More Than Famous (Famous #2) (22 page)

Somewhere between then and now, I'd faced the realization that I was always going to love him. I was struggling with it, but there was nothing I could do to change it. Trying to stop was like trying to stop breathing. I couldn't live without breathing and I knew I couldn't live without loving Cade.

So how was I going to deal with it? Could I forgive the night with Wendy? Could I forget it?

I missed him. I missed him so much I ached with it, but I was scared, too. I found myself listening to songs we listened to together and remembering all of the beautiful times we'd shared. I longed for him so much I was overcome with it.

Could we go back to the way we were? Would Cade still want that now? How would I ever be able to let him touch me without thinking of him sleeping with Wendy? My skin flushed with heat at the thought of it. My heart plummeted. There had been pictures of him and Wendy a couple of times, and despite Jeanne’s coaching that paparazzi pictures and the stories connected with them were false ninety-nine percent of the time, it still hurt. What happened still hurt so fucking much, but not as much as living without him. Jesus, I was so screwed up.

No, I couldn't go back to the way we were, but I desperately needed to find a way to keep him in my life. Maybe he didn't want me in his anymore. I had to face that was a possibility now after the way I'd shut him out.

I took a deep breath and put my head back on my pillows. Maybe if I wrote him a letter and tried to explain how I felt, maybe he would still want to be friends... or
something
. I decided that was the safest route; try to be friends in Tokyo. Then we'd have some time to acclimate to being around each other before
Don’t Forget to Remember Me
started filming. I also had to come to terms with the fact that maybe he was with Wendy now, and I'd have to watch that shit go down. No. It hurt too much to think it, so I wouldn't believe that unless I came face to face with it on set. I’d have to see evidence of it with my own eyes… that hope kept a thread of sanity for now.

I got up and went to my laptop.

Dear Cade,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to be in touch. I just had a lot of stuff to figure out, but the bottom line is I miss you. You're my best friend and I'm so sad without you. I’m miserable. I don't need or want to talk about what happened, but all I know right now is that I want you back in my life in some way.

I've hurt myself by shutting you out and nothing takes away the pain. Pushing you away is the most hurtful thing I can do to myself and I lose who I am because the agony of it consumes me. I need you to wrap me up... The way you always do.

Can we start over in Tokyo?

I love you.

Always

-Brook

I attached the song,
Breathe Me
, by Sia because it communicated how I felt, held my breath, and hit send.

I knew he'd get it on his blackberry and his email. I unblocked his number so his texts and calls would come through, and then I just had to wait. And hope.

The hardest part of reaching out is the waiting. I knew I'd have to forgive him because if I didn't, I'd never be free of the pain, and I'd never have him back in my life.

Within thirty minutes my phone vibrated.

The song is beautiful, perfect. I love you and missed you so much.

I need you to Breathe Me, too. I say yes to Tokyo
.

I let out a sigh of relief and the ache in my heart began to ease just a bit, as the tears squeezed from my closed eyes.

We had a lot to overcome, but this was a start.

ONCE AGAIN, I
was in town before Brook, and this time as nervous as hell. That was a fucking understatement if there ever was one. I’d been so anxious to get here; I went to LAX directly from the after parties from the Oscars’. The entire night, I was dodging this woman or that one. Millie Sinclair practically stalked me. She was trying to get me to work with her on a movie and I decided to tell Denise that would never happen, I didn’t care how many millions they offered me. That was one scary bitch. I sighed in exasperation. No doubt pictures of us together would circulate.
Terrific
, I thought. That was just what I needed.

I hated the fancy parties, the award shows, and appearances just for publicity… I bloody hated it all. More than once, I’d considered chucking it all and just writing music or buying a ranch in Montana and maybe raising horses. I didn’t need any more money. I had enough to last a lifetime and the propaganda perpetuating Wendy and I was the tipping point to push me to it. Obviously, that bitch had fed pictures to the press, but the studio wasn’t squashing the rumors. I was frustrated. I only wanted to be with Brook, but her career was just starting, so the odds were she wouldn’t want to give it up for several years at least.

I was finally going to be with her after two agonizing months without her. I’d been dreading this premiere until I'd gotten the email and the song from Brook a few days ago. I was so afraid of what she'd say that my hands were shaking when I opened it. I literally dropped to my knees and cried when I read it and listened to the song she sent.
Maybe there was a God in heaven, after all.

I was still completely in the dark as to what the separation was all about, but it didn't matter as much as getting us back to where we were before this bloody mess started. I was hoping that I'd get her to open up and finally tell me on this trip.

Brook jetted in with Noah Westin and for once we were sans Martin, which meant maybe we'd get to have a little fun this time
.
I wasn't sure what was going to transpire between Brook and myself, but I was so grateful to have the chance to be with her, just to talk to her would be like balm to my soul. Maybe I'd be able to find out what happened in January. Her email said she missed “her best friend” and it wasn’t exactly what I'd hoped for, but I'd take what I could get.

At least she'd said she loved me, and that was like a glass of water in the desert that my life had become these past weeks. I ran my hands through my hair as I waited in the limousine for the two of them to come from the hotel and join me.

Jeanne and Denise were here to make sure we were where we needed to be and to make sure Brook had her wardrobe changes. It was raining and she probably wouldn't want to keep the same clothes on for the entire day of appearances. We had the red carpet, the movie, interviews with the press, and fan panels to do.

I was anxious. It was too much to get through before I'd get any real chance to talk to her.

I was sort of buzzed, and my hands were shaking. I was living on coffee and energy drinks, having stayed up throughout the many hours needed to get to Japan from Los Angeles. I was too nervous to try to sleep on the plane, and I wasn't sure if the shakes were from the caffeine, lack of sleep, or nerves. I leaned my head back on the seat and closed my eyes while I waited.

I heard the screams increase and I raised my head to see Brook and Noah coming out of the hotel with bodyguards in front and back of them. The incessant cameras began to flash, and as they stopped to sign some autographs I got my first real look at her. I hadn't seen her in almost two months, and hadn't talked to her either.

Jesus... she was so beautiful. Her blonde hair tumbling down around her bare shoulders and the brilliant aquamarine dress she wore was a perfect match for her eyes, clung like a second skin to her slender form, then flowed to the ground. The swells of her breasts and her hips were so beautiful, and brought up so many perfect memories of touching her and making love to her.

I felt the familiar tightening in my body as my pulse increased. Only a few more seconds and I'd be next to her. My heart rate increased and it pounded painfully in my chest.

Finally.

The driver opened the doors, and the fans all tried to get more pictures of me inside the car as well as Brook and Noah entering. When she came through the door to take the seat next to me, her blue eyes met mine and I was speechless. I wanted to take her in my arms and crush her to me as her familiar scent wafted all around me. Oh God, it'd been so fucking long.

She settled next to me as Noah moved to the seat opposite us and I couldn't help it, my left hand entwined with her right one. I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling as I let it out in a rush. Her hand squeezed mine, and I finally let myself look straight at her.

Noah looked out the window as the car started to move away from the curb and make its way toward the theater and convention center where the premiere would be held.

Jesus Christ! Was this the first time I'd been able to breathe in all this time?
I felt my lungs expand almost to the point of pain.

We didn't talk, but I brought her hand that I was still holding to my mouth to place a kiss on the top of it.

My heart thudded in my chest as Brook leaned into my arm and I felt her head come ever so lightly down on my shoulder. There was comfort in just touching her; this small bit. She glanced up at my face and I got lost in the blue depths of her eyes.

Dear God, I love you, Brook. I've missed you so much. I can't take my eyes off of you right now
.

Her eyes welled with tears and she bit her lip. I could only hope she knew what I was thinking and trying to communicate.

"Hey Cade. How have you been?" Noah started the conversation that broke our little bubble.

"I've been... okay. Thank you, Noah. How about you?"

"Stressing out about the next flick. The new director talked about recasting me, though I’m not sure why," Noah's brown eyes were smiling and warm as he looked at us. He flexed in front of us and I wanted to roll my eyes. “Maybe I need to work out more.”

"Yeah, you should feel his muscles," Brook piped up.

"Hmmph," I snorted and Noah blushed.

"I saw you at the Oscars. You looked really, really good." Her hand tightened on mine as my head snapped toward her.

"You saw it?" I knew surprise showed on my face. “On the telly?”

Brook nodded. “I told you, I'd always be watching you. Of course," she said so softly it felt like a caress on my skin. I felt myself flush as we came up to the Red Carpet outside the theater and the fans began screaming in earnest.

"You'd think the screaming would sound different, but they sound the same no matter what country we're in.
Loud
," Noah laughed.

Brook smiled. "Yes. You boys have your work cut out for you. All the girls will be clamoring for you both, and you guys are looking hot." She smirked at Noah, then at me. I loved seeing the smile on her face and a blush to her cheeks. She was gorgeous.

"You look beautiful, yourself. A sight for sore eyes," I breathed near her ear, just as the door opened and the screams increased. Noah made to get out first.

"Let the games begin." He laughed out loud as he disappeared through the door just as mine opened.

They held umbrella's for us as we walked up the stairs among the screams and took our time signing autographs. I glanced at Brook a few times and smiled softly at her as we played to the crowds. She had to be freezing in that dress and I could feel her shivering when we stood together for our photo calls. Noah and I both put our arms around her to try to keep her warm, but I pulled her closer to my side. It felt so good to have my arm around her, and it was all I could do not to crush her to me and never let go.

The viewing of the film gave me almost two hours to hold on to her, both of us clinging to each other's hands in the darkness. I was ultra-sensitive to each and every breath she took and each subtle movement she made. She smelled so delicious, it was all I could do not to lean over and kiss her sweet mouth. It was agony, but blissfully so.

The fan meeting was fun and casual. We joked around quite a bit and Brook flirted outrageously with me when she answered the usual questions about being in a film with me. She turned to me and wagged her eyebrows at me, pleasure ripped through my entire being, and I wanted to reach across and pull her close. The fans laughed and squealed at her actions. I smiled and raised my eyebrows at her as the fans continued to cheer. My cheeks flushed as I laughed with her. I feared love was shining out of my expression, but the whole thing was so much fun, I didn’t care that Denise and Jeanne would read us the bloody riot act for being so obvious. After that, I couldn't take my bloody eyes off of her.