Mine To Bear (A Paranormal Shifter Romance) (Atonement Book 2) (5 page)

"Melissa, listen. I'm not trying to brag, but I've been very lucky to be successful in my life. I have far more than I could ever need. Please, let me share it with you, someone who actually needs it, and who deserves it more than I do. I'll come out there for a bit, make sure you're settled. You can even stay in your own building, independent of me."

She hesitated, unsure of what to do. He understood she likely felt guilty, but knew that the offer was exactly what she needed right now. Several times he opened his mouth to speak further encouragement, but each time he slowly closed it. This was a decision she had to make without any further interference from him. He had proposed a solution, but that was all he could do now.

Melissa

They pulled up in front of his country manor, and she still couldn't kill the shocked look she knew was plastered on her face. Forests of green stretched away in front of her while lush meadows of grass faded into the distance behind her. When he had said some property in the country, she had thought perhaps a large house with a couple of acres. She had been correct, although her sense of scale was off by a factor of ten or so, on both the house and property sizes. He had a mansion and at least several thousand acres, if not more.

It was gorgeous, and Melissa had a hard time believing she was going to be allowed to stay there. She didn't deserve this, but Edward had managed to convince her to accept that it was happening one way or another.

"This will be your building here," he said, nodding his head in the direction of a house not connected to the main manor.

"Building? This is a house on its own! Edward, I can't, this is ridiculous." She had grown up in a place smaller than this, which to him was an outbuilding. The vastness of his wealth was beginning to show to her.

"You can leave if you wish Melissa, but this is all for you. It'll help keep you with your own space, and not feeling as if I'm intruding. Look, come here," he said, pointing towards some electronics on the wall. He had her punch in a new security code, one that only she knew, so that nobody else could override it.

"This is now your safety zone. Nobody else will be welcome in here unless you dictate it."

The earnestness with which he was trying to make her feel comfortable was appreciated more than he would know. Melissa wanted nothing more than to feel normal in society again, not paranoid that she would have some sort of complete mental breakdown the minute a male other than Edward even looked at her.

After he showed her around, Edward left her to her own devices for a while, letting her settle in. She explored the numerous rooms in the guest house, settling her meager belongings in the bedroom. Edward had promised he would set her up with some online shopping to order things for delivery. She was looking forward to having several fresh sets of clothing more than just about anything except dinner.

***

Over the next few days, things began to settle into a pattern. Edward would leave early in the morning for work, with Melissa alone in the house. The few groundskeepers and such he had in employ all stayed in the manor, and she saw them infrequently. Her place was fully equipped with a kitchen, and she made most of her own meals, except dinner.

For dinners, she would go over to dine with Edward, enjoying delicious home cooked meals, courtesy of the in-house chef he employed. After the first week, the evening meal quickly became the highlight of her day. The daytime itself she spent wandering the grounds, exploring the forests nearby. Edward assured her that the scent of his bear kept all major predators away and that she was perfectly safe.

She became accustomed to finding peaceful places among the trees, and simply sitting there for hours, letting her mind relax and work it's healing magic. The memories of her time with the wolves began to feel like just that, memories, not reality. She began to accept the fact that she could move on, that there would be life after that horrible, ugly experience.

One of the biggest factors for that was Edward. She had no idea how he did it, but he was there when she needed support, and conveniently absent when she needed time to herself. He was quickly becoming the best friend she had never had before, that solid, reliable presence one could always count on, without having to ask.

"Edward, when did you find out you were a shifter?" She asked him randomly one day after dinner, as they sat out on the patio, enjoying the sunset with a glass of wine. The glasses that she had with dinner had always tasted nice, and when she wasn't quite ready to be done with human company for the night, Edward had suggested they watch the sun dip below the tree line with another glass. She had acquiesced and it had sounded so relaxing that she didn't hesitate either.

"I was about fourteen, and on a camping trip with Derek and our parents. The two of us were out exploring near the campsite, and like young boys do, we began to wrestle after arguing about  something. I honestly can't recall what, because what happened after was so much more glaring as a memory."

His eyes were vacant as he talked, his thoughts back twenty-odd years earlier, reliving every moment. She listened with bated breath, hoping to understand a little more about this mysterious man who had done so much for her without even knowing her name.

"I was on top, but Edward had always been faster, while I was stronger. Yet somehow, he had thrown me ten feet clear of him as if I weighed nothing. That made me so mad, and I remember growling at him, and feeling an almost animalistic surge run through me. I tried to harness that, to let it take its course, and the next thing I knew, I was a bear."  He chuckled at the ridiculousness of that sentence, appreciating the humor with a long term perspective.

She hoped that perhaps someday she would be able to adopt a similar attitude to her traumatizing memories. She was getting better, feeling more comfortable in her own skin, but it would be awhile before she felt ready to joke about them. That wasn't necessary for her to feel recovered though, that was just part of the natural evolution of recovery.

"There isn't a whole lot more to tell really. After several crazy hours, we figured out how to shift back. It was fairly easy after that in terms of learning to shift. The hard part was as a teenager learning to control our emotions so that the bear didn't get the better of us. It's still hard now as an adult, because that animal side doesn't care about things the way we as humans do. It has very, uh, simple, needs and desires."

She couldn't hold in the giggle at his discomfort, the flush in his cheeks still visible in the waning light. He tried to tiptoe around it so hard, but she knew what he meant, that his bear was more interested in mating than emotional connections.

He laughed as her giggle turned into a snort, which set them both off into a laughing fit. The wine was definitely affecting her now, so she set the glass down, not needing more that night.

"Edward...." she began, stopping herself before she said anymore.

"Yes?" he replied anyways, his voice thick, full with emotion.

She looked over at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes stared back at her, his dirty blond hair pushed off to one side, the sun thickening the short stubble he maintained impeccably.  No words were said for some time, until she caught herself, realizing what she had been doing.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Wait-" he started, but she had already collected her jacket and was rushing off to her house. He sat there stunned for a moment, before going after her.

By that time, she was almost at the door to her house, desperate to shut out the world for a moment. She finally got the door open and slammed it behind her. Punching in her alarm code, she practically flew up the stairs.

Her face connected with the thick comforter on her bed as she dropped face first onto it, groaning. How could she have been so blind to what was happening. Edward was falling for her, and all it had taken was an extra glass of wine for her to open up to that idea. She couldn't do that, not now, she needed more time to heal. Even then, she didn't know if Edward was a good fit for her, or if she even was interested in him. All the thoughts running through her head made it hard to sleep, she tossed and turned until finally succumbing in the early hours of the morning.

For the next few days she avoided Edward, even eating dinner meals alone, despite his invitations. She just wasn't ready to deal with that yet. It ended up being five entire days before she returned to sit down for dinner with him. It was almost as if the awkward exchange with him had helped, in some odd way. The conversation at dinner seemed to flow easier, and to her surprise, she even burst out laughing on one occasion, much to the delight of her companion.

"Each time I have one of these meals, I feel like I'm never going to have better, until the next one comes along!" she exclaimed after the last bite of a deliciously cooked steak. The two of them shared a laugh, and Edward raised his glass to the kitchen as a toast.

After dinner, she allowed herself to be led out to the patio, where she sat sipping a lemonade this time. Edward had chosen to go with a bottle of beer, that he was carefully nursing along. An unspoken agreement between the two of them to avoid becoming more intoxicated seemed to be in place.

"What's it been like, growing up with your ability?" She hadn't intended to ask such a personal question, although it had been on her mind the past few days. She thought growing up without a family had been hard, but she had still felt like she fit in amongst friends, as simply a down on her luck, but still human, person. For him, it must have been agony. The pain in his voice as he responded as much as confirmed that thought for her.

"Tough." There was a long pause before he continued, likely gathering his thoughts she assumed.

"At least I had Derek. We became inseparable after that, you know. We did everything together, took the same courses, chased the same girls, everything. When we graduated high school we went to the same college, same program and all. It wasn't until we graduated that we did our own things, although we lived together until he hit the jackpot."

He smiled at a memory there, the sheer warmth in his eyes making her heart race, much to her surprise. She tried to ignore it and focus on his words again, but it was hard to tear her gaze away from him. Only his shifting in the chair broke her stare.

"I couldn't let him be the only one who got rich, so I followed in his footsteps, riding the wave upwards right behind him. Somewhere along the way we picked up Philip, though that's a different story, for another time." His eyes went hard at that, remembering something he wasn't yet willing to discuss.

"If it wasn't for Derek though, I'm not sure I would have made it. Everywhere I went, I felt out of place. Dealing with the soul of a bear within you makes crowds tough. That's why I live out here, where I can be free, unchained."

Her heart reacted to that much the way it had in the past, aching for him, wanting to comfort him and nurture him. Her brain, however, could do nothing of the sort. It sat still, paralyzed while Edward stared off into the distance, reliving the pain of his past all because she had asked.

Finally he stood, which broke her paralysis as she rose at the same time. He turned to walk inside, before hesitating.

"Melissa," he began, waiting for her to look at him. She couldn't bring herself to do that again, so instead she did something even crazier and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She had meant it to be friendly and comforting, but as his hands slid up her back in response, she felt herself pulled in a different direction.

Pushing back slightly she looked up at him, their eyes meeting again. This was the moment she desired and dreaded, all wrapped up in one. She knew she was falling for Edward, that they had some sort of connection that couldn't be explained. Her brain wasn't ready though, could not accept her being close to a man, and it was overruling her heart.

Frozen, she watched as he leaned in to kiss her. Involuntarily, her eyes closed in anticipation of his touch. It was going to happen this time, she couldn't do anything about it, her body had stopped responding to her brain's commands, as the two parts of her warred over her reaction.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it was over, with Edward pulling back, realizing something was amiss. He frowned at her, then stepped back, his sharp eyes clearly identifying when she took a huge breath, her body coming back under her control.

"Melissa," he breathed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't - that didn't mean -" he mumbled, stumbling over the words he was trying to say.

"I'm sorry," he said one more time, before turning and rushing off into the house, leaving her standing there, confused, upset and relieved all at once.

Edward

Idiot!

The thought echoed through his skull as he tore off the fine clothes he had donned for dinner, hoping to impress Melissa. All throughout the meal and afterward he had suppressed his bear, doing his best to beat it down into submission so that exactly what had happened, did not happen. He had failed her by giving in to temptation and his guilt was already eating at him.

Bursting through the door he took off across the field beside the house, heading for the forest. His anger at the damage he had done to Melissa finally tore free, turning from a cry into a roar as his bear rushed forth and his body shifted. The longer, far more powerful legs propelled him forward at a breakneck pace.

Branches and underbrush slapped against his sides, leaving marks that he knew he would pay for later. Right now though, he couldn't focus on anything but the distress he had seen in her eyes. Growling, he pushed himself faster.

When Edward, Derek and Philip had all found success in the business world, they had bought up huge tracts of land near each other, to give them and their bears room to roam. So now, needing some advice, he was heading for Derek's, to see his longtime friend.

The lights were still on by the time he arrived, much to his relief. He didn't knock, for the three of them had long ago done away with such things. He was quiet though, not wanting to startle them. Keri was the first to greet him. The sight of her stopped him in his tracks, his mind switching gears immediately.

"What's going on?"

The look on her face was amazing, she was beaming with a grin splitting her face from ear to ear. There was no way Edward could have said anything to bring her down. Derek came in behind her, wearing the same expression on his own face.

"Okay, you two, out with it." They looked at each other for a moment, before bursting into laughter.

"I'm going to be a father." Derek dropped the bombshell on Edward without any further teasing.

"That's amazing you two!" His own woes temporarily forgotten, the three of them hugged and celebrated. Derek and Edward cracked beers while Keri sipped on some sparkling water and complained about not being able to indulge. He was so thrilled for his friends to move on to the next chapter of their life. It also helped to resolve any guilt he felt about the wolves, for he wouldn't stand anyone that would harm his friends child.

Eventually Keri got up to leave, giving the two men some time alone. She sensed that something was up and gave the excuse that she was tired and heading to bed. After a final round of hugs, the two of them headed outside to talk.

"What is it?" Derek didn't waste any time getting to the point. They could read each other so well by now, that it was impossible to hide things.

"I messed up Edward, I messed up bad. I almost kissed her tonight."

There was no need for him to elaborate further. Derek had mentioned to him at the start that he had seen a change within him when he was around her. Even when they had dropped her off at the hospital and he had stayed behind, Derek understood right away what he was doing.

"She's not ready for that yet, is she?"

"That's the thing, part of her I think is, but she's also still traumatized from her experience, which is preventing her from doing anything. There's a connection between us Derek, she knows it, I know it, hell even you can see it. Something is there, but I can't rush her into whatever it's going to become."'

He was pacing back and forth, restless and agitated over his bungling of the evening with Melissa. The pain of losing her was not something he even wished to contemplate. His bear and his heart were set on this woman, he knew he would never again settle for less than her.

"You realize just how messed up everything was between Keri and I when we first got together. It took me flying across the country and apologizing in the middle of the airport for her to realize the truth of me. Sometimes, my friend, you have to be straight with them and lay yourself on the line. Have you told her how you feel yet?"

"Well, no, not yet, but I know she knows."

"Yes, but she wants to hear it from you." Derek chuckled lightly at that, remembering learning that lesson himself. His calmness towards the situation put Edward at ease, allowing him to sit back and tell Derek the rest of what had been going on lately.

By the time they rose to part ways, the sun was long gone and the moon high in the sky. Feeling better about himself, Edward set off towards home, taking it at a much more leisurely stroll this time. It was too late to do anything about it now, for Melissa would be asleep by the time he arrived home.

In the morning though, he vowed to apologize, tell her the entire truth, and confess directly how he felt about her. He hoped she would feel the same.

***

The last thing he expected the next morning was for her to show up to breakfast. Edward had planned all along to seek her out after he had eaten. The turn of events threw him off stride, but when she smiled at him and sat down to eat without mentioning the night before, he clued in that perhaps now was not the time.

"Edward, I have a problem. I need some more clothes. This situation is getting ridiculous."

His heart had stopped when she said there was a problem, but when it turned out to only be clothing related, he couldn't help but laugh. The look she gave him indicated she had known exactly what her words would do to him, so without thinking he stuck his tongue out at her. She smiled, that one moment making his entire day.

"I think we can do something about that. I'm sure it would be nice to have more than one spare set, wouldn't it?"

"You have no idea," she replied wryly, looking down at the rumpled shirt she was wearing for the third time in five days, then back up at him.

"But," she continued, "I don't have any money, nor am I interested in charity. Do you have any ideas on what I could do?"

He admired her unwillingness to rely on him for his money, but to instead do it on her own. Still, it seemed silly for her to have to go to such lengths simply for clothing.

"Listen, I have more than enough money. It would be pointless for you to use any hard earned money on clothes. But," he raised his hand to forestall her response, "I also understand you not wanting them just given to you. So instead, I have a proposal for you."

She looked at him askance, wondering just what he was getting at. It was his turn to enjoy knowing what his words were doing to her, even though he didn't mean what it might sound like.

"You've been making a lot of progress while out here it seems, at least to me. Would you agree?"  She nodded slowly, conceding the point to him.

"So, if you're comfortable, and only if, why don't we go on a shopping excursion together. I'll pay for your clothes, but you work on integrating back into society, taking that next step in your recovery."

She thought about it for some time. There was no denying that she was making great strides on becoming used to normal society again. She no longer flinched when he made a sudden movement, and her own motions were more relaxed, less and less like those of a trapped animal every day. He knew she needed to do this, but he wasn't going to force her to accept. She had to want to do it, or else she would fail.

"Okay, I will try. I have two conditions though."

"Name them."

"One, we do a strip mall or outlet mall type place, not an indoor shopping mall. I'm not ready to combine crowds and being in a huge building just yet."

"Not a problem, I think that's more than fair. What's the other?"

"If I say enough, then we're done. No pushing me for more or anything like that. We simply pack it up and leave right then and there." Her tone of voice indicated she would brook no argument on this and that he would rue the day he didn't do what he was about to promise her.

"It's a date," he said with a sly smile, sealing their agreement.

Internally though, Edward couldn't help but shake in terror that he had made another gigantic mistake.