More Than A Four Letter Word (17 page)

Roberta sticks her hand out to Clarissa. She
holds her breath for what seemed like an eternity before Clarissa
clasped her hand. “I remember Mother telling me that I was her
spitting image. At the time, I accepted this as a compliment. It
has taken me years to realize that she tried to warn me that she
has been in my position. I’ve been on a self-destruction kick for
so long, that I didn’t realize how much I wanted to live until my
diagnosis.”

Clarissa clutched Roberta's hand realizing
that she hasn't touched her sister in that manner since they were
children. “Why didn’t you tell us about the cancer?”

“
Denial. I continued living
as usual, and the walls crashed down around me. I decided that this
time I would just keep my problems to myself and spare my family
any additional pain. Enough about me, Mother tells me how much you
like your job in Chicago.”

“
Yes, I’m terribly excited
about my job in Chicago, there's so much to see and do. When you
feel better, I want you to come visit me.”

“
I would like that. I’ve
been wondering why you work if you don’t have to?"

"What do you mean?"

"Selling Lariat turned you into a millionaire
overnight.”

Her net worth improved tremendously by
selling Lariat Games, but she would never share that information
with Roberta. Clarissa giggled aloud. “I hate to disillusion you,
but I’m not rich. After I paid off lawyer's fees and taxes, I have
a little nest egg. Besides, I would die of boredom if I couldn't
work. I bet you can’t wait to get back to teaching.”

“
You’re right I love my job;
if everything stays on schedule I may be able to start substituting
during the fall semester. Do you think you would like to run your
own company again?”

“
I don’t have the drive to
run a business. I think a lot of people like me have been taken to
the cleaners because we have no business sense.”

Roberta snorted. “Don't be too hard on
yourself. Before the buy-out, Lariat operated successfully for five
years.”

“
I’m being honest. I wanted
to create new video games. I didn’t want to worry about budgeting,
overhead costs, payroll, insurance, taxes, and all the many things
that go along with running a business. I'm one of the lucky ones;
my employee's jobs were safe and selling the company expanded my
horizons, putting me into my present position. I’m glad for the
experience because it has shown me what I don’t want to do for the
rest of my life.”

Clarissa could tell that Roberta is getting
tired she stayed with her for another half an hour until Roberta
dozed off. Clarissa stayed in the room thinking about Julian Ross.
She remembered her conversation with him about children. She would
love to adopt Micah and become the mother of all his future
children. She's in love with Julian but would a one sided marriage
be enough for her. She planned to marry Lawrence knowing that she
didn't love him. Whenever she decided to marry, she wouldn't settle
for a marriage without love this time around.

She realized that speaking honestly with her
mother and Roberta has lifted a burden from her shoulders. For the
first time in years, Clarissa feels appreciated and thankful for
her family. Aunt Helen used to tell her all the time that the world
will throw you away, but your family will always be there to lift
you up. Now she finally understands what Aunt Helen is trying to
say.

Being around her family is a sharp reminder
of one more thing she has to do before leaving town. When the whole
family gets together for Easter dinner, they truly have something
to be thankful. Clarissa would love to welcome Julian and Micah
into her family. She has a few more days in Orlando to reminisce
with her family and create new memories.

When she gets back to Chicago, she's going
after her man. Life is too short to waste, and she has wasted
enough time where Julian is concerned. Julian will be out of town
most of this week, but he's picking her up for a party on Friday.
"Oh what a party it is going to be."

***

Clarissa leaves her parents' house
early Saturday morning determined to put her curiosity to rest. Not
wanting to hurt her parents' feelings, she didn't tell anyone in
her family where she's going. Finally, she has the nerve to visit
James Wilson's parents, more accurately her grandparents. After
giving Clarissa the Wilson's address, her Aunt Helen wanted to come
with her, but this is something she has to do by herself. Sitting
in her car, Clarissa watches whom she believes to be her
grandmother puttering around in her yard. The simple moments of her
grandmother soothed her frayed nerves. She checked the clock on the
dash, confirming that she's been sitting there for more than an
hour. "Well it's now or never." Clarissa gets out of her car and
approaches the Wilson's home.

Etta Mae Wilson worked hard pulling the weeds
from her flowerbed. No matter how often she pulled weeds, they
seemed to grow back faster. She didn’t mind because idle hands are
the devil’s workshop, and it gives her something to do until spring
break is over. Being lunch monitor at the grammar school down the
street is a excellent way to occupy her time. She loved interacting
with the children it keeps her young and makes her feel alive.

“
Excuse me, could you tell
which house the Wilson’s live?”

Etta takes her time standing before walking
towards the young woman with the singsong voice. The closer she
gets to the young woman; she realizes that the woman is her
grandchild Clarissa. “Oh child!" She stepped closer, afraid that
Clarissa would go away. “I prayed to God for years that you would
come to us.”

"Do you know me?" Clarissa opened the gate
and looked into her grandmother's weathered face. She could feel
tears in her eyes as she spied the glimpses of her grandmother's
snow-white hair sticking out of her hat. Her mahogany skin and
chocolate eyes seemed to beg for acceptance.

"I would recognize you anywhere, you're
James's daughter. Child you certainly have your father's eyes. Etta
Mae couldn't control herself any longer she takes off her yard
gloves and wraps her arms around Clarissa giving her a lengthy hug
for all the years she missed.

Etta Mae practically drags Clarissa into the
house, determined that her husband Jim would see her before she
vanishes. "Jim! Jim! Come here quick!" She closed the door and
leaned against it as if she could keep Clarissa from leaving.

Jim Wilson hurried into the hallway afraid
that his wife has fallen. "Woman what's going on...?" He's at a
loss for words when he sees Clarissa standing next to his wife. "Oh
Jesus!"

Etta Mae grabs Clarissa's arm and tugs her
into the sitting room. "Didn't I tell you that she would come?"

Clarissa sits on the love seat uncertain as
to what she should say. Her grandfather is a tall, robust man, with
a bald head, and glasses. He must have been reading the paper
because it's still clutched in his hands. She did notice his eyes
they were the same eyes she sees in the mirror every day.

"My mother told me months ago that the man
I'd always known as my father was not my natural father. It has
taken me some time to deal with this situation because it explained
the friction that existed between my mother and me. I came here
wondering how to explain whom I am, but you already knew about
me."

Etta Mae sat down next to Clarissa and Jim
sat across from them in the easy chair. "Honey we've always knew
about you, since the day of your birth. Helen loved our boy, and
she made sure that we had access to you, even if it were only
through photos."

"You seem so complacent; when I found out the
family's secret I was angry and felt cheated. Why didn't you demand
to see me? You had a right to see me, and I had the right to know
my grandparents."

Etta Mae patted Clarissa hand, "Times were
different, not like now-a-days, back then grandparents didn't have
any rights. Look around at the pictures on the wall; we did see you
grow up even if we didn't have contact."

Clarissa looked around the room; there were
photos of her at various stages in life. There were photos of other
children too. "James isn't your only child."

Jim finally gets over his shock of seeing his
oldest grandchild. "Three sons, James Jr., Marcus, and Nathaniel.
Your father died in an airplane crash with his troop, no one ever
explained the circumstances of the crash. Marcus adored his older
brother. After joining the army, he gets injured in the Persian
Gulf War. We prayed for his safe return, are prayers were answered,
but didn't return the same. He died of lung cancer ten years ago.
Nathaniel married right out of high school and lives in Seattle
with his wife and three children, two girls and one boy."

Etta Mae goes into another room and brings a
photo album, giving it to Clarissa. "We're so proud of you and
James would be too. You're so smart; we attended your high school
and college graduations. No grandparents were prouder than we
were."

Clarissa opened the photo album; there were
photographs and newspaper clippings detailing her whole life's
history. "I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry about? We may not have
been in your life, but you were a part of our lives. We did hear
that you were getting married, but I guessed that you changed your
mind."

Clarissa closed the photo album and studied
the faces of her grandparents. It's obvious to her that they were
lovely people who just wanted to know about her. "My ex-fiancé has
relationship issues, the kind that keeps him from committing to
just one woman."

Etta Mae raised an eyebrow, giving her
husband a pointed look. "You did the right thing baby. If you don't
love him enough to forgive him his transgressions, the marriage
never would have worked. Don't worry, when the right man comes
along you'll recognize him; he'll be the man you can't live
without."

"Could you tell me about my father? I would
like for you to be in my life from this day forward."

"We would love to tell you anything you want
to know about James. It's almost lunch time, do you have time to
eat with us."

"I can make the time." Clarissa followed her
grandmother in the kitchen. When her grandfather didn't follow
right away, her grandmother yelled his name.

"Jim! Come on now, lunch is ready."

"I'm coming Etta Mae." Jim is still somewhat
in shock. They prayed over the years for the opportunity to see
their granddaughter face to face. He closed his eyes, images of his
son James flashed through his mind. "She has your eyes son, and she
also has you goodness. Rest easy now son your baby has finally come
home." Jim wiped the tears from his eyes and hurried into the
kitchen, lest his wife talk poor Clarissa to death.

***

Clarissa didn't get back to her parent's
house until later that afternoon. She goes up to her old bedroom
and lies across the bed. Meeting her grandparents and trying to
absorb a lifetime of memories has drained her psyche. She needed to
talk to someone who isn't a family member. Normally Alison is the
first person she called with all the happenings in her life. Today
she couldn't fathom sharing her news with anyone but Julian.

She called his cell phone and he picked up
after the first ring. "Julian, did I interrupt something."

"Not at all, my aunt and uncle took off with
Micah and left me here all alone. I've been sitting here thinking
how I can get you to move in with me and Micah that won't ruffle
your feathers."

Clarissa swallowed several times before
responding. "How about you just ask me?"

"Can it truly be that simple? I envisioned
you throwing up all types of roadblocks to stay out of my clutches
and away from my cave. Anyway, that's not why you called. Tell me
what's troubling you baby."

"Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Oh baby I know you better than that, you may
want to talk to me, but you didn't call to hear me talk."

Clarissa clung to the raspy voice of her
lover. "Do you remember after meeting me how you threatened to take
me from my fiancé and proceeded to offer me a job in Chicago?"

"Of course, that's the day I decided that you
would make a wonderful new addition in my life."

She envisioned his rakish smile. "That
weekend brought several revelations to light. Not only did Lawrence
screw half the female population in Orlando, my sister included.
I'm sure you already knew that. The next day I find out that the
man I know as daddy isn't my natural father." The line got quiet.
"Julian?"

"I'm still here baby, you have my complete
attention."

"That same day my Aunt Helen told me that my
real father's parents' were still alive and would love to meet me
one day. Well today, I decided to see my grandparents, and meeting
them has added so much to my life. They showered me with more love
than my mother has given me in my whole life."

Julian hears the crack of emotion in her
voice and wishes he could be there with her. "Ah sweetheart. I wish
I could be with you right now just so I could hold you."

"That's the real reason I called Julian.
Something momentous happened to me today, and you were the first
person I wanted to share that information. I'm in way over my head
with you and I don't want to be the only one in the relationship
feeling that way."

Julian couldn't describe the level of
satisfaction her words gave him. "Let yourself go Clarissa and
trust that I'm there to catch you."

"I trust you Julian. I trust you with my
heart."

"Your heart is safe with me Clarissa."

***

Later that evening Clarissa joined her
parents and brother at the packed Amway Arena for a Patti Labelle
concert. She is between her father and her brother; they were on
the third row, front and center. It has been years since she's
taken the time to relax and enjoy a concert. The opening act, a
local group certainly revved up the audience.