Moments In Time: The Complete Novella Collection (29 page)

Melisa swiped at her tears. His beautiful
words, his love for her this moment were like whips lashing at her
back. If only he knew what she was still hiding from him. “You’re
not too disappointed?”

“No, I’m not. Bad news would have been if
you told me you had some deadly disease. But you don’t. I might
never be a father”—he stroked her cheek—”but I’ll be one hell of a
husband. If you want, we could always try other methods of getting
pregnant. There are so many options out there.”

But what if Carlene was right and she should
believe in miracles? Maybe she could still conceive naturally. She
wouldn’t want to drag them through the stress of surgeries or
fertility treatments, which also had no guarantee. Best to follow
Dr. Beverlin’s advice. “Or we can continue trying naturally first
and see what happens. A miracle might happen.”

“Sure,” he said, “but let’s not forget to
have fun in the process.” A grin spread across his face. “Tell you
what. My mother will still be in Serendipity for a week. Let’s
cancel on her tonight and stay in.”

A weight lifted off Melisa’s shoulders. The
last thing she wanted to do now was see his over-critical mother.
“You don’t think she’ll mind?”

“She might, but you’re upset. I want to take
care of my wife tonight. We can see her another day before she
leaves.”

Melisa leaned her head against his strong
shoulder and closed her eyes. “You
are
one hell of a
husband.”

Melisa didn’t dislike Heat’s mother; she was
just too prim and proper for her liking. She could never quite be
herself in Doreen’s presence.

Since they had canceled on her four days
ago, Doreen guilt-tripped them into having her over for lunch.

As Melisa pulled out the expensive china
Doreen had sent them as a wedding present, Heat entered carrying a
feather duster.

Heat waved the duster in Melisa’s direction.
“Everything’s clean. Except us.” He raised an eyebrow and gave her
a half smile. “Want to jump into the shower together?”

From his expression, showering wasn’t at all
what he had in mind. She moved out of his reach and began to set
the dining table. “We don’t have time.” They did. His mother
wouldn’t arrive for another hour. It was just that, honestly, with
every negative pregnancy test, making love to her husband had
become mechanical. Even though Heat was understanding, patient, and
loving, Melisa couldn’t switch off and enjoy herself. Then she felt
guilty afterward when Heat cradled her in his arms, telling her how
much he loved her. She loved him more than anything, but did she
deserve his love?

“Right,” Heat said, and left the room. From
his resigned posture, he was disappointed. But she couldn’t help
him when she wasn’t even sure how to help herself.

***

Lunch was quiet, and Doreen wouldn’t stop
gazing from Melisa to Heat. She knew something was wrong, and
Melisa thought she’d probably frown if her face weren’t so heavily
Botoxed.

“Florian, is something the matter with you
two?” she asked, putting down her knife and fork.

Melisa stopped twirling her cold spaghetti
around her fork and gazed up at her mother-in-law.

Doreen never ceased to amaze her. A simple
lunch at her son and daughter-in-law’s place and she was dressed to
the nines—well-fitted suit jacket with matching pleated skirt,
pearls, updo.

“We’re doing great, mother,” Heat said and
wiped his mouth with a napkin, as if to prevent the real truth from
pouring out of his lips. That an unmet need was creeping into their
marriage and threatening to poison it.

“Dessert?” Melisa offered, attempting to
change the subject. “Homemade chocolate mousse with strawberries.”
She rose from her chair.

“Why not?” Doreen responded, her eyes still
fixed on her son’s face.

Melisa extended a tight smile to her
mother-in-law as she cleared away the plates. “Did you like the
food?”

Doreen gazed down at her empty plate and her
lips stretched. “It was okay.”

“It was not okay, Mother. It was delicious,”
Heat said, his voice edged with irritation. “My wife went out of
her way to try and accommodate you. The least you can say is thank
you.”

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,
Florian. My definition of delicious has always been different from
yours.”

Melisa bit her tongue to prevent herself
from saying something she might regret. “Thanks,” she whispered to
Heat as he helped her take the dishes to the kitchen.

He shrugged, removed the dessert from the
fridge, and left her in the kitchen. When she went back into the
dining room, she found Doreen staring at their windows.

“Melisa, I will never understand why you
don’t have curtains on your windows.” She batted her heavily
lacquered lashes in disapproval. “A house without curtains—”

“Is not a home,” Melisa finished for her.
She hadn’t meant to, it just slipped out. Doreen had said that
about everything she’d found missing from their home.

Doreen shot Melisa a scathing look and
Melisa gazed down at her chocolate, eyes blazing.

“We’re in the process of redecorating. It
takes time,” Heat said. “And we prefer blinds to curtains.”

“Not if you hire a decorator. I know one who
can do the whole house in a day.”

Heat let out a resigned laugh. “Mother, I
know you’re only trying to help, but we like doing things
ourselves. We don’t need a decorator or a maid.”

Doreen sighed loudly. “Well, suit
yourselves.”

Everyone ate their dessert in silence, and
then Doreen excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she came
back, she picked up her handbag and kissed both Heat and Melisa on
the cheek.

Melisa was taken aback. Doreen had never
shown any affection toward her before. Was that a smile she saw on
her face? Seeing her smile was like seeing a snake in the city. Was
she that happy to be leaving?

“Doreen, is everything all right?” she had
to ask.

Doreen reached for Melisa’s hands. “I
couldn’t be happier. You’re going to make me a grandmother.”

Melisa reeled as if slapped, and her gaze
flickered to Heat, who stood there looking as surprised as she was.
“Why do you say that?”

Doreen leaned forward and whispered, “I know
you’re trying for a baby. I saw all the home pregnancy tests in the
bathroom.”

Damn. Melisa mentally kicked herself. She’d
done a pregnancy test just half an hour before Doreen arrived. How
could she have forgotten to throw away the box? Just what she
needed. One more person putting pressure on her to conceive. One
more reason for her to curl up in the corner of the bathroom each
month, weeping after yet another negative test.

How could Melisa have known seeing a single
line on a stick would be like having her heart ripped out? Over the
past few months, every time Melisa felt even slightly nauseous, had
a stomach cramp, or felt dizzy, her hopes rose. But each
heartbreaking time, the tests proved her wrong.

She dropped the pregnancy test into the
trash on top of three others, then wiped her eyes and blew her
nose. Then she left the bathroom and slipped into bed next to
Heat.

He rolled over to face her and draped an arm
around her waist. How could he still love her? Why didn’t he hate
her the way she was starting to hate herself?

“I love you, Melisa. For me, you’re enough.
We don’t need a baby to be complete,” he reminded her almost daily
when he read the disappointment on her face. But his comforting
words didn’t help anymore.

Instead of snuggling into him, she just lay
there, motionless.

***

Melisa woke up to the aroma of bacon and
eggs, toast, and fresh orange juice.

Heat sat on the crumpled sheets next to her,
a tray balanced on his knees. He wore one of the old T-shirts he
slept in and boxer shorts. Faint stubble peppered his chin and his
eyes were still heavy with sleep.

“Why aren’t you at work?” she asked as she
rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “I thought you don’t
have any night shifts this week?”

“I took a few days off, remember? I want to
spend more time with you. Now, my darling, get up and eat so we can
talk.”

“About?” Melisa knew exactly what about, but
putting her feelings into words would be absolute torture.

“About what has been going on. You’re
unhappy. We can’t ignore this, Mel. You... we can’t go on like
this.” He placed the breakfast tray on the bed.

“Fine.” Melisa dragged herself out of bed
and padded across the carpeted room to the bathroom. She brushed
her teeth, washed her face, and pulled her hair into a ponytail.
Killing time. Then she went back into the bedroom to face her
husband.

They ate breakfast in silence, as if neither
of them knew where to begin.

Eventually, Heat placed the tray on the
floor and cuddled up in bed next to Melisa. “Mel, you have to stop
this... this obsession with getting pregnant.”

“Easy for you to say,” Melisa snapped.
“You’re not the one with the problem.”

“Maybe not,” Heat’s voice broke, “but you’re
my wife and I hate seeing you like this. We’re still newly married.
Let’s enjoy each other.” He fiddled with her ponytail.

“Aren’t we?”

“Not really. I’m starting to have the
feeling that you only want to make love to me in order to get
pregnant. I miss what we had before we decided to make a baby.”

Melisa snapped her head to face him. “You
know what, Heat, I thought you wanted a baby as much as I do—”

“And I do,” his voice rose, “but I hate
feeling as if I’m simply a baby-making machine to you.”

“How dare you even think that?” Melisa swung
her feet out of bed and reached for her silk nightgown. She wrapped
it around her shoulders and tied it at her waist.

“Baby—”

“Don’t call me that!” she retorted and
stormed out of the room and down the stairs. “Never call me that,”
she mumbled under her breath. She was being selfish, but lately,
even the mention of a baby turned on a switch inside her,
transforming her into a monster.

Before she reached the bottom step, Heat had
caught up with her. He got hold of her arm and spun her around.
“Melisa, I’m not trying to hurt you. I hate watching you hurt.
There are so many other ways to have a baby. We could—”

Tears sprang to Melisa’s eyes. “You don’t
get it, do you? I want to have this baby on my own.” They both sank
down on the steps as tears streamed down her face. “I feel like
such a failure.” She wanted it to be as easy as the first time
they’d made love. Having a baby with the help of doctors frightened
her. What if they went through the process and they failed? Their
marriage might still end up suffering.

Heat cradled her head and kissed her on the
mouth. “You’re not a failure. These things take time. We have many
years ahead of us. We don’t have to have a baby right away.”

“But I want one right now.”

“Why?” He wiped her cheek with his thumb.
“Why now?”

She couldn’t answer him. Her answer was the
one he would never be prepared for.

“What are you doing?” Heat asked, his voice
drowsy.

Melisa regarded him, lying there, his hair
messy, his chest strong and muscular. She wanted more than anything
to climb back into bed with him and lay her head on his chest where
she belonged. But she couldn’t. Not while she was hiding something
from him. She looked away again and zipped her suitcase, heaved it
off the bed, and placed it at the foot of the bed. “Heat, I need to
go away for a while.” Staying with him and not being able to give
him a baby was torture.

Every day, she was reminded of the secret
she was keeping from him, and she was terrified of him finding out.
But he had to know. That was why she had written him a letter
confessing everything. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his face
when he read it. She was not leaving him permanently. She’d go and
stay with Nick and Carlene for a few days to give him time to
digest the news and ask her to return, if he still wanted her.

She’d thought of staying at a hotel, but as
much as she wanted to be alone, she needed someone around, someone
not connected to her problems. Carlene knew what Melisa was going
through, and she’d insisted Melisa come and stay with them. Even
if, when Melisa had called her in the middle of the night to
explain her decision, Carlene had done her best to talk her friend
out of walking out on Heat.

“Are you out of your mind? What are you
doing? Heat is the love of your life,” she’d said.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t,” Melisa
retorted.

“What does it all mean? You’re divorcing
Heat? You want a baby, I get it. But you’re making a big
mistake.”

“I’m not planning to leave him for good. I
want to tell him the truth but I can’t face him.”

“So, you’ll move out and tell him over the
phone?” Carlene’s voice was soaked with disapproval.

“No, I’ve written him a letter. I’ll give it
to him before I leave in the morning.”

“Melisa, I really don’t think that’s right.
I think it’s better for you to tell him face–to-face.”

Melisa had sunk to the bathroom floor and
put the palm of her hand on her hot forehead.

Now, as Melisa stood at the foot of the bed,
Heat’s face hardened and the vein in his neck pulsed. “Let me
understand this. You’re not leaving me because we can’t have kids,
are you?”

Melisa didn’t respond. Instead she watched
him in the morning light, drinking him in, in case he never wanted
to see her again once her secret was revealed.

Heat threw aside the bed sheet covering him
and swung his muscular legs to the edge of the bed. He was still
naked after making love to her last night. “You’re really throwing
our relationship away because we can’t have a baby?” His voice
sliced the air between them, and his lower lip trembled as he
spoke. “Why are you doing this? Why are you so obsessed? Just
because you can’t conceive now doesn’t mean you never will. Even if
it never happens for us, it’s not the end of the world. Not to me.
I married you because you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved and
always will. Even if we never have children, my feelings for you
will never change. We’ll still have each other. I’ve loved you half
my life, invested in this relationship, and now you tell me it’s
all over because you can’t be a mom. What do you expect me to do?
Say goodbye and wish you a nice life while you’re destroying
mine?”