Miss Me When the Sun Goes Down (23 page)

I hardly knew what I wanted to say to him, but I knew it was too important to put off.  I finally understood why he’d chosen to keep me at arm
’s length for so long.  He didn’t hate me at all.  But how long had he felt that way?   

I was too afraid I’d miss him to take a hot shower, so I settled for shedding the sodden clothes for warm
, dry ones.  Rob hadn’t come back yet, so I settled into my sitting room, the door cracked so I’d be sure to hear him arrive.  I sat there, daydreaming about that kiss, replaying it over and over again, the way he’d looked at me just before and after.  Did he regret what he’d done?  Was that why he’d left? 

I heard him come back nearly an hour later, but was too chicken to approach him right away.  Instead, I hovered in the hallway, listening to him moving around in his room like a stalker, until I decided there was far too much activity for a guy getting ready for bed.  Knocking softly, I pushed the door open anyway when he didn’t answer.  Rob had a duffel bag on the bed, and several piles of clothes surrounding it. 

“You’re leaving?”

“It’s for the best,” he replied, refusing to look up at me, too focused on cramming his t-shirts into tight little rolls that went into the duffel.

I disagreed, but I left that for the moment.  “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because you’re not for me.”

“Maybe not before, but…”

“Not now, not ever.”

“And that’s why you’re running away again?”  He made no answer.  “Because it’s so hard to be around me?”

“Because it’s so easy.”

“It’s not such a bad idea, you and me, is it?  I admit, I’ve been pretty dense about the whole thing.  But to be fair, you were always talking about your girl… and… God, I
am
dense…”  I could’ve kicked myself for having completely missed it.  Rob and me.  How could I never have seen it before?  I guess I’d always been wrapped up in too much of my own drama to see him as anything more than a friend. 

“I don’t expect you to feel anything for me, it’s why I didn’t say anything.”

“How am I supposed to figure out what I feel if you leave?”

His hands stopped, t-shirt tightly clenched between them.  “I’m not meant to have you, it’s as simple as that.”

“Please don’t go.  We can keep things professional if it makes it easier for you, but… I don’t want you to leave.”

“If Jakob knew I’d let myself be compromised…”

“He’s not the boss of me.  He gets absolutely zero say in who I choose to spend my time with,” I insisted stubbornly.

“Well, as you’ve pointed out, he
is
the boss of me, and my duty is clear.” 

“It’s not so clear from where I’m standing.  What do you intend to do?”

“I’ll see to your security arrangement as promised, then I’ll leave you be.”

“What if I don’t want you to leave me be?”

“You’ve got enough complications in your life without me adding to them.”

“I think that’s for me to decide.”  Rob stopped folding the shirt, and I could see the indecision warring behind his eyes.  “Will you stay?” I breathed.  “At least for now?”

Rob tossed the shirt back down on the messy pile of clothes, avoiding my direct gaze as he nodded shortly. 

“Thanks.”  I released the breath I’d been holding.  “And I’ll leave it up to you.  If you’d rather we pretend this never happened, that’s what we’ll do.”  He didn’t say anything, and I suppose I had my answer. 

But as I turned to go, his voice called me back.  “Anja?”

“Yes?”

“Nothing,” he replied, his jaw twisted with chagrin, and I knew that wasn’t what he’d been about to say at all. 

“G’nite,
Rob,” I managed a faint smile, pulling the door closed behind me.  I heard the rush of air as it left his lungs as plainly as if I’d stood right beside him. 

“I love you,” he whispered, rooting my feet to the floor where I stood. 

“Did you say something?” I called out softly. 

There was no mistaking the swearing under his breath, but all he said aloud was, “Goodnight is all.”

Rob was nowhere to be found the next night when I awoke, but the duffel bag was still shoved in the top of his closet, and his clothes were all still in place.  I went up to my study to take a look at some correspondence Maggie had set out for me, trying to get my mind off of those three little words I wasn’t supposed to have heard. 

I looked up at the knock on my door, surprised to find Mason standing there, in his usual tactical gear minus guns.  I assumed Gunnar or Isak had made him strip them off before allowing him into the house.  

“Hi Mason, how’s things?”

“You’re playing a dangerous game,” he scowled
, ignoring the chair I motioned him to.

“Okay…”  Apparently we weren’t going to waste any time on small talk.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb with me, everybody knows what you’re doing.”

I suppose I should have expected a visit like this sooner or later, they were an intelligence gathering agency after all.  But I wasn’t too worried
.  If they’d shown up at my door with guns drawn, that might have been a different story.  “And what am I doing?”

“The word on the street is you’re harboring known fugitives.  I’m well within my rights to search the house right now.”

“Go ahead.”  I didn’t have anyone in the attic, and I felt confident I could compel him into forgetting if he found something to implicate me.

“I’m serious, Anja.”

“So am I.  If you have something you want to charge me with, then go ahead and do it.  But you’d better be sure you can back it up with evidence, you know I have friends in high places.”  It was a total bluff, I had no idea what kind of evidence the Order operated under.  For all I knew, he could detain me for as long as he wanted to based on pure suspicion. 

He paced agitatedly, making it halfway to the window before he stopped and turned in the other direction.  “Why are you doing this?  Don’t you understand what
’ll happen if you give people this easy out?  Society as we know it will come crashing down around our ankles.”

“Good
.  Maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit, did you ever think of that?”

“No, I happen to like the way things are.”

“Said the foot wearing the boot.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that’s easy for you to say when you’re the one doing the squashing and not the squashee!” I tossed back at him heatedly and his hands came up as he searched for his next words. 

“Okay look, we’re obviously not gonna agree on this
. I just came up here as a courtesy because of Hanna.  I thought I could apply to your sense of self preservation, but clearly that’s gone bye-bye.” 

“I can handle myself.”

“Alright.  Just remember, I warned you.” 

My eyes narrowed, trying to gauge his loyalty.  Sure, he was devoted to my sister, but we both knew how important the Order was to him.  “What will you do, kill me if the Order asks you to?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

“I won’t be an easy target.  A lot of things have changed since I first woke up in that morgue.”

“Oh please, I could kill you with one hand tied behind my back,” he boasted.

“Could you?”  I raised a brow, pressing an alarm button positioned under my desk, bringing both Gunnar and Isak piling in, filling the space with an overabundance of testosterone.  At the time I’d thought it a silly precaution, but I couldn’t deny the thrill of watching his eyes widen as I pulled off the totally gangster move. 

“No, wait… I didn’t mean it like that…”  Mason backed off, hands moving towards his holster by habit and coming up empty.  “Shit, Anja, you know you don’t have anything to fear from me, but I can’t vouch for the others.  You’re definitely on their radar now, so watch out.  That’s all I came to say.”

“Thanks for coming, but as you can see, I have things well in hand.”

“Time to go.” Isak tossed Mason’s gun to him, crowding him out of the study in the process.   

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Mason grimaced, letting himself be herded to the front door. 

“We will make sure he leaves,” Gunnar stayed behind to say, waiting until Isak had Mason through the front door before he left my side. 

“Thanks guys, that was perfect timing.”  I let out a long breath, trying to decide if there was really something to worry about with the Order, or if my position afforded me some level of protection.  If there was any real danger, I’m sure Jenessa would
’ve tipped me off first, and I tried to take Mason’s visit in the way he’d intended, as a courtesy call.  At least Rob hadn’t been there, they might have gotten into an actual fight.

Rob. 

I was still getting used to the idea that he loved me.  It changed everything about the time we’d spent together, and I struggled to recall the things he’d said while talking about his ‘girl’.  I hated how stilted and uncomfortable things were between us now, and I almost wished I’d never pushed him into revealing more than he wanted to.  Then again, he’d still been on track to leave before I found out the way he felt – at least now I had the truth. 

I heard him come in a couple of hours later, but out of respect for his privacy, I left him alone.  Besides, I had a lot of busywork to do and once it was all done, I planned to curl up with a cup of hot chocolate and have myself a
Big Bang
-athon with the DVD’s I’d bought myself as an early Christmas present. 

When my cellphone rang with an unknown number, I answered it out of sheer curiosity.  I’d been careful not to give out my personal cell to very many vamps, so I half expected it to be Kyle or one of the guys from school.  Instead I got Jakob ranting almost incoherently about threats and retaliation.  I could barely make heads or tail of it through the accent (which apparently got heavier when he was upset), so I let him vent until he started talking about pulling me out of my home.

“Whoa, wait… slow down.  What has you so upset now?”   

“Haven’t I explained that in great detail?” he growled, taking a long moment, and I pictured him counting to ten in his head.  When he spoke again, it was at least slower, if not calmer.  “I
’ve heard your life has been threatened by the Order.  I think that is cause for upset.”

Wow, that was fast.
  “How did you even hear about this?  Oh right, nevermind.  Rob.”  He must’ve talked to Gunnar or Isak and felt the need to report in to Jakob.  “What else did he tell you?” I asked, wondering if he’d feel the need to report the kiss as well or if that was just between us.

“Why, was there other danger?” Jakob demanded and I was quick to reply before he burst a vein.

“No, nothing like that.”

“Like what then?”

“Nothing.  Forget I said anything.  Look, I don’t think we have to worry about the Order, it’s nothing I can’t handle.  I don’t even think it was a threat exactly, more of a warning.”

“That is the same.”

“No, it’s not the same.  You have to trust me about this, Jakob, I know what I’m talking about.  Mason was just doing his best to look out for me because he’s worried about me.  That’s all.”

“Still… I think it might be time for a message to the Order.  You are not to be touched.”

“A message from you?  But I thought you didn’t want them to know you’re around.  Are you still around?”  I’d thought he might leave town again.

“There are other ways of delivering messages, petal.”

That didn’t sound so good.  “Jakob… I’m begging you to let this go.  Don’t make it a bigger issue than it is or there
will
be a problem.  I can handle it, and I have Gunnar and Isak and Rob to help watch my back.” 

“I’ll not risk you.”

“You’re not risking anything.  I told you, I can take care of myself.  You know I have the power to get out of anything serious, and Rob’s doing a bang up job on security.”  I might not survive a more direct attack if they came in guns blazing, but I really didn’t think that would happen. 

“You are well?”  His question threw me for a loop, and I wasn’t sure if he’d accepted what I said and moved on, or what.

“I’m doing okay, yes.  What about you?  You sounded like you were about to have a stroke.”

“I
’m…”  He didn’t finish that thought aloud, and that was an answer in itself.  “Did you like my gift?”

“The house?  It’s wonderful!  How did you manage to get it so fast?”  It’d been scarcely a week between our break up and Rob’s arrival with the keys. 

“I’d already purchased it some time ago, and was in the process of renovations for us.”

For us.  He’d envisioned us living there together.  That’s why the closets were so big and the fancy tub and the ginormous bed.  “Oh.  It’s really nice, thank you.”

“It’s nothing.” 

“Well, it makes my life a lot easier, so thank you,” I insisted.

“But you are well?”

For all the awkwardness between us, that question, at least, was easy to answer.  “Yes, I really am.  Maybe for the first time.” 

“Good, that’s all that matters,” he replied, ending the call. 

“Rob!”  I yelled, the moment I got off the phone.  He must have expected it, because he sauntered into my office only a few seconds later. 

“Keep your knickers on, I’m right here.”

“What did you tell Jakob?”

“Only the truth, that the Order as good as threatened your life.”

“Oh, they did not!  Mason would never hurt me.”

“He would, if ordered to.”

“I doubt it, Hanna would never forgive him for one.”

“Is that still going on?”

“Yes, they moved in together, remind me to tell you all about it sometime,” I replied, losing some of the steam in my rant.  “I’m more worried about what Jakob will do if he thinks I’m in danger.  You shouldn’t have said anything to him, we handled it fine.”

“That’s my job.  I report anything I think he should know. If you were mine, I’d want to know it if someone threatened your life.”

“If I were yours, I’d think you’d protect me yourself.”  I met his gaze directly and he held it for long seconds before he looked away. 

“I am.  Protecting you, that is, the best way I know how.  I’ve made arrangements for a specialist to come and secure the house.  After that I’ll be on my way.”

“Then you’re still leaving.”  I’d hoped he might reconsider.

“I think that’s for the best, don’t you?”

“Not even close.”  At the same time I didn’t want to cause him any pain.  “I’m sorry, I keep being selfish, thinking about how this affects me instead of what it’s doing to you.  Of course you’re uncomfortable around me now, I understand.”

“Actually, it’s a bit easier with it all out in the open now,” he allowed with a half smile that gave me hope.

“Maybe it’ll get even easier as time goes on?” I ventured, but he shook his head.  I sat down on the edge of the desk, my feet dangling, and he sat beside me, our pinkie fingers barely touching.  “How long will it take for your specialist to get here?”

“Any time now, she’s a mite unpredictable sometimes, but she’ll be here before the week is out.”

“Why, what happens in a week?”

“I turn into a toad,” he smirked and I caught onto the piece of whimsy, adding my own spin to it.

“Does that make you the toad prince?”

His head tilted to one side.  “How do you mean?”

“You know, like the frog prince.  My kiss turned you into a prince but you’ll turn back if I don’t give you my love by the end of the week?” 

“I think I’m doomed to spend my life as a toad then.”  His lips twitched, drawing my gaze.  His jaw was raspy again, he’d forgotten to shave.

“You never can tell, a lot can happen in a week.”  I nudged his fingers with mine, the heat of his hand warming me.   

“The things you say.”  His eyes dipped to my lips and I thought he might try to kiss me.  And though it sent my thoughts into a tizzy, part of me accepted it, even wanted it to happen.  Instead he hopped down off the desk, lips twisting into a rueful grin.  “I know you’re busy, I’ll leave you to it.”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to let it go so easily, but in the end I just smiled and nodded.  Scooting down, I got back to work, but my thoughts kept returning to that kiss. 

A lot could happen in a week.