Mind Gym (33 page)

There’s no doubt about it: the Chill Zone is a great place to be. The music is smooth and gentle. The lighting is soft. Everyone’s talking quietly rather than shouting to be heard. There are cozy sofas and soft chairs to sit on. The hustle of the rest of the world seems a million miles away. Everyone is happy, unwinding, laid-back, and relaxed.

The people hanging out in the Chill Zone are pretty much at their lowest level of arousal. If they are thinking at all, their thoughts might resemble these:

•   It’s not that important. It’s not my problem.

•   Life is good.

•   Yeah, whatever. I’m not bothered.

•   Isn’t the world a beautiful place?

•   No need to worry. It’ll all work out in the end.

•   I’m bored, bored, bored.

Some people spend most of their lives in the relaxed zone. James, a participant at a Mind Gym event, told us that he never really experienced stress. The only thing he felt even remotely stressed about was the fact that his peers had all progressed further than him at work. This made perfect sense to us. In order not to experience stress of any kind, James must spend most of his time in the relaxed zone. As a result, his performance rarely reaches that of his peers, who, willing to experience stress, had improved their performance and had been promoted as a result.

Most popular advice on managing stress suggests that the relaxed zone is your ideal default position. This isn’t quite true. People who spend most of their lives in this zone, like James, are in danger of letting the world pass them by. The relaxed zone is a good place to be every now and then, when you’re on vacation, for example, or at the end of a tough day. Everyone needs time and space to unwind. But to do so, there needs to be something to unwind from.

If the Chill Zone is cool, then the Thrill Zone is hot. The music is upbeat, the lights are sharp, and everybody’s dancing.

Remember Hans Selye, the psychologist we introduced earlier in the chapter who came up with the idea of eustress? This is his room. It’s the place to be when the adrenaline’s pumping and you’re in top form. This is the zone where “go-getters” reside—people who are fulfilling their potential at work and are pushing for promotion. People here feel these sorts of things:

•   I’m excited, exhilarated, and enjoying myself.

•   I’m nervous.

•   I’m under pressure / being tested / being pushed to succeed.

•   I’m determined.

•   Every moment counts.

•   Time is distorted; long periods of time feel like a few seconds.

This is Mindy’s room. She’s a doctor friend of ours who told us, “I’m bored of people telling me they’re tired. In my opinion, if you’re not tired, you’re not living.” She’s right: don’t be put off with all the advice from the stress scaremongers; the dynamic zone can be a great and rewarding place to be. If you want to achieve challenging goals and aren’t satisfied with just “getting by,” you need to spend considerable time in this zone.

At first glance, this zone doesn’t look too different from the previous one. But while the Thrill Zone was hot, at the Spill Zone, things are just starting to boil over. It’s a little bit competitive at the bar. People keep bumping into you and spilling your drink. There is still a lot of talent on the dance floor, but you’re trying to impress too many people at the same time. Whereas the Thrill Zone felt fun, here you’re starting to feel hassled.

If you spend a lot of time in the dynamic zone, you will, almost inevitably, slip into the distracted zone every once in a while. It’s not a fantastic place to be. When you are in this zone, you tend to spend a lot of time worrying. You focus on the impossibility of your situation rather than what you can do to get out of it. These are the types of things people in the distracted zone might be thinking:

•   I don’t know where to start.

•   No one appreciates the pressure I’m under.

•   This is going to be a disaster. I’m not sure that I can see a way out.

•   I have so much to do. How on earth am I going to do it all?

Quite simply,
Argghhhh!

The trick is to make your visits to the distracted zone occasional and short (that’s what the following chapters are all about).

Now things are going from bad to worse. In the Kill Zone, it’s too hot, the lights are too bright, the music is too noisy, and the dance floor is too crowded. You’ve been waiting half an hour at the bar, but no one will serve you. Your head is starting to thump and the taxi you booked is still two hours away.

One of the big differences between the distracted zone and the distraught zone is that when you are in the distracted zone, you recognize that you are worrying or stressing about a specific, temporary situation. When you are in the distraught zone, however, it seems like the stress and worrying will go on forever. Everything is on top of you and you can’t see a way out. The situation is so grave that it stretches into your foreseeable future—there is no escape.

Here are the sorts of things people might be thinking in this zone:

•   My life is a mess/disaster.

•   There’s no way out.

•   The world is out to get me.

•   I am useless.

•   I just can’t cope anymore.

•   Everything I touch goes wrong.

•   I can’t concentrate on anything.

•   Even simple tasks take ages.

Many of us have been in the distraught zone briefly, but usually we see some hope or relief and get out quickly. Staying in the distraught zone for extended periods of time is dangerous. It can be like quicksand, dragging you into a sense of hopelessness from which, after a while, it is not easy to pull back.

WHERE IS HAPPINESS?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi isn’t just a potentially award-winning Scrabble word. He’s also the former chairman of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago. Csikszentmihalyi has spent thirty years conducting research with thousands of people across the world to find out what happens at their moments of greatest enjoyment. What he discovered was that one, two, or up to eight of the factors in the following list are involved:
⁶

 
       1. We have a chance of completing the tasks we are confronting.

 
       2. We can concentrate on what we are doing.

 
       3. We have clear goals.

 
       4. We receive immediate feedback.

 
       5. We feel a deep and effortless involvement that is all-embracing.

 
       6. We have a sense of control over our actions.

 
       7. We don’t think about ourselves during the activity but think better of ourselves after we have completed it.

 
       8. Our sense of the duration of time is altered.

With each of the factors listed, the people involved in the study experienced significant amounts of eustress; they were firmly in the dynamic zone. However, Csikszentmihalyi also believes that if you are satisfied with passive pleasure—enjoying an experience without having to actively engage with it, like lying on a beach—which he rates as a much weaker contributor to happiness, you are likely to find pleasure when you are relaxed. So, where is happiness? Somewhere below the point at which your performance drops off, depending on what kind of person you are.

Different people have different propensities toward particular zones. Take a look at the following questions and statements and decide which responses best describe your thoughts in each situation. You’ll discover which zone you’re likely to spend most of your time in, and that will give you a good idea of how to better manage your stress. Circle your most likely response to the situation provided.

1.   
 
You are stuck in traffic and will arrive late to your appointment. What do you think?

        
a. What are a few minutes? There’s not much I can do about it anyway.

        
b. Let me see if there’s another route. I’ll call to warn them.

        
c. This is so unlucky. If only I’d left earlier.

        
d. I can’t believe it. I’m going to be really late. This is a disaster.

2.   
 
You have an important deadline that is fast approaching and no idea how you are going to deliver good-quality results on time.

        
a. I’m sure it will all work out somehow or other.

        
b. This is an exciting challenge. Let’s get going.

        
c. I don’t know where to begin.

        
d. This is impossible. It’s going to be a catastrophe.

3.   
 
Someone asks you to do something urgent, which means that you will need to change your plans significantly.

        
a. Yeah, sure.

        
b. I’ll rise to the challenge and make it work.

        
c. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I have my own things to do too.

        
d. This is the final straw. I can’t possibly do it as well.

4.   
 
Your flight was delayed, the villa is nothing like the picture in the brochure, and it’s raining.

        
a. We’re on vacation. It doesn’t really matter. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.

        
b. This is no good. I’ll get the tour operator to sort this out.

        
c. The airline is incompetent and the travel agency is crooked. I am furious.

        
d. This is the worst vacation of my life. I wish I’d stayed at home.

5.   
 
You check your bank balance and it’s looking much worse than you thought.

        
a. Who cares about money? At least I have my health.

        
b. I’ll sort this out. Not quite sure how yet, but I’ll get on this right away.

        
c. And that’s before I pay the bills at the end of the month. What am I going to do?

        
d. Everything in my life is going wrong. I’m a walking disaster zone.

6.   
 
Which of the following best describes your view on life?

        
a. Life’s a breeze (though it can be a bit boring sometimes).

        
b. My life is a constant stream of exciting, fresh challenges.

        
c. I have too much going on at the moment and I don’t know how I’ll cope.

        
d. My life is a mess.

For people who spend most of their time in the relaxed zone, the question is whether or not you are happy. If you are, then great, though you might wonder if you are fulfilling your potential. If you would like to spend more time in the dynamic zone, you may want to set yourself some challenges that really stretch you.

People here are definitely experiencing stress, but they have nothing to worry about and potentially lots to celebrate. This is a great place to be, provided there is an occasional dip into the relaxed zone to recharge. High performers who spend a lot of time in this zone may well slip into the distracted zone now and again. As long as this is spotted and acted on, there is no reason for concern.

People here feel stressed quite a lot, and it isn’t the good stress. Anyone who spends a lot of time here may want to rethink how their life is structured. The tips and techniques in the following chapters will be a great help in reducing negative stress and moving back to the dynamic zone.

People here are likely to be suffering from stress. They should stop and remember when life was more enjoyable. It may not be easy, but there are definitely ways to make life good again, or better. It might be wise to talk things through with someone—family, friends, or a professional.

The good news is that the person who can do the most to affect your stress zones, and leverage the good stress while managing the bad, is you. And if you can combine that knowledge with the tactics and techniques in the next few chapters, you can learn to not only understand and manage stress (both good and bad) but also leverage it to your advantage.

GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT

1. Think back to a time you were experiencing eustress. Close your eyes and imagine it; replay it in your head.

2. Now answer the following questions: What were you doing? How did you feel? How did the eustress you felt in one area of your life positively influence other areas of your life?

3. Assess what you can start doing now to bring some eustress into your life (i.e., is there a new challenge you could take on, or can you look at a stressor in a different light so it becomes a source of eustress instead of distress?)

4. Do it.

Go through your average day and write which zone you think you are in
every thirty minutes
. Set an alarm, perhaps in your phone, to remind you when to document which zone you are in, what you’re doing, and what you’re thinking and feeling at the time. At the end of day, look at your graph and answer the following questions:

•   Are you spending most of the day in the relaxed or dynamic zones?

•   At what times do you move into the distracted or distraught zones?

•   What is going on in your mind and body at those moments?

The next chapter will show you what you can do to move closer to the dynamic zone, but for now, this exercise will help you become more aware of exactly when you transition through zones and why you transition.