Mindset (9 page)

Cade speared her with a look.  “Oh yes there is going to be a marriage, and that’s final.  I tried to avoid this, told you last night it couldn’t happen, but now it has, and you damn well will marry me now.”  Cade was in a panic as the scene began to spin further and further out of his control.  He knew he was making things worse, but he wasn’t sure how to back up and correct the situation.  He didn’t exactly regret what had happened.  That would be a little hard to do when every cell of his body was screaming at him to get Callie back into his arms again.  Hell, he was already wondering how soon he could be with her again.  But he’d spent so long trying to make sure this didn’t happen, he felt like he had failed in some way.  He’d failed Callie and her grandfather, and the rest of her family who’d welcomed him into their home and trusted him around her.

Callie’s eyes narrowed – always a bad sign.  Having a strange sense of déjà vu, Callie tried and failed to hold back her temper.  “Just who in the hell do you think you are, telling me how it’s going to be, like I don’t have a choice in the matter?  I’ve been making my own decisions for quite some time now, and I’m not about to start deferring to you or any other man.  The next thing you know, you’ll be wanting me to sign some bank papers!”

“Honorable! 
Honorable?
  You want to marry me because it’s the
honorable
thing to do?  Well, you can keep your damn honor, you ass.  And don’t you dare try to bring my Granddad in on this, either.  Not even
he
can make me marry you if that’s not what I choose to do.  Even he
asks
me how I feel about something before he tells me to do it.  Before he
asks
me to do it. 

“Now wait just a damn minute, Callie.  You were the one who wanted this in the first place.  Last night you said I was the man you wanted in your life.”

“Last night was last night.  Things look a lot clearer in the light of day, especially when your Neanderthalism is beginning to rear its ugly head.  This is the new millennium, you jerk.  There won’t be any wedding, shotgun or otherwise, pregnant or not, just because we had sex!”

“Is that what it was to you, Callie?  Just sex?  It didn’t mean anything more than that to you?”

“What the hell difference would it make if it did?  Apparently, the only thing it meant to you was a fall from grace, a mistake, a blemish on your fine character, your
honor
.  Something you have to apologize for.  Something you have to
fix
!  I’m so sorry I twisted your arm and made you do something you really didn’t want to do.  But don’t worry, I won’t ask you to do it again.  I wouldn’t want to be a
bad influence
or cause you any more
remorse
.”

Oh shit!
  “Callie, let’s just calm down.”

“Don’t. You. Tell me. To calm down!  I’m going home.  I need to kick off my shoes and cook something, so that just in case I am pregnant, I can be barefoot, and in the kitchen, too!”  With that parting shot, she got up on her horse and set off at a fast pace for the ranch house, leaving Cade standing there, wondering what in the hell had gone wrong.  One minute he was having the most incredible sex of his life with a woman he’d always wanted and thought he’d never have, and the next he was alone, chewing the dust she kicked up behind her and wondering how the hell he was going to salvage the situation, or even just get her to talk to him about it.  It didn’t occur to him until much later that
she sure as hell didn’t need any help to get up on her damn horse then, did she? 

****

Like a spring day after a cold, hard winter, that’s what Eva’s laughter was for Josh.  “That’s right, just hold the bottle up a little higher.  That’s it, you got it.”

“You were hungry, weren’t you little guy?”  More laughter.  “Just look how fast he’s slurping this down!  Wow!  He’s so cute!  Why isn’t his mama feeding him, Josh?”

“Well, sad to say, this poor guy is an orphan.  His mama didn’t make it through the delivery.  Most of the time, that’s not a problem for cows, but every once in awhile, things don’t go as planned, and this little guy’s delivery was just one of those times.”

“Ahhh, poor baby.  I know how that feels.”

“Me too, I guess.  My folks died together in a car accident when I was in high school.  Maybe Callie mentioned it?”

“Yes, she did.  We’ve know each other since we were teenagers starting in the business together.  We kind of grew up together in a sense.  We were pretty inseparable, you know.  Everyone thought we were sisters with our long, dark hair.  She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“I remember her talking about you a lot when she’d come home.  Evita this, Evita that.”

Eva smiled sadly.  “She and my mother are the only ones that ever called me that.  Now she’s the only one.  I’ve got something in common with you and this handsome guy.  My parents are both dead, also.  My dad died when I was about five, and my mother died about a year ago, from cancer.  I don’t remember my father too much, but I still miss my mother so much.”  She looked down to hide her misty eyes and saw the calf had finished up its milk and pulled the extra large bottle away.

Josh touched her arm gently but kept his distance.  “I’m sorry for your loss, Evita.  I wish I could say that someday you’ll stop missing her, but I still miss my folks.  But someday, instead of tears, her memories will bring smiles to you face.  You’ll remember fun times you spent together, times she made you laugh.  My granddad always says that time heals all wounds, and for the most part, I think he’s right.”

She stepped further away from him but smiled as she did so.  “Your granddad is full of words of wisdom, isn’t he?”

“You bet he is!  He’s got a saying or some kind of advice for every situation you can come up against.  It’s funny, the older I get, the more I realize that he’s a really smart guy.”

“He’s also very kind.  He’s given me a place to stay until I can get my life together.  Maybe he can offer me some advice on what to do with myself, because I don’t have a clue.”

“I’ll bet he’d start by telling you to be patient with yourself and take some time off to think things through.  I don’t want to rush you, but you mentioned you could use some legal advice.  I’d be happy to talk to you whenever you’re ready.”

Eva stood very still and took a deep breath.  Then, she took another one.  “Josh, I want to get a divorce.  But I want to do it quietly and as quickly as possible.  Here’s the thing:  I want to do it without going back to New York or seeing my husband again.  Is that possible?  Can you help me?”

“Yes, Eva, I can.”  They both released another breath, one that Josh hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.

They continued staring at each other until they were distracted by the sound of an approaching rider.  Callie road right past them to the corral and dismounted in silence, pulling the horse behind her.

“Hey, Callie.  Thought you and Cade would be out most of the day today.”

“Yeah, so did I, but that was before I realized what an idiot he is!”

“Whoa, Sis!  What did he do to piss you off so bad?”

“He was born!  More to the point, he was born a man!  What is it with you guys, anyway?  Do you take stupidity pills as a daily supplement or something?  Of all the ridiculous, chauvinistic, egotistical men I’ve ever had the misfortune of having to deal with, …”

“Callie, why don’t we go up to the house?  Sounds like you need some girl time to me.”

“Sister, I think that’s a great idea.  Why don’t you take Eva up on her offer, before I find myself pronounced guilty by association.”

“Thank you, Evita.  Girl time is exactly what I need.  And chocolate.  And maybe some ice-cream.”

“Eva, just call me, and I’ll talk to you some more about some options to consider, ok?”

“I’ll do that, Josh, and thank you a lot.  For everything.”

Chapter 8

By the end of the week, the last of Callie’s bruises had faded.  Well, except for the one on her ego, anyway.  For the life of her, she just could not fathom how something that started out so completely fabulous – Earth shattering was really a better descriptor – could have ended up so anticlimactic, not to mention extremely disappointing and aggravating.  Making love with Cade had been…indescribable.  Better than anything she’d ever imagined, and she’d been imagining for years.  Whenever she was alone, and sometimes when she wasn’t, she became lost in memories from the afternoon they’d been together.  All she had to do was close her eyes to feel his touch on her face, his kiss on her neck, his tongue against her nipples, sucking gently at first, then harder…

“So, are we going or not?”  Eva bounded down the stairs.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh, you’re going to be just loads of fun to be around, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Evita.  I just don’t handle rejection well, I guess.”

“A marriage proposal can hardly be considered rejection, Callie.”

“Oh, give me a big break in life!  That wasn’t a marriage proposal I got from Cade.  It was a…a…dump my guilty conscience so I can make amends for doing something I knew I’d regret proposal.  Jerk!  Not you, him. 
Honorable
, Eva.  That’s why he asked me to marry him.  Not because he loves me, not because he wants to be with me, but because his frickin’
honor
demands it.  That so sucks!”

“Okay, let’s think about this.  It’s not really the honorable part that’s biting you, is it?  I think what you’re really upset about is that he hasn’t declared his undying love for you.  Like you want him to do.  Like you want to do?  Because, I gotta tell you, girlfriend, from where I’m standing after the last two plus years, honorable sounds pretty good to me.”

“Yeah, you’re right.  I like that he’s an honorable man.  It’s one of the reasons I love him.  And it’s not that I need candy and flowers, yada, yada.  I’ve daydreamed about a future with Cade since I was just a twelve year old kid.  I want to get married and start a family and have a home of my own.  And I want to do it all with Cade.  But in all my daydreams, I never once imagined that when he asked me to marry him, it would be for the sake of honor.  Honor is great, but it’s not even close to love, and it’s not a good reason to get married.  I don’t want to marry him unless he feels for me something comparable to what I feel for him.  I think I’d rather be without him than with him for any other reason than love.”

“Come on, let’s get going to the mall.  You need some shopping therapy.  It’s the next best thing to a spa day, and we’re all out of chocolate and ice-cream.  Plus, I need clothes.  I can’t just keep wearing yours.  I can’t continue the next chapter in my life naked, so I’m willing to splurge on a new mini-wardrobe.  So, let’s go.”

“Okay.  I promise I will endeavor to improve my mood and spend some quality girl time.  At the mall.  With you, my very best friend in the whole wide world.”

“That’s better!  Let’s go.”

Cielo Vista Mall had a lot to offer a girl, especially when she didn’t own anything except the one outfit she’d been wearing when she left New York.  First stop, Victoria’s Secret, followed by Dillard’s, Lerner’s New York, Hollister, and American Eagle. 

“Ok, I have a business type outfit, in case I find a job I want to apply for, although I have no idea what kind of job that would be or what I could be qualified for.  I also have the classic little black dress, for what, I have no idea, other than you told me I had to buy it.  But you know what I’m the most excited about?”