More Than a Touch (Snowberry Creek #2) (19 page)

“Leif Brevik, you’re a nice man.”

He snickered. “Not always.”

“No one is, but this Austin kid is lucky to have someone like you take an interest in him. I hope he’s smart enough to realize it.”

She showed her approval of his actions with a kiss. “Give me a minute to get dressed, and I’ll drive you home. And before you protest, I don’t want you to have to walk that far.”

He didn’t look happy as he stared down at his leg, maybe judging how well it would support him. “It’s not that far, Zoe. I can walk.”

As he spoke, he turned his back toward her and pushed himself up off the bed. Damn stubborn men! She got up and started pulling on her own clothes.

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it, Leif. Besides, I won’t be able to sleep until I know you made it safely. I would do the same for any friend.”

He pulled up his jeans before responding. Although clearly not happy, he gave in. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

They both gathered up the rest of the scattered bits of their clothing and dressed in near total silence. She wished there was a way to bridge the sudden bit of strained tension between them. Maybe if she understood its source she could say the right thing.

“Are you ready?”

Leif nodded and followed her out into the night. When he remained quiet for the entire drive, she realized that she felt as alone with Leif in the car as she would have if he hadn’t been there at all.

C
hapter 19

T
he short trip back to Spence’s place took forever. Zoe didn’t seem inclined to talk, and Leif’s own thoughts had him too twisted up right now to carry on any kind of conversation. He was being an idiot, shutting Zoe out like this, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He didn’t want to hurt her, but what the hell could he say, anyway?

The chance meeting in the park had been a happy accident. The walk back to Zoe’s had gone off without a hitch, and the first round of sex had topped his own personal all-time greatest hits list.

Then his damn leg had to seize up and throw a damper on everything that followed. Certainly his body had enjoyed every second of round two, but he hadn’t been able to shut out the churning thoughts in his head. Did she think he wouldn’t figure out why she’d chosen that particular position? She’d been afraid of what would’ve happened to his leg if he’d picked up where they’d left off.

Normally, he had no problem with a woman wanting to take charge in bed, but this time the experience had made him feel weak. If he admitted that to Zoe, he’d only come off as some macho jerk. Not to mention that his leg still hurt, and no way in hell did he want Zoe to find out. She’d be all over him to go to the ER or some other fool thing. Yeah, he got that she was a nurse; it was her job to take care of her patients.

But when he got naked with the woman, he wasn’t her patient. Plain and simple. Except that it wasn’t, was it? Hadn’t Zoe warned him repeatedly about the dangers of letting that line become blurred? No doubt she was already making plans to ship his case off to someone else. Her professional ethics would demand that much of her.

One thing he did know was that he wouldn’t trust his care to anyone else. As she pulled up into the driveway, he blurted it out. “Don’t transfer my case to anyone else.”

She waited until she had stopped in front of the house to respond. “I have to, Leif. I can’t be involved with you and be your health care provider at the same time. It wouldn’t be right for a lot of reasons, some of them legal issues. I’m mostly worried that my feelings for you could cloud my professional judgment.”

Which meant it all came down to which was the more important role right now. Leif hadn’t been wrong when he’d told her the other night that he was in no position to get involved with anyone.

“If that’s the way it has to be, fine. Right now I need to be your patient.”

She slowly shook her head. “That doesn’t change what we did tonight, Leif. If someone were to find out . . .”

Did she think he liked this any better than she did? He twisted in the seat to face her. “So who’s going to tell? I don’t shoot my mouth off about who I sleep with and neither do you. This was between us. Period.”

He reined in his temper. “It’s only until my leg’s back to normal. After that, we’ll be free to figure out where we go from there without all these complications.”

Flexing her hands on the steering wheel, Zoe didn’t mince words. “Yeah, right, Leif. We both know that if your leg gets back to normal, you’ll be gone. The army is your life, and I get that. I’m only just now realizing there won’t be any ‘us’ if that happens.”

She slumped back in the seat and sighed. “It’s no reflection on you at all, Leif. But I made the decision to leave the military behind for a lot of reasons, and none of those have changed. I won’t be part of that lifestyle again. I can’t risk it. The price is just too high.”

Where had that last part come from? Her words pummeled his already hurting head. “You’ve always known I was a soldier. You also knew I want to go back.”

Zoe’s face looked washed out and pale by the light of the dashboard. “You’re right. I did, and I’m sorry for letting things get this far. I have so much respect for you and the sacrifices you make for our country, Leif. I also understand why you want your old life back. Regardless, all any of us can do is make the decisions we can live with. As I said, the reasons I left the military are my own, but I didn’t make the decision lightly. I can’t let myself get tangled up in all of that again. I guess that means tonight should be a one-time thing.”

She finally looked at him. “But it was a good thing, wasn’t it?”

He owed her honesty at the very least. “Way better than just good, Zoe. It was the best, and I’m not saying that lightly. It’s the truth.”

He wanted to kiss her and needed to hold her, but her rejection of everything that he was, respect or no respect, left him twisting in the wind. Once again the gap between the two of them was so much wider than the few inches of space in her car. “I’d better go in. Guess I’ll see you at my next appointment.”

Climbing out of her car hurt like hell, but it had nothing at all to do with his leg. Before making his way up the steps, Leif waited to wave one last time as Zoe drove away. He had no idea if she noticed or even cared if she had. What a screwed-up ending to the night.

On his way into the house, he finally realized that Austin had left the porch light on for him, and the kid’s truck was still parked next to Leif’s. Good. He’d stuck around. That was something. Leif tried the door and found it locked. At least the kid cared something about keeping the house secure.

Leif unlocked the door and stood back, knowing that Mooch would come charging out. Sure enough, a white blur whizzed by to disappear into the trees on the far side of the yard. Leif debated whether to go on in or to wait. It was hard to tell how long Mooch would be. Besides, once he had a chance to take the weight off his leg, he might not be willing or even able to get back up.

Leaning against the doorframe, Leif waited a couple of minutes and then put two fingers in his mouth and let loose with a shrill whistle. His four-legged buddy eventually reappeared at the edge of the woods but made no move to return to the house. There was no way Leif could leave Mooch out all night. There were coyotes and God knows what else in the woods that would happily chow down on a Mooch-meal.

“Come on, dog, make it short.”

Mooch yipped and came trotting back, making a couple of stops to lift his leg on the way across the yard. Leif followed Mooch inside just as a light came on in the hall upstairs. Austin appeared at the top of the steps dressed in boxers and an undershirt.

He rubbed his eyes and blinked down at Leif. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Leif lied. “I was waiting for Mooch to haul his ass back inside. Do you need anything before I crash for the night?”

Or what little was left of it.

“No, but you’ll want to call Callie in the morning. She was kind of surprised to find out I was living here now.”

Leif winced. “My bad, kid. I meant to call her. How pissed off was she?”

Austin started down the steps. “Actually, she didn’t seem mad at all. She said she’d talked to Nick about my job and wanted to check in with you about it.”

Leif hobbled into the kitchen and flipped on the light. He poured himself a glass of water to wash down a couple of pain pills while Austin helped himself to some milk and two brownies from a plate on the counter. Leif grabbed a couple for himself and parked his backside at the kitchen table. Austin joined him, but only after he refilled Mooch’s water bowl and tossed the dog a couple of treats. The dog gulped them down, then collapsed on the floor next to Leif’s feet.

The three males sat in silence, each lost in his thoughts. Leif nibbled the chocolate goodness and mentally thanked Callie for keeping him supplied with high-octane sugary treats. Right now he needed the burst of energy the brownies would provide just to get ready for bed.

Austin finished off the last of his milk. “So what’s up for tomorrow?”

Leif hadn’t thought that far ahead, other than that he needed to go to that stupid meeting at the church in the afternoon. On the other hand, he supposed if they expected Austin to start earning his keep, someone had to come up with some kind of plan.

“The yard needs mowing, the flower beds need edging, and this house could use some cleaning. If you’ll work on the upstairs, I’ll do this floor.”

Austin looked even less enthusiastic about the proposed plan of action than Leif felt. He managed a sympathetic grin. “Yeah, I know none of that is particularly exciting, but it’s a start. Nick will be back soon. That’s when things will get interesting around here. He plans to rip this place apart and put it all back together. If you check out the third floor, you’ll see where we’ve already started to make changes.”

He pushed himself back up to his feet, wincing as he put his weight on his left leg. “Nick knows a whole shitload about construction and remodeling. Pay attention to what he teaches you, and you’ll be able to get a helluva lot better job than flipping burgers.”

The kid didn’t look all that impressed with the situation, and Leif was too damn tired to put any more effort into convincing him otherwise.

“See you in the morning. Come on, Mooch. Time to hit the rack.”

•   •   •

Zoe stared up at the ceiling. “God, what was I thinking?”

It was a stupid question, one with no satisfactory answer. There were good reasons that Zoe had made it a rule to avoid emotional entanglements since she’d left her army career behind to take refuge in the small-town normalcy of Snowberry Creek. Breaking that rule had hurt not only her but Leif as well.

He deserved better, or at least some honesty from her. How likely was it that he’d want to listen to anything she had to say now? Slim to none, and who would blame him?

She looked around the living room. There had to be something left to do, something else that needed to be cleaned, scrubbed, sorted, washed, or folded. Unable to face her empty bed after returning home from dropping Leif off in the middle of the night, she’d first tried watching late-night television. When that failed to provide adequate distraction, she’d folded her laundry. From there, she’d emptied the dishwasher, scrubbed the counters, and kept right on going.

She could always vacuum, but the neighbors downstairs might not appreciate the noise at this hour. She checked the time. The sun would be up soon. Maybe now she could sleep. Once again, she went through her usual nighttime routine, starting with brushing her teeth. After stripping off her sweat-stained clothes, she donned her oldest, rattiest pajamas.

Rather than return to her bed, she waited until the first streaks of sunlight made their appearance before curling up on the couch under an afghan. Crossing her fingers that the daylight would keep her nightmares at bay, she fell asleep to the soft babble of the morning news.

Ch
apter 20

“H
ey, Leif, are you awake?”

Mooch immediately hit the floor and headed straight for the kitchen while Leif decided how to respond to Austin’s question. Ignoring the kid was pretty much at the top of the list; throwing something at him was right up there, too. He burrowed deeper under the blankets and covered his head with his pillow, but that wouldn’t hold the day at bay for long.

“Leif? I’m sorry to bother you, but I really need to talk to you.”

Okay, give the kid credit for determination. He gave up and answered but stayed right where he was. “Yeah?”

Austin came closer, still moving cautiously. He set a cup of coffee on the table next to the bed and then backed away fast. The rich smell was enough to finally draw Leif out of his burrow. After sitting up, he reached for the cup of life’s ambrosia and risked a small sip. It was strong enough to eat through steel. Perfect. Maybe he’d let the kid live after all.

Blinking through bleary eyes, he stared at Austin over the rim of the mug. “So what do you want at this ungodly hour?”

Rather than answer right away, Austin held out Leif’s cell phone so he could see the time. Damn, that couldn’t be right. If it was, he’d slept through the entire morning. He gulped down another mouthful of the scalding coffee and set the mug aside. Austin patiently waited until Leif was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Okay, I’m up. What do you need?”

“Callie’ll be here in a few minutes. Evidently she’s tried calling you several times this morning on your cell. When you didn’t answer the last time, she called the landline and got me. She said your phone must be turned off or dead. Something about how you might ignore Nick’s calls, but you’d never deliberately be that rude to her.”

Leif muttered a curse and reached for his jeans. Could he make it to the shower before Callie got there? Maybe not, but he was going to give it a valiant try. No way he wanted to face her until he cleared out some of the cobwebs.

He stood up and reached for his cane. “I’m going to duck into the shower. Fix Callie a cup of coffee and tell her I’ll be out in a few.”

“Sure thing.”

“And feed Mooch.”

“Already did. I also mowed the lawn and edged the front yard. Only reason I heard the phone is that I came back in to get a drink of water. Well, and to make sure you weren’t dead.”

Leif finally laughed. “It’s nice to know you care. Now get the hell out of my way before I show you what this cane is really used for.”

Austin held up his hands as if to surrender and retreated toward the kitchen. Leif grabbed his shaving kit, snagged his cleanest clothes, and hustled his ass into the bathroom off the utility room. He made quick work of cleaning up and getting dressed, but didn’t bother shaving. It wasn’t as if anybody would get close enough to be bothered by the stubble.

“Anybody” being Zoe.

Besides, it went with his shaggy hair. He hadn’t had it cut since arriving in Snowberry Creek and probably wouldn’t until he had to report back to base. He ran his fingers through it and tried to remember how long it had been since his hair had actually been long enough to part. All in all, he looked strange to himself, as if that guy in the mirror was vaguely familiar but Leif couldn’t quite place him.

It was just another part of his life that was out of sync. Maybe talking to Nick would help him get his head straightened out. After he dealt with whatever Callie had on her agenda, he’d check in with the sergeant to see what was up with him. Most likely, Nick felt duty-bound to keep an eye on Leif, even if it was from a distance.

Or he might want to kick Leif’s ass for letting Austin anywhere near Callie. That would be fun.

Afterward, he’d try to figure out what to do about last night. Talk about a screwed-up situation. There had been so much right between him and Zoe. How could it have gone so wrong so quickly? Then there was that veterans’ meeting at the church to get through.

After he was dressed, he could hear the muffled sound of conversation through the door. Time to face Callie. He left his stuff where it was and walked out into the kitchen. He’d figured she’d been talking to Austin, but instead she was having a heartfelt conversation with Mooch.

“So, boy, wish you could tell me what’s up with your buddy Leif. I was afraid he’d been scooped up by the cops again, but Austin assures me that they both behaved last night. A few games of pool, a couple of longnecks, and that’s all there was to it. However, Austin also said Leif had ordered him to drop him off at the park when he spotted a lady friend walking toward the creek.”

She pitched her voice a tad louder, no doubt aware that Leif was listening. “I have to wonder who this mysterious female is and why he’s keeping her identity secret. I’m not entirely sure if I approve of her keeping our Corporal Brevik out to all hours, especially if whatever they were up to results in him sleeping half the day away.”

Callie dropped her voice to a whisper. “Mooch, do you think she had her wicked way with him?”

Okay, enough was enough. True, Leif had poked his nose into her business when she and Nick first hooked up, but his situation was different. Besides, it was over between him and Zoe anyway.

He let a little of his irritation show in the look he gave her on his way past her to the coffeepot. “Very funny, Callie. May I remind you I am a grown man and capable of taking care of myself?”

Most of the time anyway.

After pouring himself another cup of caffeine and topping off Callie’s, he fixed himself a bowl of cereal before joining her at the table. It was a little late for breakfast, but it would take the edge off his appetite.

“So, what’s up, Callie? Austin said you’ve been trying to call me.”

She patted Mooch on the head one last time and then turned in her chair to face Leif. “I wanted to give you a heads-up that Nick is, shall we say, mildly concerned about Austin being here. I tried telling him why I gave him a job and you invited him to move in.”

Leif could well imagine how that conversation had actually gone. “Mildly concerned? Am I correct in assuming that translates into him planning on kicking my ass up and down the road a few times for letting you hire Austin in the first place?”

She laughed. “He also mentioned staking you out on a hillside in Afghanistan with a box of MREs and a
FREE TO GOOD HOME
sign pinned to your chest.”

Okay, that sounded like Sarge when he went on a tear. “The good news is that he’ll have time to cool off before he gets back here.”

“Yeah, he will.” Callie’s smile faded. “It seems like forever before that happens, though.”

“At least you know he’s not getting shipped out again.” Leif winked at her over the brim of his cup. “Besides, you’ve got me here.”

His cell phone lit up and played Nick’s ringtone. Leif braced himself for a tirade. He punched the speakerphone button so Callie could hear both ends of the conversation. With that in mind, he did his best to head Nick off at the pass.

“Hi, Sarge. Sorry I missed your calls this morning. But before you proceed to tear me a new one, you should know that Callie is here and listening.”

“What’s the matter, Corporal? Too cowardly to talk to me on your own?”

Only someone who knew Nick well would’ve been able to tell from his ice-cold tone that he wasn’t really angry. No, he was green-eyed jealous because Leif was sitting right where Nick would give anything to be.

“Not at all. Callie was missing you, and I was cheering her up by reminding her that I’m much better-looking. Also, right now I have longer hair, not that crappy buzz cut you’re sporting, all of which makes me a lot more manly. I hadn’t yet gotten to the part about me not snoring as loudly as you do.”

Nick rose to the bait. “Leif, you no good son of a—”

Leif cut him off before he could finish. “Before you start launching grenades in my direction, Sarge, I’ll remind you that the woman is so besotted with you that she fails to see my charms. Not sure how you managed to pull that off, but maybe you could give me some pointers. After last night, it seems obvious I could use them.”

Well, shit, he hadn’t meant to let that slip out. Callie immediately went on point. Now there would be no escaping a full-out inquisition. She’d try to wring every painful detail out of him, and Nick would be right there beside her asking his own tactless questions.

In fact, he launched the opening salvo. “So what woman failed to appreciate your questionable charms this time? Do you need me to call her up and lie about what a great catch you’d be?”

If his friend had sounded smug instead of concerned, Leif would’ve told Nick exactly what physically painful thing he could do with his offer.

Instead, Leif gave him a limited amount of the truth. “It’s not her fault, Sarge. We both know I’m not in a position to get involved until I know how this thing with my leg is going to play out. All I know is being a combat soldier in the army. If I lose that, I lose everything.”

Nick wasn’t having it. “That’s bullshit, Leif, and you know it. There’s way more to life than the army.”

Yeah, maybe that was true for Nick, especially now that he’d met Callie. He was walking away from his career without a second’s hesitation. But then, unlike Leif, Nick had made the decision to leave on his own terms. Leif might be forced out, and he’d never thought much about what he would do after the army, figuring he had at least another twelve years to decide.

The entire situation left him raw and hurting. “Maybe you’re right about that, Nick, but it’s all I’ve ever had.”

He lurched to his feet and tossed the phone to Callie. “Here, talk to your woman. She’s missing you. I’ve got work to do. Important stuff like dusting and weeding.”

Then he slammed out of the kitchen, not sure where he was headed. All he knew for sure was that he needed to put some space between himself and his friends before all hell broke loose.

•   •   •

His temper ran out of steam about the time he reached the gazebo in the back corner of the yard. He parked his ass and tried to figure out what to do next.

Apologize to Callie? Yeah, that was at the top of the list. Nick? Not so much. The guy code was pretty specific about such things. A punch in the arm when Nick got back to Snowberry Creek and paying for an extra round the next time they hit a bar together should handle it.

The back screen door creaked. Great. Callie was headed his way. It would be both rude and cowardly to make her hunt for him, even if he really didn’t want to be found. She was already worried about his mental state. Playing hide-and-seek would only complicate the issue.

He called out, “I’m over here.”

Mooch arrived a few steps ahead of Callie. The dog made a complete circuit of the gazebo, nose to the ground, and then ran back out into the yard to check on the squirrel situation. Meanwhile, Callie took a seat on the opposite bench. Smart of her not to crowd him right now. He waved his hand in the air and shook his head.

“It wasn’t all that long ago that I couldn’t have told you what a gazebo even was. Now I hang out in one. How weird is that?”

Callie laughed. It sounded a bit forced, but he figured she understood he was trying to lighten the moment. He made himself meet her gaze, hating the concern he saw reflected there. Trouble was, he was worried about himself, too. He cleared his throat and forced the words out.

“Sorry I lost my temper in the house. I’m a jerk sometimes. Lately, more often than not.”

Her response was slow in coming. “I don’t care about a little show of temper, Leif, but I am worried about you.”

God, he hated this shit. Right now all he wanted to think about was rebuilding his leg and his life. He wanted to cut his hair, put on his uniform, and get back to the business of protecting the country. That was the life he’d chosen. It was all he knew. Without it, he would have to start over from scratch and figure out who else he could be.

The thought made his skin hurt.

What he wouldn’t give to roll back the clock to that day in Afghanistan when his life went all to hell in the first place. Yeah, first up, he’d make Spence turn right instead of left. Or was it the other way around? He didn’t care as long as whichever way they went would take them down a different street, one without an IED and a bunch of crazies trying to kill them.

But there were no effing do-overs in war. Hell, that last part was pretty catchy. Maybe he should have that tattooed on his shoulder, or maybe his ass.

“Leif!”

Had he said that out loud? Judging by the horrified look on Callie’s face, that was exactly what he’d done. Great “Sorry, Callie. Soldier humor can be pretty grim. Didn’t mean to shock you. No tats for me. I hate needles too much. Ask Nick if you don’t believe me.” His cheeks flushed red. “I almost fainted the day I got all my vaccinations. Seriously. Only knowing how much crap Spence would’ve given me over it kept me upright and moving.”

She looked marginally happier. “Yeah, I know how he is.” Then she immediately grimaced and pounded her fists on her thighs. “Darn it. I meant to say I know how he
was
. God, Leif, why can’t I ever get that straight?”