Midnight Ride (22 page)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Janie stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, debating whether it was too late to call Rohn and cancel this . . . whatever tonight was.

Maybe if she knew what this was, it would be easier to decide whether to go or not. Was it a date? A business meeting? A widow/widower support group? Two neighbors just sharing a meal?

She patted more flesh-colored cover-up into the dark circles beneath each eye with the tip of one finger. If she’d actually get a decent night’s sleep, she could probably forgo half of her makeup and she’d still look years younger.

With a sigh, she turned away from the mirror and headed for the bedroom. What to wear was the next issue. She couldn’t look like she was dressed up since they were only going to the place in town, but she couldn’t dress in her usual jeans and boots either. And her outfit couldn’t be too sexy. She didn’t want to give Rohn the wrong impression.

It had been years since Janie’d had to worry about what clothes she put on. Not during her marriage and not since. As long as she looked presentable for church, the rest of the time she dressed for comfort and utility. Even when Tyler was coming around, she didn’t worry whether she was in the soft old T-shirt she slept in or the jeans she’d worn to muck the stalls.

That thought gave her pause. While she’d been in the middle of her fling—for lack of a better word—with Tyler, she’d come up with every opportunity to make things hard. Only hindsight cleared her vision of the situation and made reality undeniable. When it was just them at her house alone, things had been easy with Tyler. She hadn’t realized how easy.

It was only her fear of the outside world creeping into what they had that made it seem hard. The problem was, there was no keeping the rest of the world out of her private little space forever. And that was why Tyler wasn’t here tonight, and she was dressing for what she hoped was not a date with Rohn, but could very well be one.

A glance at the clock told her she’d better get a move on. He should be over in less than half an hour to pick her up, and she wasn’t dressed for the night yet.

Staring at the clothes hanging in the closet didn’t help. Nothing jumped out at her and said
wear me
, so she started at one end of the rack and flipped through the contents, one hanger at a time.

Some of the stuff in there hadn’t been worn in years. She really needed to go through her clothes. Since she wore the same things—her favorites—over and over again, she could probably donate half of her things to charity and never miss them. The choices began to overwhelm her, until she thought she’d lose her mind if she didn’t pick something soon.

The clock was ticking. Janie reached out and grabbed the casual cotton dress she’d worn to Sunday service the other week. It would have to do. If it was good enough for church, it was good enough for the Italian restaurant in town, and it required no thought on her part. No coordinating a shirt with a skirt. It fit. It looked decent, and it was quick and easy to throw on.

Sad that her life and her wardrobe had been reduced to what was the easiest. She should probably work on that, but not tonight. Tonight she had too much else to deal with thanks to this strange dinner invitation.

Another trip to the bathroom to check her reflection, where she fluffed her hair even though it just fell right back to where it had been, and she was done. Janie grabbed the purse she’d filled with the essentials she’d need for her dinner out—she refused to call it a date—and headed downstairs.

Rohn, as she’d expected him to be, was right on time, pulling into her driveway at two minutes to six. His effort to be punctual was endearing, even if his arrival ramped up her nerves.

She was halfway out the kitchen door as he jumped out of the truck and headed to meet her. “Hey, Janie.”

“Rohn. Nice to see you again.” She pulled the door shut behind her.

“I was gonna come to the door to get you.” He looked a little disappointed as he said it.

“No need. I saw you pull in, so . . .” Janie shrugged.

“No use waiting.” Rohn dipped his head and smiled. “You always were the kind of woman who liked to do things on her own.”

Janie wondered what woman Rohn was talking about, because it sure wasn’t her. She’d always felt like she’d relied on Tom and their hired men too much. That she felt the loss of their help so keenly proved that.

She forced a smile. “I’m not so sure about that.”

He tipped his head to the side. “Eh, women rarely see their own virtues.”

Her brows rose at what seemed like a compliment, though she wasn’t sure. “I guess.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure.”

With a nod of his cowboy hat, he laid a hand on the small of her back to steer her to the truck. The physical contact, even as small as it was, seemed so strange, she was glad when they reached the passenger door and he moved to open it for her.

They lived in a small town, and nothing was very far from anything else. That proved to be a good thing as the small talk in the truck cab lagged.

“So the place looks good,” he said, keeping his eyes on the road as he navigated the way to the restaurant.

“Well, all that rain earlier this spring really helped. Last year was so dry.” The weather was the best Janie could come up with. How pitiful.

“Oh, I know.” He nodded. “Terrible drought last year.”

“Mmm-hmm. It was.” Janie rolled her eyes at herself as she glanced at the passing scenery out the side window.

With this less-than-auspicious start to the evening, it was going to be interesting seeing what other mundane things they could cover before they ran out of conversation. At least there’d be food shortly. Eating was always good to fill awkward lulls.

“So I hope you like Italian food.”

“Love it. I don’t cook it as frequently as I’d like to, though. I really shouldn’t eat all those carbs too often.”

“Oh, did you want to go somewhere else?”

“No, no. This is fine. Really.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Very sure. Thank you.” She let out a breath. A man hadn’t worked this hard to accommodate her wishes in—forever.

When she was dating Tom, he’d just make the decisions and she’d follow along. And Tyler—well, there weren’t all that many decisions to be made there. Sex in the bedroom again or in the kitchen?

She tore her mind from Tyler. That was over. One day maybe there’d be a time she’d be able to enjoy reliving those memories without feeling the knife stab through her heart, but not yet.

Luckily, the restaurant came into view, putting an end to the painful silence. There was a bit of jostling as Rohn made sure she never got to open any door for herself, not in the truck, nor while entering the restaurant, and they entered the dim interior.

It smelled amazing inside, which was a good topic of conversation actually. Janie jumped on it. “It smells great in here. Good choice.”

“Thanks, and it does.”

The hostess greeted them. “Two for dinner?”

“Yes, please. I made reservations. Lerner.”

“Sure. Right this way.” The hostess grabbed two menus, and Rohn waited for Janie to follow her before he brought up the rear, just as he waited for her to be seated before he sat himself.

She buried her attention in the menu, happy for the excuse not to have to make conversation for a little bit. God, she’d turned into a hermit. Maybe Rene had been right. She needed to get out among the living more.

“Anything look good?” he asked.

“Everything looks good.” She hadn’t eaten much today. Nerves and misery combined had squelched any hunger pangs until she’d walked in and smelled the food cooking. “Maybe the eggplant parmigiana. That’s something I never make for myself at home.”

He laughed. “That describes pretty much everything on the menu for me.”

Had she been interested in Rohn romantically, this would have been the perfect time to suggest he come over for dinner at her house, or that she could cook something and bring it to him. But she didn’t make that suggestion. Instead, she just smiled. “Then you have plenty to choose from.”

“That I do.” After a few seconds, he closed the menu and leaned his elbows on the table. “I have to admit something to you.”

“Um, okay.” She lowered her own menu, starting to worry a little bit about what this confession would be.

“Colton talked me into calling and asking you out. I thought the idea was crazy at first, but now I’m glad I did it.”

So this was a date. Janie forced another smile and looked down at the menu open in front of her.

A server arrived just in time to fill the silence. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Janie jumped at the offer. “Yes, please. Red wine.”

“A beer for me. Thanks.” Rohn paused for the waitress to leave before he reached out and laid his hand on the table between them. “Janie?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay. It’s just dinner.”

She lifted a brow. “Hmm?”

“I can see you’re not ready for this yet. It’s only been, what? Barely a year for you since Tom passed.”

“Yes. About a year.”

“I should have realized. I’m a lot of years further along than you are.”

It hit her, hard and fast. She was a horrible person because she
had
started to move on, and in doing so she’d done far more than just have dinner with a man.

To her horror, the tears welled so fast, they spilled over her cheeks in quick drops that hit the pages of the menu before she could catch them.

“Shit.” He hissed out a curse and handed her a napkin. “I’m so sorry.”

She grabbed the soft paper and pressed it to her eyes. “No. Don’t be. Believe me, it’s not your fault.”

Tears not quite under control, she still managed to thank the server who’d appeared to set the wine in front of her.

“Ready to order?” The waitress hovered, just when Janie really wanted her to go away.

“Can you give us a few more minutes?” Thank God for Rohn. He saved the day and saved Janie further embarrassment.

“Of course.” The server left and Janie wiped at her eyes again.

“Janie, we can go, if you want.”

“No. I’m fine. Thank you. And I’m so sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

“Yeah, I really need to.” She couldn’t have him thinking it was his fault. “The truth is, I have—or I thought I had—accepted that it was time to move on finally. I met a guy.”

To his credit, Rohn kept his expression neutral. “A’ight. So what happened?”

“Well, among other things, there’s the guilt. It has only been a year.” She’d thought she’d made peace with Tom and could move on, but the tears told a different story.

“Janie, I’m sorry I said that. I just wanted you to feel better and to let you know that I understood if you weren’t ready. Speaking plainly here, the truth is, Tom was diagnosed more than two years ago with what amounted to a death sentence. He and I talked about it once, back before the disease really took hold. He prepared himself then that he had six months, maybe a year if he was lucky. He thought you’d prepared yourself, too, to move on after. He wanted you to live your life.”

The tears misted her eyes again. “Did he say that?”

“He did. So if your guilt over Tom is what’s keeping you from happiness with this other man, don’t let it. It’s not what he wanted for you.”

She smiled. “Well, there’s more.”

“A’ight. I’m listening if you want to talk.”

He was a pretty amazing man to take her out on a date and then offer to listen to her talk, and cry, about another man. She hated to take advantage of him like this, but Rohn might be the one person she knew who truly understood what she was feeling.

Rene was a friend, but her spouse was alive and well. Rohn had been through this. Janie forced her eyes to meet his. “He’s younger than me, by a lot.”

He grinned. “That’s okay. Seems like every starlet in Hollywood has a younger man nowadays.”

She let out a laugh. “You might not have noticed since I wore the shoes without the manure on them, but I’m no star.”

“I know who you are, and I don’t think it matters. Did the age difference bother him?”

“Not at all. Just me, apparently. But he’s so good-looking, and he’s a bronc rider and a tie-down roper and bull rider—he’s like one big magnet for the buckle bunnies. I can’t compete with them. I’m eleven years older than he is and nearly twenty years older than some of the girls who are after him.”

Rohn pursed his lips as he nodded slowly. “Seems like quite a guy.”

“He is.” She sighed. “And he’s so generous with his time and good with animals and kids, but none of it matters because he’s young and wild and I’m sure even though he says he’s ready to settle down with one woman, it won’t last. How long before he’s bored?”

“Well, I can tell you this. I have some experience with this situation. Believe it or not, I was young and kind of wild myself back in the day, but the minute I met Lila, I was ready to trade in all my buckle-bunny privileges for a wedding ring.”

“That seems like such a different time, when you and I were young. Now they text rather than talk in person or on the phone. I read an article that young girls today, middle school and high school aged, consider”—she lowered her voice to a whisper—“oral sex equivalent to kissing. Can you imagine?”

Rohn let out a burst of laughter. “If that’s true, I can’t say I’m not a little envious I was born thirty years too early. But seriously, let me tell you this. I’ve got three young guys working for me. Yeah, they like to go out and get wild, but every one of them is deeper than they appear. Take Tyler, for example.” Rohn’s gaze pinned Janie. “You know him.”

She swallowed hard and tried to breathe. “Yeah.”

“He’s got a heart the size of Oklahoma, and he’d give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. When he puts his mind to it, he works twice as hard as anyone I know, but he hides it all behind this cocky, devil-may-care attitude, which I’m convinced is a defense mechanism.”