MONEY Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom (85 page)

It was a fascinating experience because it started out as most of these conferences do, with everybody being wonderful and kind and gracious. But then we got into the nitty-gritty of human lives and age-old conflicts—and ideology and dogma started boiling up from beneath the surface. The
conversation got a little heated, with everybody talking at once and nobody really listening.

Finally, the Dalai Lama raised his hand like a little boy in class. He wasn’t upset at all, but he just kept waving his hand with a serene, amused smile on his face. Gradually, people saw him, and you could tell they were a little embarrassed for arguing and ignoring their host. When they finally became quiet, he dropped his arm.

“Ladies and gentlemen, one thing we can all agree upon in this room,” the Dalai Lama said. “The great faiths of the world are represented here, and many of us are considered to be leaders of those faiths. We all have great pride in our individual traditions. But I think we don’t want to lose sight of what the purpose of our religions is, and what the people we represent really want.” He paused for effect and said, “What they all want is to be happy!” What’s the common denominator, he asked, between the goat herder in Afghanistan and the financial trader in New York City; the tribal chief in Africa and the mother of ten in Argentina; the fashion designer in Paris and the weaver in Peru?
“They all want to be happy.”

“That’s the essence of everything,” His Holiness said. “If what we do creates more unhappiness, then we’ve truly failed.”

But what is it that creates happiness?

I’ve always taught that success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

It’s important to remember what you’re really, truly after: that sense of joy, freedom, security, or love—whatever you want to call it. Each one of us finds a pathway we believe will lead to happiness, fulfillment, or meaning. And there are so many paths. Some look for happiness through religion, or nature, or relationships. Others think a great body, money, prominent degrees, children, or business accomplishments will make them happy. But true wealth, as you and I know deep in our souls, cannot be measured only by the size of your bank account or the number of assets you have acquired or grown.

So what’s the final secret, the key to a rich life? Enjoy it and share it! But first you must take action. As the saying goes, if what you learn leads to knowledge, you become a fool; but if what you learn leads to action, you can become wealthy. Remember: rewards come in action, not in discussion.

So before you put down this book, go over the final checklist and make
sure you’ve nailed those 7 Simple Steps and are on your way to building the life you desire and deserve.

Then take a breath and remember what it’s all about.

Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.

—HENRY DAVID THOREAU

We all know there are many kinds of wealth: emotional wealth; relationship wealth; intellectual wealth; physical wealth, in the form of energy, strength, and vitality; and, of course, spiritual wealth: the sense that our life has a deeper meaning, a higher calling beyond ourselves. One of the biggest mistakes we human beings make is when we focus on mastering one form of wealth at the expense of all the rest.

This book has never really been just about money. What it’s really about is creating an extraordinary quality of life—life on your terms. Until now we’ve zeroed in on how to master the game of money and financial independence because money can have a significant effect on everything from our psychology, to our health, to our intimate relationships. But it’s important to remember that it’s impossible to live an extraordinary life if you don’t also master the game of relationships, the game of fulfillment, and the game of health.

Being the richest man in the graveyard is not the goal.

I will never forget taking my children to see Cirque du Soleil when the troupe came to our hometown in Del Mar, California, almost three decades ago. We were fortunate enough to get VIP tickets with floor seats right next to the stage. You could almost reach out and touch the performers.

Just before the show began, I noticed three prime seats were still open beside us, and I thought, “Wow, someone is going to miss out on an amazing show.” But a minute or two later, a giant man, walking with the help of a cane and two assistants, came down the stairs. He must have weighed at least 400 pounds. When he sat down, he took up the three empty seats and was wheezing and sweating from the short walk to the front row. I felt so bad for this man—and for my daughter, who was being crushed by his body spilling over that third seat and onto her! I overheard a person behind me whispering that he was the richest man in Canada. It turns out he was
one
of
the richest men in Canada—financially. A billionaire, no less! Yet in that moment, I couldn’t help thinking about the pain he must live in—all because he put so much of his focus into money while neglecting his health and the physical wealth of his body. He was literally killing himself! And by failing to master more than one aspect of his life, he couldn’t enjoy what he had—not even a simple, magical evening at the theater.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

—THORNTON WILDER

What’s the point of massive achievement if your life has no balance? And what’s the point of winning the game if you never take the time to celebrate and appreciate the life you have? There’s nothing worse than a rich person who’s chronically angry or unhappy. There’s really no excuse for it, yet I see this phenomenon so often. It’s the result of an extremely unbalanced life—one with too much expectation and not enough appreciation for what’s already here. Without gratitude and appreciation for what we already have, we’ll never know true fulfillment. As Sir John Templeton said,
“If you’ve got a billion dollars and you’re ungrateful, you’re a poor man. If you have very little but you’re grateful for what you have, you’re truly rich.”

How do you cultivate gratitude? Start by looking at the force that controls your mind and emotions.

Our decisions ultimately control the quality of our lives.
In all the years I’ve worked with people, I’ve found that
there are three key decisions that we make every moment of our lives.
If we make these decisions unconsciously, we end up with lives like the majority of people, who tend to be out of shape physically, exhausted emotionally, and often bored with or too comfortable in their intimate relationships—not to mention financially stressed.

But if you make these decisions consciously, you literally can change your life in an instant!
What are the three decisions that determine the quality of your life? That determine whether you feel rich or poor in any given moment? The first one is:

DECISION 1:
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO FOCUS ON?

In every moment of our lives, there are millions of things we can focus on. We can focus on the things that are happening right here, right now, or on what we want to create in the future, or we can put our focus back on the past. We can direct our focus to solving a big challenge or to appreciating the beauty of this moment, or to feeling sorry for ourselves about some disappointing experience. If we don’t direct our focus consciously, the environment we’re in tends to make constant demands to get our attention.

There are hundreds of billions of dollars spent on advertising, trying to get this precious commodity of yours. The news tries to get your focus by telling you the scariest story: “Your child could
die
from drinking fruit juice! Film at eleven!” or some other ridiculous claim. Why? Because as they say in the media, “If it bleeds, it leads.” If that’s not enough, we live in a social media world where the buzz in your pocket is constantly calling to you. But here is the key:
where focus goes, energy flows.
What you focus on, and your pattern of focus, shape your whole life.

Let’s look at two of these patterns that control and can immediately shift your level of joy, happiness, frustration, anger, stress, or fulfillment.

The first question is:
Which do you tend to focus on more—what you have or what’s missing from your life?
I’m sure you think about both sides of this coin, but if you had to look at your habitual thoughts, where do you tend to spend most of your time?

Even those of us who are in the most difficult situations have plenty in our lives that we can appreciate.
If you’re struggling financially, might it be worthwhile to remember that if you make an income of just $34,000 a year, you are actually in the top 1% of all wage earners in the world? Yes, the average annual income on the planet is only $1,480 a month. In fact, almost half the world, or more than 3 billion people, live on less than $2.50 per day, which is a little more than $900 per year. The average drink at Starbucks is $3.25. If you can afford that, you’re spending more with one purchase of a cup of coffee than what half the planet has to live on for one day.

That puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? So if you want to occupy Wall
Street because you resent the so-called 1%, you might stop to consider that 99% of the rest of the world might want to occupy
your
“terrible” life!

But in all seriousness, rather than focusing on what we don’t have and begrudging those who are better off financially, perhaps we should acknowledge that there’s so much to be grateful for in our lives that has nothing to do with money.
We can be grateful for our health, our friends, our opportunities, our minds, and the fact that we get to drive on roads that we didn’t have to build, read books we didn’t have to take years to write, and tap into the internet that we didn’t have to create.

Where do you tend to put your focus? On what you have or on what’s missing?

A pattern of appreciating what you have will create a new level of emotional well-being and wealth. And my guess is that if you’re reading this book, you may be one of those people who already notices what you have. But the real question is, do you take time to deeply
feel
grateful in your mind, body, heart, and soul? That’s where the joy and the gifts will be found. Not with just intellectual appreciation or by the acquisition of another dollar, or another $10 million.

Now let’s consider a second pattern of focus that impacts the quality of your life:
Do you tend to focus more on what you
can control
or what you
can’t control
?
I know the answer will be contextual, as it could change from moment to moment, but I’m asking you overall: What do you tend to do more often? Be honest.

If you focus on what you
can’t
control, there’s no question you’re going to have more stress in your life. You can influence many aspects of your life, but you can’t control the markets, the health of those you care about, or the attitudes of your children—as anyone who has lived with a two-year-old or a 16-year-old knows!

Yes, we can influence many things, but we can’t control them. The more we feel out of control, the more frustrated we become. In fact,
self-esteem can be measured by how much we feel we control the events in our life versus feeling that life’s events are controlling us.

Now, as soon as you begin to focus on something, your brain has to make a second decision, which is:

DECISION 2:
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

What does this mean?
Ultimately, how we feel about our lives has nothing to do with the events of our lives, or with our financial condition, or what has or has not happened to us. The quality of our lives is controlled by the meanings we give these things. Most of the time we’re unaware of the impact of these quick meaning decisions that are often made in our unconscious mind.

When something happens that disrupts your life—a car accident, a health issue, a lost job—do you tend to think it’s the end or the beginning? If someone confronts you, is he or she “insulting” you, “coaching” you, or truly “caring” for you? Does this “devastating” problem mean that God is punishing you, or challenging you, or is it possible this problem is a gift from God? Your life becomes whatever meaning you give it. Because with each meaning comes a unique feeling or emotion, and the quality of our lives is where we live emotionally.

Meanings don’t just affect the way we feel; they affect all of our relationships and interactions. Some people think the first ten years of a relationship is just the beginning; that they’re just now getting to know each other, and it’s really exciting. It’s an opportunity to go deeper. Other people could be
ten days into a relationship, and the first time they have an argument, they think it’s the end.

Now tell me, if you think this is the beginning of a relationship, are you going to behave the same way as if it were the end? That one slight shift in perception, in meaning, can change your whole life in a moment. In the beginning of a relationship, if you’re totally in love and attracted, what will you do for the other person? The answer is:
anything
! If he or she asks you to take out the trash, you might leap to your feet and say, “Anything that lights you up, sweetheart!” But after seven days, seven years, or seventy years, people say things like, “What the hell do you think I am, your janitor?!” And they wonder what happened to the passion in their life. I’ve often shared with couples having trouble in their relationships that if you do what you did in the beginning of the relationship, there won’t
be
an end! Because in the beginning of the relationship you were a giver, not an accountant. You weren’t weighing constantly the meaning of who was giving more. Your entire focus was just lighting up that person, and his or her happiness made you feel like your life was filled with joy.