Missing the Big Picture (27 page)

My mother regained her lost love for Ellen in 2003, when Ellen’s talk show debuted. I believe that Ellen DeGeneres is one of the most influential comedians ever. First, her comedy about random life activities pokes fun at those who are always on the go and worry about the smallest things. The best part about Ellen is that she shows the world there’s nothing wrong with being different. Deep inside, Ellen DeGeneres is a woman who probably has had more torment than laughs in her life. Though the Reverend Jerry Falwell once described her as Ellen “DeGenerate,” I never saw anything amoral. She never had a gay agenda; she always wanted people to love themselves. The church defines homosexuality as a sin, but we are all sinners and we are all children of God. In fact, it is Ellen who has helped people reunite and who has shown the world that there is no reason for people to hate themselves. I’m sure that upon DeGeneres’s death, some monotone news anchor like Brian Williams will say that she was at times controversial and known for being one of the first lesbians on television. I will remember her as a beautiful person who helped people love themselves as they are.

Maria Shriver: Throughout this book, I’ve discussed the importance of being independent and establishing a unique identity. Maria Shriver is somebody who has carved her own mark on the world, even though she could have easily just accepted the label of being a “Kennedy” or “Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger”, while she was married to him. Instead, she started a career in network journalism and has written several books.

Suzanne Somers: This pop culture icon from the 1970s was first made famous for her awe-inspiring giggle as Chrissy Snow on
Three’s Company.
But Somers has done and taught us so much besides that. First, I decided to mention Suzanne Somers because this book is about the importance of having the self-confidence to endure the horrible and heinous games that people play with one another. In her 1988 bestseller,
Keeping Secrets,
⁹
Somers describes herself as being a child of an abusive alcoholic and recounts how she came to expect the worst, and had troubles maintaining a normal level of confidence. I find it inspiring to hear this message from one of the sexiest women of the late twentieth century. I’ve tried to prove that having too little confidence or having too much confidence is a difficult problem that people must remedy in order to live happy and productive lives. Suzanne Somers is an icon who has a lot to be thankful for, but she shows us that things like teenage pregnancy, alcoholism, weight loss, greed, and dysfunctional families are all problems that can happen to anybody. In fact, in her 1998 book
After the Fall
,
¹⁰
Somers even admits that her second husband, Alan Hamill, was too controlling, which was one of the factors that led to her exit on
Three’s Company
.

Steve Stainer: Steve Stainer was a victim of a kidnapping in which his perpetrator made him his slave. Stainer was a victim of Kenneth Parnell’s physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. When Stainer was fourteen, he was freed from his captor, only to become victim to the torture of his classmates and himself. In the 1989 television movie depicting Stainer’s story,
I Know My First Name Is Steven
, a scene ends with Stainer’s mother asking her son, “Why do you hate yourself?” This is a true story of a man who internalizes the abuse heaped on him by his abuser. He let it consume him to the point that he treated himself as badly as his abusive kidnapper did. The stigma surrounding male victims of sexual abuse is still as bad as it was for Steve Stainer in the 1970s and 1980s. A boy who is abused sexually and physically needs to receive the fullest treatment available to him and should never let the problem go untreated. Steve Stainer has helped break the stigma of male sexual abuse.

John Walsh: After his son’s kidnapping and murder in 1981, Walsh quickly realized how important it was to share his story and prevent the tragedy from happening to another family. His work on
America’s Most Wanted
has led to the capture of many fugitives. Walsh has also helped develop the National Association for Missing and Exploited Children, another resource that has helped change people’s lives by finding missing children. Walsh is an example of somebody who lived through something horrific, but is using it to make positive change for others.

Thank you for reading my story. Although I wish my life had been more normal growing up, I’m just glad that I now live with self-confidence and a compassionate and nonjudgmental attitude toward others, and I am able to view events in a positive and realistic manner—in other words, I now see the big picture in life.

Notes

1
Goldman, Russell. “Wages Through the Ages: Men Earn Less than Fathers at the Same Age”:
ABC News
, 2007.

2
Norris, Michelle, “Laura Bush, Putting Boys in the Spotlight”:
NPR Interview
, 2005.

¹
Jackson, Bechetta. “____ Suspends Faculty Member”.
Times Union
. Albany, NY. November 4, 1997.

²
Brown, Cailin. “___Takes Aim at___”.
Times Union
. Albany, NY. September 7, 1995.

3
Nelson, Paul. “Crowd split on JROTC”.
Times Union
. Albany, NY. January 19, 2012.

4
Carleo-Evangelist, Jordan. “Media frenzy prompts appeal.”
Times Union
. Albany, NY. August 9, 2005.

5
Lefkowitz, Bernard.
Our Guys.
New York, NY: Vintage Books, 1997.

6
Elkind, David. 1967. “Egocentrism in Adolescence.”
Child Development
38: 1025–34.

7
“Victim helps Amy Fisher win parole.”
Chicago Sun-Times
. Chicago, IL. May 7, 1999.

8
Craft, Dan. “Cosby’s Effect Comedian’s work crosses race and cultural barriers to touch many.”
The Pantagraph
. Bloomington, IL. April 24, 2003.

9
Somers, Suzanne.
Keeping Secrets.
New York, NY: Warner Books Inc, 1988.

10
Somers, Suzanne.
After the Fall.
New York, NY: Crown Publishers, 1998.