before I got my license so we walked almost everywhere. When I got my permit, he sat me down and told me he was fine with me drinking, that he knew I was going to do it, so he wanted me to be prepared about the consequences of alcohol. He went through the entire medical side of things, and how often he saw kids having to get their stomach pumped and shit like that. Then he told me about Tina. Tina was his high school sweetheart. They'd dated since freshman year and all through college. He told her he'd propose to her the day he graduated. And he planned too. The night of graduation, she was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the road to get to the hotel room he had booked. The room he littered with candles and roses and where he waited on bended knee for her to open the door. He said he could still hear the sound a car makes when it impacts with a human body. He even showed me the ring he still held on to. He said that he believed in one true love, and that she was it for him.

She was his person.

***

"Holy shit, what is this?" Dad and I both said during our first mouthful of whatever Amanda made. I swear I saw Dad's eyes roll back in satisfaction.

Amanda laughed. "Good, huh?"

"Sweetheart," Dad cooed.
"
This is better than good."

"It's Taco casserole."

"It's amazing is what it is," I told her.

We moved to the living room after dinner to watch TV. She lay down with her head on my lap and was out within five minutes. I could see Dad watching us while I stroked her hair. "She asleep?" he asked.

I nodded, looking down at her. "Yeah. She's always so overtired. She works way too much."

"Does she need to work that much?"

"I offered to pay more rent, she won't let me."

Then it was quiet for a moment, while I continued to watch her sleep.

"She makes you happy, son?" he asked quietly.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "She makes me whole."

I had to wake her to move us to the pool house for the night, by the time we said goodnight and left the main house, she was wide-awake.

"It's such a nice night out," she said, her head tilted, looking up at the sky.

I agreed.

"Let's just stay out here for a bit."

So we did.

I walked us over to the day bed near the pool and laid us down. She put her head on the crook of my arm and her leg over me.

"So I've made a decision," I told her.

She looked up at me. "Yeah?"

"I think I want to go see her."

"With Micky?"

"I guess."

"Good for you, babe."

There was also something else I wanted to tell her, or ask her actually, but I didn't know how. So I just came out and said it. "What are your plans after college? I mean, are you planning on hanging around here?"

She sat up and little and eyed me curiously. "Not sure," she shrugged. "Why?"

I cleared my throat and faked confidence, locking my fingers behind my head. My heart pounded against my chest. I didn't know how she'd react to me asking but I kind of needed to know. "Just
—
I mean
—
when I choose med schools to apply for, I kind of need to know where you'll be, or what your plans are, you know?" I rushed out my words in one long breath.

She closed her eyes slowly and visibly swallowed.

Shit. "Shit," I said aloud. "Forget I said anything. I'm sorry. It's way too soon for this conversation."

She smiled. "Maybe it is
—
too soon, I mean
—
but who gives a shit, right?"

I laughed once. "Right."

Then she lay back down and rested her head on my chest again. Her hand went under my shirt, fingering my abs. "I'll follow you wherever, Logan. For as long as you'll have me."

Forever, I thought. But I kept that to myself.

Logan

I could tell it was hard for Jake to stay quiet while I told Micky that I wanted to visit Megan.

"Suicide watch?" Micky asked, her voice breaking. She'd been crying since the Amanda told her the rumors of Megan's life in LA.

I nodded. "I'm going a week from now, it's a five hour drive."

"I'm going, too," she insisted.

"So am I," Jake said.

Amanda held my hand tighter, she didn't have to say the words. I knew she would be coming to support me.

***

We took Dylan's truck for the trip. Mine was too small, Jake had no back seat and Micky's car was too unreliable.

Five hours later we stood in the foyer of the Dalton Psychiatric House. Amanda and Jake stayed outside. I had researched visiting protocols and times, so was prepared when they asked us to hand in anything loose that was on us. A metal detector and a security search later, we were inside what looked like a visiting room. Like in jail. Not that I'd know what that looks like in real life. Just TV.

"It looks like a jail," Micky said, reading my thoughts.

"Uh-huh."

"Are you nervous?" she asked.

"Are you?" I retorted.

"Shit yes," she choked out.

I turned to face her. She was already crying. I covered her hand that rested on the table with both of mine. "We'll be okay, Mick
—
promise."

Then the doors opened and she walked in. A nurse followed but stayed in a seat next to the door. Micky gasped the same time Megan's steps faltered.

She was worse than in her picture.

"Is that her?" Micky whispered, turning her head to me.

"Yes."

"Shit."

"Mikayla," Megan greeted. Her voice came out hoarse, like she smoked two packs a day. Then she looked at me. "Bro." She tried to smile, but she couldn't.

She looked old. Her skin sagged on her face and she had blood spots all over her face. Her hair looked dead on top of her head, she had bags under her eyes and her cheeks were hollowed out from how skinny she was. She sat down in the chair opposite us and rested her arms on the metal table. I could see the bruising on her arms from where the needles would have constantly punctured skin. She sniffed once, getting my attention. She raised her eyebrows in question. I must have been staring.

"Meth?" I asked her.

"Winner winner," she croaked out. She had a twitch. The type junkies get when they need a hit.

For a second I wanted to get Micky on her feet and get her the fuck out of there. I'd seen that face on other people before. Hell, I lived with those kinds of faces
—
but Micky
—
I don't know that she'd be able to deal.

"Megan," Micky whispered.

Megan's eyes went from me to Micky, and it was instant. Whatever emotion she was trying to hide disappeared the moment her eyes locked on her best friend. Her body slumped and a sob took over. "You're not supposed to see me like this," she said through a cry.

"Megan," Micky sighed. She reached her hand over and tried to hold Megan's, but she pulled it away, coming to a stand. The nurse stood too.

"No!" Megan yelled. "You're not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to see me like this and you're definitely not allowed to fucking pity me!" She started pacing. I saw the nurse pull out her walkie-talkie.

"No!" Megan yelled again. "Micky, what the fuck? Why are you here?"

"Because I need to forgive you," Micky said quietly.

"Forgive me?" Megan spat out. "No, Mick, you don't
need
to do that. You can't do that. You
—
and your family
—
you were all I had
—
and look what I fucking did!"

"Megan," she repeated again, tears streaming down her face. "You may have been a shit friend but you don't deserve what's happened to you. Nobody deserves that."

"So that's it?" Megan stopped pacing and faced us. "You came because you felt sorry for me? You can't do that Micky. You can't pity me. You just can't. I won't let you." She shook her head back and forth, her eyes wild. "I won't fucking let you Micky." She started walking backwards until she hit the corner of the room. "I won't fucking let you." Then her body slid down the wall until she was sitting in a fetal position, rocking back and forth. "I won't fucking let you." She kept repeating the words over and over. "I won't fucking let you."

Micky stood, but I pulled on her arm. "It's okay," she said.

I looked at the nurse, who nodded once in confirmation.

Then she walked over to Megan and kneeled in front of her. She placed her hand on Megan's shoulder and whispered loudly in her hear, "Megkayla brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like..."

Megan looked up then, "it's better than yours."

Then they both said, "Damn right, it's better than yours."

They both laughed. Through tears of anger, sadness, despair, pity, and sorrow, they laughed.

"Oh Micky," Megan said, leaning closer to her.

"Shh," Micky comforted her, and then turned to me. "Give us a minute?"

I looked at the nurse again. "I'm here the entire time," she assured me.

Amanda

"Did you have a pet Kangaroo?" I asked Jake. We were sitting on a bench just outside the building. We didn't know how long they'd be so we walked to get a coffee and some food.

He turned to face me with a slight scowl on his face. "You're shitting me right?"

I shrugged. I was. But Micky told me once that he hated getting stupid questions about Australia and his accent. "I'll take that as a no."

A few moments later, I asked, "How big is Australia? Is it the same size as Texas?"

Jake shook his head slowly, eyeing me like I was stupid.

I tried to contain my laugh.

"It's like the same size as America," he said slowly.

"Oh," I pretended to sound surprised. Then, "Did you guys have bowling?"

"Bowling?" he repeated.

"Yeah, like ten pin bowling."

"Oh my God," he laughed out, "It's not all red dirt country, of course there's fucking ten pin bowling."

"Oh," I said again, "Do they let you bring your pet Kangaroos bowling?"

He looked at me like I was crazy.

Then I threw my head back in laughter.

"Oh, you're fucking with me!" He finally got it, and laughed with me.

Then Logan's voice boomed from the doorway. "Hey asshole, you better not be hitting on my girl."

"Where's Kayla?" Jake asked, all humor left his voice.

"She's in there
—
it's fine," Logan raised his hand, "she's safe."

"What are you doing out here?" I came to a stand and moved in front of him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

He did the same. "They just need a minute." His face came close to mine, rubbing his nose along jaw. He laid his forehead on my shoulder. I saw Jake watch us, and then he walked away, giving us some privacy.

"How is she?" I asked him.

He blew out a long slow breath. "Bad. But I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay."

"You know what I want to do, though?"

"What's that?"

He rubbed his nose against mine, and then kissed me long, and slow. I hadn't even realized that he was holding me up by the time he pulled away. "I just want to appreciate you. Everything about you. All of it."

Logan

"She's ready for you." Micky came out a while later, wiping tears from her face. She walked straight into Jake's waiting arms. He hadn't said a word since we got here. Not about Megan anyway.

I kissed Amanda and walked into the building, palms sweaty, heart racing, blood pumping. I didn't know what to expect when I went in, but she just sat at the table, looking calm and ready.