Mishap Marriage (21 page)

* * *

As Shona lay in bed listening to the night sounds beyond the window, sleep evaded her. Her mind was on Zack, her heart filled with the warmth of her love. He was hurting in his efforts to do right by his daughter, whom he clearly loved and had a profound need to protect, and Shona’s heart constricted when she realised that she might have given him the impression that she didn’t want the child to have a place in their life together. Oh, what a fool he was if he thought that. She must tell him and would do that when she had told Aunt Augusta that she wouldn’t be accompanying her to Berkshire after all.

* * *

There was no sign of Harry and Miranda when Zack arrived at the house. Pouring himself a stiff brandy, he suddenly remembered that friends had invited them to a supper party after the theatre and they wouldn’t be back until later. Draining the contents of the glass, he poured himself another and settled into a chair by the fire.

Propping his feet on the fender, resting his head back and closing his eyes, he began trying to straighten out the confusing array of emotions beating at him. Suddenly he felt a heavy load of self-recrimination for the manner in which he had lashed out at Shona. The words were cruelly unjust and he knew it even as they spilled from his mouth, but it was the only way he had been able to keep the terrible thought at bay that she might not accept Victoria.

She was right. He had deceived her. And he was wrong. Why had he been so cold with her, hurting her, he knew, and she had been bewildered. He had never meant to hurt her in his desire to protect himself. They had come to know each other in some way that had nothing to do with the flesh. Nothing had been spoken between them that could be construed as an understanding of love, but their hearts had told them, their very souls had answered and her bewilderment was turning to anger, her very manner icing over.

She had taken him to task about his lack of morals—what else could he have expected? Shona’s protected upbringing had never prepared her for such a situation and he should have known it. He was a fool. Facing the truth his heart had hidden, he knew that he loved her. She was the dearest, sweetest, most magnificent woman he’d known and he loved her so much he ached with it.

How long had he loved her? he asked himself curiously. The truth was that he didn’t know. From the first moment he had seen her, probably, and he desperately wanted her love. Nothing made sense when he thought of her, in all her audaciousness, defiant and brave, her eyes blazing as she prepared to do battle with him and those same eyes docile and brimming with contentment after making love.

So what was he doing here in the house alone? She was his wife, for God’s sake! They were meant to be together, not living in separate houses and sleeping in separate beds—each of them wrapped up in hurt and anger—and alone. The whole point of showing her his house and taking her to his bed had been to cement the bond between them. He had not anticipated the effect making love to her would have on
him.
He was quite certain that he could not survive the bleakness he’d feel if she turned away from him.

Getting to his feet, he strode to the door. Unable to bear the thought of her going to Berkshire, he would go to her and persuade her to stay. Someone rang the doorbell. The butler opened the door just as he was crossing the hall. A woman stood there, a maid he recognised. She worked for Mrs Young, the woman who looked after his daughter.

Something dark began to form in his mind. He looked at her hard. Something was wrong. The suspense hovered thickly and ominously. ‘What is it? Has something happened to Victoria?’

‘Yes, sir. She—she became poorly this afternoon and is running a high fever. Mrs Young has sent for Dr Coleman. She says you should come at once.’

* * *

The following morning, with a new understanding of her own feelings and wishing she understood his, Shona lost no time in going to see Zack. She was disappointed that he was not at home but when Miranda told her the reason why, feeling the grief Zack must be going through and desperately wanting to be with him, she immediately ordered the driver to take her to Mrs Young’s house.

* * *

Mrs Young opened the door herself and ushered her inside. She was a small woman, her neatly arranged, fading dark hair crowning a smooth, intelligent face and shrewd grey eyes. Her graceful movements, calm features and soft voice disguised a formidable efficiency and energy. She smiled a warm welcome when Shona introduced herself as Lord Harcourt’s wife.

‘Lord Harcourt has been here all night. Would you like me to tell him you’re here?’

‘No—thank you. I’ll go straight in, if I may.’

In the dim light of the room Shona saw him. He had his back to her. The light shone on his strong, strikingly beautiful hands braced against the mantelpiece. He had discarded his coat, waistcoat and neckcloth and, above his breeches, his fine white linen shirt was stretched taut across his powerful shoulders. His head was bowed, his hair tousled, a heavy lock falling over his brow.

Shona might have stood there for a long time without moving if some animal instinct of Zack’s had not made him sense someone’s presence.

‘Zack—I hope you don’t mind me coming here?’

At the sound of her voice he turned his head slightly and she saw the stern pride stamped on that lean profile, his jaw as rigid as granite. In the agonised silence he looked at her for several seconds, his face preoccupied and stony—he looked like a man in the grip of a nightmare.

Shona moved towards him, her heart going out to him. ‘I’m so sorry about Victoria. I had to come.’

His head came up and he peered at her. Clothed in a dark green gown, her hair bound with a ribbon in a single heavy fall down her back, she was like a pale ghost haunting the night.

‘Shona?’ Zack mouthed her name, his gaze becoming fixed on her face, then he was striding across the room and she was in his arms. He crushed her to him, his anguish so great, so tearing, that it carried him beyond all boundaries. He was totally unprepared for the feelings and the emotions that almost overwhelmed him. He continued to hold her, trying to absorb her body into his. They stayed like that for a long time. He was feeling all the tautness slowly draining from his muscles.

Shona was too deeply moved to speak. After what seemed like an eternity she raised her head and looked at him, loving him, her eyes moist with tears. ‘I would like to stay—if you don’t mind.’

‘I’d like you to,’ he replied, his voice hoarse with emotion. Placing his hands on either side of her face, he gently kissed her lips. ‘I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.’

‘How could I not? How is Victoria?’ She stared into his pain-filled eyes. They were bloodshot, his lids heavy, stark evidence of his tortured night as he had kept vigil over his beloved daughter.

‘The doctor says she is over the worst. It was some kind of fever. There are always fevers in children— fevers with names and many without. There was nothing to be done, the doctor said, but to let it run its course. Luckily Victoria is well nourished and stronger than most children.’

Remembering the little girl she had seen in the park—a bonny-spirited, healthy child with the rounded cheeks and plump limbs of the well fed—she felt a lump come into her throat and her heart turn over with pity.

‘How did you know to come here?’ Zack asked.

‘I called at the house, wanting to surprise you. Instead I was the one to be surprised when I arrived and found you were not there. Miranda told me what had happened and so I came here.’

‘And here I was thinking you would be halfway to Berkshire by now.’

‘I decided not to go. I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave things as they were between us.’

Seeing her concern, Zack closed his fingers around her arms. ‘Shona—will you please tell me what this is all about?’

She hated having to confess, but it didn’t matter any longer how she humbled herself before him. She started to explain, but her throat was so tight she found it hard to speak. ‘After the theatre, when...when I got to thinking about everything—the awful things we said to each other last night—I realised I might have given you the impression that I didn’t want Victoria. If I did, then I am so very sorry, Zack. The truth is that I was confused. I suppose I was jealous of Caroline. I—I thought you might still have feelings for her despite your denial—and that perhaps you are sorry you married me.’ With tears not far away, Shona pulled her arms from his hands and turned from him.

Zack frowned, as though puzzled himself. Standing behind her, he put his hands gently on her shoulders and drew her to his chest. ‘If you mean do I wish I’d married her, I don’t,’ he murmured, his mouth touching the crown of her head just where the thick golden hair parted. You’re the only woman I ever
wanted
to marry—believe me, my darling. You have nothing to fear. I feel nothing for Caroline. You must believe that. Please forgive me if I gave you that impression.’

With a convulsive movement she turned and flung herself into his arms, which tightened about her once more. Her head tucked itself beneath his chin and her face pressed itself into the curve of his throat.

‘You wonderful, brave, incredibly beautiful woman,’ he murmured against her hair. ‘How could you think that? I never wanted to hurt you. It is you I love, Shona. How could I not love you? I love you more than anything on earth.’

Shona’s breath caught in her throat and, raising her head, she looked up at him, suddenly feeling happy and secure. All the doubts and fears of the past days—weeks and months, even from the first time they had met on Santamaria—were gone. ‘But—you never told me.’

‘That’s because it took me a while to realise it,’ he said tenderly. ‘And then there was so much going on between us that I was afraid to mention it until I was sure I stood a chance of winning your regard. I do love you, my darling Shona. Very much.’

Shona believed him, but the thought of Caroline would not go away. ‘But—what about Caroline?’

‘I’ve told you. She means nothing to me. It is you I want by my side for the rest of my life. Not Caroline.’

Hearing the gentleness in his voice, Shona drew back to search his rugged face. Sunlight slanting in through the windows highlighted his thick hair and increased the sharp clarity of his eyes, making it impossible for her to deny the love she saw there. She took a steadying breath, daring to believe. ‘I thought I had lost you,’ she whispered, a break in her voice, ‘and I couldn’t bear it.’

His mouth curved with amusement. ‘Is that why you were going to Berkshire?’

‘Partly.’

‘Then let me put your mind at rest. Last night when I left you I did some serious thinking. I realised that I wanted you. I was just about to leave the house to return to you when someone came with a message from Mrs Young informing me about Victoria.’

‘If only I had known. Has—has Victoria’s mother been to see her?’

He shook his head, combing his hair back from his forehead. ‘Not yet.’

‘But—she has been informed of her daughter’s illness?’

‘Of course, but Caroline is a selfish wretch. I never knew how much until today. Ever since Victoria was born she’s never shown any maternal instincts as a mother should. I cannot fathom what goes on inside her head, what makes her like she is. Perhaps it’s a result of frustration caused by her strict upbringing, followed by a forced marriage to the equally strict and formidable Lord Donnington. Or maybe it’s some flaw inherited from her family that has made her like she is. But she’s not a bad person and would never hurt Victoria.’

Suddenly Shona glimpsed in his eyes the pain of a man deeply wounded by what he saw as Caroline’s betrayal of her daughter. She tried to conceal the shock she felt, unable to understand how a woman could disregard her child when she most needed her, but without success.

‘You made me aware of what happened between the two of you, Zack. That is not my concern. My concern is for your daughter, and to my mind a small child should be with its mother.’

Zack’s lips curled scornfully. ‘Normally that would be the case, but nothing Caroline has done since Victoria was born has been normal.’

‘I’m beginning to realise that—but to abandon one’s own flesh and blood in such a callous manner is not right. Does she not realise that what she is doing is sheer wickedness?’ Shona burst out, unable to conceal her anger at the woman.

‘I am aware of that, Lady Harcourt,’ a woman’s voice rang out from across the room. ‘However, you may think of me what you like, but where Victoria is concerned, regardless of how it looks, I do care about my daughter.’

Zack stiffened when he looked round and saw Caroline hovering in the doorway. Elegantly arrayed, tilting her chin in her usually proud manner, she slowly moved into the room.

‘So you have finally decided to come and ask after Victoria, Caroline. I trust you slept well.’

Caroline was doing her best to remain steady in the face of what she thought would be a battle. She could see it on Zack’s face and in his eyes, which were cold and as brittle as broken glass.

Shona moved away from him. ‘Excuse me. I’ll step outside while you talk.’

‘No.’ Zack gripped her arm. ‘Stay, Shona. You are my wife and I would like you to hear whatever Caroline has to say.’ His cold eyes settled on Caroline. ‘What the hell does it take to make you love Victoria?’

‘I’m sorry. I’ve been out of town and have only just got back. I had no idea Victoria was ill. You must believe that. I would have come right away had I known. Mrs Young has told me she is over the worst—thank God.’

‘Indeed,’ Zack ground out coldly. ‘When children fall ill it is dealt with reasonably and one does not evade one’s responsibilities. Her illness and your lack of concern makes me all the more determined to have her with me. Unfortunately there is no legal way to adopt a child in England, but I should tell you that I am seeking to obtain legal custody as Victoria’s guardian through the courts.’

Caroline looked at him, turning his words over in her mind, then she nodded. There was something new in her eyes—remorse. ‘I won’t contest it. You have my word. I will sign whatever papers are necessary. I know what I have done is wrong—that I have not been the best mother.’