Montana Actually (15 page)

All of her quivered with unmet need and her body screamed for him. “Fill me up.”

Snowstorm gray eyes gazed into hers, filled with matching need. “Now?”

“Yes, please, right now.”

He pushed up. She pressed down and beseeching muscles gripped him tight, so tight it was as if they were scared he might change his mind.

Finally.
Feeling him deep inside her, she gave a momentary sigh of blissful relief, savoring the touch she desperately wanted. The touch that would take her away from everything.

“Okay?” His guttural voice broke through her fog of bliss.

“Perfect.”

He started moving inside her, and relief was short-lived, exploding into all-consuming need and stripping her of coherent thought. She threw her head back, and with each thrust, a tie to her real life unraveled, freeing her to soar.

Josh’s breath came hard and fast. Speech deserted both of them. Her breasts ached, her nipples tingled with pain, every muscle in her body screamed for release but still it wasn’t enough. Like fire hungrily consuming every ounce of oxygen in its path, she needed more.

She needed it all.

Panting, she dropped her head to his and kissed him, sucking his heat and energy into her. He gasped, drove up hard and shuddered against her. Color took over. She swam into it, desperate and dizzy, surfing the crest of the wave of utter fulfillment, clinging to it and never wanting it to end.

The wave rolled out, losing momentum, and she whimpered, frantic to hold on to it for as long as possible. Fighting the pull of reality. She lost. It slipped from her limp body and she sobbed as her arms started to shake.

“That was . . .” Josh’s stunned gaze sought hers. “. . . intense.”

He lowered her down and she slumped against him, the shaking now spreading to every part of her body. She tried to speak but nothing came out.

“Katrina?”

Unease filled his face, but her teeth were chattering so hard she couldn’t talk.

Josh quickly turned off the water and wrapped her in a towel, rubbing her dry. “Do you think you can walk up the stairs?”

Her legs felt like jelly and she shook her head. The next minute she was hanging over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift.

“Sorry, but I can’t get you up the narrow stairs any other way without the both of us hitting the wall or the ceiling and getting hurt.” He carefully made his way out of the bathroom, up the stairs, past the bastard turn and into the bedroom.

He gently lowered her down, pulled up the quilts, dried himself and then crawled in next to her, spooning her into him and absorbing her shakes.

As his heat warmed her, the trembling slowly eased and she felt her body starting to still. She rolled over to face him, and his hand smoothed the strands of her damp hair out of her eyes. “Feeling better?”

“I am.” She felt self-conscious. “That’s never happened to me before.”

He grinned. “I’ve never sent a woman into postorgasmic shock before.”

“You want a medal or a chest to pin it on,” she teased, rather ineffectually, because as chests go, his was pretty much perfect.

“A framed certificate will do just fine,” he quipped before kissing her gently on the nose.

Her fingers traced the outline of his tribal tattoo. “When did you get this?”

He rolled onto his back. “When I was seventeen. We were on vacation in Hawaii and I wanted to piss off my father.”

She couldn’t picture Josh being that much of a rebel. “Did it work?”

“Hell yeah. He was furious.” He tucked his other arm behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “It almost did double duty. I got close to being kicked out of prep school, too, but I wasn’t that lucky.”

She knew her face would have conveyed her surprise. “You went to a prep school?”

“Connecticut’s finest.”

Her brain scrabbled to work everything out, but nothing matched up because Josh was in Bear Paw to pay down his student loans. “That’s serious money.”

A muscle ticked in his cheek. “My father called it an investment, only it didn’t pay the returns he wanted.”

She thought about their last conversation that had featured his father, and given what had happened, part of her didn’t want to ask, but curiosity won out. “But you got into medical school, graduated and have continued to succeed, so how is that not paying returns on his investment in your education?”

J
osh’s sigh rumbled through him, eating away at his relaxed postsex torpor. He wound strands of her drying hair around his fingers and for a moment toyed with the idea of not telling her anything about his fractured relationship with his father, but he didn’t want to argue with her. Not today when she was gutted by her mother’s news. Not when she was lying up against him all snuggly warm with her legs entangled in his. But talking about his father always put him on edge, and he didn’t particularly want to lose the languid relaxation that had him feeling mellow and content. There weren’t many times in Bear Paw he’d gotten close to content.

“Josh?” she prompted, propping herself up on her elbows and fixing him with an intense and questioning look.

Damn it.
He should have made up some bullshit story about the tattoo when she’d asked, but his brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders yet after the most amazing sex he’d ever had in his life. Sex he wanted to have again. If he ducked this answer to her question, she’d continue to press him, so he really had no choice.

“I did go to medical school but not to Yale. All the Stantons have gone to Yale and graduated summa cum laude.”

Her fingers continued to follow the intricate diamond-shaped design. “More rebellion?”

“No such luck. I fooled around in the first year of college, so I didn’t make the cut. I grew up, went to Columbia, worked my ass off and graduated summa cum laude
.
”

She smiled. “And that made your dad happy.”

He grimaced at her optimism. “Not much about me makes Phillip Stanton happy. He may have forgiven me for going to the wrong school—”

“There is nothing wrong with graduating from Columbia,” she said hotly.

Her indignation on his behalf surprised him, and he didn’t quite know what to make of it. “Um, thanks, but no one in Connecticut is going to agree with you, especially my family. On top of Columbia I added insult to injury.”

“Because you didn’t do surgery?”

She was far too insightful. “That’s the one.”

“Did you want to do surgery?”

No one had ever asked him that before, either, and he blew out a breath filled with the complicated emotions—the ones that always raised their heads whenever he thought about his father. “When you have a family history like mine and you’re the only child, you grow up from the cradle knowing you’re going to become a doctor. A surgeon. I resisted it for a while—”

“The tattoo?”

“Yeah, and coasting the first year of college until a professor I really admired called me on it. Then I knuckled down, and once I got accepted into medical school I never questioned that surgery was my future. And it was, right up until the end of my first year as a surgical intern.”

“What happened then?” she asked, dropping her head on his chest.

He stroked her back, loving the feel of her skin. “I discovered what I loved best about surgery was the emergencies. The adrenaline charge when I greeted the ambulance as it arrived at the ER, the rush of the unknown as I triaged and the beat-the-clock work to keep the patient alive and stabilized enough to get them to the OR. All of it gave me a buzz that general elective surgery couldn’t touch. I started thinking about the years of my working life stretching out before me, and I just couldn’t do it. I transferred out of the program.”

“That makes sense. Surely your dad understood?”

He couldn’t stop the harsh, barking laugh that erupted out of him. “That’s like saying there’ll be peace in the Middle East one day. My father’s very much the surgeon. Everything is cut-and-dried. You cut out a problem and stitch it up, end of story. There’s no room for sentiment.”

She scrunched up her face. “I think it’s important to do what you love.”

He opened his mouth to say
And yet you’re not doing that
, but then he remembered Bonnie’s diagnosis and he closed it.

Katrina continued. “You’ve accomplished a lot.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah. I’m Bear Paw’s finest and going backward fast because I’m doing more primary care here than emergency medicine.”

She dug her fingers into his ribs. “Don’t do that.”

He flinched as her nails pinched. “Do what?”

“Belittle your achievements. You saved Sam Duckett’s life. You should be proud of yourself.”

Her words punched him as images and voices he thought had faded with time came back loud and clear. His father standing in his library with his palms pressed down on his leather-topped oak desk.
I’ve put up with your nonsense for years, son, but if you choose this course of action, you’re on your own.

I’m not asking you for anything, Dad. I’m just informing you of my decision.

His mother’s silent pleading for Josh to change his mind.

His total confidence that the woman he thought loved him would support his choice just as he’d supported her.
Don’t worry, Ashley. I have a plan. It’s all going to work out fine.

Have you lost your mind, Josh? Do you even care about me? About us as a couple? Your student loans will cripple us.

He felt the past tugging at him, sucking him back toward the emotional black pit he’d spent so long fighting his way out of, and there was no way he was going back there. He was in Bear Paw. He didn’t want to think about the past or the future. He just wanted now.

He pulled Katrina over him until she was straddling his legs and then he cupped one hand on her breast and the other between her thighs. He hooked her clear and hypnotic gaze. “I’m proud of what I can do for you.”

He stroked her.

She whimpered.

The sound made him instantly hard, and he let his hands work their magic. He lost himself in watching her fall apart.

—

IF
Shannon had thought juggling work and keeping Hunter in school was difficult, she hadn’t factored in the three long months of summer vacation. It was only day three and already she was tearing out her hair.

“What are you planning on doing today?” she asked him at eleven, after virtually tipping him out of bed. “Skate park? Invite someone over?”

He shrugged indifferently. “I dunno.”

She tried not to sigh. For weeks Hunter had whined and moaned about school and had been miserable. Now that it was summer vacation, she’d expected him to be happier. Hoped desperately that he’d be happier. But his air of disinterest in school seemed to have pervaded his out-of-school life.

Well, she wasn’t having him sit around doing nothing. “I need your help washing dishes in the diner today because Katrina’s gone to Great Falls.”

Katrina had told her about Bonnie’s diagnosis, and Shannon was still trying to absorb the unwelcome and distressing news. She wondered how Beau was coping, but she hadn’t seen him in the nine days since he’d brought Hunter home and kissed her. The kiss she thought about far too much.

“Will you pay me?” Hunter asked, half belligerent, half hopeful.

“If you smile, work hard and do what I ask, I’ll pay you.” She stretched out her hand toward his. “Deal?”

“I guess.”

“Good. Get dressed, go eat a bowl of cereal and then come straight over. The early lunch crowd will be drifting in by eleven thirty.”

As she turned to leave, she heard a loud knocking at the door. “Are you expecting someone?”

Hunter shook his head but ambled to the door just ahead of her and opened it. “Hey, Beau.”

Beau
. Beau who’d kissed her as if she were dainty and fragile and had then walked away and not contacted her since.

The cowboy stepped inside and once again filled her small entryway, only this time he didn’t pull off his hat and his mighty fine chest appeared to be wriggling.

“H-hello, Sh-Shannon.”

Before she could reply, a small black nose suddenly poked out from inside Beau’s shirt, quickly followed by two huge velvet-soft ears.

“A puppy. Cool!” Hunter exclaimed with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. It reminded Shannon of the boy he’d been before hormones and school had snuffed it out of him.

Hunter shot out his hand, which was devotedly licked by a little pink tongue. “Does it have a name?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Stray.” Beau handed the squirming golden puppy to Hunter before turning his rich, chocolate eyes onto Shannon. “I w-wondered if you . . . and Hunter wanted . . . her.”

What?
She needed a puppy like she needed a hole in the head.

“Hell yes,” Hunter whooped, laughing as the puppy moved her enthusiastic licking to his face.

“Hunter,” she rebuked, embarrassed at his mild profanity and annoyed with Beau for not talking to her about the dog before mentioning it to Hunter. He’d gone and put her in a difficult position—she either disappointed Hunter or she took on a dog, which she didn’t want to do.

“It’s very kind of you to offer her to us, Beau, but there’s a lot to consider. Hunter and I need to discuss it first.”

“Aww, Mom,” Hunter groaned as he shot Beau a tortured look. “That means no.”

Again she was going to be cast as the bad parent. “It means, Hunter, that a puppy is a lot of responsibility. It means walks, teaching it to do its business outside and training it not to destroy the house. I’m busy enough with the diner.”

“I can help,” Beau said very quietly but perfectly clearly.

His unexpected offer confused her. How could he possibly help? “Hunter, take the puppy and go give her a bowl of water.”

Hunter recognized her tone of voice and surprisingly complied without complaint. She stifled a sigh. He must really want the dog.

When he’d left the room, she tried to keep her rising frustration out of her voice. “Beau, I appreciate you thinking of us, but I would also have appreciated you discussing this with me first. How exactly are you going to help with a puppy? You live a long way out of town.”

He took in a deep breath—one she now recognized as part of his strategy to reduce his stuttering. “W-what if Hunter . . . and the puppy came . . . out to the ranch?”

She blinked at him. “But your mom’s sick and the last thing your family needs is the added problem of a grouchy teen.”

“Mom’s . . .” He breathed in and blew the breath out. “She’s at the . . . hospital. In Great Falls. With Katrina and Dad.”

“Still . . .”

His serious gaze was now a warm, burnished brown. “Do you have . . . vacation plans for Hunter?”

Guilt pierced her. Balancing a new business was hard enough during school time. Right now she couldn’t afford to take any time off and Hunter had refused to go to day camp. “Just helping me out at the diner, but that’s mostly to keep him busy. I don’t want him living at the skate park.”

“He can do . . . some ranch w-work. I’ll teach him . . . to train the dog.”

She wasn’t used to being offered any help, so she lacked experience in accepting graciously. “Why do you want him to have the puppy so bad?”

Beau whipped his hat off his head and fiddled with the brim the way he’d done nine days ago. “Animals are less . . . c-complicated than people.”

She stared at him, words failing her on so many levels. She had no idea how to respond, so she concentrated on her son. Hunter’s eagerness about the puppy pulled at her heart. Oh, how she wanted him to be happy but, she wished she knew the experience with the puppy was guaranteed, otherwise she’d be stuck with a dog.

“If the summer ends and the dog doesn’t work out . . .” Her voice trailed off under Beau’s expression of incredulity. “Okay. Hunter can go to Coulee Creek if he wants to go.”

“I want to go,” Hunter said, appearing in the doorway with a look of one who’d been eavesdropping on the entire conversation.

Beau turned to him. “You ready to . . . work?”

Hunter jutted his chin. “Will you pay me?”

Beau laughed. “You help me . . . fence and I’ll teach . . . you how to . . . train your dog.”

Hunter got a squirrely look in his eyes. “What about riding?”

“Hunter!” Shannon was shocked by his cheeky boldness, but Beau just held up his hand.

“One day . . . at a time. G-grab your stuff. Meet me at . . . the outfit.”

Hunter ran to his room and Shannon pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. “Do you have a number in case I need to call?”

A muscle in his cheek twitched and again he dropped his voice to a whisper. “He will be fine.”

She noticed that when he spoke softly, his stutter seemed to go completely, and she was instantly reminded of the time he’d told her he didn’t use phones. “I know he’ll be fine; it’s just I’m his mom and . . .” She raised her gaze to his. “I’d only text.”

His work-battered fingers lifted her phone out of her hand, the roughened tips gently scraping her palm. Her nerve endings went wild and she clamped her mouth shut and her thighs tight, trying to curb the sensations that raced through her.

He plugged some numbers into the cell. “In the coulees . . . it doesn’t work . . . so good.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, a combination of heady lust and anxiety making her feel unsteady and out of her depth. “I mean, better to change your mind now—”