Missing Hart (27 page)

Still, family events, holidays and special occasions were always emotional for me because I yearned to mark each milestone with Dillon. My college graduation had been bittersweet and had actually been made worse by the fact that Tally was there. She never spoke of her family and they hadn’t shown up, so she had been included in my family celebration. It hurt to see her sitting in the spot next to me where Dillon should have been.

My life is full of if only moments. If only I hadn’t gotten sick the day my father got his hands on me. If only I’d been honest with Dillon from the beginning. If only I hadn’t crossed the street at the exact moment someone was going to make an illegal turn. If only I hadn’t gone to a gay bar. If only I wasn’t trapped in a relationship I didn’t want. If only I could get him back.

I was miserable and the cracks were going to start to show. Tally’s wedding behavior was perfect however, and that was a huge weight off my shoulders.

But then there was my sister. My beautiful, perfect and angelic twin was completely out of sorts, more than I’d ever seen her. Over the last few weeks I’ve found myself watching her like a hawk, trying to figure out what’s upsetting her.

I’m not stupid; it has to be Spencer related. I’ve never seen her purposely avoid him before but she does so now. I don’t feel anything physically wrong with her, but mentally, something is going on. Aside from the fact that I would know if she were hurt or in danger, the biggest clue that something is amiss with her is that she hasn’t noticed that there is something wrong with me. If Delilah were running at normal speed, she would have honed right in on the fact that I am miserable with Tally.

I was startled from my reverie when Damien asked, “Hey little ladybug, how about you give me this dance?”

“It would be an honor to dance with my newly engaged brother,” I replied.

We made our way to the dance floor laughing. I felt such joy for Damien and Brooke now that they had worked everything out and were officially together. Somewhere, I knew that Dr. Tyler was watching, and was pleased that his girls were with men that were going to love and value them the same way that he had done with their mother. One of the most emotionally touching moments of the day had taken place in the backyard of the Tyler home when we had gone out for pictures in the love garden. I felt his presence so strongly, and Sabrina and Brooke had commented on the strong connection they felt to their parents when they were in the garden. There was such beauty in that garden, both aesthetically and emotionally.

Twirling me around the dance floor, Damien beamed at me when I commented that he would be the next person to get married.

“I’ve already told my beautiful fiancée to get right on planning. I tried for a two-week engagement but she shot me down. She says she needs at least a month. For her, I’ll try to be patient, but you know me, it will be a struggle.”

Looking over my shoulder he smiled and winked at Brooke before turning his attention back to me.

“Someday you are going to make a beautiful bride. There are states where you and Tally could be married now if you don’t want to wait for California to get on the ball.”

I hadn’t been expecting the comment so my shield wasn’t up. As the words were coming out of his mouth, I involuntarily went tense all over, so much so that I stopped dancing for a moment.

He felt and saw my reaction, and I could practically see the gears as they began turning in his brain.

“Ladybug?”

Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! I had figured that I had at least a few weeks left before I would drop the, ‘I’m breaking up with Tally’ bomb.

I gave him my most innocent poker face when I responded simply, “Damien?”

His frown was immediate because he was annoyed. “Don’t make that face at me Dominique Hart, I know what I just saw and you’re holding something back from me. What’s going on?”

The jig was up. He wasn’t going to let this go, and I couldn’t get around it. Nodding my head at him I replied, “You’re right, something is going on. I’ll talk to you about it, I promise, just not here. We’ll do lunch this week. Right now you need to go dance with your fiancée.”

I saw his inner struggle playing out on his face. He wanted to be with Brooke, but he couldn’t let his worry about me go. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m fine Dame, I promise. You don’t need to worry about this. It’s nothing like that.”

He bear hugged me back before kissing me on the cheek. “I will always worry about you and Delilah. Nothing and no one could ever change that. Without you girls, I wouldn’t even have had a heart to give to Brooke. Delilah always turned to Spencer and you always came to me. It’s you that saved me, ladybug. I wouldn’t have this life, wouldn’t be engaged to the girl of my dreams, if I didn’t have you. When you need something, I’ll always come running. Don’t you ever forget that.”

I didn’t have the life with Dillon that I longed for, but being held safely in my brother’s embrace, I knew that I was blessed in so many other ways.

“I won’t ever forget,” I promised. “I love you, Dame.”

Giving me another big squeeze he said, “I love you more ladybug, always.”

After leaving the dance floor I made my way over to Mama San, taking a seat on the empty chair next to her and resting my head on her shoulder. She was watching Delilah like a hawk and I knew that she wasn’t happy at all with what she was seeing.

“She still doesn’t look right to me,” she said.

I didn’t pretend not to know exactly what she meant. “I know Mama and I’m worried too. She’s fine physically, I promise. Emotionally, I’m not so sure.”

Reaching over she took my hand in hers. “I’m worried about you too you know. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re hiding something.”

“I’m fine, Mama. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“That either of you girls think that you can fool me is frustrating. You’re in better shape than your sister but you certainly aren’t fine. Things aren’t going well with Tally. She might fool the rest of the family, but she’s not fooling me. You need to get away from her.”

My jaw dropped in shock as I lifted my head to look at her before whispering, “How can you tell?”

Squeezing my hand tightly in hers she looked me in the eye and responded, “Because she reminds me of my sister. That very same kind of butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth face-but if you take the time to look at the eyes, it’s all there. Your brothers think I’m overreacting, but I know that I’m not. I don’t trust that girl as far as I can throw her. I’m not sure why you’re staying with someone you’re not in love with, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you gave your heart away a long time ago and you’ve never gotten it back. Just because you aren’t with the person that has your heart doesn’t mean that you should accept less. Don’t settle, baby.”

Sometimes, like right now, Mama San was eerily observant.

Laying my head back down on her shoulder I said, “I’m starting to understand that now.”

We said no more for a few minutes as we watched our family on the dance floor. Tally was dancing with Damien, and I was glad because it meant she wasn’t glued to my side. The silence stretched comfortably as I pondered Mama San’s words. She was right; I was settling.

Giving my hand another squeeze, Mama San broke the silence.

“Will you ever tell me about him?”

I whipped my head up and around to face her in absolute shock.

“About who?”

“The one that has your heart.”

She knew I wasn’t a lesbian-had clearly known the entire time.

“How do you know all of this?”

Lifting her free hand to rub my cheek she replied, “A mother always knows, honey. I’ve tried to talk to you about it before but you’ve always shut it down. This is the first time in over four years that I knew that you wouldn’t walk away. I guess that means we have something to thank Tally for. Before this, I don’t think you really understood what you didn’t want… but I worry about the price you’ll pay for getting involved with her. Tread carefully getting out of her web.”

I nodded in acknowledgement because I was in full agreement with her. Tally wasn’t going to let me go easily. I should have run screaming for the hills when I realized that she had found a way to get close to my brothers in order to out me to my family.

It was past time for me to get myself together. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I needed to start formulating a plan.

I sat with Mama for a few more minutes before I noticed that Delilah was all but running for the bathroom. Turning to Mama I gave her a kiss and a hug before standing. “I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

I was in for a shock when I got to the bathroom and found my sister was having a very difficult time. Brooke had gotten into the bathroom ahead of me, and she was as worried about Delilah as I was.

It was a relief when Delilah finally revealed that she was pregnant with Spencer’s baby, even though I was very concerned about what was going to happen once he knew about the pregnancy. I had recently had a conversation with him during which he told me in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want children. Although I knew that Spencer would make an amazing father, none of that would matter if he really didn’t want children.

The whole situation left me scared for my sister’s emotional well being. I knew what it felt like to love someone the way that she loved Spencer, and I remembered all too well what it had done to me to lose that person. I knew that no matter what, Spencer would never hate Delilah, but if he was hell-bent on running, it would break her.

I wouldn’t be able to stand watching my sister being broken down the way that I was. I prayed that wouldn’t happen to her.

I went to bed that night worrying about Delilah and I woke up a few hours later with the certainty that something was wrong and she was hurt. I was out of my mind with anxiety on the drive to her apartment where I found her being put into an ambulance. Spencer was there and he was absolutely unglued.

The entire time that we were in the waiting room I was doing mental acrobatics to avoid thinking about the loss of my own child. I had lost so much more than just a pregnancy when that happened and I prayed that my sister wouldn’t have to go through that same experience. I needed my niece or nephew to survive, already longed to hold their baby in my arms.

When the doctor came to tell us that Delilah was all right and Spencer immediately asked about their baby, my heart filled with relief. Despite his belief that he didn’t want children, Spencer worshipped my sister, and anything that she had a part in creating he would love. How silly I had been not to realize that from the moment Delilah had announced that she was pregnant.

Tally was a rock during the chaos and it made me remember the things about her that I liked. Watching the way she took charge and supported me made me rethink my strategy. Maybe the person that I thought that I knew was really there after all.

We didn’t get home until almost four in the morning. After waking up in the middle of the night with the certainty that something had been wrong with Delilah, my body had run on pure adrenaline until the moment that I knew that she was going to be okay. Once I got home it had taken hours to calm myself down enough to go to sleep. By the time I woke up, ate a banana, took a shower and got ready, it was time to go back to the hospital.

Tally was in a good mood and I felt a spark of hope that she really was adjusting her attitude. Maybe when the chips were down she had come to her senses. One could only hope.

I was unhappy when I sensed her attitude starting to take a turn for the worse once it was decided that the entire family would spend the rest of the weekend at Spencer’s. I needed to be with my sister, needed to know that she and my little niece or nephew were okay and I resented Tally rolling her eyes at me. I offered her the out, told her that she didn’t have to come, but she insisted that where I went, she would go too.

Once the entire family was gathered around the table at Spencer’s eating Mexican food, I started to get a really strange vibe from Damien and Mama San. Each of them seemed keyed up to me, and not because of Delilah. I tried to tell myself that it had to be business related, but the fact that they were both sending anxious looks Dante’s way had me on alert.

After dinner, the family gathered on the deck to chill out for a bit. As soon as we had all settled into seats, Mama San stepped forward and started to talk.

“We need to have a family discussion. Some things have happened in the last twenty-four hours that everyone needs to know about.”

Turning toward Damien and Spencer she said, “I know you’re both wondering why I’m not pulling Dante aside, and the answer is simple; I know him. I know that if we do that he’ll try to shoulder the burden himself without sharing it, and this is something that everyone needs to know. Spencer, I need you to tell everyone what you told Damien, Brooke and I last night.”

Nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what came next. First, Spencer told everyone that Delilah and I weren’t actually Mike Hart’s children. It took everything that I had not to stand up and cheer. For years the knowledge that my own father had touched me and had planned to rape me had tortured me. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest when I realized that I had no actual relation to that monster. It didn’t make what he had done any less damaging, but it was a victory for me on a personal level to know that I didn’t have any of his DNA. While Spencer was telling the family about that, Delilah and I merged together like two halves of a whole without having to say a word. It was instinctual, something that the two of us needed.

Then Spencer dropped a bigger bomb; our actual father was also the father of one of the world’s biggest rock stars. I wondered if our brother had grown up like we had, only alone and with no one to take care of him. Flynn Rand was one of the most famous people in the world, but it wasn’t like I had studied him so I didn’t know what kind of a family he came from.

I had thought that the shocks were over for the night, but the next revelation rocked me to my absolute core. If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve spent a good portion of my life wearing a mask and holding in my feelings, everyone there would have known that I was in shock.